Q&A for How to Know if Your Date is Transgender

When dating, it's essential to approach the topic of gender identity with sensitivity and respect. Instead of making assumptions, it's perfectly okay to ask the person directly about their gender identity in a straightforward manner. For instance, you can say something like, "I'm curious, what is your gender identity?" This communicates your interest in getting to know them on a deeper level without making any assumptions. Whether you're chatting on a dating app or meeting in person, asking this question shows that you value open communication and want to understand the person for who they truly are. It's important to remember that everyone's gender identity is unique, and by asking directly, you demonstrate your commitment to inclusivity and respect for their identity.

Yes, a transgender man can obtain a penis by phalloplasty and metoidioplasty. Phalloplasty consists of taking skin from the non-dominant arm, rolling it up, and then attaching it to the groin. Metoidioplasty consists of slightly detaching the enlarged clitoris and sewing the surrounding skin to it to add a bit of girth.

First of all, there's no such thing as a transgender type of hair. Hairstyles don't have anything to do with someone's gender identity. If you're worried, then you should just ask her about it. If she says she has always been a girl, then you should trust her and drop the subject. If she is trans, then you'll have to decide whether or not you're comfortable continuing the relationship.

Maybe. They might be questioning and working this out for themselves. The best thing you can do is use whatever pronouns they prefer and be patient with them. Make sure they know you are there if they want to talk about it and offer your support, but don't push them to come to any conclusions if they are not ready.

Not at all. It just means you are a girl who likes some things and doesn't like other things. If you feel like you are a boy, then it is possible you are trans. Being trans has nothing to do with your likes or dislikes, and has everything to do with who you are internally.

Not at all. There are no laws requiring people to reveal such personal information to others, though obviously it would be courteous to be up-front with such information, and not many people would withhold it in such circumstances. If you become uncomfortable at any point, you can simply say no to progressing any further.

It is up to you when you want to disclose your gender to the person you are dating. It can be difficult to know when the best time is, but make sure you are up front before your relationship turns sexual.

It can be very difficult for a trans person to come out in a relationship. Some like telling their partners sooner than others, and it all really varies from person to person. If you like them, I'd suggest you give them more time.

This is because there is no one set of physical characteristics that will allow you to identify someone as transgender. Just like all human beings, trans people come with many different bodies and physical characteristics. Any characteristic that might indicate someone is trans could also indicate other things.

Not necessarily. For example, if two heterosexual people are in a relationship and one is transgender, the other person can leave because they are not attracted to the gender their partner now identifies as. There is also the chance that the non-trans person will feel lied to and unable to rebuild the trust in the relationship. They could also be transphobic, but that is not likely.

Trans people are not trying to "take advantage" of anyone. They are just people looking for acceptance and love like anyone else and deserve to be treated with respect, just like anyone else. Take the time to get to know someone before getting physical. You may also find it helpful to talk to a therapist about why this issue makes you angry.

Ask them if they are trans. If they aren't, things may continue; if they are, turn them down gently. Simple as that!

Not necessarily. They just might just be romantically interested in cisgender people.

I will be upfront with you. There is absolutely no way to physically tell if anybody is transgender, but there are ways of showing you are accepting. So try to make the person feel comfortable and happy. If they are, then they'll come out to you when they feel it is right.

If you feel like a girl, that means you ARE a girl, no matter what your biological sex is. So if you strongly feel you are a girl, you already are one. Talk it over with your doctor or a therapist, they can give you female hormones which will give you more feminine attributes like voice and breasts. There are surgical options as well. If you need any more info, there is lots of it online!

The trans person is scared of being assaulted or murdered by you. That takes precedence over your time being wasted. They don't know if you'll be supportive or if you'll become violent. If you think that's dramatic, look up statistics. Life expectancy for a trans woman of color is 35 years old. They're not being dishonest intentionally to fool you. Furthermore, would you expect a cis woman with fertility issues to tell you about this on the first date? It's okay if you don't want to date a trans person, but just say that. Don't try to take the moral high ground.

Whether or not someone is transgender isn't everyone's business, and putting the burden on the trans person to out themselves to keep themselves "safe" (which doesn't work a good chunk of the time) is blaming the wrong party.

There is no way to absolutely know but if you've thought about it for so long, you most likely are. It can help to read about other people's experience through online stories, to see what clicks with you.

Just give anyone a chance. You never know, your soulmate could be trans. Trans people are people too, and saying you aren't interested in dating an entire group of people comes off as transphobic. I wouldn't worry about it for you, though. No smart trans person would want to date someone like you anyway.

Personally, it doesn't make sense to me. If a person is in a sexual relationship with a pre-SRS trans person, they will be aware of the differences in their partner's body compared to a cis person's. If the trans person in question is post-SRS, there will not be much difference between their sex characteristics and those of a cisgender person. The law implies deceit on the part of the trans person, which is both untrue and unfair.

Imagine a man born as a man, who along his life realizes he's actually a woman. He has all the procedures and operations done and then becomes a woman, physically, hormonally, emotionally, mentally, etc. In that case your date is a woman now, regardless of who they were in the past. You met her as a woman, talk to her as a woman, make love to her as a woman. And even if she doesn't tell you at all, or tells you only years later, she'll still always have been a woman for as long as you'll have known her. It's not like dressing up as Batman for a day; she actually became Batman.

Nothing. Some will say that this need to know comes from some deeper bias about gender, but it's an innate trait within us that there are things we are/aren't attracted to. Some transgenders may keep the information of their sex-reassignment surgery hidden from you because they expect a negative reaction - though it's doubtful they'll do this.

It's up to you. If you are comfortable with sharing this information, then yes, but if you are not, maybe hold off until you know the person better.

Yes. Some have surgery to have a vagina. Not every trans person has bottom surgery, however. This might be due to expenses, not feeling much bottom dysphoria, medical risks, etc.

Why must the trans person must be so worried about disclosing this information? The trans person has every right keeping personal matters private. Trans people are affected by non accepting people all the time. They don't know you. They don't know if you're the most accepting person out there or if you would commit a hate crime against them for "tricking you" into dating them. So no, you aren't entitled to someone's gender identity, unless for medical purposes.

Trans people want to be referred to the gender they change to, not a “trans” man or “trans” female, just male or female. The gay man would have been cross dressing, making him cisgender. They would be gay.

No. Cisgender people don't usually tell someone they're cisgender before dating them, and trans people don't have to tell anyone they're trans before dating them (unless they want to). Not telling someone about your sex/body before dating them is not a 'trick.'

You don't. No coercion, no guilt. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to and, unless they're underage or otherwise unable to give meaningful consent, that's okay. Ideally we wouldn't hate each other for being who we are, or judge people based on some arbitrary categories (race, gender, nationality, religion, ethnicity, etc.). But you don't have to like any particular individual.

Yes. Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, so being nonbinary is under the trans umbrella.

It doesn't really change much. If you like each other, go on dates and get to know one another. If you don't like each other, stop going on dates.