Expert Q&A for How to Regain Independence in a Relationship

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How do you balance independence in a relationship?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at both the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. He works with both individuals and couples, and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. He specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. He authored the book Married Roommates alongside his wife, Talia Wagner. He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Set aside some time for yourself! Self-care is incredibly important, whether it's playing a sport, doing a hobby, or visiting with friends.

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Question

Is being independent bad for a relationship?

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
Marriage & Family Therapist
Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at both the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. He works with both individuals and couples, and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. He specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. He authored the book Married Roommates alongside his wife, Talia Wagner. He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.

Allen Wagner, MFT, MA

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Not at all! You never want to neglect yourself or feel like you're trapped in your current relationship.

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Question

How do you know if you're codependent?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

It might be really difficult for you to do things without your partner, or you feel like you constantly need your partner's approval or validation before doing something. You might also only feel good if you feel like you're needed in a relationship, or if you're setting yourself up to feel needed (either to rescue your partner or be rescued yourself).

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Question

How do you identify if you are in a healthy relationship?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

Take a look at the framework of your relationship! A healthy relationship should resemble the letter "H"—both partners maintain their individuality but are still bridged together. An unhealthy relationship looks more like the letter "A," where both partners are leaning on and depending upon one another.

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