Q&A for How to Settle an Argument with Your Wife

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How should I handle an argument if I'm still angry?

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Collette Gee is a Relationship Coach, Certified Violence Prevention Specialist, the Author of "Finding Happily… No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending." Focusing on creating meaningful romantic relationships, Collette uses her experience having worked in the mental health industry as a psych nurse to conduct relationship coaching, online courses, and workshops to help women and men find lasting love. Prior to Collette's coaching business, she worked in the mental health field as a psych nurse which has helped inform her practice to create and sustain happy, healthy meaningful romantic relationships. Her work has been featured on TLC, London Live, the Huffington Post, and CNN.

Collette Gee

Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist

Expert Answer

Tell your wife that you need to take a break so you can have some time to think over the issue. Take a walk or step away for a little while so you can collect yourself.

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Question

What should I say during an argument?

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Collette Gee is a Relationship Coach, Certified Violence Prevention Specialist, the Author of "Finding Happily… No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending." Focusing on creating meaningful romantic relationships, Collette uses her experience having worked in the mental health industry as a psych nurse to conduct relationship coaching, online courses, and workshops to help women and men find lasting love. Prior to Collette's coaching business, she worked in the mental health field as a psych nurse which has helped inform her practice to create and sustain happy, healthy meaningful romantic relationships. Her work has been featured on TLC, London Live, the Huffington Post, and CNN.

Collette Gee

Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist

Expert Answer

Try to use "I" statements instead of shifting the blame on them with a "you" statement.

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What should I do after a fight with my husband as a good wife after many days of not talking to each other?

Community Answer

Now that you both have cooled down from the argument, assuming it was not physical, let him know that you listened and heard his view point. State back what you understood from his point and how you will do your part to help the situation, but do not open the argument again. For example: "I can see how my spending an extra $50 on the grocery bill this week threw off the budget and I am sorry about that, from now on if the bill is going to be more than $20 more than we budgeted I will let you know so that we can better stay on track." Do something special as a couple. Pick out a movie you would both enjoy and cuddle together with popcorn and drinks and reconnect.

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Question

How do I tell my spouse that I'm angry about how she treats me when she just always gets defensive and turns the blame on me?

AbigailAbernathy

Top Answerer

If she gets defensive and turns the blame on you, then you need to seriously consider marriage counseling. If she cannot take blame for something she clearly did/is currently doing, that is a mental health problem and needs to be addressed by a professional.

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Question

Is it advisable to remain silent when my wife is quarreling with me instead of arguing back?

Community Answer

It depends on your wife and what the argument is about, but you should try to calmly explain your side of the story, and always answer any questions she asks you.

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My wife tells me that the position we are in is all my fault - i.e., I put us here and therefore I have no right to be upset by her reaction.

Community Answer

Well, is it your fault? If it is, then accept it and do whatever you can to make things better. If it isn't, then calmly explain how it isn't and try to work together to fix the situation.

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What do I do if my wife keeps giving me a smart ass responses and answers the questions she asks for me?

Community Answer

Calmly express to her how these conversational habits of hers make it difficult to have a good, productive conversation about something. It may help if the two of you can sit down and agree on a set of rules for how to argue in a healthy manner. how to have a good argument may contain some helpful tips.

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I promised to marry my partner, but now I want to postpone the wedding because I want to help my parents finish building their house. I'm afraid of making my wife angry; how should I tell her?

Community Answer

Explain to her why you really want to help your family, and why it doesn't mean that you don't still want to marry her. Explain your financial situation and how you can only pay for one thing at a time, and why this seems more urgent. This seems like a reasonable request, so she should understand.

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Is it okay to be apart from my wife time to time? What is right and wrong with seeing friends out of town?

Community Answer

Yes, it is ok to be apart from each other time to time, as everyone needs to have an alone time. It's perfectly alright to see friends out of town, but you need to notify your spouse first.

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