Q&A for How to Stop Being a Victim

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Can victim mentality be cured?

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashlyne Mullen is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in New York City. She specializes in helping people through chronic illness, anxiety, depression, grief, insomnia, personal growth, and relationships. Dr. Mullen holds a PsyD in Clinical Psychology, an MS in Applied Psychology, and an MA in Educational Psychology. She has extensive training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT), Functional Analytic Psychotherapy (FAP), and other mindfulness-based interventions.

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It can, but it takes time and patience. You need to learn that it's okay to not be the victim in every situation, and that it's okay to be vulnerable and see your own role in things.

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Question

Why do so many people have a victim mentality?

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashlyne Mullen is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in New York City. She specializes in helping people through chronic illness, anxiety, depression, grief, insomnia, personal growth, and relationships. Dr. Mullen holds a PsyD in Clinical Psychology, an MS in Applied Psychology, and an MA in Educational Psychology. She has extensive training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT), Functional Analytic Psychotherapy (FAP), and other mindfulness-based interventions.

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Victim mentality can make people feel validated for any actions that they feel wronged by. It also feels really good to be understood, heard, and helped. Plus, you don't have to take any responsibility when you're the victim.

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Question

How do I tell if my friends dislike me?

Community Answer

Do your friends invite you to things? Do you feel happier when you are with them? Even though it can hurt, realizing that you are growing apart, and not trying to cling to the relationship you used to have with them can be for the best. This will free you up to focus on new friendships. If you think your friends might be upset with you for some reason, ask them. Otherwise, just move on. There are most likely plenty of people who would be happy to be your friend.

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How can I stop feeling like I have to retreat from every problem?

Community Answer

Ask for help when you can't resolve the situation on your own. Build a network of friends and community ties that you can seek out help from. You will then become more confident in approaching problems you seek to resolve.

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What should I do when it's my best friend victimizing me?

Community Answer

On the surface, one of "friend" or "victimizing" must be wrong. But there are people who can have the appearance of friends, but are simply exploiting the relationship. They may be aware of what they're doing, or they may not. To the victim, it makes no difference. This doesn't mean you gain from "drama". Disengage gradually and politely. For example, keep answering the phone, but progressively reduce your calls, and the number of times you meet.

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