Q&A for How to Tell if You Are a Racist

Approach the problem with a curious and compassionate mind. There may be valid points that this person is trying to make, so stay calm and try to unpack to emotions and reasoning behind it. Keep an open mind and a kind heart, too—you never know what this person may be going through to get to a point of accusing you. If you go into the conversation with curiosity, it gives both of you room to explore, learn, and come to an understanding.

Yes, you can be racist if you are not white. For example, a black person can wrongfully discriminate against other black people, Indians, white people, etc. just as a white person can.

Probably not. You're probably just reacting to their hostility, just like you would to someone of your own race. Now, if you attribute those traits to a race as a whole, something like, "Ugh, here comes another loud, angry [race] person," you might have a problem. Additionally, be aware that we all hold some implicit biases which cause us to stereotype people of different races. The first step to unpacking these biases is knowing that they exist.

Questioning a historical event is not inherently racist. However, it is something that racists may be more likely to do, either as a way to make themselves feel better about their racism by reducing in their mind the amount of suffering the object of their discrimination has undergone, or as a way to try to make that group of people look worse (by claiming that they've exaggerated the amount of harm that's been done to them). It really depends on the person's motivations, which can sometimes be hard to discern. Some have discriminatory or hateful motivations, while others are just fond of or easily fall for conspiracy theories.

Not in most circles. Statements like "My favorite show is about a black man dealing with racism in America," "I am white," or "my friend is Cuban American" are simple facts. There's nothing wrong with stating facts as long as you are kind and considerate at the same time. Some people may get upset by the facts, but those are usually people who prefer to say things like "how dare you call me white" or "I don't see race," which is called "colorblind racism." In general, as long as you are being nice about it, it's okay to speak the truth.

Yes. Racist views are common enough that many people can pick them up. For example, black relatives telling new parents "it's too bad your new baby is so dark-skinned," an East Asian person making fun of a Latinx person's accent, or a Latinx person mocking an East Asian person for having "slanty eyes" would all be examples of racism. Anyone can have racist views... and anyone can learn to let them go and be a better person for it.

This is a question that would require a dissertation to cover. What you need is a world and US history lesson, not a quick answer on a random internet site.

Yes, though strictly speaking that would be probably be categorized as xenophobia or religious discrimination. "Muslim" is not a race.

If you are being overly nice, and it comes across as phony, you are inadvertently being racist.

Yes. Terrorists come in many shapes and sizes. Describing anyone as "terrorist-looking" is stereotyping. More important, those "terrorist-looking people" are as likely to be upstanding members of your community as you are! Talk to them. Be open to discussion.

Racism is exerting power in a way that denies opportunity and equality to a group of people, and in severe cases, leads to the extermination of people.

No, not necessarily. As long as you are not being unkind to the people you are not friends with it's okay.

He might have had a bad experience. Maybe ask him a little more about it, and then gently explain to him that not all black people are "like that." The thing is, you can try to educate people, but ultimately you cannot make anyone stop being racist. Sometimes with relatives it's better to just let it go so you don't destroy your relationship with that person, especially when it's a parent. You know that you're right and he's wrong, sometimes that just has to be enough.

Not necessarily. You're a person who made a racist mistake. You also felt bad and apologized, and I'm guessing you don't intend to do it again. One mistake doesn't define you, especially since you did your best to fix it. Don't think of yourself as a bad person; instead, spend some time thinking about why you made the joke so that you can avoid similar mistakes in the future. Then, forgive yourself - everyone says foolish and hurtful things sometimes.

You’re not racist, but you are wrong. The holocaust did happen, and it is part of historical record. It’s extremely offensive to survivors and their relatives to deny this traumatic event.

It's not racist to notice racial injustice, and no one is saying private schools are racist. This item is listed in the "Changing Your Views" section; the items in that section are not examples of racism, but guidelines for better thinking. The private school example was just an example of a situation where you might notice racial injustice. Many other examples could have been used, like a company where almost all of the employees are white.

It depends on the definition, but probably.

Act cold or weirded out the next time they do that. Try saying something like "Stop" or "That's not funny" and then change the subject. (Let it be awkward: they made it awkward by being racist.) If they have any self-awareness, they'll get embarrassed and stop. If they continue, you could say "I don't want to hang out with you if you're going to say racist things." They might backpedal or make excuses. Let them. If they do it a third time, leave. This teaches them the hard way that if they want to keep their friends, they need to act like a decent human being. If this problem continues, it might be time to distance yourself and look for friends who have actual manners.

They aren't, because generalizations are abstract and, thusly, flawed.

Workplace racism is wrong, and your boss's behavior is unacceptable. The next time if happens, try giving a gentle and firm clue that this is inappropriate, like taking a deep breath and saying "Please stop" or "You're bothering me. It's not funny." Your boss will likely be embarrassed and not do it again. If it does, keep a log of times it happens and show it to HR. Consider looking around for a better job, too, if this continues. Nobody should have to put up with racism at work.

It can be difficult to know whether or not people are truly racist. Do they often make insults/negative remarks about those of other races? Racist jokes? If they do, then they are likely to be racist; however, some may be privately racist and not actually express their internal beliefs about race.

For instance, a person may not have something because they afford it, so they may steal the item they need, creating a crime.

You're right, there are definitely elements of stereotypes, racial and otherwise in that show. That doesn't necessarily mean you're racist for watching it, at least you know what's going on. Television is entertainment, it's not meant to be instructional and it's a tall order to hope that it will "make things better," but sometimes it does. Shows like Black-ish, Transparent, Insecure, Empire, and many others depict the stories and viewpoints of minorities with sensitivity, and have likely enlightened a great number of people by doing so.

It's something to think about. Is it a coincidence that you're dating white people more, or is it something else? Do you have any assumptions about black people, or reasons you think that they aren't as good to date? Why do you feel this way? While some people might say "it's just my personal preference," that's often an excuse to avoid introspection. Spend some time thinking about why you feel this way, what assumptions you're making, and whether you should change your thinking. Only you can find the answer to this question.

It may be that you were raised to be racist by your family, or influenced by society to be that way, so in a sense, it might not necessarily be your fault. However, you obviously know that racism is wrong, so if you act on your racist beliefs, and/or if you fail to make any effort to change, then yes, you are a bad person.

Racist behavior includes drawing conclusions about someone because of their race. If you assume a black person is going to rob you because you "know that black people are more prone to steal", you're being racist. Try to get to know a person individually, without making assumptions based on what you think you know. You will see a complex individual, not just a stereotype.

It's possible, depending on whether or not you support the racist things he says and does. It's possible to like a person while still disliking some of the things they say and do, although it's not wise to support a racist person if you yourself are not racist.

Take a stand, and tell someone that it is wrong to be racist. Make them aware of their unacceptable behavior.

Yes, if English was the more required language if you were growing up in an English speaking country, then it would have been okay. Raising children bilingual can mean they are slower to pick up both languages.

Yes, you are discriminating against people solely based on their race. This is the very definition of racism.