Q&A for How to Write a Eulogy

A eulogy for a parent is something that is extremely difficult to do, especially when thinking about how to put all of your thoughts, memories and feelings into a short speech in front of a crowd of people. Preserving the legacy of a loved one is a tough task. Think about a happy time and take yourself back into that memory. Be there again! Think about what you see, smell and hear. What are the feelings that come back to you and what do you remember the most about this time in your life? Write down a few things that come to mind and see if you can think of something positive to start your eulogy with. Maybe it’s something that you think the person is known for, maybe it’s something personal that you’d like to share or maybe it is an overall feeling that you have now that they’re gone. There is no right or wrong way to start, continue or finish a eulogy. Speak from the heart. Remember, it’s all part of the healing process and grief looks different for everyone. Try and make the eulogy something that is both healing and meaningful for you and not focus as much on the thoughts and perceptions of those around you.

Losing family members can be one of the most difficult things you will have to deal with in life. The death of a grandparent is something that can be hard to write about in a eulogy. One of the best things to do is sit down and think about memories you have had with that person. Think about the memories that stand out the most and think about the feelings or thoughts that are attached to those memories. These may include visions, places, sounds and smells that bring you joy. Reflect on what you think is the most important thing to know about the person who is no longer with you. Eulogies do not have to be long, drawn-out speeches. They can be short and sweet, poems, slideshows, artwork or brief memories shared with loved ones. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to create something magnificent. The eulogy of a loved one is just as much for your healing as it is for those attending the service.

Greeting the audience is appropriate. You should also include an introduction of yourself and a description of your relationship to the deceased. This helps the audience connect with you.

You don't have to do anything differently for the eulogy of a person who died by suicide. Simply talk about the person, their life, their legacy, etc. as you ordinarily would. Do not mention the suicide. You might want to conclude with something like "He/she is at peace now."

Ending on a positive, but not too cheerful tone is a good idea. If the service is religious, mention that the deceased is in heaven, perhaps with other relatives they have lost. If it is a more secular service, simply end on a positive or pleasant memory of the deceased.

No specific length, though you should keep people's attention span and the overall time frame of the service in mind if you tend to go long.

Yes, this is appropriate, as long long as it was someone they were close to. For example, "She joins her beloved husband and her dear sister in heaven," etc.

No, there's no need for that, unless you want to name the family members of the person or something like that, as in Step 4.

You should introduce yourself and state your relationship to the person who died. Then you can go into what you want to say.

You don't have to do certain things to be a good person. Talk about their personality, things you (and/or some people) wish they could have said before they passed, etc.

Do as much research as possible into the person's life and personality. If the person left behind any journals or letters, these could be really helpful. Then when you're writing the eulogy, write about the person's best qualities and the most important events of their lives.

Yes, it would be nice to include a few details to that effect, but don't go on and on. The eulogy should be about the deceased, not you.

Dwell on the positives in his life,as stated in method one. Don't talk about the negatives, but talk about the good things that person brought to your life or how they influenced other people.

Maybe share three best memories. What you hope others will remember about the person. Hobbies/passions. Basic information: parents, place and date of birth, children/grandchildren, main partners. Story of how they got their name and any nicknames. A piece of advice they would give to their younger self or loved ones.

Think about the answers to these questions: What do you want to be remembered for? What are some things in your life you are proud of? What are your strongest character traits?

Just gather information from the family about his or her life and character, then take it from there.

A eulogy's purpose is to praise the deceased. So, reflect on the deceased person's life and positive qualities.

Explain how you met, what things you've done together etc. In case some members of the audience or congregation do not know you, introduce yourself. Share nice things about him/her. Do not use swear words or slang.

The timing shouldn't have much of an effect on the eulogy itself; you can mention how your life has changed or how much you've missed the person.

Try to find as much information about the person as you can. Speak to the person's family, friends, co-workers, etc. You may even be able to find some info on their social media pages, if they have any.

No. You can organize the memorial service any way you like. The closest family members have the final say. If, for example, an old high-school friend wants to speak at someone's son's service but the parents say no, then he can't speak. If you are asked but can't bring yourself to do it, then politely decline. If no one wants to speak at the service, that's fine too; you can ask the minister to speak for you, or ask someone to stand beside you for support. Or keep it very short. But there are no obligations.

Think about your personality and accomplishments. Write as if you were a friend or someone important to you.

Talk about how you were related to them. Talk to the audience about their accomplishments, personality, things they might have wanted to say before they passed.