What to Do When You Get a Gift You Don't Like

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Respond to unwanted gifts with grace and tact
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Your great aunt knitted you the world's ugliest sweater. Your friend got you a CD by a band you detest. Your kids are waiting for you to tell them you love your new pink and green polka-dotted tie. Almost everyone will someday receive a bad gift, but that doesn't mean you have to make the gift giver feel bad too. We talked to licensed clinical psychologist Ashley Smith and dating coach Michele Fields for tips on the best way to handle unwanted gifts.

How to Tell Someone You Don’t Like a Gift

If someone gives you a gift that you don’t care for, express gratitude for the gift, then explain why it wasn’t something you’ll use. If they seem upset, give them some space to process the conversation.

Section 1 of 4:

Reacting to the Gift

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  1. You don't need to feign excitement. Instead, summon up a positive feeling by thinking how nice it was that someone is giving you a gift.
    • Try to react immediately. If you pause after you open the gift, you might seem disappointed.
    • Smile if you can. It might help to remind yourself that they were trying to make you happy!
  2. Any present is worth a "thank you." Smith recommends that you look the gift giver in the eye and be as direct as you would with any other show of gratitude. [1]
    • You might say, "Thank you! I really appreciate this."
    • You may comment on the kindness and generosity of the present by saying, "What a generous present!" or, "How kind of you!"
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  3. Hugging is a great way to say thank you. And if you’re a bad actor, hugging will let you hide your face (and your disappointment) without requiring you to say anything.
    • A hug is truthful—it's a loving way for you to tell them you appreciate the love behind the gift.
    • If you’re not normally on hugging terms with the person, this can seem insincere, so it’s best to only hug someone you’re normally close to.
  4. If you struggle to bring a smile to your face to show gratitude for something you'll never use, or something you never wanted, try to appreciate the thought behind it. Smith says that it's always possible to offer a few words of thanks concerning the thought they put into it. [2]
    • "Thanks so much! What a thoughtful present!"
    • "I really appreciate that you thought of me!"
    • "Thank you for these colorful socks; you know I like to keep my feet warm."
    • "Thanks for the CD! I'm always looking to expand my collection."
  5. Ask your giver about the gift and how they thought of it. This is a good distraction from discussing whether or not you'll use it, how often, etc. Ask them where they bought it, ask them if they've got one themselves, or ask how best to use it (if applicable). In general, when reacting to a gift you don't like, put the burden of the conversation on the person who is gifting, and not yourself.
    • "Do you have this CD too? What's your favorite track?"
    • "I don't think I've ever seen socks like these; where did you get them? Do you have a pair yourself?"
    • "I definitely don't have a sweater like this--how long did it take you to knit? How long have you been knitting?"
  6. If your gift giver senses you don't like the present, they may start asking you questions about whether you "really" like it, or when you will use it. Either tell a tiny lie or counter their questions with more questions so that you don't have to answer theirs.
    • If you can, coax them into offering a suggestion on how or when to make full use of your gift. Then give a quick "I'll be sure to do that" and move on.
    • In the case of a gift that is clearly mean-spirited, it's acceptable to throw any poise and respect out the window. Don't be afraid to tell them they can keep it.
  7. If you don't have a moral issue with telling small lies to spare the feelings of well-intentioned people, go ahead and say you like it. Most people consider it polite to tell small lies about gifts rather than telling the giver you are disappointed.
    • However, you should avoid telling a big lie. Say you love the present, but don't say it's the best present ever, or promise to use it every day.
    • If you don't lie, just avoid saying that you hate the gift.
    • "Thank you! What a great present."
    • "This is wonderful, thank you! Where did you find it?"
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Section 2 of 4:

Telling Someone You Don’t Like Their Gift

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  1. Even if you’re going to tell the person you don’t care for the gift itself, let them know how much you appreciate the fact that they gave you a gift at all. This will help soften the overall message. [3]
    • For example, you could say, “It means so much to me that you remembered my birthday! Thank you.”
    • Or, you might say, “I really appreciate that you went out of your way to brighten my day.”
  2. After you thank them for the gift, be honest about the reason you didn’t care for the gift. Smith recommends keeping it simple by saying something like, "I'm not really sure this gift is for me." [4]
    • "You know I love music, but this is just really not my style. I'm more into [style of music]."
    • "I can't thank you enough for knitting this for me, but I'm not sure it fits with anything in my wardrobe."
    • "I think I need to be honest: I've never found a way to pair any socks you've given me with anything I own. I can't thank you enough for the gift, but I've no use for any more socks like this."
  3. Repeating your appreciation may help take some of the sting out of the fact that you didn’t like their gift. Remind them that you really appreciate that they thought of you, so you can hopefully end the conversation on a positive note.
    • Say something like, “But really, I do think it was so nice that you were thinking of me. Thank you again.”
  4. Even if you’re as tactful as possible, there’s a chance that the other person will feel defensive or hurt that you didn’t like their gift. [5] That’s okay—try to control your own emotions so the situation doesn’t turn into an argument.
    • If they seem a little quiet, try changing the subject to something positive, like saying, “Hey, I’m looking forward to that movie next week. Is your sister still coming with us?”
    • If they react angrily, try saying, “I can tell that upset you, but I thought it was best to be honest. I’ll give you some space now.”
  5. If you don’t want the person to give you gifts at all, it may help to be firm and honest in the moment. For instance, if the person has a crush on you and you don’t like them back, it’s probably better to let them know right away.
    • Fields says that the best way to handle an unwanted admirer is to tell them “in the kindest way that there isn’t that kind of chemistry” between you. [6]
    • Smith agrees, advising that you should be open and honest, saying something like, “It makes me uncomfortable that you give me so many gifts.” [7]
    • If you’re feeling overwhelmed in the moment and you aren’t able to tell them you don’t want the gift, just say “Thank you,” then find a time to talk to them about it later.
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Section 3 of 4:

What to Do With the Gift

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  1. Sending a thank you card is good etiquette for any gift you receive, but in the case of a gift you didn’t like, it may help reassure the gift-giver that you appreciated their thoughtfulness. In your note, focus on the thought behind the gift. If you do want to address the gift, keep it simple, like, “I’m enjoying it.” [8]
    • "Thanks so much for coming over and spending some time. I can't believe you put all that effort into knitting something for me--thanks again."
    • "Just wanted to send my thanks for coming over the other night. So glad you went out of your way to get me a gift, happy to have another CD for my collection."
  2. Sometimes, people choose gifts based on what they like. Try asking the person if they’d like you to return the gift to them. Then, they can decide whether to keep the gift for themselves or return it to the store where they bought it.
    • They may decline to take the gift back, and that’s okay.
  3. If you were given a gift receipt, you can take the gift back to the store. Some stores will even accept a return if you don’t have a receipt at all. Then, you can purchase something else or get a refund. [9]
    • If you’re not sure where the item was purchased, try asking the gift-giver something like, “I was thinking of getting my dad a shirt like the one you got me. Where did you find that?”
  4. If you’re given a gift that doesn’t suit you but that would be perfect for someone else, consider passing it along. But this can be risky—even if you were honest about not liking the gift, the gift-giver may be offended if they find out that you regifted their present. [10]
    • Try to re-gift outside of the circle that you share with the gift-giver. For instance, if your brother gave you a gift you don’t like, don’t re-gift it to your mom, or your brother may be more likely to find out. Instead, you might give it to a work friend who doesn’t know your brother at all.
  5. Find a thrift store, charity shop, or non-profit organization that accepts donations, then give the gift to them. They can re-sell it or find someone in need of that item. [11]
    • Clothing items may be accepted by domestic violence and homeless shelters, while blankets and towels are often welcome at animal shelters.
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Section 4 of 4:

Avoiding Repeat Bad Gifts

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  1. If you pretend to like a gift that you don’t actually care for, you could end up getting more of that type of gift in the future. Being honest is the only way to ensure that the person won’t get you that type of gift anymore. [12]
    • Being honest can help keep resentment from building up because you keep getting gifts you don't like.
  2. If there’s an occasion coming up where you think people might give you gifts, consider having a wish list. It doesn't necessarily need to be a written list, but it can help to think of a few things you might like. Then, either drop hints or tell them outright what you’d like to get. [13]
    • "I'm still working through the last CD you gave me. I'm really looking forward to [artist name]'s next release though. It should be out before my birthday."
    • "I love those socks you gave me, I wear them around the house all the time. But I’d really love a nice pair of gloves—I don’t have a pair and the weather is getting cold."
  3. For the chronic bad gift-giver in your life, go out of your way to find out just what they would like. Don't be afraid to even ask, "What would you want to get?" That might lead them to ask you what you’re hoping to get.
    • Don’t be afraid to press them a little if they say something like, “Oh, whatever you pick is fine.”
    • Try offering a few suggestions based on what you’d like as a subtle way to drop hints. Say something like, “Do you like scented candles? What about bath bombs?”
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Thank You Letter Template for a Gift You Don't Like

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I be grateful for a gift I don't like?
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Try to tap into your relationship with the gift giver. For instance, if a close friend or loved one gave you a gift you didn't like, you could just smile, say thanks, and remind yourself that it's the thought that counts.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 8 Helpful 24
  • Question
    How do you tell someone to stop giving you gifts?
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
    Ashley Smith, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Explain your feelings in a polite, tactful way. You might say "It makes me comfortable that you give me so many gifts" or "I feel uncomfortable when you give me gifts because it makes the relationship feel lopsided."
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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    Not Helpful 7 Helpful 21
  • Question
    What if the person was trying to be mean by giving an offensive gift?
    Community Answer
    Then say whatever you want to. You have no obligation to be nice to someone like that.
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      • If you’re able to let it go, pretending to like the gift may help keep the peace.
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      • If you feel like accepting unwanted gifts is causing you stress or anxiety, it’s probably better to be honest about how you feel.
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      Tips from our Readers

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      • If you are close to someone, you can return the gift to them, but make sure you do it in a very polite and courteous manner and tell them you appreciate the thought that went into it.
      • If a bad gift makes you really emotional, try to find a private place to cry, like a bathroom or your vehicle.
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      References

      1. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      2. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/local/connect-the-dots/unwanted-christmas-gift-how-to-keep-feelings-to-yourself/275-045ae9a2-3967-4930-ba96-6264120b5d58
      4. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/readers-dilemma-i-found-my-chr
      6. ↑ Michele Fields. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 17 August 2021.
      7. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.mannersmentor.com/social-situations/do-you-do-these-7-things-when-you-open-a-gift
      9. ↑ https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/local/connect-the-dots/unwanted-christmas-gift-how-to-keep-feelings-to-yourself/275-045ae9a2-3967-4930-ba96-6264120b5d58
      1. ↑ https://theclassywoman.net/2016/04/manners-monday-how-to-gracefully-receive-a-gift-you-dont-like.html
      2. ↑ https://theclassywoman.net/2016/04/manners-monday-how-to-gracefully-receive-a-gift-you-dont-like.html
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201712/what-gifts-your-spouse-say-about-your-marriage
      4. ↑ https://theclassywoman.net/2016/04/manners-monday-how-to-gracefully-receive-a-gift-you-dont-like.html

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