Am I Being Gaslighted?

Take this quiz to find out!

Do you suspect that a partner, relative, friend, or co-worker is gaslighting you? Gaslighting revolves around making someone question their reality and lived experiences and is a type of emotional abuse. Some examples would be if your partner, relative, or friend said a statement to the effect of: “That never happened” (and you have proof it did), “I did that because I love you so much,” “You’re overreacting,” etc.

Gaslighting can be incredibly confusing, disorienting, and hurtful—and sometimes it’s even hard to know when it’s happening. We’ve made a quiz to help you closely examine your experiences in a clear light, so you can know what next steps to take in your relationship.

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Questions Overview

1. How often do they call you “crazy,” “sensitive,” or another hurtful word?
  1. All the time! They call me that after any argument.
  2. Pretty frequently. That’s one of their go-to phrases.
  3. Not that often. They might have said it once, but not recently.
  4. Never! Our conversations are always respectful.
2. With 1 being bad and 10 being good, how do they make you feel emotionally? In other words, is your partner, relative, or friend supportive, kind, and encouraging?
  1. 1-3. I really don’t feel like myself these days.
  2. 4-6. I don’t feel great, but I guess it could be worse.
  3. 7-8. Pretty good! No complaints here.
  4. 9-10. I’m feeling on top of the world!
3. How often do you find yourself apologizing to them?
  1. Almost constantly. It feels like everything is somehow my fault.
  2. A lot. I’m usually the first (and only) one to apologize.
  3. Occasionally, but it’s not a daily thing.
  4. Only when I'm in the wrong.
4. When chatting with your friends, do you try to excuse how you’re treated by this person?
  1. Always! I don’t want anyone making a big deal about it.
  2. I do, but not all the time.
  3. Only sometimes—some situations need extra context.
  4. Nope! If they’re in the wrong, I won’t try to defend them.
5. Do you tend to feel seen and heard after a tough conversation with your partner, friend, or relative?
  1. I pretty much feel invisible.
  2. I feel seen and heard maybe 25% of the time.
  3. I sometimes feel ignored, but not often.
  4. I always feel listened to and respected.
6. How often do you second-guess yourself?
  1. Constantly! I can barely make simple decisions on my own.
  2. Frequently. I just don’t feel that confident anymore.
  3. Occasionally. I don’t doubt myself that often.
  4. Almost never. I feel good about my choices.
7. Pretend this person isn’t in your life for a second. How do you feel?
  1. Relieved. It feels like a weight is lifted from my shoulders.
  2. Pretty okay. I feel better without them around.
  3. A little empty. I miss their company.
  4. Super sad. They add a lot to my life.
8. Does this person always have to be right?
  1. Yes. They can't handle being wrong.
  2. Sort of. They don’t like to concede very often.
  3. Not really. We can reach a compromise.
  4. Nope. They’ll admit when they’re wrong.
9. You decide to call them out during a conversation. What’s their likely response?
  1. “You’re crazy. That’s not what happened.”
  2. “Would you please stop overreacting?”
  3. “I don’t think that’s right, but I’m willing to hear you out.”
  4. “I hear what you’re saying. Could we talk this through?”
10. Do you feel like this person uses your words against you?
  1. When don’t they use my words against me?
  2. Yeah, a lot of the time. It’s pretty frustrating.
  3. On a rare occasion, but only when they’re really angry.
  4. Nope. Our conversations feel fair and structured.
11. You got in a disagreement with them. What’s your first reaction?
  1. They’re completely right. What was I thinking?
  2. Why did I bother saying anything?
  3. They might have a point, but I’m not ready to concede yet.
  4. I’m entitled to my beliefs, and they’re entitled to theirs.
12. How accurate are they when they recount past events?
  1. Most of what they say is completely made up.
  2. They’re a little truthful, but they exaggerate a lot.
  3. At least 80% of what they say seems accurate.
  4. They are very accurate.

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One of the hardest aspects of gaslighting is acknowledging that it\u2019s happening in the first place, but you\u2019ve already taken that first step for yourself by completing this quiz\u2014we\u2019re proud of you! Learn the best way to respond to a gaslighter<\/a>, as well as how to recover and heal from your ordeal by leaning on your loved ones, practicing self-care<\/a>, and getting extra support from a mental health professional.Your health and safety always come first\u2014if you\u2019re trapped in an abusive gaslighting relationship, start making an escape plan so you can leave your partner once and for all. Organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> and Love Is Respect<\/a> offer 24\/7 support over the phone as well as over live chat. If you\u2019re fearful for your own life or that your abuser will find out you called, please know these organizations can keep things confidential.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Expose-a-Gaslighter"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Expose a Gaslighter and Prove that You\u2019re Being Gaslit","id":13459384,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Expose-a-Gaslighter","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/66\/Expose-a-Gaslighter-Step-14.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Expose-a-Gaslighter-Step-14.jpg","alt":"How to Expose a Gaslighter and Prove that You\u2019re Being Gaslit"},{"title":"How to Turn the Tables on a Gaslighter","id":13307006,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c3\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Turn the Tables on a Gaslighter"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You could be getting gaslighted.","meaning":"It sounds like someone in your life has a lot of gaslighting tendencies, whether that\u2019s dismissing your emotions, minimizing your concerns, or questioning your feelings. The next time they try to gaslight you, write down your version of events in a journal or the notes app on your phone\u2014this gives you physical evidence of what\u2019s going on, and it can help you see the abuser\u2019s gaslighting for what it really is when you read it later on.If the situation allows for it and you feel safe doing so, stand your ground with the gaslighter<\/a> and see how they react. If they refuse to acknowledge your concerns, step away from the conversation altogether. Healing and moving on from gaslighting can take time, but you\u2019re not alone\u2014leaning on your support system can be a big help, as well as meeting with a mental health professional.Your health and safety always come first\u2014if you\u2019re trapped in an abusive gaslighting relationship, start making an escape plan so you can leave your partner once and for all<\/a>. Organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> and Love Is Respect<\/a> offer 24\/7 support over the phone as well as over live chat. If you\u2019re fearful for your own life or that your abuser will find out you called, please know these organizations can keep things confidential.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Expose-a-Gaslighter"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Expose a Gaslighter and Prove that You\u2019re Being Gaslit","id":13459384,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Expose-a-Gaslighter","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/66\/Expose-a-Gaslighter-Step-14.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Expose-a-Gaslighter-Step-14.jpg","alt":"How to Expose a Gaslighter and Prove that You\u2019re Being Gaslit"},{"title":"How to Turn the Tables on a Gaslighter","id":13307006,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c3\/Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Turn-the-Tables-on-a-Gaslighter-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Turn the Tables on a Gaslighter"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You probably aren\u2019t being gaslighted.","meaning":"Your relationship may have hit a bump in the road, but gaslighting isn\u2019t necessarily the culprit. Gaslighting is the act of making someone else question their own reality\u2014it isn\u2019t an umbrella term for a bad disagreement or argument.The best way to identify gaslighting is by writing down and reviewing all the conversations and interactions that you have with the person in question. Are they trying to sell you a different version of events, or are you both on the same page? If you\u2019re both just stuck in a tough disagreement, try to communicate respectfully and listen actively<\/a> to what the other person has to say. If you are being gaslighted, don\u2019t be afraid to respond and call out the hurtful comments<\/a> for what they are.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Know-if-You%27re-in-a-Gaslighting-Relationship"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Know if You're in a Gaslighting Relationship","id":8186414,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Know-if-You%27re-in-a-Gaslighting-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4d\/Know-if-You%27re-in-a-Gaslighting-Relationship-Step-15-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Know-if-You%27re-in-a-Gaslighting-Relationship-Step-15-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Know if You're in a Gaslighting Relationship"},{"title":"How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship","id":764960,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ed\/Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Recognize-a-Toxic-Relationship-Step-12.jpg","alt":"How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You likely aren\u2019t being gaslighted.","meaning":"Every relationship has its rough spots, but it sounds like your relationship is going pretty smoothly. You seem to feel heard and respected during your conversations, and you feel comfortable speaking your mind. If you do disagree on something, you rarely feel like your thoughts and opinions are dismissed or ignored.Continue to share your thoughts openly and respectfully, and practice active listening skills<\/a> to help others feel heard. Honesty and respect are the best ways to prevent gaslighting in any kind of relationship!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Signs-That-You%27re-in-a-Healthy-Relationship"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"7+ Signs That You're in a Healthy Relationship","id":12556764,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Signs-That-You%27re-in-a-Healthy-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f7\/Signs-That-You%27re-in-a-Healthy-Relationship-Step-8.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Signs-That-You%27re-in-a-Healthy-Relationship-Step-8.jpg","alt":"7+ Signs That You're in a Healthy Relationship"},{"title":"How to Have a Healthy Relationship","id":911760,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship-Step-14-Version-5.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Have-a-Healthy-Relationship-Step-14-Version-5.jpg","alt":"How to Have a Healthy Relationship"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Should<\/picture>","alt":"Should We Break Up Quiz"},{"title":"Is My Friend Toxic Quiz","id":13445321,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Is-My-Friend-Toxic-Quiz","image":"\"Is<\/picture>","alt":"Is My Friend Toxic Quiz"},{"title":"What's Your Red Flag Quiz","id":13203021,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/What%27s-Your-Red-Flag-Quiz","image":"\"What's<\/picture>","alt":"What's Your Red Flag Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"I want to focus on myself.","result":"Great goal! Our self-discovery quizzes can help with that:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Am I a Narcissist or an Empath Quiz","id":13393224,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Am-I-a-Narcissist-or-an-Empath-Quiz","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I a Narcissist or an Empath Quiz"},{"title":"Am I Toxic Quiz","id":13395060,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Am-I-Toxic-Quiz","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I Toxic Quiz"},{"title":"What Human Emotion Am I Quiz","id":13428156,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/What-Human-Emotion-Am-I-Quiz","image":"\"What<\/picture>","alt":"What Human Emotion Am I Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

Signs and Solutions for a Gaslighting Relationship

The word “gaslighting” has grown more common and widespread in the past few years, but the term itself actually comes from the 1938 play Gas Light (and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations), which tells the story of a husband who tries to convince his wife that she’s crazy.

In the play, the husband plays his wife’s valid concerns off as paranoia, including her correct suspicions that the gaslights in their home are gradually dimming. Just as the play demonstrates, gaslighting isn’t always easy to identify and escape from—but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, either. Here’s a quick run-down of some gaslighting signs to watch out for, along with ways to respond and get support.

Common Signs of Gaslighting

  • They question your memory. Statements like “That didn’t happen”, “I have no clue what you’re talking about,” or “Your memory isn’t that great” are all common excuses used by gaslighters to control the narrative.
  • They don’t care about your feelings. Gaslighters love to break out lines like “It was just a joke!” or “Why are you making this all about you?” instead of seeing your feelings as real and valid.
  • They downplay what you’re feeling. Abusers like to throw around words like “crazy,” “sensitive,” and “ridiculous” to make you question yourself.
  • They dismiss your concerns with lies. Some gaslighters try to tackle your doubts and concerns head-on—by offering lies that make you doubt your original statements.
  • They interrupt you. Some gaslighters quite literally shut you down by cutting you off before you can share your concerns.
  • You feel the need to apologize all the time. Gaslighters can never be at fault and make you feel like you have to apologize for everything in the relationship.
  • They refuse to address your concerns directly. Some abusers keep putting off the conversation, so you never get to share what’s on your mind.

Ways to Respond

  • Stand your ground in a conversation. Don’t let another person rewrite history; instead, make it clear that you aren’t going to roll over and accept their version of events. You might say something like “Respectfully, that isn’t that what happened” or “I’m not being sensitive—I’m rightfully angry and upset over the way you’ve treated me.”
  • Exit the conversation if the gaslighter refuses to cooperate. Gaslighters like to pretend that they hold the power in a conversation, but it’s actually you who’s in control. By stepping away and leaving the conversation, you’re denying the gaslighter a chance to take any power and control back for themselves.
  • Continue to call out the gaslighter in the future. Let them know that you won’t tolerate their hurtful and abusive language and that you refuse to buy into their toxic narrative.
  • If there are any signs of physical abuse or you are fearful for your life, please call or text the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline or Love Is Respect .

Ways to Get Help

  • Write down your conversations and interactions in a journal. What did the other person say or do, and how did you respond? Jotting down exactly what happened gives you physical, tangible proof that you’re being manipulated and abused.
  • Chat with a trusted friend or loved one. Share what’s going on between you and the possible gaslighter in your life and get a second opinion from a close friend or relative. They can take a close look at your situation and help you see things more objectively.
  • Take time for self-care in your daily life. Self-care activities like yoga, crafts, meditation, and quality time with friends allow you to reach a grounded and healthy headspace, which makes it easier for you to separate from a toxic relationship in a healthy way.
  • Talk with a trained professional. A trained counselor can help you work through your experiences in a safe and healthy environment so you confront and grow from the emotional abuse you’ve experienced.
  • Get help if you’re in an abusive situation. Find safe places where you can stay for the time being (like a friend or relative’s home) and create a safety plan for yourself as you prepare to leave . Organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and Love Is Respect offer free chats and calls with advocates 24/7. You’re never alone!

Want to learn more?

Gaslighting is a serious type of emotional abuse, and it's completely valid if you're feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of what to do next. Read on for more information on what gaslighting is and how you can escape from it:

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