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Everything you need to know about dating a serial dater
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Everything with this new person you’ve been seeing has been incredible – you’ve had so much fun, and you want to get to know them better. So why does it feel like they’re keeping you at a distance? You may be dealing with a serial dater. In this article, we’ll explain what it means to be a serial dater and give you different possible signs so you can tell if you’re dating one. We’ve also got tips for dealing with a serial dater so you can avoid getting hurt. Let’s dive in.
Things You Should Know
- A “Serial Dater” is someone who jumps from one relationship to another before they make any long-term commitments.
- Serial daters tend to enjoy the thrill of the chase and keep their relationships casual, fun, and romantic.
- Talk to the serial dater about your relationship expectations and don't expect them to change their behavior overnight.
Steps
Section 2 of 5:
Signs of a Serial Dater
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Your dates with them are always casual. Whether they take you to a local dive bar or an arcade, there’s always a laid-back vibe to your dates. It's okay to keep things casual, but if you want to move forward in the relationship and your partner does not, that might be a red flag. They may shy away from dates where the two of you have to sit down and talk, and they seem to be more focused on having fun than getting to know who you are. [2] X Research source -
They like long romantic dates or grand gestures. Alternatively, instead of keeping their dates casual, they may try to completely sweep you off your feet. They might have not only taken you out to dinner but also on a candlelit walk along the pier and out to the best ice cream joint, stretching the date out for hours. Not every dream date means they could be a serial dater, but if all of your early dates try to imitate romcom-levels of dreaminess, it may be a sign they’re trying to woo you so you fall for them quickly.- Serial daters tend to focus on earning money, showing off their success, or seeking out someone who has both of those things. While grand romantic gestures can be a sign that they’re serious about you, be sure not to ignore any signs that they could be using you for their own personal gain. [3] X Research source
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They push you to get intimate quickly. Some serial daters can be more interested in pursuing opportunities for sex than seeking emotional intimacy. This can be OK if both parties are looking for a one-night stand or a casual relationship. However, if you’re looking for a serious relationship and they’re pushing for sex right away, it could be a sign that they’re a serial dater. [4] X Research source- If your serial dating partner tries to get intimate quickly, it could also be a warning sign for dating violence. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source If your partner tries to push you to have sex with them or forces you into a situation you aren’t comfortable with, speak up or leave the situation immediately. [6] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women's Health U.S. government agency providing resources for women's health Go to source
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They have a history of ending short relationships. You might notice that if you dig into their dating history, they have a long list of past relationships, especially ones in which they are the ones who end the relationship. Take note when they mention their dating experiences. If they seem overly casual or talk about their previous relationships without much emotional investment, that could be a red flag.- They could also refuse to talk about their previous relationships. Watch for signs your date is hiding details, or if their stories just don’t add up. [7] X Research source
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They don’t talk with you about your relationship or life after the date. Your date might be hiding details or even lying about their past relationships to hide their true intentions. They might also avoid talking about their emotions, how they feel about your relationship or their future with you. Look for signs that your partner is dodging personal questions or steering clear of talking about life with you after the date is over.- When the two of you are talking, it may even seem like they’re avoiding getting to know you, or like they only focus on themselves. Note when your date keeps you at arm's length or never asks you questions about yourself. [8] X Research source
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They like to make you jealous. Whether they flirt constantly with other people (while you’re right next to them), text other people when you’re around, or talk about the other people they’re seeing, serial daters can make you feel jealous. If your serial-dating partner knows you want a deeper relationship and still flirts with others, this can be unhealthy and manipulative. [9] X Research source- They might not hide the fact that they’re dating around or they might use a dating app while they’re still around you. Many serial daters benefit from dating apps since they can talk to a variety of people at once and keep their options open. [10] X Research source
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They seem to get bored of you quickly. Take note if your conversations only last a handful of minutes or if it seems like they prioritize their career or their own needs and desires over building a meaningful relationship with you.- They might also seem like they always have a dark storm cloud hovering over them, or like they show interest one day and pull back the next. [11] X Research source
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They randomly go off the grid. This can be one of the clearest signs that they’re not looking for anything serious. They might consistently break off or reschedule your plans or they may ghost you entirely. They may go MIA to maintain their independence, avoid getting too invested in the relationship, or explore other romantic options.- It can be incredibly frustrating to put your heart on the line, only for them to ignore your attempts to hang out. Just remember that it’s probably not your fault. [12] X Research source
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The relationship never seems to go anywhere. You might go round and round, dating without ever seeming to get any closer. They may disappear or withdraw when things start getting serious, only to reappear later, seeking attention or validation. Take note if your partner doesn’t make an effort to move the relationship forward.
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Section 3 of 5:
How to Deal with a Serial Dater
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Be open and honest about your expectations. If you still want to pursue the person you’re dating, then being honest can be the best way to communicate your feelings. Tell them openly what you’re looking for in a relationship and allow the opportunity for them to do the same. This will help you see if your goals align or if it would be better to part ways.- “I’m interested in settling down with the person I’m dating. I really like you, and I’d like to take this relationship to the next level. Would you be interested in something more serious?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 563 wikiHow readers about what they wanted from their romantic life, and only 8% of people said they enjoyed periods of casual dating without building any lasting connections. [Take Poll] So if your ultimate goal is to move from casual to committed, that's totally normal!
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Try to take things slow. If you want to continue the relationship, resist the urge to get too emotionally invested too quickly. By pacing the relationship, you can prioritize your own needs and potentially protect yourself from heartbreak. Focus on building a personal connection while observing their actions so you can determine their level of commitment.- Put your own well-being first. Spend time with your friends and family, engage in self-care activities, and seek a fulfilling life outside of dating. This will help keep you from becoming emotionally dependent on the serial dater.
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Consider ending the relationship. If the serial dater is unwilling to meet your relationship expectations, then maybe it’s time to move to greener pastures. Although ending a relationship can be painful, continuously seeking a connection that leaves you unfulfilled can hurt more in the long run.- One-sided relationships can have damaging effects, especially if one side is taking advantage of the other. While change is possible, if an unequal relationship brings you stress and decreases your self-esteem, know when it may be time to cut ties and move on. [13] X Research source
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Charity Danker, LPC .
References
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/11/fashion/weddings/confessions-of-a-former-serial-dater.html
- ↑ https://www.starsinsider.com/lifestyle/529698/how-to-identify-a-serial-dater
- ↑ https://blogs.webmd.com/relationships/20150421/how-to-spot-a-serial-dater
- ↑ https://blogs.webmd.com/relationships/20150421/how-to-spot-a-serial-dater
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10080731/
- ↑ https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion
- ↑ https://www.starsinsider.com/lifestyle/529698/how-to-identify-a-serial-dater
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/6-signs-hes-a-serial-dater-fro
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/unhealthy-relationship-behaviors-series-jealousy/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/hes-still-active-dating-apps-not-interested-in-you/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a17888/leonardo-di-caprio-5-ways-spot-serial-dater/
- ↑ https://bondibeauty.com.au/life/relationships/theyre-just-not-that-into-you-signs-of-a-serial-dater/
- ↑ https://www.verywellmind.com/one-sided-relationship-signs-causes-effects-coping-5216120
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/10-things-learned-being-serial-dater/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/10-things-learned-being-serial-dater/
- ↑ https://medium.com/@B.P.P/8-confessions-and-learnings-from-a-former-serial-dater-41b9c8ca7d6c
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