Download Article
Learn to enforce adult boundaries with your narcissistic parent
Download Article
Dealing with a parent who has narcissistic traits can really take a toll on your mental health, but setting boundaries with them can help protect you and your family. This can seem like a daunting task, but we’re here for you. In this article, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about relieving the pressure your parent is putting on you.
This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach, Sarah Schewitz, founder of Couples Learn. Check out the full interview here.
Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Parents
- Be clear and direct about your boundaries.
- Give firm consequences for crossing boundaries.
- Avoid justifying or negotiating your boundaries.
- Ignore any insults or argumentative phrases.
- Provide positive reinforcement for good behavior.
- Take some space from your parent if you need to.
- Practice self-care and focus on your own health.
Steps
How Do You Set Boundaries With Parents?
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionHow do you know which boundaries to set?Rachel Eddins is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Executive Director of Eddins Counseling Group. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in working with clients with eating disorders, anxiety and depression, relationship issues, and career obstacles. Rachel earned a BA in Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin and an MEd in Counseling from The University of Houston. She received a Group Psychotherapist Certification from the American Group Psychotherapy Association and an Intuitive Eating Counselor Certification through Intuitive Eating Pros. She is also recognized as a Master Career Counselor through the National Career Development Association.You have to take a look inward and get clear on what you need and what is important to you. To do that, you may have to talk to a therapist or a counselor about it so they can help you navigate your feelings and learn your boundaries more clearly.
-
QuestionWhat to do if your parents don't respect your boundaries?Rachel Eddins is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Executive Director of Eddins Counseling Group. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in working with clients with eating disorders, anxiety and depression, relationship issues, and career obstacles. Rachel earned a BA in Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin and an MEd in Counseling from The University of Houston. She received a Group Psychotherapist Certification from the American Group Psychotherapy Association and an Intuitive Eating Counselor Certification through Intuitive Eating Pros. She is also recognized as a Master Career Counselor through the National Career Development Association.Reinforce the consequences after they cross a boundary, but remember that this will only work if you're consistent. Boundaries don’t work if they are only enforced some of the time.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
- Some people with narcissistic tendencies exercise power by soliciting help, so it may help to stop assisting them. If you don’t reward them for their behavior by giving them what they want, you may incentivize them to stop said behavior. [19] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to sourceThanks
- Under no circumstances should you consider tolerating abuse. Gaslighting , emotional manipulation, and insults are clear cases where you should put your foot down. [20] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research Go to sourceThanks
- Keep in mind that a parent with narcissistic traits is not necessarily a narcissist. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a legitimate mental health condition that can only be diagnosed by a licensed clinical psychologist.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/women-narcissistic-parents
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm#
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://observer.com/2016/01/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist-5-secrets-backed-by-research/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5679127/
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm#
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ Rachel Eddins, M.Ed., LPC-S. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 23 March 2022.
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/04/daughter-of-narcissistic-mother-no-contact
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/04/daughter-of-narcissistic-mother-no-contact
- ↑ https://cbtpsychology.com/narcissisticmother/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202104/10-things-can-go-wrong-in-therapy-children-narcissists
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5379216/
- ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=2990
About This Article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 25,159 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "I've tried setting boundaries before and my parents never respect them. I read this article and even the smallest thing like knocking on the door before they enter is happening. Thank you." ..." more
Advertisement