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This article was co-authored by Candice Mostisser
and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA
. Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.
There are 12 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 50,591 times.
Sometimes crushes are a bit more complicated than “He loves me, he loves me not.” He might be totally into you, but too shy or anxious to let it show, which is a dynamic that takes a bit more time to puzzle out. But if you know what to look for, it’s not hard to tell what’s on his mind, or why he seems a bit nervous when he talks to you. We’ll fill you in on what experts say are 21 signs that he likes you but is too scared to show it, and we’ll also offer plenty of psychology-backed tips on how to bring him out of his shell.
Things You Should Know
- Look at his body language—things like acting nervous, talking fast, or stealing glances at you are clues he’s interested, if a little hesitant.
- Pay attention to how he acts around you. If he’s always eager to lend a hand or offer advice, it might mean he wants to be closer to you emotionally.
- Take note of what he does and doesn’t say. Frequent compliments are green flags, but he might be hesitant to talk about past relationships.
Steps
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He shifts his weight or avoids eye contact when you talk to him. Someone who wants to hide their feelings for you tends to reveal those feelings in their body language. [1] X Research source He does his best to act natural, but his emotions get the better of him. If he seems a bit shaky or makes a sudden excuse to exit the conversation, he might be overwhelmed and needs a moment to collect himself, or he’s worried you don’t like him back.
- Put him at ease by giving him a natural smile . If he sees that you’re relaxed, he’s more likely to calm down a bit, which will give him more confidence.
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He fumbles his words or his voice is unsteady. When guys talk to someone they’re into, they tend to speed up their sentences, and their mouth goes a bit faster than their brain, making them stutter or struggle to express themselves. [2] X Research source All those pent-up nerves cause something of a short-circuit when they have to keep their cool around you, which makes for some trouble communicating.
- Be patient and attentive with him to encourage conversation. Make an effort to talk a bit slower yourself, and he might follow your lead. Also, maintain eye contact and nod often to let him know you’re listening closely.
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He’s curious and remembers small details about you. We tend to give more attention to the things we enjoy. When we’re thinking about them constantly, it’s easy to memorize all the little details. [3] X Research source Well, he’s doing just that for you. If he remembers your coffee order, your favorite color, or even just the name of that book you liked, it could be that he’s into you, and thinking of you even when you’re not around.
- Return the gesture and ask him about himself . You don’t need to keep notes, but showing interest in the small details of his own life shows him that you’re equally invested, and that there’s no need to be nervous about his feelings.
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He confides in you about his problems and offers you advice, too. Giving and taking advice is a sign that someone is comfortable around you, and that you know each other enough to ask for help. [4] X Research source Even if he can’t admit his feelings for you, he might show them anyway by confiding in you, or by trying to help you with your own troubles. It shows that he cares and wants the best for you.
- Giving or taking advice is a great opportunity to reveal your feelings for someone. You don’t have to profess your love, but start small with something like, “I really appreciate how you’re always there for me.” He might reciprocate the feeling!
Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?
Some guys can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if he likes you as just a friend—or if he wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!
1 of 15
When you two are in a room filled with other people, how often do you catch him staring at you?
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He wants to let you know what he thinks of you without saying too much. Often, people who like you want you to know it, even if they’re scared to say the words, “I like you.” Instead, he might tell you that you have a great laugh, or that he admires your confidence. [5] X Research source If the compliments keep coming, he could be trying to hint at his feelings while hoping you’ll pick up on them.
- Tell him you’re on the same wavelength by giving him a compliment right back! Say something that also hints to your own feelings, like, “I love your sense of humor! I always have fun when I’m around you.”
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He’s afraid that he might slip if the conversation turns to romance. It could be that he doesn’t know how to express himself around someone he likes. [6] X Research source Or, maybe he’s worried that if you start talking about emotions, he’ll let it slip how he feels about you, and he’s afraid of being rejected. In either case, he thinks it’s easier to just not broach the subject at all.
- Don’t push him, but build trust by being vulnerable yourself. If you’re comfortable, tell him about your past relationships, or how you handle rejection. Building that emotional bridge will make it easier to confess his feelings later.
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He wants to see you happy or put you in a good mood. When we want someone to like us, we tend to try to make them happy, or show that they make us happy by laughing when they crack a joke. [7] X Research source It’s a natural way to communicate to someone that you enjoy their company, especially if you’re too nervous to show them in other ways.
- Watch for his reaction when you make jokes around him. If his laugh is enthusiastic, that’s a good sign!
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He glances at you, then looks away when you catch him. He thinks that admiring you from afar is the safest way to appreciate you without putting his feelings on the line. But when you see him staring, he acts like he wasn’t. It’s a psychological fact that we tend to stare at things we find interesting. [8] X Research source He doesn’t want you to think he’s stalking you or being weird, but he just can’t bring himself to come over and start a conversation.
- Help him out by walking over and starting the conversation yourself. Make it something low-stakes and casual to keep him relaxed—ask him if he saw the new episode of a show you like, or if he caught the homework assignment.
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He faces you when you talk, and doesn’t close off his body. When someone’s into you, they’ll show you with their posture, like sitting with their knees pointed toward you. They’ll also make eye contact or gesture with their hands, rather than keeping them in their pockets. When we’re engaged and enjoying a conversation, our bodies play along.
- That said, if he’s nervous around you, he might have the opposite body language. He might struggle to keep eye contact, cross his arms, or tilt his body away from you. But if he’s making an effort to talk to you anyway, he’s doing his best to keep his cool to impress you, despite his discomfort.
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He’s always got a smile for you when he sees you. We tend to react positively to people we’re attracted to, even if we’re nervous. One telltale sign is his smile or grin when you come around. He’s letting you know that, though he’s anxious or even intimidated, he’s keeping it together to impress you.
- Pay attention to his expression before you say hi, and then see if he lights up when you greet him. If he puts on a wide smile, that’s a green light, especially if he seemed more serious beforehand.
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He finds other ways to see you when he’s too nervous to ask outright. Maybe you see him at a party you didn’t think he’d be into, or he shows up to a hangout he said he’d skip before he learned you were going. He wants to be around you, but doesn’t want to face the possibility of rejection by asking you to hang directly. [9] X Research source
- Let him know you like seeing him, too, by inviting him to events or just to hang out with you and your friends. Keeping your foot in the door for him like this tells him that he doesn’t need to be sneaky about spending time with you.
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He wants to show you that he cares through his actions. Whether it’s zipping up your backpack, saving you a spot in line, or lending you a book, he looks for any way to make himself useful to you. [10] X Research source He’s hoping to show you that you can rely on him, so that you have an excuse to go find him the next time you need something done. It’s like a little sampler of commitment, but without the actual commitment.
- Thank him by offering to do a favor in return, like helping him study or offering to give him a ride somewhere. Establishing a two-way give-and-take is a great way to break down any anxieties he might have and show him that you appreciate his kind gestures.
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He gives you little gifts to stay on your mind. Maybe he picks up something extra from the vending machine to surprise you. Or, maybe he gives you song or movie recommendations. [11] X Research source He might be hoping to make room for himself in your life, even if it’s just a little, so that when the time comes he can overcome his anxiety and let you know how he feels.
- Let him know you appreciate him by giving him a gift in return . Just something small, but which you know he’ll appreciate, like a book he might like. Or, make him a mixtape of songs you think he’ll enjoy. Gift-giving is a great way to get closer.
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He interacts with you online because he can’t in person. Check who watched your Instagram story or Snapchat story. Do you see his name on that list every time you post? Or better, does he like or react to the post? At the very least, he might be curious. At most, he’s into you, but is too shy to approach you IRL, so he sees what you’re up to online, instead. [12] X Research source
- Since social media seems to be his preferred mode of communication, hit him up! Drop a like or a comment on his posts. Or if you’re feeling especially bold, send him a message. It could be something as simple as, “Hey, do anything fun lately?”
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He puts away his phone when you’re around. It’s all-too-common for people to be glued to their screens, even around friends. But if he likes you, he’ll probably forget about his phone altogether. After all, he wants to show you that you’re his priority. It’s another way of saying, “I like you and want you to know that.”
- Show him the same respect by putting your own phone down, too. It tells him that you appreciate a face-to-face conversation. Also, he’s way less likely to spill his feelings if you’re distracted by a screen.
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His close friends giggle or tease him when you’re around. Pay attention to his friends when you approach him. Do they smile knowingly? Or do they subtly tease him? If he likes you, he might confide in his friends, so they know what’s up. If they’re good wingmen, they’ll leave the two of you alone when you come around. [13] X Research source
- If you’re comfortable, ask one of his friends what he thinks about you to confirm his feelings. Sometimes his friends will say what he can’t say himself.
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He’s hesitant to talk about new relationships or revisit old ones. He might be scared to make a connection because of old romantic wounds that haven’t quite healed. [14] X Research source Or, he might be intimidated by the possibility of dating, and so doesn’t even want to mention the possibility. In either case, he tends to sidestep that conversation or clam up when romance is brought up.
- If he seems nervous about dating, try not to push it, but don’t be afraid to let him know how you feel about dating, yourself. Say something casual like, “I think it’d be fun to have a boyfriend,” which lets him know you’re open but avoids making him feel pressured or uncomfortable.
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He’s frustrated about how he feels, and has trouble hiding it. One day he approaches you with a smile, and the next day it’s like he hardly knows you. It could be that he likes you, but he tells himself he can’t be with you. He wants to spend time with you, but he’s walking a fine line trying to keep his emotions in check. [15] X Research source
- Before you go any further, look for signs that he’s emotionally unavailable , like having difficulty talking about himself. Emotionally unavailable guys do fall in love, but it might take a little coaxing to bring them out of their shell.
- Be aware that this type of inconsistent behavior could stem from a man being married or otherwise committed to someone else. In this case, it's best to walk away from the situation.
- Reader Poll: We asked 512 wikiHow readers and 53% of them agreed that the best way to handle a married man being interested in you is by distancing yourself from him . [Take Poll]
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He doesn’t want to see you in a relationship without him. You’re talking to another guy, about anything, and suddenly the first guy acts all sullen or hurt. He’s scared of showing how he feels, but he’s also scared of missing his chance with you. [16] X Research source It’s not always a good look, sure, but it’s a strong sign that he’s caught feelings for you, even if he won’t express those feelings.
- Of course, you’re free to talk to whomever you want. But if you’re trying to keep his attention, make an effort to talk to him regularly to let him know he’s the one you’re interested in.
- That said, never tolerate manipulative jealousy. If he tries to make you feel bad for talking to other people, handle his jealousy by letting him know that won’t fly. Say, “I don’t like it when you act hurt like that. I can talk to whoever I want.”
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He wants to impress you with his looks. You wouldn’t want to look sloppy in front of your crush, would you? When someone dresses up for someone they like, they’re saying, “I’m making an effort for you.” [17] X Research source He’s doing his best to look his best while hoping to catch your eye.
- Acknowledge his effort by respectfully complimenting his looks. Say something like, “I love how nicely you dress,” or, “I like how carefully you do your hair.” He’ll appreciate the appreciation, and if he starts putting even more care into his looks afterward, you’ll know he got the message.
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He takes an interest in your interests to have an excuse to talk to you. Last week he’d never heard of your favorite show, but after you mentioned it in passing, suddenly he’s up-to-date and invested. He’s looking for any opportunity to talk to you and answer questions, and what’s a better opportunity than chatting about the things you’re passionate about? When we like someone, we tend to invest our time into them. [18] X Research source Taking interest in your interests is one way he’s investing.
- Get closer to him by asking him about his own interests. This is a great opportunity to get him to open up and relax, since people tend to get excited when they’re talking about the things they’re passionate about.
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Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationship cues, check out our in-depth interview with Candice Mostisser .
References
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a43369809/signs-he-likes-you-hiding-it/#
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202109/signs-someone-is-nervous-around-you-because-they-you
- ↑ https://psych2go.net/6-signs-that-someone-wants-to-be-more-than-friends/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/202005/heshe-likes-me-heshe-likes-me-not
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a43369809/signs-he-likes-you-hiding-it/#
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-us/201812/why-he-doesnt-want-talk-about-it
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-bottom-line/201105/want-know-if-someone-likes-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201810/why-people-may-stare-you
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/9141/9-signs-a-guy-likes-you-but-is-scared-to-admit-it/
- ↑ https://herbrilliantfriend.com/14-solid-signs-your-guy-friend-likes-you-but-is-hiding-it/
- ↑ https://herbrilliantfriend.com/14-solid-signs-your-guy-friend-likes-you-but-is-hiding-it/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-he-likes-you-hiding/
- ↑ https://parade.com/1058769/marynliles/how-to-tell-if-guy-like-you/
- ↑ https://herbrilliantfriend.com/14-solid-signs-your-guy-friend-likes-you-but-is-hiding-it/
- ↑ https://herbrilliantfriend.com/14-solid-signs-your-guy-friend-likes-you-but-is-hiding-it/
- ↑ https://parade.com/1058769/marynliles/how-to-tell-if-guy-like-you/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Candice Mostisser
and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA
. Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world. This article has been viewed 50,591 times.
4 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 6
Updated: April 26, 2024
Views: 50,591
Categories: Flirting
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 50,591 times.
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Co-authors: 6
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