How to Stop Crying when You Are Very Upset

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Crying is a natural instinct. It's one of the first things newborns do, and people continue to cry throughout their lives. It can communicate your feelings to others and some studies even suggest that it signals you need social support. Crying can also be an emotional or behavioral response to something you see, hear or think. You may sometimes feel like you need to be alone to have "a good cry." This is natural, normal, and can be very cathartic. But, intense crying can become physically stressful, increasing your heart rate and breathing. It's understandable that you might want to stop crying when you're very upset. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to stop crying.

Part 1
Part 1 of 2:

Addressing Your Reasons For Crying

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  1. This may be hard to do while you are sobbing, but try your best to inhale deeply (through your nose if possible), hold for a count of 7 and slowly exhale for a count of 8. Do 5 complete breaths. [1] If you cry really hard, you may hyperventilate, which can be a scary experience if you already have high anxiety. Try deep breathing a few times a day, or when you feel particularly stressed.
    • Taking long, deep breaths can help to control hyperventilation, bring down your heart rate, increase blood flow throughout your body, and reduce stress. [2]
  2. [3] Many times you might continue crying because you keep having a sad or negative thought. You might think something like, “He’s left me forever,” or “I have no one…” In the moment, identifying the thought may seem like it makes it worse, but it is the first step in regaining control of your thoughts and tears.
    • If you can’t do it in the moment, reflect on the thoughts you were thinking in the moment once you’ve stopped crying.
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  3. If you are too upset to write a formal sentence, feel free to write anything, write messy, or even scrawl. You can simply list incomplete sentences, a page with one big feeling word, or a page full of feeling words. The point is to get these feelings and thoughts onto a page and out of your mind a little. Later on you can reflect on and discuss these feelings and thoughts when you are in a calmer state.
    • For example, you might simply write something like,"So heavy," "Hurt, betrayed, offended." Writing down what's bothering you can also help you have a conversation with someone who might be hurting you. [4]
  4. To break the cycle of negative thoughts, try distracting yourself by tensing up your muscles or by holding a piece of ice in your hand or on your neck. [5] Ideally, this will draw your attention away from the thought long enough for you to regain composure.
    • You can also try to distract yourself with music. Rock and sway to center yourself and calm your body. Singing along may help you regain control of your breathing and focus on something else.
    • Go for a walk. The change of scenery from going for a walk can help stop those pervasive, negative thoughts. Physical activity may also help reset your breathing and heart rate.
  5. Facial expressions and posture have an effect on our moods. If you find yourself frowning or hunching over in a defeated posture, this can make you feel more negative. If possible, try to change it up. Stand up and put your hands by your sides (hands akimbo) or try the acting technique “lion face-lemon face” where you make a “rawr”, lion-type face then a puckered sour face. [6] [7]
    • Changing your posture may help break the crying cycle long enough to regain your composure.
  6. Try progressive muscle relaxation . This is a technique where you tense and relax various parts of your body. Start by tightening the muscles as hard as you can for about five seconds while inhaling. Then, quickly release the tension while you exhale, then relaxing your face. [8] Then tense your neck, relax. Then your chest, hands, etc. until you work your way down to your feet.
    • Perform these relaxation techniques regularly to prevent stress from building up. [9]
    • This helps you become aware of where you are holding tension when you're crying hard.
  7. Though in these moments it feels permanent, try to remind yourself that this moment will pass. This moment is not forever. This will help you see a bigger picture beyond this overwhelming moment.
    • Splash some cold water on your face. The coolness can distract you for a moment to gain control of your breathing. The cool water may also help some of the swelling (like puffy eyes) that happens after crying hard.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 511 wikiHow readers to tell us how they prefer to recover after they’ve had a big cry, and 63% of them agreed that it’s most helpful to take time to rest and get some extra sleep. [Take Poll]
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Part 2
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Considering and Preventing Crying

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  1. Do you feel like you're crying too much? While this is subjective, on average women cry 5.3 times a month and men 1.3 times, but this crying varies from watery eyes to sobbing. [10] These averages may not necessarily take into account times when crying is more frequent because of some sort of emotional life event, like a breakup, the death of a loved one, or other major life events. When crying fits start to feel out of your control and affect your personal or work life, then it may be considered a problem worth addressing.
    • You're more likely to feel overwhelmed and find yourself in a cycle of sad or negative thoughts during these highly emotional periods.
  2. If something is going in on your life that causes your stress or anxiety, you may be more likely to cry frequently. For example, if you're mourning the death of a loved one or just mourning the end of a relationship, crying is normal and understandable. But, sometimes life itself can become overwhelming and you may find yourself crying without understanding why you started crying in the first place.
    • In this case, excessive crying may be a sign of something more serious like depression or anxiety. If you find yourself frequently crying without understanding why you feel sad, worthless, irritable, start experiencing pain, trouble eating, have trouble sleeping or have suicidal thoughts, you may have depression. [11] Seek medical attention to learn treatment options.
  3. Start being aware of the situations leading up to your crying fits and write them down. [12] When do the fits happen? Are there certain days, situations, or scenarios that elicit intense crying? Are there things that trigger a crying fit?
    • For example, if listening to a certain band reminds you of your ex, take the band off of your playlists and avoid listening to the provoking music. Same goes for pictures, smells, places, etc. If you don’t want to be exposed to these upsetting reminders, it is ok to avoid them for a while.
  4. Write down any negative thoughts and ask yourself if they're rational. Likewise, consider if your ideals are rational and realistic. [13] Remember to be kind to yourself. A good way to do this is to list any accomplishments or things that make you happy. Think of your journal or diary as a record of what you're grateful for. [14]
    • Try to contribute to your journal or diary every day. When you feel like you're going to cry, read what you've already written and remind yourself what makes you happy.
  5. Ask yourself, “How do I cope with conflict?” Do you typically respond with anger? Tears? Ignoring it? Chances are, if you let conflict build up by ignoring it, you'll end up in a big crying fit. Becoming aware of how to respond to conflict may help you identify what path you need to take.
    • Don't forget to ask yourself, "Who is in control?” Reclaim control over your life so you have the power to change outcomes. For example, rather than say, "That teacher is terrible and made me fail that test," admit that you didn't study enough and that led to your poor score. Next time, focus on studying and accepting the outcome.
  6. If you continuously think negative thoughts, you may be fostering harmful emotions. You might even revisit negative, sad memories that happened in the distant past, which also keeps the crying going. [15] This can cause damaging behavior, including prolonged crying fits. Once you're aware of the effects your thoughts have, you can begin to change your thinking to create more positive situations.
    • For example, if you keep thinking, "I'm not good enough," you may begin to feel hopeless or insecure. Learn to stop the thought process before it affects your emotional well-being.
  7. You can try reaching out to a close friend or family member to talk about what is bothering you. Call them or ask if they are available for a cup of coffee. If you feel you do not have someone you feel you can talk to, try a hotline like the Samaritans, (212-673-3000).
    • If you find yourself crying frequently and feel you need some additional help, a professional counselor may be able help you. A counselor can develop a plan for you to regain control of your thoughts and cope with them appropriately.
  8. Ask your general practitioner, check the phone book, or ask friends to refer you to a counselor or therapist. [16] Your counselor or therapist will ask about what brings you into therapy. You can say something like, “I find myself having crying fits often, and I would like to understand why they happen and how to control them.” Or even something as simple as, “I feel sad.” The counselor will ask you questions about what you’ve been experiencing, as well as a history. [17]
    • You and your therapist will discuss your goals for therapy then devise a plan on how to accomplish those goals.
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      Tips

      • When you feel the urge to cry, ask yourself, “Should I let myself cry? Am I in a situation where it is okay to cry?” Sometimes crying is good for you and can be very cathartic, but it may not always be appropriate in all settings.
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      • To stop yourself from crying in public, try raising your eyebrows as high as they will go, as if you are surprised. It is very difficult for tears to come out this way. Yawning or chewing ice might also help.
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      • Excessive crying may cause dehydration, which can lead to headaches. After you've relaxed, you should sip a tall glass of water.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Exposure to different sensations and temperatures can help relax or distract you. Press your face into a hot towel or laundry fresh out the dryer. Take a shower or bath and focus on the sensation of water. Make a hot cup of tea, drink it slowly and keep pressing you hands against the warm ceramic. Go outside and let the wind flow over your skin.
      • Read or watch something that makes you laugh. Choose a comfort show or something that never gets old. It doesn't make the sadness go away completely, but the good humor can slow your tears down.
      • Hug someone or something that makes you happy. This can be a stuffed animal, a parent or loved one, or wrap yourself up in your favorite blanket.
      • Express your emotions through art. Make a painting, crochet, or make a piece of jewelry. Anything that feels right for you.
      • You don't have to pretend that everything is okay. Cry it out, shake it off, and keep it moving.
      • If you can't stop crying, go to sleep. You may feel better after getting some rest.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-deep-breathing/
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-deep-breathing/
      3. ↑ https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/identifying-feelings-stopping-self-silencing/
      4. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2013/01/09/from-crying-to-temper-tantrums-how-to-manage-emotions-at-work/
      5. ↑ https://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/02/how-to-stop-yourself-from-crying.html
      6. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/fashion/amy-cuddy-takes-a-stand-TED-talk.html?_r=1
      7. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-cuddy/body-language_b_2451277.html
      8. ↑ https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf
      9. ↑ https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf
      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/02/cry.aspx
      2. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/symptoms/con-20032977
      3. ↑ https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-nonfiction/the-power-of-journaling
      4. ↑ https://www.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/42517_6_pdf.pdf
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/daily-routine-for-depression
      6. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.aspx
      7. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx
      8. ↑ McLeod, S. A. (2014). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-therapy.html

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re struggling to stop crying when you’re very upset, try to breathe deeply, which will reduce stress and help you relax. You can also try standing up straight with your hands by your sides or stretched out, since an upright posture can help you feel more positive. Alternatively, distract yourself by going for a walk or listening to music. Once you're able to relax and calm down, remind yourself that this moment will pass, no matter how bad it feels right now. To learn more, including how to use progressive muscle relaxation to stop crying, keep reading!

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