How to Stop Giving Unsolicited Advice

Co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: April 22, 2024 References

Unwanted advice: it can frustrate the recipient, create distance in relationships, and leave friends feeling like they've dropped the ball. Unsolicited advice is a huge problem in tons of friendships, but how can you deal with it in a healthy way? Maybe you struggle to stop giving your unwanted opinion, or maybe you constantly get unwelcome advice from others. We're going to walk you through all of the basics. We'll cover how to address your situation, why unwanted advice happens, and why it can be harmful. Read on for your complete guide on how to stop unwanted advice!

Things You Should Know

Understand your motivation. Unsolicited advice-giving often comes from a desire to help or control the situation. It can also come from overconfidence.
Engage in active listening instead of advice-giving. If you want to say something, try asking a question or supporting your friend's feelings.
Ask your friend how you can help. In some cases, your friend may want advice, but you won't know unless you ask.
Disengage or set boundaries if you find yourself on the receiving end of unsolicited advice.

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Can unsolicited advice be damaging?

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Unwanted advice can harm the recipient and your relationship. Most of the time, unwanted advice doesn't feel great to receive. And actually, the damage goes even deeper. Unwelcome advice can drive wedges in relationships, especially if the adviser's motivations seem iffy. So yes, offering advice without invitation can damage your friend's feelings and the friendship you share. ^{[1]
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- Advice can feel like criticism, and it can make the recipient feel patronized. ^{[2]
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- Unwanted advice might communicate that the advice-giver believes they know more than the person they're offering advice to.
- If it’s a repeated habit, unsolicited advice could seriously harm a relationship. One friend might end up feeling more than just disrespected—they could feel unheard and misunderstood, too.

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Why do people give unsolicited advice?

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Unwanted advice is usually about helping, control, or over-confidence. Understanding the motivations behind someone else’s (or your own) reason for offering unwanted advice can be super helpful. If you're the one offering it, knowing your own reasoning can help you curb the habit ( "I know that I just want to help, but I need to remember my friend will be happier if I just listen" ). ^{[3]
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- Helping : Some people just want their friends to get better, do better, or feel better—so they can't help but to try and offer them guidance. At the end of the day, these people mean well.
- Anxiety and control: Again, many people give unsolicited advice out of love. They may hate watching their friends struggle, and because of that, they feel powerless or anxious about it. So offering advice helps them feel like at least they're doing something .
- Over-confidence: Some people might just feel like they know best. If they feel certain that their opinion is correct, it can be hard not to share it with people who could benefit from it.

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