Download Article
Download Article
Talking to someone you're attracted to can be nerve-wracking, especially if you have no idea what you're doing. If you're having trouble communicating with your crush, read on and learn how to find your voice.
Steps
Conversation Help
-
Develop your interests. You don't need to be a brain to find things to talk about , but you do need to have passions and interests. A person who can talk naturally about things he's interested in is always better conversation than someone armed with pre-written prompts and a vague hope of getting a date. [1] X Research source- Make a short list. List everything you're interested in. Go for more detail rather than less. For example, instead of “music,” write “playing classical guitar, going to concerts, collecting old funk LPs.”
- Expand the list into topics. Using the example above, you might think about what brand of guitar you own or rent versus the brand you wish you could have, what concerts you've been to, and which funk bands you enjoy.
- Make a mental note of your opinion on each topic. This will help you to know yourself better. When you talk about any subject you have an interest in, you'll be able to speak confidently about it and explain why you're interested in it, which makes good conversation.
-
Practice saying things out loud . Get used to talking, or you'll never be able to talk well. One of the easiest and simplest things you can do to improve your comfort level is simply to say things aloud to yourself. This helps you get comfortable with the sound of your own voice, and with speaking rather than simply responding to others. [2] X Research source- Find a time and a place. Whenever you're home alone is a great choice. It doesn't have to be regularly scheduled; just seize opportunities as they arise.
- Say something. Try to talk a little bit about something rather than just mumbling
a few words. Tell yourself about the plot of the last TV show or movie you watched. If you can't think of anything to say, find a book and read aloud from it.
- When reading from a book, try to make the words sound natural, rather than the stilted sight-reading drone that many people lapse into. Read a sentence or two in your head first, then say them aloud as though you had just thought of them yourself.
- Books of poetry are ideal for this. Poetry is almost always meant to be read aloud, and the concentration required to be able to read a poem naturally will help distract you from feeling silly.
- Keep talking for a little while. Try to speak out loud for at least a minute. Over time, this will help you get used to initiating conversations and speaking your mind, which are important skills for making a good impression on your crush.
Advertisement -
Talk to girls . Wherever you interact with women on a regular basis – work, school, clubs, or elsewhere – make an extra effort to engage in small talk with them. This will teach you that there is nothing to fear about talking to a girl, even if you have a crush on her. [3] X Research source- Start with people you already interact with a little bit, like coworkers. Ask them how their week has been going, and use short questions to encourage them to talk more. Most girls will be glad to talk with you for a moment.
- If a girl asks about your week after she's told you about hers, do the polite thing and tell her, in about the same level of detail she used when talking to you. (Leave out the fact that you're trying to get better at talking to girls.)
- Be friendly
with project partners. At school or during community service, you will often be paired with a partner. When your partner is a girl you don't know very well, a little geniality will go a long way towards making things comfortable for both of you.
- Try talking about the project rather than asking about her. If she responds well, continue on, and mix in small talk and simple questions as you go along.
- Don't ask her about herself or her life. Instead, ask her what she thinks of another person, such as the teacher, or an upcoming event you both know about.
- Don't talk too often. Show that you're primarily interested in being helpful and completing your project together. Speak as thoughts come to you, rather than pushing the conversation along.
- Try talking about the project rather than asking about her. If she responds well, continue on, and mix in small talk and simple questions as you go along.
- Start with people you already interact with a little bit, like coworkers. Ask them how their week has been going, and use short questions to encourage them to talk more. Most girls will be glad to talk with you for a moment.
Advertisement
-
Stay prepared. If you want to make a good impression on a girl, the very least you can do is control your behavior and your hygiene. [4] X Research source- Keep up a daily hygiene
regimen of bathing, face cleaning, tooth brushing, and hair care. Wear deodorant. Clip your fingernails regularly.
- If you wear cologne, remember: less is more. Spray enough onto your wrists and the base of your neck that you can smell it from a foot or two away at most, but no more. Good cologne will dry down and last several hours; there is no need to overdo it.
- Always dress your best. Use clean clothes, and plan outfits the evening before you wear them so you don't have to make last-minute substitutions.
- Be on your best behavior. You don't have to stop being the class clown if that's who you are, but you shouldn't say or do anything that you wouldn't want your crush to know about. You never know what might get back to her. Be kind and forgiving with others, and avoid getting into trouble with higher-ups.
- Keep up a daily hygiene
regimen of bathing, face cleaning, tooth brushing, and hair care. Wear deodorant. Clip your fingernails regularly.
-
Make your approach. Whenever you see a good opportunity to speak to your crush alone for a moment, even if other people are around, step up and do it.- Get her attention . Call her name and wave at her while smiling. Look happy to see her.
- Meet her
. Start walking up as soon as she's acknowledged you. Don't wait for her to come over to where you are. Show you're proactive and confident by closing the distance yourself.
- If she looks upset or bothered by your greeting , or tries to pretend she doesn't hear you, she is most likely not interested in getting to know you. Cut your losses and move on. You deserve someone who will be glad to see you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1323 wikiHow readers how they would show confidence when meeting a girl, and 67% said they would make eye contact and smile. [Take Poll]
-
Talk the talk. By now, you should be comfortable talking to girls, and confident that you're an interesting person with things to say on a variety of subjects. This is your chance to make a great impression with the skills you've developed.- If you don't know your crush, introduce yourself and tell her where you've seen each other around. Once she recognizes you she'll probably ask you a polite question, like “what's up?” or “how's it going?” Don't answer dismissively; instead, think on your feet and say something in response that will move the conversation along.
- If all else fails, say that you just saw her and thought you'd come over and catch up for a bit. This allows you to jump into a conversational lead with the next statement.
- A good rule of thumb is that you shouldn't say anything to a girl you're introducing yourself to that you wouldn't say in front of your girlfriend or wife if you had one. In other words, don't say anything sexual or off-putting that would make her feel uncomfortable. Instead, keep things light and casual. [5]
X
Expert Source
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
-
Keep the conversation going for a little while. Ask her about people and places you both know. Respond lightly when she answers your questions, and use gentle humor to offer your opinions.- For example, if you both had a class with a teacher named Mr. Smith who always seemed tired, you could ask her about Mr. Smith, and respond with an observation about how tired he always looked when she answers your question.
- Regardless of what you're talking about, remember to be genuine, sincere, and honest. You don't need to put on an act or try to be someone else to win her over! [6]
X
Expert Source
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
-
Stay positive . Smile and don't be afraid to look at her while she's talking. Remember the old saying: “laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.” We make our best impressions when we make others feel happy to be around us. [7] X Research source- Leave serious and sad topics out of this conversation. If one has to come up (for example, if she asks about someone and you know he just died), be honest, but don't let the conversation dwell in that spot.
-
Take the initiative. If there's a lull in the conversation, but it's otherwise going well, tell her about a recent event in your life that has to do with one of your personal interests. Continuing with the musical example from previously, you might bring up a concert you recently attended or an album you recently bought.- Don't get too into your own interests. Keep it general enough that she can follow what's being said without having any special knowledge. Make plenty of room for her to interject or change the subject. The important thing is to keep your conversation interesting and alive.
-
Ask for her number . Tell her it was great to talk with her and suggest that the two of you get together again soon, then ask for her number. Depending on how slowly you want to take things, asking for a phone number outright might not always be an appropriate step, but it's a good middle ground between simply saying goodbye and asking her out on the spot.- Alternatively, just ask to be social media friends, or request her e-mail address. This is less blatantly an invitation to date than asking for a girl's number, and most people don't mind giving out online information.
Warning: Do not use this step to call or text her too often, or to stalk her on social networking sites, much less to cyberbully her. The latter is a crime in many places.
-
Walk away. Tell her you'll call (or otherwise contact) her soon and leave her with a smile and a wave. If all went well, you should be looking at a get-together or possibly even a first date within a week or two.
Advertisement
Join the Discussion...
I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird... Read More
I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can p... Read More
I used to get nervous around girls too. But then I learned that listening more than you speak is a hack that makes people think you're a great co... Read More
Attract Girls and Win Their Hearts with this Expert Series
Attracting girls and turning them on doesn't have to be hard. Learn how with these expert articles, hand-picked from our dating coaches and relationship experts.
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionWhat are conversation topics for talking to someone you’re attracted to?Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
-
QuestionHow can I avoid saying anything innapropriate?Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."Here's a great rule: you never want to say something to a girl you're meeting that would upset your girlfriend if you had one. In other words, you don't want to say anything sketchy or sexual. You want to open with something light and innocent.
-
QuestionWhat's the best way to approach a girl?Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."The best way to approach a girl, start a conversation, or impress someone you just met is to be very sincere, genuine, and honest. And it can be as simple as saying, "Hi, I just saw you and wanted to meet you." or "I wanted to say 'Hi,' my name is blank." I advise approaching the situation with some vulnerability, authenticity, and a light playfulness. That's a really good way to break the ice.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Reader Videos
Tips
- Be careful not to come on too strong when you're talking to a girl you like. You don't want to put your hands on her, go in for a kiss unexpectedly, or do anything else that would make her feel uncomfortable. Remember to keep things light, casual, and playful. [8] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
Warnings
- Try to get to know her well before you try to win her over, lest you find out that she has a boyfriend and that he is jealous and possessive. If so, you could be in trouble.Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/things-to-talk-about-with-your-girlfriend/
- ↑ https://www.anxietycanada.com/self-help/effective-communication-improving-your-social-skills
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-to-talk-to-girls-and-guys
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-015-0031-7
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201409/6-ways-become-more-positive-today
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
About This Article
Article Summary
X
Talking to a girl you like is often nerve-wrecking but you can become more confident in yourself by practicing talking to other girls first. Then, when you find the girl you like alone, approach her and start a conversation. Make eye contact and smile when you spot her. If she smiles back, go up to her and say something like "Hey," or "What's up?"Then, talk to her about people and things you both know. For example, if you both have a class with Mr. Smith, ask what she thinks about him or make a comment about how tired he always looks. If you think the conversation goes well, ask for her number so you can talk more later. For more tips, including how to stay positive while you’re talking to a girl you like, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 2,628,488 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "Thanks, this is going to help with a friend at school whom I have an interest in. We talked little, but we both are similar and I have supported her since she has arrived at my school. " ..." more
Advertisement
"Thanks, this is going to help with a friend at school whom I have an interest in. We talked little, but we both are similar and I have supported her since she has arrived at my school. "
..."
more
"I used to have a crush on this girl, but I was always scared of talking to her. But after reading this, I started a conversation with her, and we'll be having a date soon! Thank you!"
..."
more
"This article was well-written, logically sound, and most importantly, relevant to common situations. I truly believe that this article can help a lot of people. "
..."
more
"I would like to thank you for the best opinions I used while conversing with a girl. I'm glad to tell you that my crush fell in love with me. Thank you."
..."
more
"It was positive and knows how to talk to a girl. I wish guys would approach me this way instead of cat-calling or something rude."
..."
more
