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If you've developed feelings for your best friend and want them to know, take a second to think about how this might affect your friendship. Look for signs that they like you too, such as if they avoid talking about their crushes around you or give you playful touches on the arm or leg. When you tell your best friend how you feel, do it away from other people and in person. Be honest about how you feel and give your best friend time to process what you've told them. No matter what they say, try to put your friendship first and be proud of yourself for having the courage to tell them!
Steps
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Try flirting with your best friend to see how they respond. There are lots of ways to flirt, but it’s important to use subtle tactics so you don’t make your best friend uncomfortable. Try holding their gaze for a few seconds longer than usual or gently teasing your friend to see how they react. [1] X Research source- Be aware that your best friend may view your flirting as you just being nice, so don’t base your judgment of whether or not they like you on just this.
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Think about whether they talk about their crushes with you. If your best friend often tells you about who they currently like or want to date, this is a sign that they’re not thinking about you romantically. See if your best friend brings up crushes around you, or ask them who they’re currently crushing on to be more direct. [2] X Research source- You might ask them, "Do you have a crush on anyone?" when you two are talking about your friends' crushes or relationships.
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Notice whether your best friend gives you playful touches. These could be things like a hand on your arm when you two are talking or even an extra long hug. Similarly, use playful touches to see if your best friend might be interested in you by giving them a casual back rub or throwing your arm around their waist as you’re walking. [3] X Research source- Pay attention to how your best friend responds if you give a playful touch. If they seem uncomfortable or pull back, this likely means they’re not interested. [4]
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Expert Source
JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- Pay attention to how your best friend responds if you give a playful touch. If they seem uncomfortable or pull back, this likely means they’re not interested. [4]
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Expert Source
JT Tran
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Compliment your best friend to hint that you like them. Tell your best friend things you like about them that you wouldn’t normally share. For example, you might tell your best friend how great they look in an outfit or how impressed you are with their academic abilities. [5] X Research source- You might compliment your friend by saying, “I love watching you play soccer, you just have so much talent!” or “That shirt really brings out the color in your eyes.”
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Ask a mutual friend for their opinion if desired. If you and your best friend have another friend that you’re both close to, this friend may know how your best friend feels about you. Consider talking to your mutual friend about how you’re feeling and see what they think about you telling your best friend that you really like them. [6] X Research source- Know that the mutual friend might tell your best friend what you talked about, so be clear when you’re talking to your mutual friend if you don’t want them to share your conversation with anyone else.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?
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Plan out what you want to say beforehand so you're prepared. Write out specific things you want to tell your best friend when you're sharing your feelings, or even just think about what you might say in your head beforehand. Preparing some specific things to say will help you feel more relaxed and confident when you have the real conversation. [7] X Expert Source JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.- Practice what you'd like to say in front of a mirror to help you feel more confident if you're super nervous.
- Reader Poll: We asked 562 wikiHow readers who've told their friend they like them, and 54% of them agreed that their goal in doing so is to see if there’s a chance for a romantic relationship. [Take Poll] If you’re hoping to date your friend after you confess your feelings, consider how you’d like to ask ahead of time.
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Choose a time to tell them when they'll have time to process their thoughts. Telling your best friend that you like them during a commercial break or right before they need to go isn’t a good idea. Pick a moment where you’re both comfortable and have nowhere to rush off to, such as in the evening or during the weekend. [8] X Research source- For example, you might choose to talk to them Friday after school so they have the whole weekend to think about their own feelings.
- Telling them right before school or really quickly in between activities might cause them to feel overwhelmed.
- Plan to have enough time to not only tell your best friend how you feel, but to allow them time to think and respond if they’d like to.
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Ask to meet with them in person. While it can be tempting to tell your best friend about your feelings over text or through a phone call, it’s better to talk to them in person. This helps show that you’re serious about your feelings, and you can gauge your best friend’s reaction more easily when you’re face-to-face.- Talk to your best friend when you’re together on a casual outing, such as at the park or eating a meal.
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Talk to them away from other people so you both have privacy. Pick a spot to talk that isn't very public, like in a park or a secluded part of school. It’s also best to talk to your best friend away from family and friends so that neither of you feels awkward or like people are listening to your conversation. [9] X Research source- Instead of having the conversation at a loud and crowded restaurant, think about taking a walk with your best friend and telling them then.
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Start up a normal conversation before sharing your feelings. Start a conversation by talking about things you would normally talk about, such as school, homework, or extracurricular activities. Once you're both feeling comfortable, let them know you have something you'd like to share with them. Be open and honest about your feelings by telling them that you’ve developed feelings for them, and you thought it was important that they knew. [10] X Research source- You might say something like, “It’s not easy for me to tell you this, but I've had a crush on you for awhile now.”
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Emphasize how important your friendship is to you. While you want to turn your friendship with your best friend into something more, it’s important to tell your friend that you don’t want to lose them if they don’t return your feelings. Tell them how much you value the friendship and that you want to make sure it stays intact. [11] X Research source- After telling your best friend your feelings, you might add, “If you liked me back that would be great, but I want our friendship to be the top priority.”
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Let your best friend know they don't have to say anything right away. It's likely that your best friend will be surprised by your news, and they may not know exactly what they're thinking quite yet. Reassure them that you're not asking them for an answer, and that you just wanted them to know how you feel. [12] X Research source- Avoid immediately asking your friend how they feel about you or what they’re thinking to give them time to sort through their thoughts.
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Give your best friend time to process that you like them. It might take your best friend a couple days to sort through their thoughts and feelings. Give them some space and time to figure out how they feel, as well as what they want to say to you. [13] X Research source- While you should give your best friend a day or two to process what you've told them, continue hanging out and talking with them as you normally would unless they say they need some time to themselves.
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Accept your friend’s reaction no matter what it is. After you’ve told your best friend your feelings, give them time to process them. Whether they seem confused, excited, embarrassed or any other type of emotion, stay calm and be respectful of their feelings. [14] X Research source -
Take it slow if your best friend decides they have feelings for you too. If your best friend tells you they like you too, awesome! Take your time when starting a relationship and avoid jumping into things too quickly. Remember that your friendship is still very important, and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. [15] X Research source- Start by planning a romantic date for just the two of you to test out how your new relationship will work.
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Avoid treating your best friend differently if they reject you. If your best friend tells you that they don’t see you that way and just want to be friends, accept this news and try to put it past you. While it’s normal to feel awkward around your best friend because of your shared feelings, be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and make an effort to keep your friendship just as strong. [16] X Research source- It’s a good idea to put some distance between yourself and your best friend for a little while after revealing your feelings if you’re feeling especially sad about their decision.
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Spend time with your family and hobbies to help distract you if needed. If you're feeling sad about your best friend's decision, try to focus on things you enjoy. Spend time hanging out with other friends, visiting with family, and exploring your hobbies and passions to help put you in a good mood. [17] X Research source- Make arts and crafts, play a sport, read, or write music to help you focus on things you love.
- If you need to talk about your feelings with someone, ask a family member or other close friend if they wouldn't mind listening and giving you advice.
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Join the Discussion...
How do I handle having a crush on my best friend? I think she’s amazing, and we do everything together. But I don’t know if she feels the sam... Read More
This is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to do when you have a crush on your best friend is find out if they feel the same way. Sometim... Read More
Hey man, I went through the same thing, and it’s rough. My advice is to just talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and be clear that you both val... Read More
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I get into the right headspace to tell a friend I like them?JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.Shower, listen to some music, do your hair, and put on a really nice outfit. Reframe what you're about to do by reminding yourself that you're the catch, and your friend has something to lose, not you! That way, you'll come into the conversation feeling confident and prepared.
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QuestionShould you tell your best friend you like them?JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.It depends. If you have a reasonable suspicion that they like you and you're willing to put yourself out there, go for it. If you really value the friendship and you don't know how they'll respond, you may want to not risk it. It's totally up to you, though.
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QuestionWhat kind of hints can I give to someone that I like them?Community AnswerMake eye contact when talking, get to know their friends, make conversation and be confident in yourself!
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Warnings
- Be aware that telling your best friend that you like them may change your friendship, so be sure it's what you want to do before having the conversation with them.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/02/how-to-tell-your-best-friend-youre-in-love-with-them-by-those-who-have-taken-the-plunge
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a37820/chill-ways-to-flirt-with-your-crush/
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/what-to-do-if-you-have-feelings-for-a-friend-2017-7
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
- ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/what-to-do-feelings-for-a-friend
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://beyondages.com/how-to-tell-a-friend-you-like-her-without-ruining-your-friendship/
- ↑ https://www.insider.com/what-you-should-not-do-when-someone-rejects-you-2017-6
- ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’ve developed a crush on your best friend and you suspect they feel the same way, you might be ready to tell them how you feel. Choose a time to talk to them about your feelings when you’ll both be relaxed and have plenty of time for an uninterrupted chat. Ask to meet with them in person if possible. Go someplace private before you open up to them so they won’t feel put on the spot. Wait for a quiet moment in the conversation and say something like, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. I’ve had a crush on you for a while now.” Let them know that their friendship is important to you and that you aren’t putting pressure on them to return your feelings if they don’t feel the same. Give them some time to respond, and do your best to accept their answer gracefully, whatever it might be. For tips about how to accept your friend’s reaction, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "So, about a week ago I found out I had feelings for my BFF (who is a boy) and I started to get stressed. So I googled how do I tell my best friend I like him, and this came up. I asked him out yesterday, using all your tips, and he does like me! Thank you." ..." more
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"So, about a week ago I found out I had feelings for my BFF (who is a boy) and I started to get stressed. So I googled how do I tell my best friend I like him, and this came up. I asked him out yesterday, using all your tips, and he does like me! Thank you."
..."
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"I like my best friend from when I was 3, I think, she knows everything about my life. I am pan, btw. We are both girls."
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"This article (along with several others) has allowed me to ask out my crush successfully. Thanks, wikiHow! "
"This helped me so much because now I can ask out my best guy friend."
