How to Tell Your Parents You are Following a Religion They Don't Approve of

Reviewed by Seth Hall

Last Updated: September 10, 2024

Everyone who has a religious path wants to follow it their own way. While your parents may follow a traditional and conservative religion such as Catholicism, and you want to be say, Pentecostal, you should be entitled to make your own decisions. This article gives some advice and guidance on how to talk to your parents about your chosen religion.

Steps

If you have lingering doubts about your own faith, it may be best to tell your parents after you feel comfortable and confident about your beliefs.
2
Use the waiting time to do your research. Examine many sources, not only "faith promoting" ones related to the religion you are investigating.
- Start a journal to keep notes in regarding your spirituality. Include any questions you may have and the reasons why
- Discover what you can about your chosen path. Is it monotheistic (worshiping only one deity), polytheistic (worshiping multiple deities), pantheistic (worshiping the universe), or atheistic (believing in no deities)? Are there any notable people in history that have believed as you do?
- Search online for forums to find others who believe as you do.
- Purchase a number of books about your religion, or borrow them from a local or school library. Just be sure to keep them in a place where your parents won't find them until you're ready.
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You may have to re-write what you have written to assure that you have a solid foundation from which to discuss religion with your parents.
Tell your parents you have something important to discuss with them ^{[1]

X
Expert Source

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview} and you'll need some time to do it. Make sure that they are allowed to choose the time when this discussion is to take place.
Tell them this is the religious path you have decided to follow. Watch for their response, if it is shocked or angry, tread carefully and discuss any concerns they may have about your researching religions.
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Ask your parents what they know about your chosen religion.
- Listen carefully to what they say.
- Clear up any confusion they may have.
- Keep up this back and forth of asking, listening, and responding.
7
Handle a poor reaction with grace. Don't try to convert your parents to your beliefs. In this instance at least, resist the urge to proselytize and do not argue with them. If they have objections, especially faith-based objections, don't contest with them. Honor your parents and yourself by actively listening and not arguing. Remember that acknowledging is not agreement, so listen and acknowledge their concerns and, as far as possible, let them know that for you at least the relationship is important and that you are still their daughter or son.
- If they are very upset, don't panic; give it time and maintain your love for them.
- As with all people, when dealing with your parents and deciding how to treat them in contemplating your reactions to them, ask yourself "is this the best expression of who I really am?"
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Question

I can't decide if I should tell them that I don't follow their religion.

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 30 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples; while treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. As a prolific author, Dr. Brown has published four books; contributed to multiple other books; published 500+ articles in professional and popular magazines, journals, and peer-reviewed publications; and has recently published a number of creative and literary works. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. He has also received a Master of Liberal Arts from Harvard University. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University.

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you are torn between revealing your religious beliefs to your parents or not, consider these following factors: How important is the truth to you? How will your parents take it? Will you be ready to talk about why you also did not continue with your parents' religion? It is ultimately up to you because all that matters is deciding on a path that feels right for you.

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How old do I have to be to become another religion when my parents disagree?

Community Answer

You have to be mature enough to understand what you are doing and the consequences of your actions.

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Question

I was abused for leaving the Catholic Church. Why does this kind of thing happen when the Pope says we just need Jesus in our lives?

Community Answer

The Pope and the New Testament say, 'Yes,' we just need Jesus in our lives. However people who leave their religious practice do sometimes, unfortunately, become subject to abuse for choosing a new path. If you were physically abused, don't hesitate to seek outside help. Everyone should be permitted to follow their own path and physical abuse is a grave mistreatment.

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Tips

Remember that overall, religion and beliefs are so important that they should always be your own personal choice. Don't let anyone convince you that you can't make your own choices.

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Explain to them that you are not going to turn your back on them, and that you would like them to be a part of your choice when possible.

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Wait to talk to your parents, when they are sitting down, relaxed after dinner. Do not just blurt out your feelings when they are rushed.

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Warnings

Some parents might not go along with what you believe no matter what you tell them. Just stay true to yourself and your religion.

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Expert Source

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist

How to Tell Your Parents You are Following a Religion They Don't Approve of

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