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How to know if someone doesn’t really like you
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People can be confusing, and it’s not always clear when someone is really your friend. You might have a new friend sending you mixed signals or be dealing with an old friend who has randomly changed how they act towards you. In this article, we’ll walk you through the signs you might encounter when someone doesn't want to be your friend and what to do next.
Signs That Someone Doesn’t Like You
- They don’t reach out to you (unless they need something).
- They constantly cancel plans by making excuses.
- They don’t ask you questions about your life.
- They seem jealous when you’re successful.
- They criticize you frequently.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
How to Tell If Someone Isn’t Your Friend
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You always reach out to them first. If they never call or text you first, it’s a sign they aren’t a friend. Real friendships are balanced and built on mutual respect. If you hit them up to hang out first all the time, it’s a sign that they aren’t thinking of you quite the same way you think of them. If they contact you first to hang out every now and then, it’s likely they do want to be friends. [1] X Research source
- Try to take alternative explanations into account as well. If your friend has been complaining about how busy they are every time you’ve seen them in the last month, and they’ve only stopped reaching out the past month, they probably still want to be friends but are just incredibly busy.
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They only reach out when they want something. A real friend wants to hang out with you because they enjoy your company. If they do call or text you but only because they need help with their homework, or you have a car, and they don’t, it’s a signal that they aren’t a real friend. Take their reason for reaching out into account when you’re trying to identify whether they’re a friend or not. [2] X Research source
- It’s totally normal for friends to ask for help every now and then. It shouldn’t be the only reason they ever hit you up, though!
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They make weak excuses to avoid hanging out. If they don’t have good reasons for skipping plans, they may not value your feelings. A real friend is apologetic, offers a decent explanation, and doesn’t make a habit of blowing you off. If someone makes weak excuses or lies about why they can’t meet up with you, it may be because they’re trying to avoid you. [3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- It’s possible for a true friend to tell a lie every now and then, but if they truly care about you, they won’t make lots of excuses or cancel every plan.
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They regularly cancel plans with you. If they constantly call off hanging out, it’s a signal they aren’t interested. Some people are really bad at being honest about not wanting to be friends, and they’ll just cancel any plans at the last minute. Real friends will go out of their way to hang out, while fake friends will find excuses not to see you. It probably isn’t a big deal if they cancel once or twice. However, if this is a chronic issue, it’s likely a sign they aren’t a real friend. [4] X Research source
- Recognize that this says more about them than it does you. All you’re trying to do is hang out. If they’re regularly bailing, that’s on them, not you!
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They don’t seem interested in your personal life. If your conversations always focus on them, they aren’t a real friend. True friendships have some give and take, but it's not a good sign if your chats always end up centering around them. A true friend asks how you’re doing, inquires about your interests, and checks in when you’re facing an obstacle. If they don’t, it could be a sign they’re not a genuine friend.
- When chatting with a friend, you should feel like they’re invested in you and actively want to learn about what you’re up to. If you don’t get that feeling, they may not see you as a true friend.
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They aren’t happy when you achieve something. A real friend will support you and your goals, no matter what. They should be happy for you if you get a great grade on a test or win an award. Even if it isn’t a major accomplishment, a true friend will hype you up and congratulate you. If they get upset or seem jealous whenever you share good news, the friendship may not be genuine. [5] X Research source
- Real friendship feels like you’re on the same team, not like you’re competing with one another. If they seem like they’re always trying to beat you or do better than you, then they may not view you as a friend.
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Your secrets aren’t safe with them. A true friend doesn’t intentionally violate your trust or share your secrets. If they’re in the habit of sharing everything you’ve disclosed to them, they might not be the best person to be around. If they share something with other people when you explicitly asked them not to, they aren’t a real friend. [6] X Research source
- Consider testing this if you’re unsure about their intentions. Try telling them something untrue (and only tell them). If one of your other mutual friends brings that same secret up with you, the person you shared the “secret” with is likely not a real friend.
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They’re judgmental. If they always critique you, they aren’t treating you as a friend. Think about how you react when someone you care about makes a decision you don’t agree with. You might offer friendly advice or just stay quiet about it. You might even try to encourage them that they made the right decision. If your “friend” goes out of their way to criticize you at every turn, it might mean that they don’t respect your feelings. [7] X Research source
- It’s an especially powerful sign if it feels like their behavior has changed radically out of nowhere. Something is up if they went from being supportive to extremely critical of you.
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They tease you a lot. If they’re always poking fun at you, they aren’t prioritizing the way you feel. The occasional inside joke is one thing, but they shouldn’t aim to put you down. This is an especially potent sign if they amp up the teasing in front of your mutual friends. Toxic people will do this on occasion—they’ll try to put other people down to make themselves feel bigger. It’s a sign that they’re a bad friend, and you don’t have to put up with it. [8] X Research source
- Stand up to them when they do this. Let them know that you don’t appreciate it when they tease you. If they’re apologetic, they likely care about your friendship. If they try to act like you’re out of your mind, they’re probably not a real friend. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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They’re polite but not particularly warm. If they don’t make you feel loved and appreciated, they probably aren't a real friend. Do they give you hugs? Are they excited to talk to you? There’s a big difference between someone being casually nice and someone going out of their way to make you feel like the best version of yourself. [10] X Research source
- If you can’t tell the difference, pay attention to how your friend interacts with other people. If they treat you the same way as everyone else, it’s safe to assume they’re just naturally nice. If they’re uniquely warm with you, they probably are your friend!
- Do they smile when they see you? Their initial reaction to you can tell you a lot about how they feel about you.
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They’re short with you. If your conversations are abrupt and shallow, they may not be a friend. Friends take an interest in one another and ask follow-up questions when you talk. If they seem like they’re not all that invested in your convos, it might indicate that they’re intentionally keeping your interactions short. [11] X Research source
- For example, if you complain about how difficult last night’s math assignment was, a real friend might say something like, “Oh man, I know. I had such a hard time with the word problems. What did you get for #13?” A fake friend might say, “It wasn’t too bad,” or, “Yeah, it was hard.”
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They don’t respond to your texts. A true friend won’t leave you on read for days on end. People get excited to talk to their friends, and that is typically reflected in how long it takes them to reply to your texts. If someone is flat-out non-responsive or takes multiple days to reply to your texts, it’s a sign that you aren’t a particularly high priority. If they are your friend, they’d be a lot more expressive and communicative.
- There is a small percentage of people out there who are genuinely bad at checking their phone. If this is the only thing you’ve noticed on this list, they may just be a little forgetful when remembering to reply.
- Reader Poll: We asked 642 wikiHow readers, and 59% of them agreed that the most likely reason someone might distance themself after a fight is because they need time to cool off . [Take Poll]
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They don't engage with you on social media. Their behavior on social media says a lot about how they feel. If they’re always commenting on other people’s posts but they never say anything on your page, it might indicate that they’re not interested in you. A real friend will comment on your posts, tag you, and share things with you online; a fake friend won’t. [12] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source
- This may not mean much if they aren’t typically active online or on social media. If they never comment on your page but also don’t comment on other people’s pages, they probably have something against social media, not you.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhy do they do all of this instead of choosing to say something, not have you around?EllieCommunity AnswerBecause people are scared of confrontation and losing a friend so they must be annoying and do it the hard way.
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QuestionSo I'm moving overseas soon and I basically lost my friendship with someone. But I don't know if they still want to be my friend. I need advice!EllieCommunity AnswerReach out! If they don't respond well, or at all then that's it. The best you can do is try, and if you fail, move on!
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QuestionOne of my friends gives me advice on stuff but she rarely talks to me and sometime judges me too.She makes lies about me sometimes and I know she's jealous of me. She tell me what to do. What do I do!?EllieCommunity AnswerYou should talk to a mutual friend and see if they notice it too! However, if it is an issue for you, feel free to break off the friendship.
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References
- ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-know-when-it-s-time-break-friend-ncna824491
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/03/why-i-dont-have-time-is-a-bad-way-to-decline-an-invitation
- ↑ https://www.healthforteens.co.uk/relationships/friendships/friendship-just-the-facts/
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/signs-of-fake-friends
- ↑ https://www.healthforteens.co.uk/relationships/friendships/friendship-just-the-facts/
- ↑ https://www.healthforteens.co.uk/relationships/friendships/friendship-just-the-facts/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/the-difference-between-genuine-and-fake-kindness/11737836
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/life/friends-family/a40140/signs-someone-isnt-really-your-friend/
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2015/08/06/chapter-4-social-media-and-friendships/
- ↑ https://fortune.com/well/2022/09/13/how-to-break-up-with-a-friend-according-to-tiktok-friendship-coach/
- ↑ https://fortune.com/well/2022/09/13/how-to-break-up-with-a-friend-according-to-tiktok-friendship-coach/
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/hola-papi-can-i-cut-my-new-friend-off.html
- ↑ https://fortune.com/well/2022/09/13/how-to-break-up-with-a-friend-according-to-tiktok-friendship-coach/
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