6 Reasons Why You Might Be Attracted to Older Women

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Unpacking the psychology behind the attraction
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If older women tend to catch your eye more often than gals your age, you might be wondering if there’s a reason behind your attraction—and what it says about you. We’re here with certified sex therapist Charity Danker, LPC, to explore these questions and more. Stick around to understand the reasons people are attracted to older women, societal taboos surrounding age gap relationships, and whether it’s “normal” to have the hots for an older lady (hint: it is!).

Things You Should Know

  • You might find older women attractive because they’re more confident and know themselves better, or because they may be more financially and professionally stable.
  • They’re likely to be more experienced in bed and to know what they want out of a relationship—meaning there’s less “guesswork.”
  • They’ve also likely got a pretty big knowledge base and great stories to share. They may be more grounded, relaxing company than younger, less self-assured partners.
Section 1 of 4:

Reasons You Might Be Drawn to Older Women

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  1. While younger potential mates might still be figuring out who they are, older women tend to be beyond the self-discovery phase. They may be more likely to know what they want out of life—and out of a relationship. [1]
    • They’ve achieved personal growth through exploration and, in all likelihood, occasional failure and suffering, and they may display an alluring combo of wisdom, grace, and drive.
  2. While younger partners may be less certain what they want from a relationship and how to communicate their expectations , older women often have more dating experience and may be better equipped to communicate directly with their partners—meaning there’s less guesswork for you.
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  3. With age comes self-knowledge, with self-knowledge comes acceptance, comfort, and confidence. Because older women tend to know themselves and the world better than younger folks, they typically exude more confidence and self-assurance. [2]
    • This confidence may also translate to the bedroom. According to sex therapist Charity Danker, LPC, many men are drawn to “women [who] give themselves permission to be sexually free , and open to exploration.”
    • Older women tend to be more sexually experienced and confident than younger women—and it’s likely to show.
  4. Older women have probably been through more than younger ones, purely because they’ve lived longer. They likely have a large knowledge-base. This, plus their confidence, may make them compelling, grounded people to hang out with.
    • Danker observes, “The older person has that knowledge and wisdom, right? They tend to know how to get around with business and you know, retirement plans and yeah, talking to people on a more professional level.”
    • So if you’re looking for someone you can learn from, an older woman may make an ideal mate. She’s probably gone through a lot of what you’re facing right now and can offer guidance.
  5. Depending on the ages involved, an older woman might have a fuller, more developed figure than a younger woman. She may have fuller breasts and a curvy figure, which may be alluring. [3]
    • At the same time, if the woman in question is old enough, she may be more sexually attractive because there’s less or no chance of accidental pregnancy, which can make for a more relaxing relationship.
  6. People are often attracted to older partners because they’re more established and stable. They’ve likely got their career figured out and a steady income.
    • This isn’t to say a relationship with an older, established partner is automatically transactional; it could be, but the security and stability that comes with financial success is often attractive on its own.
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Section 2 of 4:

Is it OK to be attracted to older women?

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  1. Is it normal? Let’s be clear, there’s no “normal.” Is it less common? Well, sure, studies indicate people more often prefer partners their own age—and men, in particular, have been shown to be sexually attracted to younger women throughout their life.
    • But this by no means it’s abnormal or “wrong” to be attracted to older women. In fact, studies also indicate 60% of men are attracted to older women. [4]
    • About 90% of men are open to dating a significantly older woman. [5]
    • It’s also possible a number of men claim not to be attracted to older women due to societal pressure.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Make no mistake: dating an older woman can be amazing. Their confidence and emotional depth create an attractive combination, and they can offer plenty of new perspectives based on their life experience.


Section 3 of 4:

Societal Taboos Surrounding Age-Related Attraction

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  1. Age gaps are frequently stigmatized, regardless of the involved genders, but it’s often viewed as even more taboo for a younger man to desire an older woman. [6]
    • However, age-gap relationships are nothing new—they’ve been around for millennia.
    • And the attitude towards age-gap relationships is slowly changing, with more people being open-minded about them.
  2. While a relationship involving a far older, more established partner and a far younger and less established partner may lead to an unbalanced dynamic, this is not inherently the case between 2 consenting adults. [7]
    • Some people believe there’s an inherent power imbalance in an age gap relationship—but there’s really potential for imbalance in any relationship regardless of age.
    • Women are typically less likely to be viewed as capable of “abusing” a male partner, even if he’s significantly younger. It’s a sexist view and it’s not true—but that doesn’t mean relationships between older women and younger men can’t thrive.
    • In fact, women dating men 10 or more years younger than them tend to report higher relationship satisfaction than women who date men around their age or older. [8]
    • However, the difference in maturity between 18 and 38 is a lot more extreme than between 28 and 48. In the latter example, the younger partner's comparative lack of experience and their less established sense of self may make the relationship more prone to imbalance.
  3. A common myth goes that when people are attracted to older men or women, they have “daddy” or “mommy” issues. While that could be true some of the time, studies suggest the theory doesn't hold that much water.
    • One study of women who preferred to date older men indicated the women had the same attachment styles of women who dated within their age group. [9]
    • While there hasn't been as much research done on relationships between older women and younger men, this study suggests the idea that you must have "mommy" or "daddy" issues in order to be attracted to an older partner is largely a myth.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

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  1. While there may be specific reasons behind your attraction, as long as you’re both consenting adults, it’s probably not worth overanalyzing.


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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about sexual attraction, check out our in-depth interview with Charity Danker, LPC .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/why-some-younger-men-prefer-to-be-with-older-women
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/why-some-younger-men-prefer-to-be-with-older-women
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
      4. ↑ https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/olderwomendatingcom-60-of-younger-men-of-any-age-fall-for-mature-women-301470398.html
      5. ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/sex-and-relationships/age-difference-in-relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/age-gap-romance-recipe-stigma-or-success
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-of-sex/202303/older-women-who-date-younger-men-are-more-satisfied
      9. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-55834-001

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