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He dumped you. But you want him back. Winning a guy back after he broke up with you is not an easy task. Only with patience, dedication and serious motivation can you attempt to recover your relationship with him. So, if you feel that you're ready to make that kind of commitment, prepare to make your bid to win him back.
Steps
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Consider why you want him back. Really ask, why? Think about the kind of self-image that he gives you. Does he speak well of multiple traits (at least a few) that you have? If he gives you a bad self-image, perhaps you should just move on. [1] X Expert Source LeTisha Underwood
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.- A partner that is a bad influence, encouraging you to drink heavily, ignore your responsibilities and/or make unhealthy choices, is someone better left in the past.
- Can he experience happiness with you -- your successes or the little things that add meaning to your life? [2] X Research source
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Identify why he broke up with you. Reflect on the circumstances of the break-up. How did he act during the break-up? If he was willing to tell you why he broke up with you, then you can easily identify the reason(s) (unless, of course, the break-up was the generic "it's not you, it's me"); if it was a cut and go break-up, there maybe something that he doesn't feel he can tell you or doesn't want you to know. Either way, figure out what he wasn't getting out of the relationship.- Playing the field is a major reason for cut and go break-ups. Young men often feel that they need to prove their sexual prowess by dating a certain number of women. [3] X Research source
- He could simply be interested in another woman. In this case men will often become unresponsive and lose interest in the things that they had originally found attractive in you.
- Simply not having time for each other will cause a break-up also.
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Improve yourself. Once you've identified the reason(s) for the break-up, attempt make the changes that need to made. If your partner directly told you the reason for the break-up, great, apply that to how you improve yourself; otherwise make improvements related to why he broke up with you.- Don't make any changes that could negatively affect your life.
- Take time improving yourself. You need to properly make the necessary changes to win him back.
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Get in contact with him. Try contacting him through whichever method of communication was most often used during the relationship (texting, phone calls, email).- To start, convey an interest in his well being. For example, ask him, "how have you been?"
- If you can't get in contact with him, try sending him a letter explaining the changes you've made.
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Set up a meeting. Find a place that's comfortable for the two of you -- someplace that offers privacy -- so that you can talk about the changes you've made.- Avoid places where you might consume alcohol. You both need to be clear minded.
- Don't try to turn this into a date. It needs to be short and to the point.
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Show him the changes you've made. Talking to him about the changes that you've made is a great first step -- just make sure that you can follow through.- Use your ability to persuade him into a constructive position where you can talk to him about the relationship problems -- be specific, talk about what you've done and need, and do not rehash negative issues. [4] X Research source
- Don't corner him or make him feel that he has to be with you. Guys hate that.
- Anger is self-absorbed and a waste of time. Avoid it at all costs. [5] X Research source
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Let him know that you're available. While you don't want to put him in an awkward position, it's good to show him that you want him back. [6] X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. Being straight forward is good, but don't overwhelm him -
Connect your life with his. Have some interests like sports, clubbing, etc. that you share with him. Finding shared interests a participating in them is a good way to keep seeing him.- Be willing to try things that he's familiar with, but are new to you. [7]
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Expert Source
Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. - Sometimes you just won't share particular interests. That's okay, but still take time to support what he cares about.
- This is a great way to bridge the gap between talking to him about how you've changed and beginning to see him again.
- Be willing to try things that he's familiar with, but are new to you. [7]
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Expert Source
Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
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Ask him to begin seeing you again. You may want to ask this at the beginning or once you've spent time together. [8] X Expert Source Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist Expert Interview. 11 August 2021. It all depends when you feel that you have showed him that you've changed- Again, don't corner him in these type of situations.
- Don't get excited and anticipate an immediate yes. Give him time to think.
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Be yourself. While it's important to make changes to yourself, being the person that you're comfortable as is important, also. [9] X Research source Expect him to respect that if you want the relationship to work out.
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Win Your Ex Back with This Expert Series
Sometimes a breakup really just means one or both people need some space. If you want to get back together with your ex, this expert series will help get them (and make them want you) back.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I improve my relations with a guy after being dumped?Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.You can be honest with them and tell them what you want. If you like, you can increase your level of flirtation strategically and work towards improving your relations.
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QuestionWhat can I do to show my partner that I care for them?Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.You can participate in some activity that your partner likes but is not in your comfort zone to show that you care for them.
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QuestionWhat do I do if I am too shy to ask him?Community AnswerIf you are not comfortable telling him in person, you can write him a letter, email, or text.
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Tips
- Give yourself time to heal.Thanks
- Don't be a doormat; Don't look too desperateThanks
- Communication and contact are key; Without them you can't expect to get back together with him.Thanks
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References
- ↑ LeTisha Underwood. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201502/51-signs-unhealthy-relationship
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a2969/guys-dump-girls
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/women/features/effective-communication
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201107/10-truths-keep-your-relationship-healthy
- ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201107/10-truths-keep-your-relationship-healthy
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