Replace words like “should” or “ought” with more flexible language. “I should be doing my homework instead of watching a movie.” → “It’s OK to relax before getting started on my work. It’ll help me be more productive when I do start.” “I should never have asked her on a date. What was I thinking?” → “I gave it a shot and she wasn’t interested. It’s not the end of the world. There are lots of other girls who will appreciate me for who I am.” Start using phrases like “good enough” or “acceptable” instead of black-and-white, perfection vs. failure language. “If I don’t ace this test, I’ll flunk out of school and never get into college.” → “This test is important, but it’s OK if I don’t get every question right.” “This presentation could make or break my career.” → “I know if I work hard and do my best on this presentation, it’ll be good enough to get me where I want to go.” Replace catastrophic language by getting an objective, realistic perspective. “My clothes are all wrong. Everyone can see that I don’t fit in here.” → “I think that people are looking at me way more than they actually are. I look fine.” “If I don’t get this job, I’ll never be employed.” → “I’ll have lots of job interviews in my life and this is just one of them. I’ll be fine no matter what happens.”