Hello everyone,
I am in the worst situation I have ever been. I have mentioned a few times here that I have autism. It seems like I have other mental disorders as well. This is why I feel I have the maturity of a 13-year-old even though I am past that.
I haven’t had any chances to be on wikiHow recently because of what I have to deal with. There are situations I have had in the past (way too many to keep track) that hurt me so much that it is impossible to move on. I used to get angry as a kid often and it seems like I’m back to what I was before. Traveling four times this summer didn’t even make me that happy. I went to Texas, a state I have always wanted to visit, for the first time this summer, and I’m still unhappy.
In senior of high school, 2016-17, I had a really amazing teacher who unfortunately moved so far away. I randomly got angry at her via direct message on Twitter in October 2018 and she blocked me, all of that after my parents got angry about something I just simply disagreed with. I miss her so much and unfortunately she won’t unblock me again because of what I did to her. It’s hard to stop thinking of her.
My sister was right on what she told me in March 2015. I am an embarrassment and nobody likes me because of a mistake I did in high school.
I feel like I haven’t made that much friends, both in real life and on wikiHow. I haven’t made any successful attempts to communicate with all the wikiHowians here. I made several mistakes on wikiHow since joining in November 2012. I didn’t want to answer my talk page messages from 2012 to 2014 because I was shy. And now I really, really regret that.
Is it appropriate to post here that I feel hopeless and (insert negative word)? It’s hard for me to deal with my feelings right now. I am actually crying as I type this.
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No, what you’re saying is not true. You’re not an embarrassment. You can’t tell yourself that! Everybody makes mistakes, and it’s not something that you should dwell on. The past is in the past, and there is not much you can do about it, so beating yourself up over it isn’t going to do anything. Instead, you should think about now and the future. Remember, you can’t change the past, but you can change the future, so focus on that instead. I hope that you feel better, and if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always call the suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for help. And remember, you are an awesome person!
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@R2_d2000
,
Thank you, but as I mentioned before, it is super hard to get over the past and move on. It is just so embarrassing and it hurts to think about it. I have called the crisis lines and they still don’t help.
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So I’d normally say that it’s best to seek out professional help for how you’re feeling right now, because we’re not trained professionals. And it sounds like you’re really struggling, so I will reiterate that. But I want to address some of what you said, too:
Good people understand that others make mistakes. And as someone who’s disabled myself, it’s been a huge hurdle finding those people who understand that my mistakes can look different from theirs. But I found those people within wikiHow, who also didn’t care if I was shy or took forever to get back to them, and it made a massive, massive difference in my life. This was the first place where people were willing to take me at my word when I said I was trying my hardest, even if we had different definitions of what that meant, and help me out when I needed it. I have no doubt wikiHow will support you if you make mistakes, too.
Again, it’s really important to get professional support if you’re struggling so much. But I want to make it clear that the right people won’t judge you or make personal attacks on you, even if you make a really serious mistake. So please keep looking for those people, both in a community that you enjoy and in a professional who can provide you the deeper support you need.
You will feel better eventually, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Know that I’m rooting for you, and take care.
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Gurl
6
Hey, look. What you just said was wrong. Your sister is wrong. You’re not an embarrassment. You are a wonder of the world. Believe it! You’re awesome, buddy, and that’s not a lie.And if you really want wikiHow friends, well, I’m a wikiHowian, aren’t I? Feel free to leave a message on my talk page, and you better be sure I’ll reply. It’d be an honour to be your friend, and I think its time the world saw that. I don’t have any help to offer but friendship, but I’d like to offer all of its beauty to you.
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We all kind of cringe a little bit at our past, eh?
I made my fair share of mistakes that I cringe at now haha
And what is in the past is in the past–I have an aunt who won’t let go of stuff that happened 20+ years ago. I can say from experience that being able to let go of events that happened in the distant past is better than holding grudges. I have had old school friends block me as well as some communities ban me in the past because of what I did back then too. But we have to let go.
And as Alex said, if you are struggling mentally, you should get professional help.
Know that the wikiHow community actually loves you and all of its members. Without people like you, the wikiHow community would lose perspective that you and other neurodiverse people provide.
That said, best of luck to you. I hope you feel better and hope that you continue to contribute to wikiHow!
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I agree with everything that’s been said so far, although @Awesome_Aasim
’s post hits home a bit for me. We all have past regrets, but dwelling on them is no way to move forward.
Heaven and hell both know I’ve put in the effort since then to change myself for the better and mend broken bridges, however looking back on that period in my life, I still hate that part of me for what I did, and all the hurt I caused. We can’t run from our mistakes, I’m still learning that, but we can do our best to learn from them, and use that knowledge to become a better person. Even if it takes a lifetime, it’s still a better alternative than forever holding on to the past thinking “if only…”.
I sympathise with this; I don’t really have many irl either, and even pre-COVID, I wasn’t really in contact with them much besides the one class that we shared.
wikiHow has been the closest I’ve come to talking with friends on a regular basis, as has really helped with the loneliness.
Like @Gurl
said, feel free to reach out to me on my talk page if you’d like, and I’ll do my best to respond.
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Now is the time to make a fresh start. You know your maturity
level, how many friends who don’t have, how many messages you haven’t replied to and your sister had an opinion about you (I won’t worry about that too much).
How about you set goal? Think of what youvalue the most. You have all those experiences that taught you something about yourself. Use it. Hit the iron when it is the hottest to mould it. It is times like these that give you the time and pain to stop and remake yourself. Set a goal, know who or what matters the most to you in life, and see what it unfolds.
You are amazing Rock.
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