What He Really Means When He Says “I Appreciate You”

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Learn how to interpret his compliment so you know what to say in return
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“I appreciate you” is always a nice thing to hear—but it’s not always clear what a guy means when he says it. [1] Does he like you as more than a friend? Is he just showing he cares for you in a platonic way? There are a lot of factors to consider, such as your relationship with him and how he behaves around other people. Check out our guide to figuring out what he means when he says “I appreciate you,” so you’ll know exactly how to respond.

Things You Should Know

  • To understand what he means by "I appreciate you," consider the context. Did you do something nice for him? Does he know you're feeling down and want to cheer you up?
  • Study his behavior in other contexts to determine if he likes you as more than a friend. If he talks to you often or displays shy body language, he could be interested in you.
  • Interpret his “I appreciate you” as platonic if he regularly compliments other people or displays similar body language around you as others.
Section 1 of 3:

Possible Meanings

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  1. If you've recently done something kind for him, "I appreciate you" is a natural way for him to show he's thankful. Whether you taught him a new skill or helped him with an assignment, sharing appreciation for someone is one of the most genuine ways to say “thank you.” He wants to let you know he appreciates your support and doesn’t take you for granted. [2]
    • Have you recently performed a favor for him or helped him out with a task? Or maybe you’re always there for him when he needs to talk about important things. His “I appreciate you” might be his way of acknowledging that!
  2. Saying “I appreciate you” is a simple but effective way to show someone you see them and value them for who they are. He may just want to highlight how much value you add to his life or show you that he admires you. Go you! [3]
    • Did he say this after you did something noteworthy, difficult, or brave, like perform in a play or go through a challenging experience? He may be trying to tell you you inspire him.
    • If he followed up his “I appreciate you” by mentioning a specific attribute or skill you have that he admires, he could just be trying to indicate that he sees you and thinks you are special.
    • An overwhelming 88% of people report recognition as the number-one thing they associate with feeling appreciated. Maybe you’re one of them! [4]
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  3. It’s hard to hide our emotions sometimes, especially around people who know us and care about us. He may have noticed you aren’t as energetic or talkative as usual, and he wants to let you know he sees you and share some kind words to brighten your day.
    • If you are having a hard day, you will likely show it by appearing glum or maybe even crying. If he says he appreciates you on a day you don’t feel very happy, he might be trying to lift your spirits.
    • Did he follow up his comment with something encouraging, like “Chin up,” or a show of support, like “I’m here if you need anything”?
    • He could also be saying it to boost his mood. Studies show that expressing gratitude can make you happier—it improves your physical health and self-esteem, and it’s a known tool to strengthen relationships. Win-win! [5]
  4. While it’s good to show appreciation for people you care about, platonic or romantic, “I appreciate you” could be a sign he’s looking to be more than pals. To know for sure, study his body language when and after he says it. [6] Does he look flustered? Is he having trouble looking you in the eye? This may be a sign that he’s nervous around you, and you might have to make the first move. [7]
    • Does he often try to get you alone or engage you in deep conversation? These are signs he may be interested in taking your relationship to the next level.
    • Mirroring is another sign of romantic interest: does your guy’s body language match yours when he talks to you? It’s a subconscious indicator of admiration. [8]
    • Does he seek you out in group situations? If you’re at a concert or a party full of mutual friends, see if he tends to follow you around or try to monopolize your attention.
    • If you’re interested in him, take some small risks to determine if he likes you. Smile at him across the room and give him some eye contact to see if he returns it. [9]
  5. Analyze the rest of his body language and consider his usual behavior toward you to see if his compliment has sexual undertones. While some guys might say “I appreciate you” because they like you and are too shy to be more direct, some guys might say “I appreciate you” because they want to get you into bed, and don’t want to be more direct. If your guy says he appreciates you while undressing you with his eyes, there’s a good chance he means he appreciates your body, specifically. [10]
    • Does he touch you frequently? His touches probably won’t be overtly sexual, but if he’s attracted to you, he’ll likely go out of his way to touch you—for example, by brushing elbows, tapping you on the shoulder, or tickling you.
    • The eyes are the window to the soul: does he stare deeply into your eyes? Just as importantly, does he stare at other parts of you? If you catch him checking you out, he’s probably interested.
    • If he always looks like he’s put effort into his appearance, he might be trying to show off for you.
    • Does he often tease you or engage you in flirtatious banter? If he flirts with you a lot, you can be sure “I appreciate you” holds some sexual connotations.
  6. OK, kind of a downer, but it happens. Just as context can help you decode whether he’s romantically interested in you, it can also help you understand if his “I appreciate you” is a form of subtle manipulation to get your attention. If you suspect that’s what he’s doing, take his compliment with a grain of salt.
    • Does he flatter a lot of people—especially girls? If so, he might be using flattery to score points with you and get you on his “hook.”
    • Does he compliment you when you’re focused on something else (or some one else)? If he says he appreciates you seemingly out of the blue, it could be a sign that he wants to get your attention for himself.
    • Don’t assume his “I appreciate you” is hollow, but if he seems insincerely complimentary toward a lot of people, take his comment at face value and go about your day.
  7. Some people use empty compliments to make you ignore their mistreatment of you. If he’s the source of frequent frustration for you, “I appreciate you” might be his way of trying to get you to enable his actions without taking any responsibility for his behavior. [11]
    • “I appreciate you” is a nice compliment, but do his actions align with the sentiment? If he regularly asks you for favors or mistreats you, “I appreciate you” might actually just mean “I appreciate that you let me get away with things.”
    • For instance, if he says he appreciates you after you’ve indicated you’re upset with him about something, he may be trying to sweet-talk you.
  8. Most gifts aren’t given without a little preamble, whether in the form of a greeting card or a verbal acknowledgment of appreciation. If your guy followed up “I appreciate you” by giving you a present, he might have been following standard gift-giving etiquette. [12]
    • If it’s your birthday or another gift-giving occasion, “I appreciate you” might be his way of contextualizing his present for you, especially if he’s written it in a card.
    • He may just be giving you a present for no reason other than that, well, he appreciates you, and he wants to show it!
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Respond

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  1. You could analyze his comment to death and still not be sure what it really means, or maybe you just don't want to do all that detective work! Fortunately, a simple “Thank you” pretty much covers all the bases. So don't overthink it: compliments are often more about the giver than the receiver, and when someone tells you they appreciate you, they are generally focused on how your actions affected them rather than on how you respond to their compliment . [13]
    • “Thank you. That means a lot.”
    • “Aww, that’s very nice. I’m glad you feel that way.”
    • “Wow, I really needed that today. Thank you for taking the time to express that.”
  2. Compliments shouldn’t be transactional, but if you appreciate him too, let him know it! Be authentic and specific, and don’t reply just to say something in return: consider why you are recognizing him and how he has impacted you. [14]
    • “Thank you for all your support. I appreciate you too!”
    • “You’re a great listener. I am truly thankful for your time, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life!”
    • “You’re such a special person in my life, and it means the world that you think the same of me.”
  3. If you suspect his “I appreciate you” is a sign of romantic affection, and you feel the same way, why not show it ? You can be overt and tell him directly how you feel about him, or be more lowkey and suggest interest with a hug or a comment about how special he is to you.
    • If you’re not positive about the meaning of his intentions, aim for a reply that subtly indicates your interest: “Thanks. That means so much coming from you in particular.”
    • A more overt response might be, “I’m really glad I have you in my life! I feel so seen by you. In fact, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me?”
  4. If you think he likes you and you’re not interested, make it clear . If you believe his comment was indicative of romantic feelings for you, and you’re not interested, there are a number of subtle ways to make it apparent that you're not up for dating—gently, of course. You can allude to how important their friendship is to you, with an emphasis on the “friend” part. If you’re in a relationship already, subtly drop your partner’s name into the conversation. Or, if you feel the need to be more direct, be forthright, but let him down easy . [15]
    • “That means so much! I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.”
    • “I really value our friendship. I hope you know I appreciate you as well.”
    • “Thanks so much for saying that. Brad always says I have the nicest friends!”
  5. If he says “I appreciate you” while giving you a gift, don’t read too much into the message. Just take it as a perfunctory (but not inauthentic!) explanation for the present he’s given you and show your gratitude . [16]
    • If the gift was for your birthday, a simple thank you is enough, but if he just gave it to you out of the blue to show he cares for you, consider responding with a gift of your own, if you want.
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Section 3 of 3:

Does appreciation mean love?

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  1. If your relationship is flirty or intimate, or if he’s hinted in other ways that he is interested in pursuing something romantic with you, “I appreciate you” could be code for “I love you.” He could just be too shy to say so! But if your relationship is otherwise platonic, or if he compliments everyone pretty freely, “I appreciate you” should probably just be taken at face value. It’s nice to be appreciated! [17]
    • Context can help you identify if his intentions are romantic. [18] Observe his body language around you: does he smile at you, maintain eye contact with you, and mirror your movements? These are subconscious signs of attraction.
    • If you were discussing something that was important to him, such as a project or a personal goal, he may genuinely be expressing gratitude for your help or support. In this case, it's more likely that he is being friendly and not flirting. [19]
    • On the other hand, if he said it in a more casual or playful setting, such as during a conversation over drinks or while hanging out with friends, he may be flirting with you. In this context, "I really appreciate you" could be a way of expressing admiration or attraction. [20]
    • ”I appreciate you” might mean he likes you if he tries to spend time with you a lot and tries to get you alone when you hang out in groups.
    • Sometimes, the best way to figure out his intent is to just ask him: “Hey, I was really touched by what you said! But I’m not positive why you said it. Could you offer some clarification?”

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      References

      1. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-here-anymore/202111/who-is-thankful-for-you-accepting-gratitude-can-be
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-here-anymore/202111/who-is-thankful-for-you-accepting-gratitude-can-be
      4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/10/how-to-give-and-receive-compliments-at-work
      5. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
      6. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication
      8. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/male-body-language/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      1. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/attraction/12-signs-a-man-is-attracted-to-you-sexually/
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing
      3. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/applying-the-5-love-languages-to-healthy-relationships/
      4. ↑ https://www.childrensdayton.org/the-hub/self-confidence-starts-here-importance-learning-accept-compliments-oosblog
      5. ↑ https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Assert-Yourself/Assert-Yourself---09---Giving-and-Receiving-Compliments-Assertively.pdf
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no
      7. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-express-gratitude/
      8. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/gratitude-practice.html
      9. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      10. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      11. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview

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