How to Easily Find & Make Friends as an Adult

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   Busy schedules and responsibilities can make it harder to make friends. When you’re a kid, all you have to worry about is what’s for lunch in the cafeteria and memorizing your best friend's handshake. Nowadays, you’ve got bills to pay, a job to go to, and maybe even kids of your own to feed. The time commitments you have as an adult can make it more challenging to make friends. After all, maintaining friendships is like a full-time job, and you already have one of those! But even though it may be harder, it’s not impossible. ^[11]

   • Put meetings and check-ins with friends on your calendar to coordinate your schedule and still make time for them. ^[12]
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   A fear of rejection can make it difficult to make friends. As an adult, you’ve likely had your fair share of rejections. Past friendships, relationships, trials, and other tribulations have tested your courage. And even if you came out stronger, you may still hesitate to trust others. The fear of being rejected may cause you to close up and become a bit of a hermit—know that you’re not alone. ^[13]

   • Challenge your fear by trying new things and stepping out of your comfort zone .
   • If you’re struggling to overcome your fear, reach out for help. Talk to a therapist to better understand your past and learn more about yourself.
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   Communicate your boundaries. Don’t hesitate to say when something’s working and isn’t working. ^[14] As an adult, you’ve been through your fair share of friendships before—use what you’ve learned from them to maintain a healthy friendship.

   • Boundaries can look like not making plans after 9 PM on weekdays, saying you’re unavailable when you’re unwell, or not sharing everything about your personal life.
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   Make time to squeeze in a chat. Do your best to make time for a newfound friend. For friendships to last, both parties need to feel like they’re supported and valued. ^[15] So, turn your lunch break into a friendship date or give them a quick phone call on the way home from work. Schedule a time to connect with them to show that you truly care.

   • Now, this doesn’t mean you should neglect your needs. Be aware of your own boundaries, but also make sure to check in with new pals.
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   Show up when it matters. It’s okay to be the first one to reach out. If someone’s going through a tough time or you’ve disconnected along the way, send them a text or sweet message. Even a simple gesture can help keep the friendship alive. After all, no one wants to feel alone. ^[16]

   • For instance, send them flowers if they’ve lost a loved one. If they’re sick, offer to grab their groceries for them.
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   Know that friendships can change. Friendships don’t last forever, and that’s okay. People are forever evolving, which means you and your friendships constantly change. View friendships as a chapter in the story of your life—they may be present for one and not the other. ^[17] Coming to terms with this can help you stay present in the moment and value your friend even more.
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1. Making friends is important because friendship improves your overall health. Believe it or not, having friends can impact your physical and mental health. Meaningful connections help you feel wanted, welcomed, and supported, and as an adult, you need that more than ever. Take a look at these surprising benefits to friendship: ^[18]

   • Combats loneliness and social isolation
   • Improves self-esteem
   • Helps you live longer ^[19]
   • Relieves stress
   • Healthy heart health ^[20]
   • Increases productivity

1. If you’re a parent, take advantage of your child’s social outings. Get buddy-buddy with your child’s friend’s parents, and make yourself known at school or daycare functions. When setting up a playdate for your child, set one up for yourself too! While the kids play, chit-chat with the other parents. Let your child’s social life help fuel yours.

   • Think of making new friends like dating. Ask get-to-know-you questions to see if you can vibe with anyone. Talk about your favorite musicians, movies, foods, and hobbies.
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We asked staff writers to share experiences about making friends as adults. Here’s what they said.

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   “I was able to meet new people doing activities I enjoyed.” “After college, I had a really hard time making friends. All of my friends had moved away—we had all gone in different directions to pursue our careers. Sure, we were able to connect over the phone, but it wasn’t the same as being around them in person. So, I started branching out into the community. I participated in library events, attended a few cycling classes, and even starred in a few community theater productions. I met a lot of people by doing things I enjoyed.” - Staff Writer Aly R.

   • Her advice: “Don’t be afraid to try new things on your own! While it may be scary at first, you never know who you’ll meet or who you’ll strike up a conversation with. Most of the new friends I’ve made were during moments when I was by myself.”
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   “Discord servers can be a great way to meet new people.” “Discord is an online social platform that allows users to make "servers" dedicated to a special topic or fandom. While it can be intimidating to join a big server at first, it can be easy to link up with people who have similar interests and passions as you. Just search ‘[topic or fandom] discord server’ online and see what results pop up!" - Staff Writer Janice T.
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