How to Stop Accusing My Girlfriend of Cheating

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

When you’re dating someone you love, the last thing you want to do is assume they’re cheating on you. But if you feel insecure or scared, you might accuse your GF of cheating, even when you know she’s not. [1] This is nothing to be ashamed about—lots of people go through this, and working through it may be easier than you think. Read through this article to learn why you might be having these feelings and what you can do to stop them.

How to Stop Thinking Your Partner is Cheating

Licensed clinical psychologist, consultant, & speaker Vernita Marsh, PhD, says you might accuse your partner of cheating because of a history of being cheated on or messages you heard growing up. Acknowledge your feelings and work through your past pain or trauma. Let your girlfriend know how you’re feeling.

1

Acknowledge the feelings that you’re having.

PDF download Download Article
  1. The first step in changing these feelings is diving deep to figure out why, exactly, you’re feeling this way. Many people accuse their partners of cheating because they’re afraid or they’re insecure, so sit down with yourself and uncover the real reason why you’re feeling this way. [2] [3]
    • It’s less common, but some people do accuse their partners of cheating because they themselves are cheating or almost cheating. If that’s the case, you may want to examine your own actions to make sure you’re being faithful and not crossing any boundaries.
    2. Advertisement
2

Work through past pain and trauma.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you dated someone in the past who cheated on you or betrayed your trust, it’s only natural that you’d be suspicious of your current girlfriend (even if it’s unwarranted). [4] [5] Try to get out and engage with life, and lean on family and friends for support. [6]
3

Talk to your girlfriend about what’s going on.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s important to let your girlfriend know that she’s not doing anything wrong, since being accused of cheating all the time can be tough. Sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your emotions, and let her talk, too. [8]
    • You might say something like, “I wanted to let you know that I’m working through some emotions surrounding infidelity. I know that being accused of cheating all the time is hard, and I really am trying my best to stop it.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    An honest 1-on-1 can go a long way if you're worried about cheating. Even if there's no infidelity, your fears about cheating might come from underlying insecurities in your relationship. Having an honest conversation with your partner can really help if that's a concern for you.

    2. Advertisement
4

Address any underlying issues in your relationship.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Sit down and think about your relationship, and try to bring up any issues that are making you upset. If you can work through the problems in your relationship, you’ll both feel much better. [9]
    • Maybe your girlfriend is doing something that makes you feel insecure, like DMing people on social media or chatting with guys when she’s out. Try talking to her about this and addressing the problem so you don’t keep thinking about it over time.
    • Talk to her using “I feel” statements. For instance, you might say, “I sometimes feel worried that you’re talking to other dudes online.” [10]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 398 wikiHow readers and 66% of them said that they’ll suspect a person of being unfaithful if they’re frequently checking their phone or being secretive about communication . [Take Poll] So you’re not alone in this feeling, even if it’s untrue!
5

Assume your partner has good intentions.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Any time you start to think, “I wonder if she’s cheating,” remind yourself that she’s coming from a good place. If you can challenge your negative thoughts with something positive, you might be able to catch them before they fester. [11]
    • For example, you might think to yourself, “My girlfriend loves me, and she shows me that every day. She’d never intentionally hurt me.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Challenge your fear-based thinking.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s normal to be worried about infidelity sometimes, but it’s important not to let those thoughts affect your life. If you start to have thoughts like, “If my girlfriend goes out tonight, she’s going to cheat on me,” challenge them with something like, “Is it helpful to think this way?” or, “What evidence do I have to support this thought?” [12]
    • It can take some time for these challenges to actually stick. The more you can call attention to your fear-based thoughts, the easier it will be to change them over time.
7

Accept what you can’t control.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try to let go of that control—if you can, you’ll feel much less anxiety about the whole situation. The only thing you can control is you and your actions, so focus on that instead. [13]
    • You might tell yourself something like, “I can’t change what my girlfriend does. I can, however, change how I react to it and how I feel about it.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Build up your own self-esteem.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Work on building up your self-esteem by listing all of the things that you like about yourself. Then, write down everything you bring to the relationship. Remind yourself of these qualities daily to improve your self-image and build up your confidence. [14]
    • Good things to list include: “I am funny,” “I’m a kind friend,” “I’m a loving partner,” “I care for my friends and family.”
9

Maintain your independence.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Keep up with your friends, engage in your hobbies, and dive into your career. The more independence you can maintain, the less worried you’ll be about your relationship. [15]
    • When you’re so involved with your relationship, it can feel like your girlfriend cheating would be the end of the world. While it would definitely be tough, if you can maintain your independence, you might feel a little better about your chances of making it on your own (if you had to).
    2. Advertisement
10

Keep communicating with your girlfriend.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Ask her how she’s feeling, what she’s noticed with you, and if she’s seen you improve at all. Check in with her often to keep the line of communication open, and don’t be afraid to talk about anything tough you’re going through. [16]
    • You could ask her things like, “Do you feel secure in our relationship?” and, “How do you feel like I’m doing?”
11

Reduce outside stress.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Do stress-relieving activities like yoga, meditation, and spa days, and try to keep a good work-life balance. The more you can remain calm for the rest of your life, the better you’ll be able to work through your insecurities. [17]
    • You could also try taking a nature walk, exercising, or listening to soothing music.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      The Best Ways to Catch a Cheater on an iPhone
      Is Your Partner Cheating on You? Here’s How to Get Them to Confess
      10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Hiding Something on His Phone
      How to
      Not Get Caught Cheating
      How to
      Handle a Cheating Partner
      Is Your Man Seeing Someone Else? What to Look Out For
      How to
      Catch Someone Who Is Cheating Online
      How to
      Know if Your Girlfriend Is Cheating on You
      How to
      Tell If Your Husband Is Sexting Someone Else (And What to Do about It)
      12 Tips for Saving Your Relationship After You’ve Had an Affair
      How to
      Handle a Cheating Girlfriend
      The Psychology of a Womanizer (Plus, Signs You're Dealing with One)
      What Counts as Cheating in a Relationship?
      How to
      Know if My Girlfriend Is Cheating Long Distance
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
      3. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/healing-the-wounds-of-betrayal#1
      5. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/the-3-most-common-causes-of-insecurity-and-how-to-beat-them
      7. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/things-that-crossed-the-line-for-me/
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
      1. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
      2. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-do-if-you-dont-trust-each-other/
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/09/how-to-stop-being-so-controlling-and-accept-uncertainty#How-to-stop-being-so-controlling
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/09/how-to-stop-being-so-controlling-and-accept-uncertainty#How-to-stop-being-so-controlling
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201609/four-ways-stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201609/four-ways-stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy
      8. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/tips-to-reduce-stress/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 42,014 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement