Best Ways to Talk to a Girl in Your Class & Get To Know Her

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Learn how to approach that cute girl from class
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Talking to girls can be scary if you don't have a lot of practice. If there's a girl in one of your classes that you’re seriously crushing on, or even just one that you find interesting that you want to be friends with, you shouldn't be too nervous to talk to her. Keep reading for a step-by-step guide on how to break the ice with the girl you have your eye on— whether you just want to be friends or something more.

How to Talk to a Girl in Class

Break the ice by asking her for a small favor or asking for clarification about something your teacher said. Be friendly, try to find common ground, and get to know her friends if they're always around. Don't be over-eager, but try to make plans for future conversations and potential hangouts outside the classroom.

Section 1 of 3:

How to Break the Ice

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  1. The easiest way to begin a conversation with someone you want to talk to is to ask them for a favor. You don’t know this person yet, so you don’t know what you have in common. Asking a favor is a neutral way to enter into conversation without boring them with something they don’t care about. [1]
    • Make sure it’s a small favor that won’t put her out, like asking to borrow a pen or read their class notes to see something you missed.
    • If you don’t have your textbook, ask to read along with her. That way, you can sit closer to her, too!
  2. Since you don’t know her very well yet, you might not know what she likes. The only thing you know for sure that you have in common is the class you’re in with her. Even if you understood the class lecture perfectly, ask her to clarify something the teacher said.
    • As opposed to asking a favor, which can result in a very quick interaction, asking someone to explain something to you will probably result in a longer conversation.
    • Keep the conversation going by asking follow-up questions.
    • If she didn’t understand either, show solidarity! Let her know that you’re in it together and that you have something in common.
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  3. Girls love guys with a sense of humor, so try to make her laugh . Make eye contact with her when somebody says something silly, or roll your eyes when the teacher assigns homework. Make sure you’re not disrupting class, though, or drawing the teacher’s attention. Getting in trouble will not impress her!
    • Reader Poll: We asked 189 wikiHow readers if they think humor is effective for starting a conversation with a girl, and 79% of them said yes. [Take Poll]
  4. You’re looking for anything that begins a speaking relationship with her, so make her feel like you want to know what she has to say. Ask her something related to class, like what she thinks is going to be on the next test, or how many hours she’s planning on putting into preparation for a presentation.
    • Don’t talk over her when she gives her opinion. Let her talk for as long as she wants, and show interest in what she has to say.
  5. Giving compliments is a lot trickier than it sounds. You may be thinking, “Who doesn’t like getting a compliment?” However, it’s important that you always be respectful of girls when complimenting them. Always complimenting girls on how pretty they are sends the message that you only like them for their looks, and most girls don’t like to be made to feel that way. [2] Compliment her on something she actually had to work for, rather than something she was born with. This might be related to her appearance or not.
    • Compliment her on her hairstyle on a particular day instead of her eyes.
    • Tell her you liked her answer to a question in class.
    • Congratulate her for doing well on a test if you see she got a good grade.
  6. Don't bother her with questions or favors if you see that she's concentrating on something or she's late and has to run to her next class. If you have a class with her, you're going to see her every day, so wait for a time when she seems relaxed and in a good mood to break the ice with her.
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Section 2 of 3:

Getting to Know Each Other

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  1. Since you know you have at least your class in common, that’s a great way to start getting to know each other — by talking about the work, the teacher, your classmates, etc. But over time, you want to get to know other parts of each other, too, so talk about things that have nothing to do with class, or even school.
  2. Don’t try too hard to be “cool.” What you think looks “cool” might come off as distant or condescending. It’s much easier for a girl to talk to a guy who’s just being himself — open and honest.
    • Smile and laugh easily — girls love guys who enjoy themselves.
    • Face your body toward her when you’re speaking to her.
    • Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with her when you’re talking.
  3. Once you’ve broken the ice, you want to get to know each other. Try to find out what she’s interested in. Ask what her favorite classes are, whether she does any after-school activities, and what she likes to do in her spare time. [3]
    • Try to steer conversations toward topics that interest her.
    • This will make her look forward to talking to you, since she’ll know you enjoy listening to her talk about something she loves.
  4. You want her to get to know you, too, so talk about the things that are important to you. If you just let her talk about herself all the time, then eventually, you’ll stop liking her because you’ll feel like the friendship is all about her. It’s important to maintain a balance, so you’re both sharing parts of your life with each other equally.
    • Be open and honest. Don’t just talk about the things you think she wants to hear about — talk about the things that are actually important to you.
    • Use your discretion. There are some things that you shouldn’t talk about with someone you don’t know very well, so start with topics that are harmless and light.
    • Try to keep a balance between how much you talk and how much she talks.
  5. The best way to spend time with someone is to have friends in common with her. Hanging out in a group with mutual friends will be less nerve-wracking than talking to each other one-on-one, and you’ll be more relaxed and at ease, making her like you more. People’s friends are very important to them, so she’ll like you more if she sees that you get along with her friends. [4]
    • Talk to her friends even when she’s not around. You don’t want people to think that you’re using them just to get to a girl.
    • Make real friendships with them, not hollow ones. If you like this girl, you’ll probably like the people she chooses to surround herself with, too.
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Section 3 of 3:

Developing a Good Relationship

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  1. The best way to make sure you’ll get to talk to her again is to make a plan about how you’re going to do it! If you’re talking during a set period of time — lunch break, for example — then you can say that you had something you wanted to tell her that you’ll tell her next time you talk.
    • For example, say “remind me to tell you about what Mr. Smith said in class last week! It was so funny!”
    • Tell her you’ll see her at a different time — for example, “I’ll see you in English,” or “are you eating lunch in the courtyard today?”
    • Ask her if she’ll be at mutual social events: “Are you going to Becky’s party this weekend? I can return your notes then.”
  2. Sit with her at lunch, or talk to her between classes if you see her hanging out by her locker. The more she sees you and talks to you outside of the classroom context, the more she’ll see you as a friend instead of just as a classmate. Keegan explains, “We often make eye contact [with them] or we have attraction to them and we want to talk to them, but we don't know how.” He recommends leading with confidence, kindness, and being your authentic self. [5]
  3. You want to show interest in her, but you don’t want her to think you’re stalking her! Play it cool — don’t be around every single corner she turns. Try to get into a routine where you talk to her at the same time every day — for example, between two particular classes, or at lunch, or before or after school. That way, you can be confident that you’ll see her every day and not feel like you have to chase her around.
    • From time to time, you might even skip talking to her for a day or two. Give her a little time to miss hanging out with you, and she’ll look forward to your company even more.
    • Keegan advises that you “come in softly”: “Get to know her as a person without pushing anything on her. Because if she feels like you have this huge agenda to date them, they're going to typically recoil.” [6]
  4. When you’re talking to somebody outside of school entirely, you’re on your way to being more than just classmates. However, a good, neutral way to ask for somebody’s number is to say that you want to ask a question about class.
    • Use the number to ask questions about class at first, so she doesn’t feel like you tricked her into giving you her phone number.
    • Send text messages instead of calling her for a conversation. You won’t be as nervous, and she won’t feel as much pressure.
    • After sending a couple texts about homework or due dates, begin sending messages every once in a while about annoying things your parents say, or something funny you saw at the mall.
  5. Depending on how old you are, your parents might not allow you to hang out with girls one-on-one, but you should invite her to hang out in groups with mutual friends. If she’s not close with your group of friends, invite some of her close friends as well. Make sure she feels comfortable accepting your invitation and hanging out.
    • Choose a public place like the mall or the movies.
    • Get some food, like pizza or burgers.
    • Make sure to pay attention to her and talk to her, even though there are other people around.
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Join the Discussion...

So how do you actually talk to girls?
WikiGiraffeHugger577
WikiGiraffeHugger577
I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird talking to girls I only see as friends. I just want to feel normal and not so shy when I talk to girls. Do you have any advice?
Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
To be honest, I don’t know too many people who are super comfortable talking to the opposite sex, especially if it’s someone they like. Remember, you’re 16 and still learning about yourself so don’t think that the person that you are today is the person you’ll be tomorrow. If you want to work on talking to girls, you can start by doing so online to be a little bit more comfortable. In person, make small talk. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering conversation. Use your body language. Smile and be pleasant. You don’t have to be a master at talking to girls to get comfortable but you do have to start somewhere. Keep practicing, you’ll get there.
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can pick up on that very quickly and it triggers a defense mechanism. I would recommend just taking a deep breath, letting go of that intention, and just trying to talk to them like they’re anyone else.

I also recommend using your environment to get conversation going. So, for example, when I would work with a client, we might go to a bookstore. Let's say a girl is looking at a couple of books on a bookshelf. I might tell the client to go and ask if she’s looking at anything interesting. Then, from there, you can sort of let her engage navigate the conversation. You might see she’s holding a mystery book and say, “I’m new to the mystery genre! What would you recommend?” It’s all about using things in your environment to get a footing in the convo. And from that, now you can build on the conversation and take it to the next level. It becomes natural once you have that mutual connection in the environment. But you have to get to the point where that natural tempo can breathe, and that takes getting through the opening.
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  • Question
    How can I make talk interesting with a girl?
    David Kornel Z
    Dating Coach
    David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.
    David Kornel Z
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    Expert Answer
    Push the conversation forward by asking her questions or sharing something interesting and giving her a chance to respond. Try to avoid one-word answers that put an end to conversation. When in doubt, tie the conversation back to whatever you're doing at the moment. If you're in class, ask a question about the material or say something about the teacher.
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  • Question
    How can I compliment a girl in class?
    David Kornel Z
    Dating Coach
    David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.
    David Kornel Z
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Say something nice about her hair, or clothing. You could also say something nice about her smile, or comment on something she did in class that was insightful or interesting. You don't have to do anything fancy or get crazy with it. A simple, straightforward compliment is always a good bet.
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  • Question
    How do you flirt with a girl in class?
    David Kornel Z
    Dating Coach
    David Kornel Z is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Coming from a bilingual family, David has always been fascinated by communication and relationships. He speaks five languages and runs a language and communication coaching and tutoring business in Europe.
    David Kornel Z
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you're actively in class, smile. Make eye contact. Those little nonverbal communications can go a long way towards piquing her interest. If it's a group activity or something, just compliment her. Say something nice about her hair or clothing.
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      • Always lead with a smile .
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      • When you're talking to a girl you like, make a goal of trying to talk to her for at least 10 minutes. The longer you can hold a conversation with someone, the higher the chance that you two will connect and that she’ll want to see you again.
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      • If she says "no," you can ask her if you still want to be friends.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-to-talk-to-girls-and-guys
      2. ↑ https://www.integrative-psych.org/resources/the-world-of-attraction-and-flirting-navigating-the-fine-line-of-social-interaction
      3. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
      4. ↑ https://www.lifecoach-directory.org.uk/articles/signs-someone-actually-likes-you
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      6. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Talking to a girl you like in class can seem difficult, but you can make it easier by breaking the ice. Ask her opinion about something related to class, like what she’s expecting to be on the next test or how much time she’s spent on the latest assignment. You could also ask her to explain something that your teacher said in the lecture. Once you’ve broken the ice, ask her openquestions so you can find out more about her. For example, try asking “What are your hobbies?” or “What did you think of that movie?”. If you see her at lunch or between classes, stop to briefly say hi, which will encourage her to start seeing you as a friend. For tips on how to ask a girl to hang out outside of school, keep reading!

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