How to Acknowledge & Validate Someone’s Feelings

Validation. It’s a term you’ve likely heard before. But how can you give it? How can you truly validate someone else’s feelings? Making someone feel heard and understood isn’t as tricky as it may seem. It all starts with one thing: listening. We spoke with licensed master social worker Sabrina Grover, LMSW, and licensed psychologist Liana Georgoulis, PsyD, to teach you how to acknowledge someone’s feelings so they know their emotions are valid.

How do you validate someone’s feelings?

The best way to validate someone’s feelings is to actively listen to them. Set aside all distractions and listen intently to what they have to say. Then, acknowledge what they’re feeling without being judgmental or offering advice. Express that it’s okay for them to feel every emotion, no matter how big or small.

Section 1 of 4:

What does it mean to validate someone’s feelings?

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Validating someone’s feelings means helping them feel seen and heard. Feelings can be difficult to understand, especially when your emotions are running high. To validate someone means to support them and feel understood, even if they don’t fully understand a situation themselves. It’s an acknowledgement of feelings without the sense of judgment. ^{[1]
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Research source}
- Validating someone doesn’t mean you agree with what they’re feeling, doing, or going through; it simply means you’re acknowledging whatever they’re going through and “hearing them out.”
- As Grover says, “[Validation] brings a non-judgmental feeling…make sure they know that you’re there to listen; you’re there to be supportive.” ^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sabrina Grover, LMSW
  Licensed Master Social Worker
  
  Expert Interview}
Meet the wikiHow Experts

Sabrina Grover, LMSW , is a Licensed Master Social Worker who is an expert in treating clients dealing with grief, complex trauma, and interpersonal struggles.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD , is a Licensed Psychologist who specializes in providing treatment for emotion dysregulation.

Section 2 of 4:

What to Do to Validate Someone

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1

Stay focused on them. One of the best ways you can support someone when they're vulnerable is to be present. If someone comes to you to chat, show your support by putting aside all distractions. Turn your phone over; turn off the TV; put down your book. Show that their feelings are valid by giving them your undivided attention. ^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
2
Encourage them to talk. If someone comes to you with a lot of emotions, focus on listening rather than talking. Don’t focus on problem-solving or making them feel better just yet. Instead, actively listen . This can help encourage them to open up and express their feelings, which may in turn help them process whatever’s going on. Try encouraging them to talk by saying something like: ^{[4]
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- “It sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Tell me about it.”
- “Do you want to talk about it? I’m all ears if you do.”
- “What’s troubling you?”
- “How are you doing with all of this?”
3
Give verbal responses to show you're listening. Dr. Georgoulis explains that validation starts with basic listening, while arguing and hurting someone often starts with not being an active listener. ^{[5]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Expert Interview} Say things like “Okay,” “Uh-huh,” and “I see” to show that you’re actively listening and engaged in what they have to say. Just be sure not to interrupt them. ^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Here are some more examples:
- “Hmm, that sounds like it was really tough.”
- “Aha, and that made her difficult to trust.”
- “Okay, I can see why you’re hurt.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 864 wikiHow readers and 59% agreed that the best way to support someone who’s struggling is to show empathy and be a supportive listener . [Take Poll]
4
Keep your body language open to show that you're listening. Look at them, and turn your head or entire body towards them while they speak. This is a nonverbal way to say, “I’m here, and I’m ready to listen.” Show them that you are attentive, present, and engaged. ^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you are doing something else while you listen (e.g., folding laundry or cooking), then look periodically at the person and use other cues to show you're paying attention. Making eye contact is a great way to do this.
- If your body language is affected by a disability, you can still show that you are listening. Try accommodating your needs (e.g., fidgeting with one hand while looking at their chin).
5
Respond to their mood and energy level. If someone is excited, let yourself get happy or excited too. If they're sad, be sympathetic . If they're nervous, be comforting and understanding. Mirroring their energy and responding to their mood can help them feel understood. ^{[8]
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- For example, if your best friend is very excited about his first date with someone new, he might appreciate you being excited for him. On the other hand, if he's tentative about it, be comforting and supportive.
6
Repeat their words back to them. After someone is done expressing their thoughts and feelings, Dr. Georgoulis recommends summarizing what you heard and repeating it back. ^{[9]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist

Expert Interview} It may feel a little silly, but this can help validate their thoughts by acknowledging that you heard and understood them. ^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Try things like:
- “It does sound frustrating that the professor gave you so little warning.”
- “Wow, you seem really excited!”
- “That must have been hard.”
- “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you called. It sounds like you were going through a lot.”
7
Help them elaborate on their feelings. After someone has expressed themselves, see if you can help them elaborate a bit about what they're feeling and why. For example, you could say something like, “I imagine you're feeling pretty hurt?” This shows that their feelings matter to you and you're trying to understand them. ^{[11]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- “I want to make sure I understand everything. Can you explain how that made you feel?”
- “What made you feel the most frustrated?”
- “That would have made me mad. Do you feel mad?”
- “When did you start to feel this way?”
8
Normalize their feelings with a similar or universal experience. Sometimes, all someone needs to hear is, “You’re not alone.” Life is full of universal experiences and feelings, and you may know exactly what they’re feeling from your own personal experiences. Rather than saying “I know how you feel,” aim to normalize their experience on a grander scale to help them feel validated. Here are some examples of what you could say: ^{[12]
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- “It's okay to be squeamish about your flu shot. A lot of people think they’re scary, too. Even me.”
- “It’s totally normal to be a little anxious before asking for that promotion! I felt the same way when I got this job. It’s a big leap, but you can do it.”
- “If I were in your situation, I’d be scared too.”
9
Acknowledge their personal history. If someone has a lot going on in their life, it may be difficult for them to wrap their head around certain emotions or feelings. Help validate them by reminding them of their past (if you know it). This can help them process feelings, especially if they’re feeling irrational or unreasonable. Express that they’re allowed to feel whatever they’re feeling by saying something like: ^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Understood
Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia
Go to source}
- “Given how Amy treated you, I totally understand why you'd want to take a break from dating. That's a lot to recover from.”
- “After that last roller coaster ride, I can see why you'd be hesitant about this one. Want to ride the merry-go-round instead?”
- “You’ve been bitten by a dog before. Feeling a bit nervous about your neighbor’s big dog is understandable!”

Section 3 of 4:

What to Avoid when Validating Someone

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1

Avoid interrupting them. Keep all questions for when they’re done talking. This way, you can soak in what they’re saying and how they’re feeling without interrupting them. It’s more than okay to ask clarifying questions, especially if you’re unsure how to respond or unclear about something. Just make sure it’s done after they’re done speaking. ^{[14]
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2
Avoid correcting someone's thoughts. Never attempt to correct someone's thoughts or feelings, especially when they’re upset. Even if you think someone is being irrational, avoid trying to “talk them out” of their feelings, as this can come off as invalidating. ^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
Understood
Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia
Go to source}
- For example, avoid saying, “That's not worth getting angry about.” It's okay if you disagree with someone's response, but validating is not agreeing. It's simply acknowledging someone's feelings. Instead, you could say, “I see why that would make you angry.”
3
Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Most times when people tell you about a problem, they just want to be heard. Before giving advice, think. Listen closely to what they’re saying. Are they asking you a question or for advice, or do they simply just need to vent? ^{[16]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you're unsure, try asking, “Can I give you some advice?” or “How can I help?”
4
Avoid blaming or minimizing their emotions. Never blame someone for their feelings or make them feel silly because of them. Remember, every feeling is valid, big or small, even if you don’t feel the same way. No matter what someone’s going through or the situation, they’re allowed to feel the way they feel. ^{[17]
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Research source} So, avoid phrases like:
- “You're overreacting.”
- “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
- “Whining about it isn't going to make it any better. Man up and deal with it.”
- “It’s not that bad. Get over it.”
- “Just toughen up!”
- “You just have to look on the bright side.”
- “You worry too much.”
5
Avoid trying to “fix” their feelings. It can be easy to try to make someone you love stop hurting because you simply don’t want to see them in pain anymore. While well-intended, this can actually do more harm than good. To give them the best help, be there for them no matter what they’re feeling, and ask how you can best support them right now. ^{[18]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- Remember to take care of yourself, too, reminds Dr. Georgoulis. It can be easy to get caught up in someone else’s emotions, but you can fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty. ^{[19]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
  Licensed Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview}

Section 4 of 4:

Why is emotional validation important?

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Emotional validation can improve self-worth and relationships. Acknowledging someone’s feelings can help them feel supported, inspired, and self-assured. This, in turn, can help strengthen their self-image and make them feel more confident. Plus, studies have shown that those who feel validated have stronger relationships, as they’re able to communicate their needs and listen to others better. ^{[20]
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Research source}
- Validation can work wonders in all types of relationships. Validating someone’s feelings lays the foundation for a supported and more satisfying relationship, whether that’s within a romantic, familial, or work setting. Knowing you can communicate authentically can help minimize conflicts and arguments. ^{[21]
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- Invalidating someone’s emotions can negatively impact relationships, as it can make it harder for people to be honest and open up. Tensions can rise because you’re left feeling unimportant or ignored.

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What is emotional validation?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Emotional validation is acknowledging and accepting emotions for what they are, understanding they occur in response to something and need to be expressed in healthy ways without judgment.

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What does it mean to validate yourself?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

To acknowledge and accept your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and experiences without judgment.

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Question

What does it mean to validate my feelings?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Validating your feelings mean you recognize that you have feelings, that your feelings are in response to something and that is okay. Then, you allow yourself to feel those feelings without judgment.

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Keep in mind that helping people process their emotions can be helpful. Even if you can't fix their situation, you can help a lot by listening and being supportive.

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How to Acknowledge & Validate Someone’s Feelings

How do you validate someone’s feelings?

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What does it mean to validate someone’s feelings?

What to Do to Validate Someone

What to Avoid when Validating Someone

Why is emotional validation important?

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