How to Arouse Women: An Expert List of Ways to Get Her in the Mood

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Learn what turns women on during foreplay and intercourse
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Arousing a woman isn’t rocket science, but it can be considered an art. To arouse women, you generally want to strike the perfect balance between being passionate and gentle in order to set the right mood—great foreplay and the right bedroom moves are a good start. Plus, every woman is different, so getting to know your girl’s specific needs and desires is essential! Just keep in mind that, in addition to knowing what a woman wants, you also need to understand when she wants it if you wish to truly turn her on and make the experience great for both of you. To help you out, we’ve tapped some dating, relationship, and intimacy experts to put together this guide to getting a girl in the mood.

How do you arouse a lady?

Matchmaker and dating coach Courtney Quinlan recommends starting with daily acts of chivalry, like opening doors, pulling out chairs, hugging and caressing her, and giving flirty compliments. When you want to really arouse her, start touching different parts of her body—like her arm or leg—before going in for a kiss.

Section 1 of 5:

How to Get Her in the Mood

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  1. 1
    Send her spicy or flirty texts during the day. Women can be more likely to experience arousal when they’re stimulated throughout the day—and that doesn’t mean sexual stimulation! Rather, you want to make sure that your girl is (nearly constantly) feeling cared for and desired. This can help to build up your sexual tension and make her feel more aroused when you initiate intimacy. If you’re not together during the day, you can send her “playful and flirty messages” to build up the sexual energy and set the mood, says licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney. [1]
    • You could say something like, “‘You know, you’re really beautiful, but I think your real charm is your spirit,’” recommends dating coach John Keegan. “Acknowledge something deep about her, or something that you actually like about her.” [2]
    • Keegan gives some other examples, like “‘I really feel like you’re a good listener…, ‘I really love the way you put words together,’ or ‘I really love the way you think.’” [3]
    • If the two of you are already having sex and you want to spice things up a little, Keegan advises texting something like, “‘I can’t focus, I keep thinking about the last time we saw each other.’ [Or], ‘You’re really distracting me at work today.’” [4]

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Eddy Baller is a dating coach who owns Conquer and Win, a dating consulting and coaching service in Vancouver.

    Laura Bilotta is a dating coach, matchmaker, and the founder of Single in the City, a Toronto-area dating and relationship coaching service.

    Shelby Devlin, MA , is a sex and intimacy coach with over 7 years of experience guiding couples to deepen their capacity for intimacy and pleasure.

    John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City with over 15 years of professional experience.

    JT Tran is a dating coach and dating advice columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine . JT also runs a dating boot camp, “The ABCs of Attraction.”

  2. 2
    Help out around the house and complete chores without being asked. Otherwise known as “choreplay,” doing household tasks—like running the dishwasher or vacuuming the living room—can really get a woman in the mood. Why? Women are socially expected to do more of the household work, even if they have a full-time job or kids to look after. [5] As a result, wives and girlfriends may feel like they can never keep on top of all their tasks and chores, making it difficult for them to ever truly relax.
    • If you’re living in the same home, you shouldn’t have to be asked to do your fair share of household tasks—prep some meals, take out the trash, do some mopping, and offer to draw your girl a bubble bath in the meantime. You’ll thank us later! [6]
    • There are lots of other things you can do throughout the day to make a woman feel more cared for, looked after, and inclined to intimate feelings. As matchmaker and dating coach Courtney Quinlan puts it, “chivalry is definitely not dead. Be chivalrous around the clock—open doors, pull out chairs, flirt with her. If she likes chocolate, get her favorite kind of dessert.” [7] You get the gist!
  3. 3
    Touch her in intimate but non-sexual ways throughout the day. Connecting physically with your partner outside the bedroom is super important if you want to connect with them inside the bedroom later. This is especially important if your partner is a woman, as women tend to take longer to become aroused and need to feel secure and desired around the clock in order to have the best sexual experience possible. Hold your partner’s hand whenever the opportunity arises—whether you’re walking down the street or watching a movie on the couch. This simple act can reaffirm your affection and love for them. You can also share an intimate hug to soothe your partner and increase your physical bond (without any sexual motivations). [8]
    • You can also stroke your partner’s hair, put your arm around her, cuddle, or give her a forehead kiss. Basically, touch her in a way that you wouldn’t touch a platonic friend, but also do so without any goal of the touch leading to sex.
    • Other non-sexual but sensual ways to connect with your partner include “being naked together in a casual way, taking a bath together, taking a shower together, or giving each other massages,” says sex and intimacy coach Shelby Devlin, MA. “All of these are ways that you can intimately connect and focus on that connection, focus on calming the body, connecting with another’s body, and connecting with your own body.” [9]
    • Devlin also shares that she’s a “big fan of naked cuddling—getting in bed, putting on some music, lighting some candles, and just snuggling up to each other… Having a naked cuddle is a great way to connect with your partner and take the pressure off of sexual interaction while also sharing something really deeply intimate and sensual.” [10]
  4. 4
    Take her on a romantic date or thoughtfully plan one at home. Treating your girl to a fun activity or date will show her just how much you care about her! You can do a classic dinner date at a nice restaurant, or take in dinner and a movie—if that’s something your girl would enjoy. Romantic movies can heighten arousal in some women, according to some studies, so you may want to opt for a movie with some lovey-dovey scenes. [11] Alternatively, consider doing something that involves water, like taking a walk along a beach, lake, or riverside. According to some studies, being near water can relax the body and calm any nerves about dating or intimacy. [12]
    • Another option, if you and your lady are thrill-seekers, is to do a daring activity like riding roller coasters, watching scary movies, or going on a zipline. These activities have been shown to evoke sexual arousal in some cases, since they lead to quickened breath, a racing pulse, and a desire for comfort and connection. [13]
    • If you’re a sporty couple, physical activity has also been shown to increase intimate feelings in men and women alike. Going for a run, taking a bike ride, or trying out a dance class can activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous system and make it more sensitive to touch. [14]
    • If you’d rather stay in, you can have an equally arousing date in your own home! Just make sure to put some thought and effort into planning a date night with food, activities, and entertainment that your lady will love.
  5. 5
    Compliment her and tell her how beautiful, desirable, or incredible she is. Genuine compliments and seductive words can go a long way in making a girl feel loved and desired—things that make her much more likely to feel in the mood, relaxed, and comfortable with you. Tell her how great she looks, what an amazing time you’re having, or how much you like the way she laughs. Compliment her outfit, as well—she may have put it on with you in mind, and your acknowledgment of it will make her feel extra special and beautiful. [15]
    • In addition to complimenting her looks, ask her some personal questions about her feelings, interests, and habits. For instance, if you’re just getting to know each other, ask her about her favorite hobbies. If you’re in a relationship already, ask her about what she’s been up to that day, how work went, or how her friends and family are doing.
    • “Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are,” affirms dating coach Kate Dreyfus. “When you show a girl that you’re genuinely interested in what they love, understanding why they love it, and wanting to learn more about it, it makes them feel like you care about them.” [16]
    • Following Dreyfus’ advice, make sure not to just ask questions, but also to respond to her answers. Demonstrate a genuine interest in what she has to say—nod along, smile, and ask follow-up questions. Not only are you telling her that she’s magnetic, interesting, and desirable—you’re also showing her.
  6. 6
    Set the mood in your home (or bedroom) with romantic lighting, scents, and scenery. If you’re expecting to end the night in your home, create a sexy, clean, and comfortable environment for your girl to walk into. Make sure that the lighting, smells, and sounds in your crib are set for romance—your girl will be turned on way before your first kiss! Here’s how to do it:
    • Set up soft, sexy, and dim lighting. Turn the lights down low with some lit candles scattered around—just enough light for your lady to see you, but not so brightly that she feels self-conscious (this goes for the bedroom, as well).
    • Have a sexy-smelling space. If it's warm enough out, open your windows during the day to let in some fresh air. Consider setting up a potpourri, lighting some incense, or spraying a scented air freshener . Some scents, like cucumber or licorice, have even been shown to increase vaginal blood flow! [17]
    • Put on some sexy music . Your lady will be more turned on if you turn on the right music. Jazz can make her feel sophisticated, while R&B can put her in a sexy mood. Whatever you choose, play it softly so you can still talk to each other.
    • Have a snack and beverage prepared . Make sure you have some wine on hand—or whatever your lady would prefer to drink. You might also want to share a sexy snack, like grapes, strawberries, cheese and crackers, or chocolate.
    • Clean up your home before your girl arrives. Hide your dirty laundry, clean all surfaces in your home, and absolutely make sure you don't have a grimy bathroom. Your girl should be as comfortable as possible before she can be ready for action.
    • Make your bed appear clean and inviting. Clean your sheets and covers, make your bed, and set it up with fluffy pillows. Tidy up your bedside table (and put away any pics of you and your mom).
    • Put some effort into the style of your home. Your home doesn’t have to be worth a million dollars, but it’s worth investing in some sleek furniture, a few nice paintings or photos, and some stylish pillows and blankets to show a girl that you care about your surroundings. More than anything, show off your own sense of style and personality!
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    Ask her about her sexual preferences, turnoffs, fantasies, and desires. It’s always important to pay attention to your partner’s needs, preferences, and desires in the bedroom. You could have this conversation before the first time you have sex, or you might wait until you’re further into the relationship and feel more comfortable with each other. And it doesn’t have to be an awkward conversation—make it sexy! After all, most women are turned on by a good listener, and especially by a man who listens to and cares about their pleasure. Ask your girl what she likes and genuinely listen to her responses—ask follow-up questions if needed. Ask about her fantasies and desires, and respond in kind if she asks you the same. [18]
    • “Start opening up with questions like, ‘What types of things do you call your body parts? How do you want me to refer to them? What types of touch do you want? What types of sensations do you like? What’s off limits?’” offers sex therapist Jessica Swenson. [19]
    • If you’ve been dating for some time, you might ask if there’s anything she’s been wanting to try with you in the bedroom but hasn’t yet (likely because she’s been too nervous to bring it up herself).
    • If you feel awkward heading into this conversation, try making “Yes, No, Maybe” lists together instead. Hand out some wine, pens, and paper to each of you. Set a five-minute timer while each of you fills out your “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” columns. Share your lists when you’re done (without judgement!) to see if you have any new points of connection, interest, and understanding.
Section 2 of 5:

How to Arouse Her Further with Foreplay

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  1. 1
    Start touching different parts of her body in subtle but sensual ways. Once your lady is relaxed and in the mood, you can get closer to her and begin touching her in subtle ways to initiate foreplay. “Start with a little bit of light physical contact, like massaging her hand or moving up her arm,” says dating coach Eddy Baller. “Then, you’re basically building up the level of intimacy and seeing how comfortable she is. Because if she’s not comfortable with this physical touch, she’s not going to be comfortable with any kissing” (or anything else). [20]
    • You can also sit next to her and let your legs touch, put your arm around her, play with her hair, brush your fingers against her earlobes, or hold her hands.
    • As you make these sensual moves, make sure to keep checking whether or not she’s into it. “There are some things you want to look for,” explains dating coach Laura Bilotta. “Is she sitting close to you? Is she staring into your eyes? Do you feel like she’s flirting with you? Is her hand on you? Is she giggling a lot? Has she touched you at all?” [21]
    • “Don’t come off as creepy by touching her all over or touching her aggressively,” continues Bilotta. “Subtle touches are okay if she’s giving you the signs. Touch her on the leg or on the back, and be gentle and soft. Don’t start grabbing her and, if she seems uncomfortable, stop! Don’t carry on touching her if she seems like she isn’t enjoying it or if things start feeling awkward.” [22]
    EXPERT TIP

    Connell Barrett

    Dating Coach
    Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
    Connell Barrett
    Dating Coach

    You make a move on a girl only when she’s given you the green light. You want the move you make to be well-received. I call it the Stair Step System: start with small moves and, if those are met with green lights, you can get bolder. If she keeps giving you green lights, you can go to bigger moves (like a first kiss).

  2. 2
    Give her a sensual massage. Another great option to get your girl more turned on with foreplay is to give her a sensual massage . This could be a simple neck or shoulder massage, or something more intimate and erotic like a back, foot, or full-body massage. If done properly, your massage should help to turn her on and help her relax. Importantly, you should give this massage and spend time touching her without the expectation of reciprocation. The more you’re able to do that, the more comfortable your girl will feel and the more likely it is that she’ll become turned on. [23]
    • Consider picking up some warming massage oil for an even more intimate and relaxing experience!
  3. 3
    Make intentional and gentle eye contact. “One of the most powerful ways to make a connection is by making strong eye contact,” says Baller. “It should be maintained not as a stare, like staring, but as more of an intent gaze, like you’re gazing into their eyes. This shows confidence and also creates sexual attention, which is really important for attraction.” [24] And don’t think that the eye contact stops once the foreplay starts! Keep returning to her face and looking her directly in the eye. For women who like to feel a direct connection, this can make them feel worshipped, desired, and more turned on.
  4. 4
    When the time’s right, kiss her with passion and affection. Kissing is the first big move you’ll make, and you have to get it right if you want to take your night to the next level. “You’ll be chatting with each other, and you just wait for that pause where there’s a lot of sexual tension and you’re looking into each other’s eyes…You might just want to go for it then, and then go for a kiss—go straight for a kiss,” says Baller. [25] Kiss her gently at first, without using too much tongue. Lightly graze your lips together, then slowly touch the tip of your tongue to hers. If she’s receptive, move your tongue deeper into her mouth—but take it slow.
    • “What I usually like to do,” shares Baller, “is to go in for a first kiss on the neck or back of the neck. If I’m in a position where I’m massaging her shoulders from behind, if she’s still comfortable there, then you can try to go a little further. You might lean in, gently cup her chin, and guide her over to your lips.” [26]
    • Take breaks from kissing to lock eyes, brush back her hair, or kiss her gently on the nape of her neck or shoulders. This will build up your sexual tension and keep her wanting more!
    • When it comes to hand placement, “it depends a lot on if you’re standing or sitting,” explains Baller. “Usually, the hips are a great spot…you can pull her in by the hips. Hands are great, too. You can grab her hand and pull her in.” [27]
    • As you continue kissing, you can get more forward with your touches. Move your hands down her body to gently touch her waist, breasts, or inner thighs. Just make sure that she’s comfortable and receptive to your new moves—she should be reciprocating and moving with your body, not away from it. If you’re unsure whether she’s okay with something, ask!
    EXPERT TIP

    Maya Diamond, MA

    Relationship Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Relationship Coach

    Tune in to the other person. You want to really feel them and foster a feeling of connection. I’d say to use tongue, open your mouth, and move your head with the other person’s movements. I think it’s great if the man leads the kiss, but he should also be tuning into the woman and not aggressively forcing the kiss.

  5. 5
    Once things are getting hot and heavy, start taking off your clothes. After you’ve been kissing for a while and moved into some grinding or heavy petting, it’s likely time to start removing your clothes. If you want to set the tone for some hot and passionate sex, you may want to take your clothes off in a sensual and sexy way . Here’s one way to do it:
    • Take her shirt off first. Gently put your hands under her shirt and slip it off over her head. If it's a button-down shirt, slowly unbutton it and throw it to the side.
    • Then, take off your own shirt. Avoid taking all of your clothes off first. This might freak a girl out and make her think you’re being too aggressive.
    • Continue kissing before taking her bra off. Once your shirts are off, kiss and touch for a few more minutes, then take the girl’s bra off. Try to take it off smoothly, but it’s okay if you can’t—sometimes, a little joke or laughter leading up to sex can lighten the mood and throw off any jitters!
    • Gently touch her over her underwear. This may make her want you to take off her skirt or pants. If she’s wearing pants, pull them down slowly. If she’s wearing a skirt, slide it down over her legs.
    • Take off your pants or wait for her to take them off. Now that you’re both down to your underwear, you can start to move into more intimate touching and foreplay.
  6. 6
    Learn and pay attention to her different erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are the areas of the body that are especially sensitive and responsive to sexual pleasure. Women have several erogenous zones (not just the vulva and clitoris), and each and every one is important! Make sure to focus attention on each of your girl’s erogenous zones. It’s often best to do this before you actually start touching her genitals—most women love to be touched all over in order to feel desired, worshipped, and fully turned on for any type of sex. [28]
    • The major erogenous zones include: ears, the nape of the neck, the inner wrist, fingertips, butt, scalp, armpits, lower back, stomach, breasts, and the back of the knees.
    • Take your time and use a combination of light kisses, slow strokes, and gentle rubbing on these body parts—kiss her thighs, rub her back, squeeze her butt, stroke her waist, etc.
    • Note that some erogenous zones are more sensitive for some women than others. For example, one woman might love to have her stomach kissed or stroked, while another woman might loathe it.
  7. 7
    Pay attention to physical signs that she’s becoming aroused. If the foreplay is going well, you’ll likely see bodily cues coming from the woman. For example, you might notice her pupils dilating, back arching, nipples hardening, and face flushing. Her vulva may also become more naturally lubricated. If you notice one or more of these signs, it’s a good indication that she’s becoming seriously aroused. If you’re not seeing any obvious signs that she’s aroused, you might want to pause and ask if there’s anything she wants or if you can do anything differently. [29]
    • If she doesn’t have an answer for you, you might just try moving into a different erogenous zone to see if she responds differently. Ultimately, if you really think she’s not into the foreplay, it’s probably best to stop and check in with her to make sure she wants to continue.
    • “It comes down to empathy,” says dating coach Connell Barrett. “You want to be very present and empathetic and feel what she’s feeling. So you can [go], ‘Oh, she’s liking this,’ so you’ll take the next step. [If you think,] ‘Oh, she feels uncomfortable,’ …you’re going to pull back.” [30]
  8. 8
    Spend at least 20 minutes on foreplay to turn her on as much as you can before sex. Men are often ready for sex before women, and even if you’ve had some great foreplay, you might need to spend more time on your girl’s body before you start getting it on. Caress and kiss her body—all over. Kiss her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, her belly, and the insides of her thighs. Tell her how much you like her, whisper a few lines about how sexy her body is, or tell her how much you love a certain part of her. Touch her genitals gently, and tease her a little bit by touching her and then moving your hand elsewhere for a little while—this will leave her wanting more. [31]
    • Dating coach JT Tran asserts that “it’s important to concentrate on the journey, if you will, and [remember] that the sexual tension is more important than the sexual release. Spend 20 minutes on foreplay, and make sure she enjoys the journey.” [32]
Section 3 of 5:

How to Satisfy a Woman During Sex

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  1. 1
    Make sure to get verbal consent before going any further. At this point, it might feel obvious to you that you’re both down to have sex. However, it’s important to make it clear that you’ll be having sex, just so that things won’t be awkward and there won’t be any misunderstandings or discomfort. Say something like, “Are you ready?” or “Do you want to?” Make it clear that you want to take things to the next level, and make sure that she feels comfortable saying no if she wants to. [33]
    • If she says a clear and enthusiastic “yes,” be prepared with a condom and put it on correctly.
  2. 2
    Be generous with oral stimulation. Oral sex is often the best way to get a woman to achieve orgasm during sex. Many women can’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone, and even if they can, receiving oral sex beforehand can increase their pleasure and make them feel much more aroused. Being generous and enthusiastic about oral sex will also make your girl feel like her pleasure is prioritized in bed, which can go a long way toward improving her experience. If you’re feeling nervous about your own ~down there~ skills, try out some of these tips to get your girl going: [34]
    • Kiss your way down. Increase the tension by slowly marking a path of your kisses from her neck to her pelvic area. Kiss her stomach and inner thighs before taking the plunge.
    • Take your time with some teasing. Women can take time to reach full arousal, so don’t rush it; touch, kiss, lick, suck, and tease her whole vulva (while avoiding the clitoris).
    • Focus on the clitoris. Once she’s fully aroused, trace your tongue around the outside of the clitoris (if you can’t find it, ask for guidance!).
    • Use your mouth and your hands. Use your fingers to rub the clitoris (like a DJ), then place the flat of your tongue over the clitoris and labia. Optionally, lift the area above the labia up to release the clitoris from the clitoral hood and stimulate more areas.
    • Explore around the vagina. Stimulating other parts of the vagina and labia can lead to more intense orgasms—try using your whole mouth to stimulate her vulva, almost like you’re making out with it.
    • Change up your pressure and motions. Try new things and vary your approach to keep things interesting (unless your girl is really into what you’re currently doing). For example, you can lick up, down, and around the clitoris, or start off soft before gradually increasing your pressure and speed. You can also change the shape of your tongue from flat to pointy.
    • Observe her bodily cues. All vulvas are different, so check in to see if she seems to be enjoying it. As well as checking for physical signs of arousal, feel free to ask her if she likes it (bonus: asking is also a turn-on for many women!).
    • Make eye contact, if you’re comfortable. Eye contact while you’re down there can be very intense and intimate, but if you're with someone you don't know well, you or she may not feel too comfortable with that.
    • Tell her how much you’re enjoying it. Women can often feel self-conscious or like their partner doesn’t enjoy oral sex, which can make it harder for them to relax and enjoy. Be enthusiastic about how much you’re enjoying yourself!
    • Pull out some toys. Using sex toys during oral can really add to the woman’s pleasure—and there’s absolutely zero shame in it. Just make sure to ask for consent first, then consider using a vibrator or other toy for external or internal stimulation.
  3. 3
    Communicate and try different things to find your sexual rhythm as a pair. There are countless ways to have great sex, and once you start, you need to communicate with and feel out your woman to see what she’s comfortable with and what she’s into. It can take time to find your sexual groove as a couple, but here are some steps to help you get there: [35]
    • Try different positions. Start by being on top, or see if she likes being on top or even having sex in a more adventurous way. Don't try anything too crazy at first—get a good rhythm going before you get super creative.
    • Find out if she prefers more gentle or aggressive sex. Try some light biting or some intense touches to see if she reciprocates. Some women like to be fun and aggressive but are waiting for you to make the move. However, if she prefers a gentle approach, take your time and hold her tenderly. You can also just ask what she prefers!
    • Try dirty talk. Dirty talk is not for everyone, but if your lady is into it, it can go a long way in turning her on. Describe what you’re doing to her, what you’d like to do to her, and compliment her body and beauty. If she doesn’t reciprocate, tone it down a bit.
  4. 4
    Be patient and don’t rush her through the experience. Both partners should feel satisfied and taken care of after your time together. Before you finish, make sure that your lady has had a good time—and don’t rush her. Remember that many women take much longer than men to achieve orgasm. [36] Take your time with her, let her know you’re still enjoying yourself, and help her relax and climax when she’s ready. If you’ve completed penetrative sex at this point, check in with your girl—if she hasn’t orgasmed or doesn’t feel finished, touch her or go down on her again until she does.
    • If your lady doesn’t reach her climax, don’t be discouraged. A woman’s orgasm is much more complex than a man’s, and sometimes it just doesn’t happen! Women can still feel plenty of pleasure without achieving an orgasm—as long as you’ve communicated with your girl and done everything you can to make her feel aroused and pleasured, you’ve done a great job. [37]
    • Women can also have multiple orgasms, so your girl might experience a couple of smaller orgasms but not a big one, which she may need to feel fully satisfied —every woman differs in this respect, so it’s important to communicate with your girlfriend and find out what she needs to feel fully pleasured. [38]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 2516 wikiHow readers what they would consider to be a genuine orgasm, and 59% said involuntary muscle contractions. [Take Poll]
  5. 5
    Take time for aftercare, and continue to treat her with respect. Once you’ve wrapped things up in the bedroom, there are a few things you can do to make your girl feel respected and cared for—which is not only the kind and loving thing to do, but it can also increase her arousal and attraction to you in the long run. First of all, you should engage in intentional aftercare, which means you’re tending to the physical and emotional needs of your partner after intimacy. This may include pillow talk, positive affirmations, communication about your feelings, cuddling, massages, watching a movie together, or enjoying quiet time together. [39]
    • Aftercare can also include addressing physical needs, like needing some water or a snack. Taking intentional time for aftercare (rather than immediately jumping out of bed, taking a shower, or going on your phone) can enhance your intimacy level, mutual trust, and emotional connection.
    • You should also have something nearby to help your girl clean up, like a clean towel or even an unscented body wipe.
    • Invite your lady to sleep over, if possible. If she declines your invitation, walk her out like a gentleman—put your coat on her, drive her home or call her a cab, and kiss her at the door.
    • Then, text her the next day to let her know that you had a great time and would love to see her again soon.
Section 4 of 5:

How does female arousal work?

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  1. Female arousal comes from a mix of internal feelings and physical sensations. For someone who was assigned female at birth, sexual arousal is a complex combination of several factors, including neurological, hormonal, emotional, psychological, and physical stimuli. While every woman has her own sexual response pattern (which generally shifts throughout her lifetime), most women don’t feel desire until they’re stimulated enough to be aroused. Once aroused, a woman will physically feel a “full” sensation in the genital area. This is the result of blood filling up the blood vessels in the pelvis, vulva, and clitoris. [40]
    • The woman may also feel a wetness in her vagina and labia, and her muscles may begin to tighten throughout the body. Her breathing and pulse may also quicken and become more intense as arousal continues.
    • Emotionally, a woman may feel a sense of excitement and desire. However, a woman’s emotions and psychological state play a big part in her ability to become aroused and reach orgasm—if a woman feels unsafe, emotionally disconnected, insecure, or anxious for any reason, she may have a difficult time becoming aroused (even with physical stimulation). [41]
    • Devlin describes a “true, full orgasm [as] a combination of muscle contractions, biomechanical functions, and neurological chemistry. However, many people find orgasm difficult. They might have a rush of really pleasurable feelings, but they don’t have the same biomechanical response in the form of muscle contractions, or they might not get the same brain chemistry.” [42]
Section 5 of 5:

Key Takeaways

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  1. Turn her on gradually with slow touches, verbal affirmation, and foreplay. Most women often require a lot more time and stimuli than men do to become aroused. You should really be thinking about turning your woman on all day long—compliment her, text her flirty things, hug and kiss her, help her around the house, and do other kind things for her so that she has a chance to feel relaxed. When it comes time to initiate sex, start off with some foreplay like passionate kisses and touches all over her body and erogenous zones. Perform foreplay for at least 20 minutes before moving into oral and penetrative sex.
    • Most crucially, be patient and let your girl take her time . Women typically do not achieve orgasm as quickly as men do, but they can often feel pressured to rush through their feelings of pleasure in order to appease their sexual partners. To avoid this, communicate that you want her to feel good and that you’re enjoying every minute—no matter how long it takes.
    • Another important note is that every woman is different. While there are certainly some guidelines to follow, you’ll have to try different things and communicate with your woman in order to find out what sets the mood for her, what turns her on, and what gets her off.

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      Tips

      • Sharing is caring. Give your lady as much loving as she gives you. Focus on making her feel good.
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      • If you orgasm prematurely, try not to show too much embarrassment or start acting rude. Play it off and gently apologize, but don't make a big deal of it. Most women will be understanding!
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Offer for her to stay the night if you're at your place. She may appreciate the chance to cuddle and be close longer (and she also might want to hook up again!).
      • Gently touch her body during foreplay, like at the breasts and inner thighs. Build anticipation by touching her, then by pulling back. Let her set the pace.
      • Take it slow and don't rush into sex. Have a conversation and a drink first if you want. Ease into foreplay instead of going straight to the bedroom.
      • Check your breath and hygiene before getting intimate. Bad breath can definitely be a turn-off. Excuse yourself beforehand if needed.
      • Spend at least 20-30 minutes on foreplay. Drawing it out builds anticipation and makes her fully aroused when you finally have sex.
      • Give compliments to help her feel relaxed and appreciated. Women often enjoy praise on their looks, personality, talents, etc.
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      Warnings

      • Don't ever pressure a woman into having sex with you or press her to continue if she consents, and then changes her mind midway. Let her make the decision. She should never regret going to bed with you.
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      • Don't force a woman to do something she doesn't want to do. When she says no, she means it.
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      • Don’t use these tips—like giving compliments, being attentive, or being respectful—just to get a girl into bed. Be genuine with your intentions, and be kind to every woman you meet, whether you want to sleep with them or not!
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      • Use condoms to prevent STDs and pregnancy. You should always wear a condom if you're sleeping with someone for the first time. Don't convince a woman that sex will be better without one—this is just plain dangerous and can leave you with a disease.
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      References

      1. ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ https://thegepi.org/the-free-time-gender-gap/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/media-spotlight/201603/is-doing-housework-a-turn-on
      7. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/turn-on-for-women-in-a-relationship/
      9. ↑ Shelby Devlin, MA. Sex & Intimacy Coach. Expert Interview
      1. ↑ Shelby Devlin, MA. Sex & Intimacy Coach. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-resilience/202302/does-watching-romantic-movies-help-your-love-life-flourish
      3. ↑ https://www.scripps.org/news_items/7657-the-surprising-health-benefits-of-blue-spaces
      4. ↑ https://www.mckendree.edu/academics/scholars/issue17/mckinney.htm
      5. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4039497/
      6. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/compliments-for-women/
      7. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/humanbody/truthaboutfood/sexy/smellarousal.shtml
      9. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-feel-comfortable-expressing-sexual-desires-with-your-partner/
      10. ↑ Jessica Swenson. Sex Therapist. Expert Interview
      11. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      12. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      13. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      14. ↑ https://goodmenproject-com.webpkgcache.com/doc/-/s/goodmenproject.com/featured-content/how-to-give-a-woman-a-sensual-massage-wcz/
      15. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      16. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      17. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      18. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      19. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/hottest-erogenous-zones-women
      20. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/arousal
      21. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      22. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/foreplay-guide
      23. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      24. ↑ https://www.washcoll.edu/people_departments/offices/wellness-and-prevention-education/asking-for-consent-is-sexy.php
      25. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/advice/a38642/how-to-eat-a-girl-out/
      26. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/ss/slideshow-12-tips-for-better-sex
      27. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1743609520300308?__cf_chl_rt_tk=HgXUQooxpmFECHmhdvfKifZ1dr5MNC0xj.erlDWte1c-1753136769-1.0.1.1-WfbdHtnmJkgNXg2ywT6.K09XhL2VTXwagbUpZeMMx1Y
      28. ↑ https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/do-women-enjoy-sex-absence-orgasm
      29. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5087699/
      30. ↑ https://www.brook.org.uk/blog/why-we-should-all-practise-aftercare/
      31. ↑ https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=tn10107&
      32. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2857771/
      33. ↑ Shelby Devlin, MA. Sex & Intimacy Coach. Expert Interview

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To arouse a woman, set the right mood by turning the lights down low and playing sexy music, like jazz or R&B. Once your lady friend arrives, make her feel comfortable by offering her a drink and taking her coat. Before you get intimate, ask her if she's ok with getting physical. When you're both ready, sit next to her with your leg gently touching hers, and wrap your arm around her. You could also gently play with her hair or massage her shoulders. If you want to move to the next level, kiss her gently and begin softly touching her waist, breasts, or inner thighs. After your kissing gets heavier, take off your clothes starting with both of your shirts, which will set the tone for hot sex. Continue kissing for a while before removing her bra. For tips on how to have good sex, keep reading!

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      Reader Success Stories

      • Dalonie

        Jul 3, 2018

        "It really made me realize how to treat my girlfriend before sex, during sex and after sex!"
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