Grave Humor: Witty Epitaphs from the Graves of People with Undying Humor

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Read witty rhymes and quotes from celebrity tombstones
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Whether you’re planning ahead or just looking for some grim laughs, these real-life epitaphs are sure to make you smile. We’ve compiled a list of the most humorous epitaphs from real gravesites, including rhyming epitaphs and silly epitaphs on the tombstones of famous figures , from Shakespeare to Bukowski. What are you waiting for? Life is short, so get scrolling!

What are some of the funniest epitaphs?

  • “Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
  • “Poorly lived, / And poorly died, / Poorly buried, / and no one cried.”
  • “On the 22nd of June / Jonathan Fiddle / Went out of tune.”
  • “I’ll never get out of this world alive.” —Hank Williams
  • “Curst be he that moves my bones.” —William Shakespeare
  • “His foot is slipt / and he did fall. / ‘Help; Help’ he cried / and that was all.”
Section 1 of 5:

Funny Rhyming Epitaphs

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  1. Death is permanent—and your epitaph will probably last a long time, too. So why not make it say something unique, original, and guaranteed to make visitors to your gravesite snort with laughter? Death doesn’t have to be quite as bleak a situation as it sometimes seems, and these funny epitaphs prove that:
    • “Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake.” —epitaph for Jonathan Blake, Uniontown, Pennsylvania
    • “Reader, I’ve left this world, in which / I had a world to do; / Sweating and fretting to get rich: / Just such a fool as you.” —epitaph on a grave in Charleston, South Carolina
    • “Underneath this pile of stones, / Lies all that’s left of Sally Jones. / Her name was Lord, it was not Jones, / But Jones was used to rhyme with stones.” —epitaph for Sally Lord, Skaneateles, New York
    • “Poorly lived, / And poorly died, / Poorly buried, / and no one cried.” —epitaph found by author Nathaniel Hawthorne on a grave in Lillington Churchyard
    • “Here lies the body of our Anna, done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.” —epitaph for Anna Hopewell
    • “Here lies George Johnson, hanged by mistake 1882. He was right, we was wrong, but we strung him up and now he’s gone.” —epitaph of George Johnson
    • “Sacred to the memory of Miss Martha Gwynn, / Who was so very pure within. / She burst the outer shell of sin. / And hatched herself a cherubim.” —epitaph for Martha Gwynn, St. Alban’s cemetery [1]
    • “His foot is slipt / and he did fall. / ‘Help; Help’ he cried / and that was all.” —epitaph for Joseph Crapp, Mylor Churchyard, Cornwall, England
    • “Here lies old Caleb Ham, / By trade a bum. / When Caleb dyed the Devil cryed: / ‘Come, Caleb, come.’” —epitaph for Caleb Ham, New Hampshire
    • “Here lies the body of William Jay / Who died maintaining his right of way; / He was right, dead right, as he sped along, / But he’s just as dead as if he’d been wrong.”
    • “Here lies the father of 29 / He would have had more / But he didn’t have time.”
    • “Mr. Partridge / died 1861 / What! Kill a partridge in the month of May! / Was that done like a sportsman? eh, death, eh?”
    • “Death appeared in lovely form, / To bring the calm and end the storm.”
    • “First a Cough / Carried Me Off / Then a Coffin / They Carried Me Off In” —epitaph on a grave in Boston, Massachusetts
    • “The children of Israel wanted bread / And the Lord sent them manna. / Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, / And the Devil sent him Anna.” —epitaph for Anna Wallace, Ribbesford, England
    • “Here lies, praise God, a woman who / Scolded and stormed her whole life through: / Tread gently o’er her rotting form / Or else you’ll raise another storm.” —epitaph on a grave in Cookstown, Co. Tyron
    • “Here lies / Lester Moore. / Four slugs / From a forty-four. / No Les / No More.” —epitaph for gunslinger Lester Moore, Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona
    • “Since I have been so quickly done for, / I wonder what I was begun for.” —epitaph for an 8-month-old infant
    • “Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder / She burst while drinking a Seidlitz powder.
    • Called from this world to her heavenly rest, / She should have waited till it effervesced.” —epitaph on a grace in Burlington, Vermont
    • “Beneath this stone, a lump of clay, / Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt. / Who died one morning just at ten / And saved a dinner by it.” —epitaph on a tombstone in Falkirk, England
    • “Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim. / We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.” —epitaph in the Boot Hill Museum, Dodge City, Kansas
    • “Here lies the body of Mary Ann Bent, / She kicked up her heels, and away she went.” —epitaph for Margaret Bent, Winterborn Steepleton Cemetery, Dorsetshire, England
    • “Here I at length repose, / My spirit now at aise is; / With the tips of my toes / And the point of my nose / Turned up to the roots of the daisies.” —epitaph for Teague O’Brian, written by himself, Ballyporeen, Ireland
    • “Here lies the body of Thomas Proctor / Who lived and died without a doctor.”
    • “This corpse / Is Phoebe Thorp’s.”
    • “They abounded in riches / But she wore the britches …” —epitaph on a tombstone in Essex, England
    • “Here lies the body of / Jane Gordon / With mouth almighty / and teeth accordin!” —epitaph on a grave in Marblehead, Massachusetts
    • “She was not smart, she was not fair, / But hearts with grief for her are swellin’; / All empty stands her little chair: / She died of eatin’ water-mellon.” —epitaph from a tombstone in a New Jersey cemetery
    • “Here lieth Mary, the wife of John Ford / We hope her soul has gone to the Lord / But if for Hell she has changed this life / She had better be there than John Ford’s wife.” —epitaph on a grave date 1790, Potterne, Wiltshire, England
    • “Bill Blake / Was hanged by mistake.” —epitaph for Bill Blake, Colorado
    • “Here lies a man named Zeke. / Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.”
    • “Here lies the body of Jonathan Ground, / Who was lost at sea and never found.”
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Section 2 of 5:

Clever Rhyming Epitaphs

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  1. These epitaphs are so witty, you just want to die. Death may be a grim affair, but injecting a little humor into an epitaph is one way to make it a little easier to bear. It comes for us all—you may as well laugh about it!
    • “Cold is my bed, but oh, I love it, / For colder are my friends above it.” —epitaph on a tombstone in Calvary Cemetery, Chicago
    • “Here lie I by the chancel door: / They put me here because I was poor. / The further in, the more you pay, / But here I lie as snug as they.” —epitaph for gravedigger Robert Phillip, Kingsbridge, Devon, England
    • “He sped himself to an early grave / Never to enjoy the time he saved.” —epitaph for an Irish motorcyclist, Canada
    • “Here lies Will Smith – and what’s something rarish, / He was born, bred, and hanged, all in the same parish.” —epitaph for Will Smith (not the one you’re thinking of)
    • “Tom Smith is dead, and here he lies, / Nobody laughs and nobody cries; / Where his soul’s gone, or how it fares, / Nobody knows and nobody cares.” —epitaph on a tombstone dated 1742, Newbury, England
    • “Here lies Martin Elginbrod, / Hae mercy on my soul Lord God, / as I would do were I Lord God, / and ye were Martin Elginbrod!” —Scottish epitaph [2]
    • “Here lies the body of / Thomas Kemp. / Who lived by wool / and died by hemp.” —epitaph for a hanged sheep stealer, Larne, Ireland
    • “Beneath this stone, in hopes of Zion, / Doth lie the landlord of the Lion; / His son keeps on the business still, / Resigned unto the heavenly will.” —epitaph for an innkeeper, 1875
    • “He’s done a-catching cod / And gone to meet his God.” —epitaph for a fisherman, New Shoreham, Rhode Island
    • “Reader if cash thou art / In want of any / Dig 4 feet deep / And thou wilt find a Penny.” —epitaph for John Penny, Wimborne, England
    • “Here lies one Thomas Foote / Whose bones may hundreds save / For death now has one foot / Entombed within the grave.”
    • “Don’t weep for me, Eliza dear, / I am not dead, but sleeping here. / As I am now so you must be, / Prepare for death and follow me.” —epitaph for “Eliza,” Truro, Nova Scotia
    • “Owen Moore / Gone away / Owin’ more / Than he could pay.” —epitaph for Owen Moore, Battersea, London
    • “Here lays Butch, / We planted him raw. / He was quick on the trigger, / But slow on the draw.” —epitaph found in a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery
    • “On the 22nd of June / Jonathan Fiddle / Went out of tune.” —epitaph for Jonathan Fiddle, from a tombstone in Hartscombe, England
    • “Here, reader, turn your weeping eyes, / My fate a useful moral teaches; / The hole in which my body lies / Would not contain one half my speeches.” —epitaph for Lord Brougham, an orator
    • “Here lies John Auricular, / Who in the ways of the Lord walked perpendicular.”
    • “He lived and died / By suicide.” —epitaph for a coroner who hanged himself
    • “Death willed that Thomas Willing here should lie / Although unwilling he to die.”
    • “Here lies poor stingy Timmy Wyatt, / Who died at noon and saved a dinner by it.”
    • “Here beneath this stone we lie / Back to back my wife and I / And when the angels trump shall trill / If she gets up then I’ll lie still!” —epitaph on a tombstone in Barlinine Cemetery, Glasgow
    • “Rab McBeth / Who died for the want / of another breath.” —epitaph of hanged man Rab McBeth (1791–1823)
    • “My wife she's dead & here she lies. / There's nobody laughs and nobody cries. / Where she's gone and how she fares / Nobody knows and nobody cares.” —Stepney
    • “Under the sod and under the trees / Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. / He is not here, there’s only the pod: / Pease shelled out and went to God.” —epitaph for Jonathan Pease, Nantucket, Massachusetts
    • “I laid my wife beneath this stone / For her repose and for my own.”
    • “Here lies old Rastus Sominy / Died a-eating hominy / In 1859 anno domini” —epitaph for Rastus Sominy, Savannah, Georgia
    • “Here lies Lord Coningsby, be civil, / The rest God knows — so does the devil.”
    • “Here lies a man that was Knott born, / His father was Knott before him, / He lived Knott, and did Knott die, / Yet underneath this stone doth lie.” —epitaph for John Knott, Sheffield, England
    • “Lie heavy on him, earth, for he / Laid many a heavy load on thee.” —epitaph for an architect
    • “Beneath this stone a lump of clay / Lies Uncle Peter Dan’els / Who early in the month of May / Took off his winter flannels.” —epitaph on a tombstone in Edinburgh, Scotland
    • “This stone was raised by Sara’s Lord / Not Sara’s virtues to record / For they are known to all the town. / This stone was raised to keep her down.” —epitaph on a tombstone in Kilmurry Churchyard, Ireland
    • “Stranger tread / This ground with gravity. / Dentist Brown / Is filling his last cavity.” —epitaph for a dentist, Edinburgh, Scotland
Section 3 of 5:

Funny Celebrity Epitaphs

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  1. From Sinatra to Shakespeare, celebrities have used some wild and hilarious words for their epitaphs. Take a gander at some of these celebrity tombstones:
    • “The best is yet to come.” —Frank Sinatra
    • “Excuse my dust.” —Dorothy Parker
    • “That’s all folks!” —Mel Blanc, voice of numerous Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies characters
    • “Don’t try.” —Charles Bukowski
    • “I’ll never get out of this world alive.” —Hank Williams
    • “‘The Entertainer.’ He did it all.” —Sammy Davis Jr.
    • “I will not be right back after this message” —Merv Griffin
    • “She did it the hard way.” —Bette Davis
    • “Ok, I gotta go now.” —Dee Dee Ramone
    • “Let ‘er rip.” —Leslie Nielsen
    • “I may be gone, but Rock and Roll lives on.” —John Belushi
    • “I told you I was sick.” —Spike Milligan
    • “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” —Sir Winston Churchill
    • “Murdered by a traitor and coward whose name is not worthy to appear here.” —Jesse James
    • “Jack Lemmon in” —Jack Lemmon
    • “Good Friend, for Jesus’ sake forbear, / To dig the dust enclosed here. / Blessed be the man that spares these stones, / And curst be he that moves my bones.” —William Shakespeare [3]
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Section 4 of 5:

Short Funny Epitaphs

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  1. Art is long, but life is short—and so are these epitaphs. A clever epitaph doesn’t need to be long-winded. These interesting and humorous epitaphs get the point across in just a few words:
    • “Here lies an Atheist: All dressed up and no place to go.”
    • “I’d rather be reading this.” —Esther A. Freer
    • “Oh no.”
    • “She always said her feet were killing her, but no one believed her.” —Unknown
    • “Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.” —John Yeast
    • “Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102, The good die young.” —Ezekial Aikle
    • “Yul B. Next” —Unknown
    • “He never killed a man that did not need killing.” —Robert Clay Allison
    • “Willy B. Back? Let's hope not.” —Unknown
    • “If you can read this, you’re standing on my boobs.” —Janet Marie Crowder Girolamo [4]
    • “I Was Hoping For A Pyramid” —Unknown
    • “They said I made my bed. Now, I’m lying in it. Let me tell you, it’s the pits.” —Unknown
    • “I told you these taxes were killing me!” —Unknown
Section 5 of 5:

Powerful Famous Epitaphs

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  1. It might be moving, meaningful, or inspiring. These powerful epitaphs may not be funny, but they’re compelling and insightful:
    • “‘Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.’ Psalm 19:14” —Johnny Cash
    • “Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.” —John Wayne
    • “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.” —Robert Frost
    • “True to your own spirit.” —Jim Morrison
    • “A star on earth—a star in heaven.” —Karen Carpenter
    • “His star will forever shine.” —Bert Convy
    • “Truth and History. / 21 Men. / The Boy Bandit King—He Died As He Lived.” —William H. Bonney, aka “Billy the Kid”
    • “Sleep after toyle, port after stormie seas, / Ease after warre, death after life, does greatly please.” —Joseph Conrad
    • “I know in my heart that man is good, that what is right will always eventually triumph, and there is purpose and worth to each and every life.” —Ronald Reagan
    • “Goodnight, sweet prince.” —John Barrymore
    • “Liberty, Humanity, Justice, Equality.” —Susan B. Anthony
    • “We live to love you more each day.” —Jayne Mansfield
    • “A Gay Vietnam Veteran / When I was in the military / They gave me a medal for killing two men / And a discharge for loving one.”
    • “Grace, dignity and elegance personified.” —Joe DiMaggio
    • “Love will tear us apart.” —Ian Curtis
    • “The Body of B. Franklin, Printer; like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents torn out, And stript of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies here, Food for Worms. But the Work shall not be wholly lost; For it will, as he believ’d, appear once more, in a new & more perfect Edition, Corrected and amended By the Author.” —Benjamin Franklin
    • “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last.” —Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. [5]
    • “Here lies Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence, and of the Statutes establishing religious toleration in the Commonwealth of Virginia.” —Thomas Jefferson
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.michaellaird.com/pages/books/3856/epitaphs/manuscript-record-book-of-epitaphs-ca-1876
      2. ↑ https://graveyardsofscotland.com/tag/martin-elginbrod/
      3. ↑ https://guides.canadacollege.edu/Shakespeare/TheCurse
      4. ↑ https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/162579803/janet_marie-girolamo
      5. ↑ https://nmaahc.si.edu/object/nmaahc_2011.94.44

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