Make eye contact This shows that you’re engaged and actively listening. * Don’t stare unblinkingly into her eyes as this can cause discomfort for both of you * Under no circumstances should you focus your eyes on her body during conversation Listen Avoid dominating the conversation and give her chance to speak. * Nod or use neutral statements like “uh-huh” or “I see” to show you’re paying attention * Ask probing questions like “What are you going to do now?” or “How did that feel?” to keep her talking * Restate what she has said in her own words to show that you have fully comprehended her * Avoid “mansplaining” (i.e., explaining things to her at-length or giving unsolicited advice) Adjust your tone and volume Be conscious of the tone of voice you use when speaking to women. Avoid using too much volume or an overly pedantic tone of voice as these can come off as patronizing and aggressive. * Adapt your voice to the environment you are in, the nature of the conversation, or any emotional cues she is giving you (and match those cues) Display good manners Be decent in how you behave around her and treat others with courtesy. * Avoid obsessive foul language, burping, or passing gas * Avoid touching without consent * Say “please” and “thank you” * Offer help to her or others Avoid slurs and stereotypes Derogatory words or phrases are inappropriate to say to or about women—doing so is ignorant and misogynistic. Ask yourself the following questions to examine whether or not you hold these attitudes and beliefs: * Do I associate women with certain social roles or professions? * Am I skeptical of women in power? * Do I think men are more knowledgeable about certain topics than women? Ask for (and respect) her opinions Ask for her opinions to show that you value her input, and when she offers it, be appreciative. Examples: ✗ “That’s a stupid way to see it and you have no idea what you’re talking about.” ✓ “I don’t see it that way, but I respect your opinion.” Validate her emotions There are no right or wrong emotions in any situation, so acknowledge what she’s feeling in the moment (even if you would react differently). Examples: ✗ “You’re overreacting and you shouldn’t feel that way about it.” ✓ “It sounds like you had a tough day. It must have been horrible getting through that exam when you knew something happened at home.” Respect personal body space Standing too close can feel invasive and aggressive. Be aware of how close you are and back up if necessary. * If you notice a girl constantly backing away, you’re in her personal space “bubble” * Standing an arm’s length (or more) away is acceptable for female friends and prospective partners Know when to walk away If a girl is displaying closed body language, that’s a sign she doesn’t want to talk. If you see these signs, leave her be: * Facing away from you * Avoiding eye contact * Crossed arms and/or slumped away-facing posture * Single-word replies * A bored, neutral facial expression