Why 3 Squeezes Means "I Love You" When You're Holding Hands

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Plus, what it means when someone squeezes your hand 4 times
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There are tons of non-verbal ways to communicate how much you care about your significant other. Maybe doing acts of service is your love language, or buying them gifts, or even physical touch. But–what does it mean when you squeeze your partner’s hand three times? Keep reading for a comprehensive guide to this unconventional form of affection. 

3 Squeezes Mean I Love You: Quick Overview

If someone squeezes your hand 3 times, they're saying "I love you," with each squeeze representing one of the words. To respond, squeeze their hand 4 times, which means "I love you too."

Section 1 of 5:

What does it mean when someone squeezes your hand 3 times?

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  1. This gesture is a way to communicate your affection without speaking, with each squeeze representing one of the words in "I love you." It's common in situations where speaking may not be appropriate or possible. This expression of love can take place in all sorts of relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, or friendly. [1]
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Section 2 of 5:

How should you respond to 3 squeezes from a loved one?

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  1. If you’re holding hands with a loved one and they squeeze your hand 3 times, you might be thinking, “What should I do in return?!” A great move would be to squeeze their hand right back 4 times, with each squeeze representing a word in the phrase, “I love you, too.” This sweet and silent reply is perfectly acceptable and is sure to communicate how much you care about the person.
Section 3 of 5:

3-Squeeze Rule on Social Media

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  1. The 3-squeeze rule is a trend that’s currently going viral on TikTok. It’s defined by kissing your partner after they’ve squeezed your hand 3 times. In this case, the 3 squeezes aren’t just a comforting way of saying, “I love you,” but also a tender request for a kiss in romantic relationships. Next time you’re holding hands with your partner, try this squeezing 3 times and see how they react! If they're not sure what to do, you can fill them in. [2]
    • Some couples squeeze each other’s hands 3 times out of habit, possibly related to “cute aggression.”
      • Cute aggression, or cuteness aggression, is a term coined by psychologists to describe the feeling of wanting to squeeze or squash something—or someone—we love. [3]
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Section 4 of 5:

Origins of the 3 Hand Squeeze

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  1. Although the origins of the 3-squeeze handhold are not known, it’s believed that this gesture may be an instinct-based method of communication between a parent and child. Many families have reported participating in this exchange with loved ones, beginning in childhood. Most commonly, the parent squeezes their child’s hand three times as a sweet and intimate gesture of reassurance. Over time, this gesture is either explained or understood to mean that each squeeze corresponds with a word in, “I love you.” [4]
    • Research has shown that children with affectionate and attentive parents tend to be happier and lead more successful lives as adults. 
      • They are also more likely to pass on similar loving behaviors to their own future children.
Section 5 of 5:

References in Pop Culture

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  1. This song, featured on Swift’s award-winning 2017 album, reputation , includes what might be the best-known mention of the 3-squeeze handhold. In the song , Swift sings the following lyrics: “You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi/ I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road/ I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe/ Or if you strike out and you’re crawlin’ home.” [5]
    • The acoustic ballad describes the speaker and her lover the morning after a New Year’s Eve party thrown at their house, as they clean up the mess while being all lovey-dovey.
  2. On Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, the SNL comedian shared that his late mother often squeezed his hand 3 times as a child to say, “I love you.” In response, he shared that he would squeeze back 4 times, following the unspoken rules of this affectionate gesture. During a performance in 2017, Taylor Swift performed “New Year’s Day” on Fallon’s show, which resulted in an emotional response from him and the audience. Fallon’s mother had recently passed away, and producer Mike DiCenzo noted that he saw Fallon with tears in his eyes and a tissue in hand, calling it “a beautiful coincidence in a beautiful performance.” [6]
  3. This children’s book, aptly titled “Three Squeezes” was written by author Jason Pratt in 2020. Pratt was inspired by two people in his life that were unable to verbally communicate their love— one very young and one very old. He wrote this book in order to show the world that love can be demonstrated in many different ways, and squeezing is one of them. The story showcases the bond between a father and his son, as they face life together at every stage. [7]
    • An excerpt from the book reads, “When you could neither talk nor stand/ life’s hourglass still filled with sand,/ I gently held your tiny hand/and gave it three soft squeezes.”
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/ways-to-say-i-love-you/
      2. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/discover/three-squeeze-rule?lang=en
      3. ↑ https://www.unsw.edu.au/newsroom/news/2024/02/cute-aggression-why-you-might-want-to-squash-every-adorable-thing-you-see
      4. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-a-parents-affection-shapes-a-childs-happiness-for-life/
      5. ↑ https://genius.com/Taylor-swift-new-years-day-lyrics
      6. ↑ https://time.com/5023187/taylor-swift-fallon-new-years-day/
      7. ↑ https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250313454/threesqueezes/

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