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So you’ve just found out your crush doesn’t like you back. Now what? You might feel like moping around or pestering them in an attempt to change their mind, but that will most likely just leave you feeling worse, and possibly annoy your crush, too. The healthiest and most dignified thing to do in this situation is to accept the news and move on. You can get over the sting of rejection by keeping yourself busy, distancing yourself from your crush, and taking care of your emotional health.
Steps
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Spend time on your hobbies. Throw yourself into the things you enjoy doing to keep your mind off your crush. If you used to spend a lot of time thinking about the object of your affections, reclaim that time by putting it towards a new project, a good book, or a series on Netflix that you’ve been meaning to watch.- If you previously dropped some of your hobbies because you were distracted by your crush, picking them up again is a great way to move on.
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Meet new people. Instead of pining over someone who isn’t interested in you, mix it up with some new people who will appreciate how great you are. You don’t have to go looking for another crush just yet, but don’t be shy about reaching out to all kinds of people and making new friends. [1] X Research source- School, extracurricular activities, community clubs, and volunteer work are all good ways to meet people.
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Try something that is completely different. Expand your horizons and take your mind off the past by challenging yourself. If you’ve always wanted to do something but never worked up the nerve, there’s a no better time than right now to give it a try. [2] X Research source- For example, you could audition for a play, take a solo trip, or apply for a new job.
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Respect your crush’s boundaries. Don’t try to change your crush’s mind or prove to them how great you are. This might get on their nerves, and worse, it will make you feel a little pathetic. Save your energy for someone who likes you, and leave your crush alone. [3] X Research source- Remember that there are many reasons your crush might not be interested in you. Maybe they’ve liked someone else for a long time, or maybe they like you as a friend but don’t think you’d be a compatible couple. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
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Explain that you need some time to recover. If you are friends with your crush, it’s normal to feel a little awkward around them after getting rejected. Let them know that you need some time away from them to get over your feelings. If they are a good friend, they’ll understand and respect your wishes.- If you aren’t really friends with your crush, you don’t need to explain to them that you’re taking some time away from them. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t.
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Unfollow or block your crush on social media. Resist the urge to stalk your crush online by unfriending or unfollowing them on the social media platforms you use. If you’re worried about caving in and re-following them later, block them. [4] X Research source- You can always re-add them in the future, once you’re over your feelings.
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Stay away from places you think your crush may be. Don’t try to get a glimpse of your crush in the hallway at school or in the break room at work, no matter how tempting the idea may be. Put as much distance as you can between yourself and them. If you have to see your crush every day, try to sit far away from them and avoid conversation. [5] X Research source- Be polite. It’s okay to say hello if you happen to see your crush, but don’t linger or try to start a conversation.
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Avoid asking your friends about your crush. If you and your crush have mutual friends, let them know that you’re trying to get over some feelings, and ask them not to talk about your crush around you for a while. Don’t ask what your crush is up to or whether they’re dating anybody since this might re-ignite your old emotions. -
Avoid entertainment that reminds you of your crush. Music, movies, and books can all be helpful in getting over an unrequited flame, but stay away from entertainment that helps you wallow in your feelings. If certain media makes you think about your crush, cut it out for a while and replace it with something that isn’t so emotionally loaded.- Try indulging in escapism for a while. Look for novels and TV shows that transport you to worlds very different from your everyday life.
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Accept your feelings. Admit to yourself that you’re feeling bad about getting turned down. There’s nothing wrong with liking someone, and rejection is something almost everyone has experienced at some point. The sooner you come to terms with your feelings, the sooner you can heal from them and move on. [6] X Research source -
2Grieve the loss of the potential relationship. Even though you were not in a relationship with this person, in your mind, it may feel like you “lost” someone. Allow yourself time and space to grieve properly, then it will be easier to move on.
- Having a crush is like having a one-sided imaginary relationship. In your mind, you develop an attachment to another person that is not reciprocated. You will need time and space to break that attachment.
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Find support. Seek out the company of people who value you, like your friends and family. It’s okay to cry or talk your problems through with them, especially at first, but try to have some fun with your loved ones too. A day out with your pals or a visit with extended family can do wonders for your mood and self-esteem. [7] X Research source -
Make a list of your good qualities. Sit down with pen and paper, and spend a few minutes brainstorming all the reasons someone would be lucky to be with you. Include overall positive traits like kindness, as well as little quirks like always remembering someone’s favorite foods. Save your list so you can look at it when you feel down about yourself. [8] X Research source -
Think about your crush’s negative traits. Nobody’s perfect, and your previously rosy view of your crush might have hidden their bad qualities. Now that you have a bit more distance from them, think of everything that bothers you about your crush, from their weird laugh to their inability to remember your name. You’ll be feeling less love-struck in no time. -
Express yourself creatively. Channel your feelings into your writing, drawing, music, or any other kind of art you like to make. You can show other people your finished work, or keep it private – it’s up to you. [9] X Research source -
Practice good self-care. Your heart and ego are probably feeling a little bruised, so be gentle with yourself as you recover. Cut yourself a bit of slack at school or work. Instead of burying your sadness with endless movie-and-takeout sessions, do your best to eat well and get some exercise, and treat yourself to things that make you feel good about yourself. [10] X Research source- For instance, you could spend an afternoon at your favorite coffee shop or get a new haircut that you love.
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series
Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
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QuestionMy crush is leaving the school and I'm devastated. What do I do?Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.Perhaps establishing a friendship with this person as well as a way to stay friends when they leave the school is appropriate. If this person does not know the feelings you have for them and you feel unable to do so, grieve the loss and follow the tips in this article.
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QuestionHow can I get over him if my brother and his wife and kids constantly talk about him? They let him flint his new girlfriend to me. And that really hurts.Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.Until your attachment to this person is removed, you may want to spend less time with your brother and his family. It may help to tell your brother and his family that you have feelings for this person, but it’s not their responsibility to change their behavior because of your feelings. You may ask them to let you know if that person will be around, then choose not to attend. Time and distance can help heal.
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Tips
- Put your time and energy into people who do like you, such as family and friends.Thanks
- Remember that there will be other people out there. You may realize your crush was simply a crush, not a love.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Ask for someone's advise. It doesn't have to be your mother or father, because sometimes that is awkward or embarrassing. Ask an older sibling, best friend, or other relative. Be sure to only tell the people you trust.
- Try to avoid them as much as possible to protect your peace. It's not easy to forget, but if you don't look at them or talk about them for a while, you'll start to think about them less.
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References
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/18/get-over-a-breakup_n_5600069.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/trying-new-things
- ↑ http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-handle-the-pain-of-unrequited-love/
- ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
- ↑ http://www.livescience.com/27257-getting-over-a-breakup.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html#
- ↑ http://calgaryconnecteen.com/get-over-a-crush/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/13/rejection-coping-methods-research_n_4919538.html
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-unrequited-love-can-make-us-more-creative/2015/02/12/525b38c2-ab2a-11e4-9c91-e9d2f9fde644_story.html?utm_term=.d5f147c224bf
About This Article
Article Summary
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Accepting that your crush doesn’t like you can be tough, but you can distract yourself from thinking about them by focusing on your hobbies, like reading a good book, watching TV, or going out with your friends. Try to meet new people too by talking to different kids at school, joining a club, or doing volunteer work, since making new friends can help you forget about your crush. Even better, you might find someone you like! While you’re staying busy, give your crush some space so things don’t feel awkward between you. If you find yourself getting upset about your crush, try making a list of all their negative traits to remind you that they weren't perfect. For more tips from our co-author, like how to avoid reminders of your crush, read on!
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- "I've had a crush on a friend of mine for a while, and I thought that I had a shot with her. We were good friends because we were close. Long story short, she asked if I like her, so I said yes. Then I thought things would get better, but they didn't, she pretended it didn't happen. I'm getting over her because no matter what I do or say to her, or support her in bad times or be kind, she'll never see more then just a friend. I just thought things would be different, but it isn't; it never will." ..." more
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"I've had a crush on a friend of mine for a while, and I thought that I had a shot with her. We were good friends because we were close. Long story short, she asked if I like her, so I said yes. Then I thought things would get better, but they didn't, she pretended it didn't happen. I'm getting over her because no matter what I do or say to her, or support her in bad times or be kind, she'll never see more then just a friend. I just thought things would be different, but it isn't; it never will."
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