How to Act (and Feel) More Confident

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Your guide to showing & building confidence
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No one feels confident 100% of the time and that's okay! For whatever reason, there may be some situations where you want to improve your confidence—we can help you with that. In this article, we'll provide the best tips for acting confident in front of others, as well as share advice for how to build up your self-confidence. You can do this!

Best Ways to Be More Confident

  1. Take pride in even the smallest of accomplishments.
  2. Refrain from judging others.
  3. Learn to politely decline when necessary.
  4. Speak up and make your voice heard.
  5. Make time to truly listen to others.
  6. Believe in your own purpose.
Section 1 of 3:

16 Ways to Act Confident

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  1. You might choose a parent, teacher, or even a celebrity. Observe this person’s actions, speech and body language. Imitate these behaviors until they become your own. [1]
  2. Being friendly to others and smiling makes you appear confident. It makes people believe that you’re a nice and happy person who enjoys being around other people. In turn, they will want to be around you.
    • Participating in a variety of different activities will give you the opportunity to be friendly and display your confidence.
    • Introduce yourself by name to other people. This will give them the impression that you respect yourself and you are worth listening to when you speak.
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  3. Confident people don’t over-talk, chatter, or say too much. They speak when they need to speak and listen to other people, engaging in conversation in socially appropriate ways. [2]
    • For example, don’t constantly talk about yourself. When you constantly talk about your achievements, people start to think that you’re looking for approval and acceptance. A confident person doesn’t try to seek much external approval. Instead try asking other people about their achievements and lives!
    • Accept compliments graciously. When people give you positive feedback, thank them and accept the compliment. Confident people know that they are worthy of compliments and respect. Don’t self-deprecate by saying you’re not good at something, or acting as though your success was just lucky.
  4. Confident people usually don’t appear anxious or nervous. Making small adjustments to your body language can convey confidence and power, despite what you might be feeling inside. [3]
    • Stand up with your back and shoulders straight.
    • Make eye contact when you’re talking with someone.
    • Don’t fidget.
    • Relax tension in your muscles.
  5. When you meet someone new, make eye contact and give a firm handshake. This will convey that you are confident and interested.
  6. Use a clear, confident voice when you speak. When your voice is timid or wobbly, you are not conveying as much confidence. If you rush through your words, you are conveying that you might not expect people to listen to you.
    • Try to eliminate words like “um” and “uh” from your vocabulary.
  7. People often make snap judgments based on a person’s appearance. Sometimes, acting confidently means that you need to dress the part. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, the average person may not take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will assume you are confident and will likely be more respectful.
    • Making an effort to be serious about your appearance will make it look like you're more serious about your demands.
  8. Don’t let others speak for you, because they can easily take advantage of you this way. If you speak up for yourself and show people that you’re not going to stand to be treated with disrespect, they will see your confidence and show you the respect that you deserve.
    • For example, if you are trying to speak and someone interrupts, say, “Excuse me, I’d like to finish my thought.”
  9. People tend to treat you as well as you treat yourself. If you’re always self-deprecating, other people will begin to treat you that way. By having self-respect, you can demonstrate that you will not settle for anything less from others.
    • For example, don’t talk to other people about how much you hate your hair. Find something about your appearance that you’re pleased with and focus on that. Or, get a new haircut and turn a negative self-image into a positive one.
  10. If you are having trouble acting confident in one situation, imagine that you are in a different situation where you are confident. For example, you don’t have trouble speaking with other people at school. But you clam up when talking at parties. When you are at a party, imagine that you are just talking with someone in your classroom.
    • Challenge the negative thoughts you are having in the party situation by reassuring yourself that you have social skills and that you can talk easily in other situations.
  11. Confident people not only view themselves in a positive way; they also recognize positive attributes in other people. If your coworker did a great job or won an achievement award, congratulate that person with a smile. Give people compliments on little and big things. This can help you appear confident to other people.
  12. Initiate your body’s calming response by quelling your fight or flight response. [4] Even if you don’t feel more confident for the moment, breathing deeply can calm your body.
    • For example, if you feel nervous about a job interview, activate your body’s calming response by taking ten deep breaths, breathing in for a count of four, holding for a count of four, then exhaling for a count of four. Your body will become more relaxed, which will help you appear more confident to others.
  13. Communicating in an honest, straightforward manner will help your confidence in any given situation. Assertive communication helps ensure that everyone’s rights (the speaker and listener) are protected. It also ensures that everyone enters into the conversation with an understanding of cooperation. This also means that everyone’s opinions are considered when working out a solution.
    • For example, to act confident during an interview, take the interview as an opportunity to see how your work experience and knowledge will help fulfill the company’s needs. You could say, “From what you’ve told me, one of the skills you are looking for is help expanding upon existing clients' use of intermodal rail services. In my position at ABC Transport, I was able to help three major national clients expand and brought in an extra one million dollars for the company. I would love to do the same, if not more, for XYZ Intermodal.”
  14. Make assertive decisions. When you need to make a decision, don’t waffle over the options. Be decisive and firm, and stand by your decision. [5]
    • This can be something minor, such as deciding which restaurant you’ll go to for dinner. Don’t overthink this decision. Decide on a restaurant and have fun.
    • If the decision is a large one, such as accepting a new job, you can take more time to weigh the pros and cons of the decision’s outcomes. Just make sure that you are not hemming and hawing too much.
  15. Channel any nervous energy you’ve got into something productive. Shift your focus on working hard. Confident people are not afraid to look towards improvement, because what they do does not affect their own self-opinion. They know that they are always going to do their best in any given situation, so they will act confident even if mistakes happen.
  16. Confident people don’t give up easily in situations. Rather, they keep going until they have found a solution or a way to succeed. If you want to act with confidence, don’t cave in when you are confronted with a challenge. [6]
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Build Your Self-Confidence

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  1. The best way to act confident is to feel confident. There are several things you can do to help your self-confidence and self-esteem, which in turn will help you feel better in a variety of situations. Believing in yourself is the secret to confidence. While you can act confident, you will be much more convincing if you believe in your confidence. Look deep inside yourself and acknowledge your best attributes. You may not think you have anything special in you, but you do. This inner confidence will naturally make you feel and look great.
    • Set realistic goals and meet them. Give yourself the confidence to know that you can successfully accomplish goals.
    • Love yourself for who you are. Accept yourself for your positives and negatives. Give yourself leeway for mistakes and give yourself accolades when you are successful.
    • Talk with your loved ones. People who love you can help you see the positive in yourself. They love you for particular reasons, and their influence will have a positive effect on your self-worth.
  2. In order to act confidently, shift your focus to the things that give you confidence. Think about your positive attributes. Consider the things you’ve done well and succeeded at (no matter how big or small). Make a list of positive things to say about yourself. Some examples are:
    • I’m a great friend.
    • I’m a hard-working employee.
    • I excel at mathematics, science, spelling, grammar, etc.
    • I won trophies for competing in chess.
    Ashley Graham, Model & Activist

    Build your confidence through daily affirmations. "Confidence is not something that happens overnight. I have been working on it for a long time. I look in the mirror and do affirmations: 'You are bold. You are brilliant. You are beautiful.'"

  3. Recall situations in which people have complimented you. This will help you think positively about yourself, which in turn will help you to act confidently.
  4. Once you understand the situations in which you feel confident, you can transfer your confidence skills to other situations.
    • Write a list of each situation where you feel confident. For each situation, write down what it is that enables you to feel confident in that situation. For example: “I feel confident when I am with my friends. Reasons why I feel confident: I have known them a long time. I know they don’t judge me. They accept me for who I am.”
    • Write down each situation where you don’t feel as confident. For each of these situations, write down what it is that prevents you from feeling confident. For example: “I don’t feel confident when I am in work. Reasons why I don’t feel confident: It’s a new job and I am not sure about what I am doing. My boss is a bit picky, and she has pulled me up on the work I have done.”
  5. Another skill you can work on is striving to succeed in the things you do at work, at school, or even at your relationships. It’s all about focus. Confident people focus on how to improve what they do until they succeed. People who lack confidence will focus upon how they appear, worrying about their perceived shortcomings (which are most often not true), and worry about failing rather than trying to find a way to make things work.
    • Reflect on a recent situation that you were in, such as giving a public talk or interviewing for a job. Count at least three things that went well in the situation. This will help keep negative thinking at bay. [7]
  6. Negative thoughts cause a lot of misery for a lot of people. Negative thoughts are often based upon self-beliefs that are untrue. These types of thoughts might include, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlucky,” or “I mess up all the time.”
    • Acknowledge those thoughts as they occur. You simply have picked up some bad habits along the way. Changing them is completely within your reach.
    • Counter negative thoughts. Offer an opposite thought and then test out which one is true. For example, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m unlucky,” counter that thought with all the things you have in your life that make you lucky. For example, remind yourself, “I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing on my back. I have friends and family who love me. I won $40 last year from lottery scratch tickets.”
    • Acknowledge that your inner critic is never really correct. Quieting the inner critic can help you act confidently because you will feel more confident without someone (you) putting you down all the time.
  7. You can use your list of positives to increase your belief in the fact that you will rise to challenges and do your best in any given situation. [8]
    • If you always think about what you’re doing wrong, you will decrease your sense of “self-efficacy” (your belief that you can actually accomplish things big and small). In turn, this will erode your self-confidence and cause you to act with less self-confidence. Instead, believe that you can overcome challenges.
  8. Celebrate your individuality . There may be things you want to change about yourself. But you still need to accept yourself fundamentally before you can begin to change. Don’t compare yourself to others. Try not to worry about what others may think of you. Learn to follow your own path and do the things that you want to do.
  9. Accomplish something in your life that you have always wished to accomplish. Start taking classes, join a club, or do something else that you know you’re great at. Accomplishing something that makes you feel strong will improve your confidence.
  10. Everyday write down something that you are proud of, whether it be an act of kindness towards someone or a positive trait that you just discovered. Whenever you need to boost your confidence, look back to your journal and remind yourself that you are wonderful in so many ways.
  11. Spend time with people who love you and whom you love. Having supportive people in your life will help you build confidence in a multitude of situations. This includes family, friends, and significant others.
  12. Take care of your body so that you feel good about yourself. Get enough exercise and eat healthy foods. When you feel good about yourself and your body, you will feel more confident. This will help you act more confident too. [9]
    • Aim to get about 30 minutes of physical activity every day. [10]
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Section 3 of 3:

What causes a lack of confidence?

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  1. Lacking love, affection, and positive interactions during this formative time can leave people feeling unworthy or lacking in inner value. Similarly, growing up with high levels of pain, hurt, or constant criticism can have a detrimental effect on self-confidence. [11] Several other factors can also impact self-esteem, including:
    • Performance and results at work or school
    • Exposure to media and social media messages
    • Body image and feelings about one's appearance
    • The level of support and acceptance from loved ones
    • Achievements or skill levels
    • Physical and mental health challenges
    • Pressure to conform or "fit in" with peers
    • Perfectionist tendencies and comparisons to others
    • Demands to excel in certain areas
    • Experiences of bullying, abuse, stigma, or discrimination
    • Navigating major life changes or losses


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      Warnings

      • Trying too hard to be confident around others will cause them to see you as insecure, arrogant, and having a need for attention.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.simplypsychology.org/bandura.html
      2. ↑ https://www1.cfnc.org/Home/Article.aspx?articleId=TKZjBonzsuebU8XAP2BPAXEAiXAP2FPAX11wXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX&level=3XAP2FPAX6J7I3kztATGuYyXAP2BPAXDahIQXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX
      3. ↑ http://socialself.com/confident-conversation
      4. ↑ https://medicine.umich.edu/dept/chronic-pain-fatigue-research-center
      5. ↑ http://leanin.org/news-inspiration/8-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-what-no-one-ever-tells-you/
      6. ↑ https://www1.cfnc.org/Home/Article.aspx?articleId=TKZjBonzsuebU8XAP2BPAXEAiXAP2FPAX11wXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX&level=3XAP2FPAX6J7I3kztATGuYyXAP2BPAXDahIQXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX
      7. ↑ http://leanin.org/news-inspiration/8-ways-to-boost-your-confidence-what-no-one-ever-tells-you/
      8. ↑ https://www1.cfnc.org/Home/Article.aspx?articleId=TKZjBonzsuebU8XAP2BPAXEAiXAP2FPAX11wXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX&level=3XAP2FPAX6J7I3kztATGuYyXAP2BPAXDahIQXAP3DPAXXAP3DPAX
      9. ↑ http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/ways-exercise-improve-self-confidence/
      1. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/exercise/art-20048389
      2. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/self-esteem

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To act confident, stand with your back and shoulders straight, make eye contact with others, and avoid fidgeting to project a strong, relaxed persona. When you're talking to people, avoid speaking too fast, mumbling, or using words like “um,” which can be seen as signs of anxiety or nervousness. You’ll also want to steer clear of criticizing yourself in front of others since this can make you appear weak. In addition to projecting a positive self-image, make an effort to compliment others as well, since confident people recognize the positive aspects of those around them too. To learn how to make assertive decisions to increase your confidence, keep reading!

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