How to Act Cool Around Your Crush (for Girls)

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Acting natural around your crush can feel like an impossible challenge. How are you supposed to be fun and confident when you’ve got an army of butterflies in your stomach? Start by acknowledging your feelings and realizing that your crush is just another person. Play a little hard to get by giving them space and enjoying your own awesome life. Finally, show them you’re confident with a breezy smile, flirting, and fun conversation.

Quick Steps

  1. Recognize that your crush has quirks and flaws to help you keep your cool.
  2. Take deep breaths to relax yourself before talking to your crush.
  3. Slow down your speech so you don’t tumble over your words.
  4. Chat and flirt with your crush, but give them their space, too.
  5. Look confident by smiling at your crush and maintaining eye contact.
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Staying Calm

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  1. Don’t try to repress your feelings or beat yourself up for falling head over heels. It’ll only make you more jittery and nervous around your crush. Instead, accept the way you feel, and don’t judge yourself. [1]
    • Tell yourself, “I really like Josh, and that’s fine. He’s a great guy. It doesn’t make me weak or desperate.”
  2. They aren’t a god or some superior alien life form. Try to notice the ways in which they aren’t so perfect. Realizing that they’re a person just like you can help you play it cool.
    • Maybe your crush is afraid of heights or needs extra tutoring in math just like you. Don’t judge your crush for their flaws. Instead, use them to help you relate to your crush.
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  3. When you’re nervous, it’s easy for your words to run away from you. [2] To look cooler--and to make sure your crush can actually understand what you’re saying--take a deep breath and consciously slow your speech. [3]
    • It may sound weirdly slow in your head, but it probably sounds just right to your crush.
    • Remember: your conversation isn't a play, and it doesn't have to be perfect! [4]
  4. Maybe you’re at a party and you see your crush across the room. Take a deep breath, throw on a breezy smile, and approach them within three seconds. If you wait any longer, you could start overthinking the situation, get really anxious, and lose your cool girl mojo. [5]
    • Remember, if you don’t put yourself out there, you may never move things forward with your crush. Go for it!
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Part 2
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Playing Hard to Get

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  1. Sticking to your crush like glue can make you seem obsessed and desperate, which could scare them away. Show you’re interested with a little bit of flirting and chatting, but don’t spend every second of the day following them around.
    • Make sure you hang out with your friends and have fun without your crush.
  2. If the two of you are texting, that’s great! Things could be moving in the right direction. However, wait a few minutes before responding to some texts. You want to show them that you have your own fun life, and aren’t hovering around the phone 24/7 waiting for their next text.
  3. It’s ok to steal flirty glances every now and then. It can actually give them a hint that you like them! However, staring for long periods of time will probably creep them out.
  4. If your friend group starts giggling and pointing whenever your crush walks by, it could make you embarrassed or uncomfortable. Ask your friends to act natural when your crush is around.
    • Say, “Hey, could you guys stop pointing and giggling? It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’m pretty sure it’s making my crush feel weird, too.”
  5. If you feel your crush developing into a full blown obsession, stop and make sure you’re still doing things for yourself. Your crush shouldn’t be your whole world. Keeping a balanced outlook will help you stay cool, calm and collected around your special someone. [6]
    • Don’t quit the soccer team so you can hang out with them after school, or join a club just because they’re a member.
    EXPERT TIP

    Chloe Carmichael, PhD

    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist

    Being hard to get isn't about playing games. It's about overriding your impulse to give away your heart too soon. A lot of people will throw all caution to the wind when they have a crush. I advise being more cautious about giving your heart away.

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Part 3
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Looking Confident

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  1. Show those pearly whites around your crush, even if you feel like your insides are made of Jell-O. You’ll look more approachable and confident. [7]
  2. Flirting with your crush shows you’re interested and confident. Make eye contact and touch them lightly on the arm or shoulder when you’re talking. Throw in some playful teasing to tie it all together. [8]
    • Try a backhanded compliment, like “You’re pretty good at tennis...almost as good as me.”
    • Make sure it’s clear that you’re teasing. If your crush seems upset, back off.
  3. To have a fun, cool conversation, ask your crush questions. Use open-ended questions, which are questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no, to get them talking. You’ll seem more confident, interesting, and likeable! [9]
    • If you know they’re on the swim team, ask, “How did your meet go last weekend?”
    • If they like to play the guitar, ask, “How did you get started with guitar?”
    • Try making observations, too. For instance, you could say, "That's a really interesting bandana!" or "I love your necklace—does it have a special meaning?" [10]
  4. Pull your shoulders back, hold your head high, and look straight ahead. You’ll appear cool and confident around your crush, plus you’ll feel more confident, too. [11]
  5. You’ll look relaxed and self assured. As a bonus, you’ll get your crush’s attention. [12]
    • If there’s time, you can even have a quick, flirty conversation!
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it normal to be awkward around your crush?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely, especially if you don't know your crush very well. It's usually awkward to meet someone new.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 71
  • Question
    How do you start a conversation with your crush?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Basic observations are a good starting point. You could comment on something they're wearing, or mention how creative they are.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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  • Question
    How do I stop feeling anxious about talking to my crush?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try to relax and just put things in perspective. Your conversation doesn't have to be perfect, and it's okay if things are a little awkward at first.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Don’t tell your crush you like them as soon as you have a crush on them. It may scare them and end it right then.
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      • Try to make friends with their friends. They can let your crush know how cool you are!
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      • If you become friends with your crush, you can build up confidence around interpret your feelings for them.
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      Warnings

      • Acting cool doesn’t mean being rude. Playing hard to get can help, but don’t take it too far. Smile and interact when they do it.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://hellogiggles.com/crushes-crushing-hard/
      2. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/
      6. ↑ https://hellogiggles.com/crushes-crushing-hard/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201401/7-keys-establishing-confident-impression
      8. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-flirt-with-finesse-1781881776
      9. ↑ http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/06/people-will-like-you-more-if-you-ask-them-questions.html
      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/
      3. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a7604/best-flirting-tips/

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