How to Act Sane Even if You're Not

Co-authored by Catherine Boswell, PhD

Last Updated: March 7, 2024

Trying some of these suggestions may help you feel more in charge of your life. If you aren't experiencing peace and serenity , here are several ideas. You may avoid some difficulties in daily life, and get food for thought about being more calm and collected.

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Modify Your Lifestyle

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Accept your circumstances; accept your family , friends and acquaintance's opinions. If possible, try to appear non-flustered by minor events or by opinions of others, even if you feel upset .
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Try exercise or sport blowing off steam by forming a new habit : making a good habit can take a couple weeks, a month or more. Try working up from feeling down or working off energy or sublimating--elevating feelings by doing something like practicing on the piano--or be energetic playing vigorous sport. Whatever works well for you will be helpful, and some may be helpful in group activities.
- Keep it simple: Some people get satisfaction from
  - Walking fast, jogging,
  - Playing basketball, or swimming.
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For example, you might overcome anxiety , cope with depression or stop being paranoid , if you could slowly open up to situations that challenge you somewhat, and slowly learn to conquer your them. You show courage and make effort and so, feel good about that! These may be called baby steps. Don't start big; start with simple and easy improvements. Don't try to do too much--that can lead to sore muscles or sore feelings.
Avoid blaming others (but rather take responsibility for anything that you might have handled better) is a good idea. So avoid acting and talking in a negative way, but use positive thinking. You might be more successful by being kind, inspiring gratitude by being nicer and helpful .
Think about laughing appropriately and don't rudely discuss or laugh at other people's sensitive topics. Since you may not always pick up cues about other people's feelings, it's wise to ask if they are interested and have time to listen before launching into an involved discussion of complex topics. Don't be offended if people seem uninterested...
Doubt your hearing and your sight . Stop believing that you have super clear hearing. If only a few words are clear, then it very well may be your imagination filling in things that were not "heard." Doubt your negative interpretations of what you "heard" or saw; suspend judgment of subtle ideas or actions, and avoid groundless beliefs (unfounded opinions) or thinking that you have everything all figured out...

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Deal Nicely with People

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Realize that people will treat you better when you do not accuse them of wronging you , "bad mouthing" you or opposing you. Being friendly and considerate will help you stop being anxious ; so you will feel like people may be on your side.
Maintain relaxed eye contact to show confidence , but without staring fixedly. A way to achieve relaxed eye contact is to look at the left eye of the person briefly and then shift to other right eye. That way you are not so uncomfortable--because you are controlling the way you look at people--without just staring.
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Believe this: hardly anyone will think that you're odd if you:
- Act and react calmly --when others might complain loudly or argue or "go off half-cocked." So respond quietly when you feel extremely irritated or like raging about a wrongly prepared food order or some such thing; remember that if you make the wait persons and cooks mad they may "accidentally-on-purpose" drop your steak on the floor and pick it up and dust it off, serve it... Consider this as " Service with a Smile ."
- Don't glare and grimace at people- smile a little; if you're not sure if your brow is furrowed in a frown, casually touch your forehead to feel the wrinkles. Now take a deep breath, but let it out slowly, smile (Learn to laugh at yourself.) and relax . Don't wear a big grin all day or a "never-ending smile" either--try to wipe an uncomfortable grin off your face; relax a little do the deep breath again...
- Avoid erratic behavior--don't act shocked, shake your head, whirl about, giggle (for no apparent reason); Avoid rambling speech--get back on topic;
- Do not argue or accuse people of insults, etc. in a public place. Does it matter what strangers think? No! Will you be seeing them again--No! Let slights and insults drop; just let it go! Don't worry and don't react to strangers; if it seems that someone is confronting you or disrespecting you, just let it go. They don't matter.
Avoid publicly laughing or "cursing" for no apparent reason or talking to yourself --or muttering and giggling in public --but if you do, then look to see whether anyone is looking at you inquisitively and " say excuse me I just thought of something" and chuckle, but don't explain!
You may enjoy "talking back" to your TV (in private); or call a talk show , or cheer for a ball team on radio or TV, and argue with the 'nuts' opinions on the radio talk programs or news and commentary, etc. But, don't argue or grumble in public.
Hang up the phone and calm down when you get angry or insulted , feeling hurt--calm down and then call back nicely and pick up the conversation with; "We got cut off!" Well, you did and it helps sometimes...

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Attitude

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over your shoulder constantly. Have you seen a guy walking down the street who was repeatedly looking back and around in an anxious manner. That looks strange right ... Maybe he had good reasons, but most likely it was fear or paranoia (not totally composed at that time anyway).
They were probably just headed for the same department of the store, or heading up to the front behind you when you are. Don't accuse anyone of following you to the cash register or such things. Just shop in safe stores and walk in well lighted and safe areas with other people, and then think nothing of it--if ordinary people are walking along behind you.
Since silence is not always so golden, it is good to have some things you are prepared to say: "I don't think this working out."--or to think to yourself: "This appears to be an unfounded fear." Such things can do a lot of harm to your nerves if you entertain groundless fear--or conversely ignore reasonable fear. Ignorance is not always bliss.
Instead say " to yourself, " "I reject that thought!" and recite some positive spiritual thought like: "Bless the Lord--oh, my soul--and all that is within me bless His Holy name." or something simple like, "Things will be all right: it'll be okay!"
Realize that your attitude makes a great impact on yourself and others and that frowning, cynicism , sarcasm and fatalism are kinds of craziness, which may be self-defeating and are "dis-humor"--so lighten up. Also, seeming defensive, depressed, or irritated will validate self-doubt that you may be experiencing.
Find an activity that seems worthwhile to accomplish and get busy. Find activities that are plausible, and that can improve and for which there will be evidence. For instance, if you never see any people involved by your charity, you won't feel much accomplishment for just sending money to some address...
"Well they should know that/what I want..." (don't expect mind reading) or "I should be able to do what I want..." (realize others are affected). Focus on the present, not the past. Instead of thinking what could have been done, focus on what you can do now .

Part 4

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Positive Thinking

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to someone that you can trust; you're taking away some of its momentum. If you shed light on them--they won't have as much power of the unknown!
It's a new start today!
Help someone that has less than you and wants some help; this may help your mood and your self-concept, as you take one hour at a time!

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I stop myself from taking things too personally?

Catherine Boswell, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Catherine Boswell is a Licensed Psychologist and a Co-Founder of Psynergy Psychological Associates, a private therapy practice based in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups, couples, and families struggling with trauma, relationships, grief, and chronic pain. She holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell has taught courses to Master’s level students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.

Catherine Boswell, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Strengthen your resilience by understanding yourself better and staying grounded in that knowledge. Establish emotional distance during these interactions, and take a moment to observe how you perceive the encounter and identify the story you're telling yourself about it. Reflect on how this narrative connects to pre-existing beliefs, such as the notion that people always hurt your feelings. So ultimately, commit to examining, challenging, and, if necessary, changing these ingrained beliefs. While this process requires dedication, the payoff in reduced personalization of situations will make your effort worthwhile.

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Tips

Lower your stress by starting an exercise program like walking at a shopping area or a market or a park; get fresh air and improve your blood pressure . Vigorous activity can make you feel lively and boost your mood and help ease the tensions of your day.

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Be yourself. No one can be you better than you.

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Learn to play a guitar quickly and learn something new every day or every week. Make a list of things you want to do before you get "too old" to get out and about (learn how to swim, go fishing or learn a craft).

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Warnings

Avoid dishing out insults--like "I bet you were pretty when you were young!"

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Don't be "jealous" when you select and give a small gift to someone who needs cheering up--like expecting thanks , begging for compliments, or for hugs or kisses--but only visit a person that is worse off than you (like at a residence-home for the elderly) so that it will help you to feel an accomplishment.

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Make sure people are willing to chat and to accept your talk, so you can joke and tease with people in a check-out line and whoever is working the register in the store or cafe, etc.

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Never expect any object in return--when you give and bring a little bit of light into someone's life--that would be bad mental hygiene for you.

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