What to Do & Say on a First Date to Make a Great Impression

Download Article

A girl's guide to being the best she can be on a first date

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD

Last Updated: April 2, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article

What to Do on a First Date

|

What Not To Do

|

After the First Date

|

Final Thoughts

|

Video

ARTICLE

VIDEO

First dates can be equal parts exciting and terrifying. You want to impress your date, but still relax, have a good time, and allow your personality to shine through. If you’re a lover girl getting ready to go on a first date, keep reading to learn how to ease those first-date jitters and make sure everything goes smoothly. Plus, expert tips from dating coaches on what to do and not do.

First Date Advice for Ladies

Confirm your plans so you can dress and prep accordingly.
Greet your date warmly, smile, and make eye contact.
Ask open-ended questions to get the conversation flowing.
Be honest about your preferences and opinions.
Show interest by lightly touching their arm.
Limit yourself when drinking alcohol.

Section 1 of 4:

What to Do & How to Act on a First Date

Download Article

1
Find out what’s on the agenda. Plan out the day or evening yourself, or ask your date what you will be doing so that you’re best prepared for the occasion. If your date is taking the reins on this one, ask what they have in mind. If it’s a secret, simply ask what type of setting it is, like outdoors, active, or fancy. When in doubt, opt for something comfortable that you can move around in, especially when it comes to shoes! ^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you're the one planning the date, try something besides the typical dinner-and-movie. For example, go hiking, to an arcade, or to a science museum.
- Doing something active and interesting will take some of the pressure off conversation and allow you and your date to relax more.
- Dating coach Jeremy Sharvit makes a case against dinner on a first date if you initially connected on a dating app: “I just feel that it's too much of a time commitment for a complete stranger. What if you quickly realize that this really isn't going to work out? Or maybe you get catfished and this person doesn't look at all like what they look on their profile.”
- Get on the same page with your date about how, when, and where you’re meeting up. Are they picking you up? Are you meeting at a bar and then going over to the main part of your date? Knowing this will prevent any confusion. Reader Poll: We asked 619 wikiHow readers, and 50% of them agreed that a coffee shop is the best place to have a first date. [Take Poll]
2
Give yourself time to get ready. Plan to give yourself ample time to get ready before your date, including time to shower and get dressed, do your hair and makeup, and time to give yourself a little pep talk in the mirror. Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to rush, otherwise you’ll be flustered right from the beginning of the date, which may start you both off on the wrong foot.
- You probably already have a good idea of how long it takes you to get ready, so stick to that. Don’t feel any pressure to doll yourself up more than usual, as your date already knows what you look like.
- Avoid getting ready too far in advance, which may make you antsy or more nervous when you finish getting ready and have to wait till the date starts. This could also increase the chance of you getting your clothes dirty, hair messed up, and makeup smudged.
- Build up your confidence before the date by doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. Give yourself a pep talk, recite positive affirmations, or visualize the date going really well.
EXPERT TIP

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach

Think about the impression you want your outfit to make. For a first date, modesty works well. For example, if you're wearing a lower-cut blouse, don't wear a short skirt with it, or if you wear a short skirt, wear a top with more coverage. Also, keep in mind that men often prefer a more natural look, so consider keeping your makeup and jewelry minimal.

Advertisement
3
Greet your date warmly. Say hello when you meet up with your date. Go in for a quick but friendly hug to show that you’re happy to see them and are open to getting close— only if you are, of course. Greetings can help set the tone for the date, so make sure you’re polite and have open body language. ^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Try cracking a quick joke to diffuse any awkwardness, or even acknowledging that you’re nervous. This will either make your date feel less alone if they're nervous too, or seek to make you feel comfortable throughout the date.
4
Smile and make eye contact. Let your date know you’re having a good time by remembering to smile and maintain eye contact, which shows them you’re listening and enjoying yourself. Avoid forcing any facial expression, but try to keep it pleasantly neutral. Maintaining eye contact is a great non-verbal cue that you’re not only interested in what your date has to say, but also in the whole package. ^{[3]
X
Research source}
- If you have difficulty with eye contact, try imagining a triangle between your date’s eyes and mouth. Shift your gaze to a different point on that triangle every 5-10 seconds.
- Don’t force a smile or laugh when it doesn’t feel genuine.
5
Get physically close to your date to show your interest. Show your interest in being physically close to your date if both of you feel comfortable with it. You don’t need to make a big move but you can simply sit or stand close to your date whenever possible. A subtle touch on the arm or leg will indicate to them that you’re enjoying your time together. ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Try sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant to be closer, or on an adjacent side so you can reach out and touch your date but still be able to make eye contact.
- Remember that people respond differently to personal space and touch. Your date might love you reaching out to touch their hand and will smile or touch you back. Or they may pull away and express physically or verbally their discomfort with that. Respect your date’s wishes and feelings either way.
- Before you go out, think about your comfort level with physical closeness and intimacy on a first date. This can help you set boundaries with the person. If they get too touchy or swoop in for a kiss, you can say, "Hey, I really like you, but I like to take things a little bit slower," or, "I'm not quite ready for that."
- Dating coach Joshua Pompey shares that a little physical touch can go a long way: “Body language is key. When somebody is looking at you, and smiling a lot, and giving you little touches on the arm, elbow, or back while you're talking— those are all tremendous signs of interest.”
6
Don’t be afraid to state your preferences and opinions. Speak up and don’t be shy when it comes to voicing your opinions with your date. Avoid letting your date decide everything or saying you’re interested in something you’re really not. It’s important to show your true colors because that will help you both figure out if you’re a good match.
- For instance, if your date suggests a steakhouse for dinner and you’re a vegetarian, speak up and tell them so. Recommend a restaurant or type of cuisine you love and think you both could enjoy.
- During a date, avoid the “I don’t care, what do you want?” answer when your date asks you what you’re going to eat or what you’d like to do or share. Giving an honest answer of your preference is always, well, preferred.
7
Ask questions about common interests. Take the first date as an opportunity to learn a lot of new information about your date and what you have in common. Dating coach, Lisa Shield, reminds us to ask relevant questions that help the conversation flow naturally. “The whole purpose of going on a first date is to go on a second date,” she says. “It's not to determine if you're going to marry this person, it’s just to have fun, and the best way to do that is just let the conversation organically happen.”
- Shield suggests asking questions about lifestyle, like, “So, what are you doing this weekend? What did you do last summer?”
- Ask about school, work, hobbies, TV shows, books, movies, family, etc. Most people avoid discussing topics like politics, religion, and former girlfriends/boyfriends, but do whatever feels natural to you and what you’re interested in.
  - For example, “Hey, I saw that you were wearing a Star Wars shirt the other day. What did you think of the newest movie?” or “So, you moved to the U.S. from Europe? Tell me more about what it was like to live there!”
- Asking questions also doesn’t have to feel like an interview or interrogation. You can simply ask about the music they have playing in the car.
8
Exchange personal stories and anecdotes. Allow the focus to be on you for a bit and tell any funny or interesting stories you have about a topic. This is an easy way to keep the conversation going, and get your date to tell you some stories, too. Be careful of how much you reveal about yourself, though, as you want to maintain a little mystique— only the second date, at least! ^{[5]
X
Research source}
- For example, if they ask you about your family, instead of simply saying you have a brother, you could say, “I have an older brother named Scott. He’s traveling in Peru right now! He’s always been really adventurous. One time, on our summer vacation, he did the craziest thing…”
- If you’re worried about dominating the conversation, keep stories short. Then prompt your date with, “Do you have any stories about your family? Tell me about them.” That will keep the conversation equal.
- Be sure to take thoughtful pauses and allow your date to interject, comment, or ask questions.
- Shield likes storytelling on a first date because it allows you to stick to one subject and go deeper, instead of hopping from topic to topic. She says, “Really great conversation happens when you take one topic, and then you go deeper with it. You might ask, ‘Where did you grow up?’ And your date may say, ‘I grew up in Detroit.’ And then you can say, ‘Wow, tell me about Detroit!’”
9
Offer to pay or split the check. If you’re on a date doing an activity that costs money, offer to split the check with your date. Or you can even pay for the whole thing yourself if you wish. Don’t assume that the other person will pay for you, and don’t offer to pay it all yourself if you don’t intend to or aren’t able to. Avoid playing games and keep it equal and honest! ^{[6]
X
Research source}
- You can say upfront at dinner, “This one’s on me,” if you’d like to offer to pay or, “Let’s split dinner, okay?” This will eliminate any awkwardness when the check comes.
- If your date insists on paying the whole check, accept gratefully, with a promise to get the next thing you’ll do together. You can say “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you. I’ll get the movie tickets for us!”
- If you’re not in a position to offer to pay for anything, whether your reasons be financial or personal, let your date know ahead of time.
10
Have an exit strategy if things don't go well. Unfortunately, things don't always go quite the way we planned, and a date can take a turn for the worse. Things can begin to feel uncomfortable if your date turns out to be rude or inappropriate. You may be tempted to try and "stick it out" for the sake of being polite, but you absolutely don't have to. If the date didn't go very well and your date suggests extending the evening by going out for drinks or dessert, you can decline by simply saying, "Dinner was delicious, but I'm not up for drinks [or ice cream, dancing, etc.] after..." ^{[7]
X
Research source}
- If your date is being inappropriate or making you feel uncomfortable, call him out on it. You don't have to be mean. You can say, "That's really offensive," or, "I don't think that's funny; it's actually really rude and I want you to stop," or even just, "I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now."
  - If they don't stop the behavior, cut the date short. Ask for the check or give him money for your share of the bill and get out of there. Call a cab, a friend, or a parent to pick you up if you need to.
- If the date was fine but you're just not feeling it, it's okay to say that, too. You can say, "I like you, but I'm definitely getting more of a 'friend' vibe. Are you feeling that, too?"
- You have no obligation to spend any more time with your date than what feels comfortable. Don't worry that you're being rude or mean by ending a date prematurely. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself.

Section 2 of 4:

What Not to Do on a First Date

Download Article

1
Try not to talk about yourself too much. When you’re nervous, it’s normal to ramble on, and sharing details about yourself makes sense during a first date. However, you don’t want to give your date the impression that you’re self-involved or lack self-awareness, as those may both be red flags. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Be sure to pause after making a statement to ask your date a question. This will allow them to learn more about you while also showing you who they are.
2
Don’t rule them out because they’re not your usual type. Many people have specific ideas of what they find attractive, whether that be a cool mustache, lots of tattoos, or big brown eyes. Still, it’s important to remember that although their looks might get you hooked, physical attraction doesn’t always translate to engaging conversation or a lasting connection. ^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If your date is not your typical type, try to find other things you find attractive about them. Maybe they’re really passionate about their job, or they seem to be very generous, or they’re making you laugh at every turn. Remember— while looks fade, attraction can grow over time.
- Of course, you still want to have a baseline level of attraction to whomever you’re with, so don’t try to force anything, either.
3
Avoid any mention of your ex. If your last relationship ended recently, making mental comparisons between this new person and your former beau may be inevitable. But that’s exactly where you want to keep these Venn diagrams: in your mind. Mentioning your ex at any point, whether it feels relevant or not, could give your date the idea that you’re not over your ex, or that you’re using them as a rebound.
- No matter what the truth is, talking about your ex for any length of time is unlikely to secure you a second date.
4
Limit yourself when drinking alcohol. If your first date involves drinking alcohol, try to keep it to a 2-3 drink max. While a cocktail or two can certainly serve as a social lubricant during an awkward first date, you don’t want to overdo it. Sip on your first drink as you get to know your date a bit more and agree to a second drink if you’ve decided you like them. A third drink is only advisable if you feel totally safe and decide you really like them. ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Out of an abundance of caution, don’t accept a drink from your date unless you’ve seen it being made. It’s very easy for someone to slip a drug into your drink.
- If you’re legally able to drink, that means you’re an adult capable of making adult choices. However, please keep in mind that alcohol lowers your inhibitions, potentially leading you to make questionable choices you wouldn’t make while sober and that you could later regret.
- If you’re drinking any amount of alcohol, do not drive. Ask a friend to drive you or use a ride-share service. Above all, please drink responsibly.
5
Stay away from your phone. When getting to know your date a bit better, you don’t want to be interrupted by the buzzing of your smartphone. Keeping your phone off the table, bar, and generally out of sight is proper date etiquette, and will assure that your attention remains on the person across the booth— not the one behind a screen.
- On your date, focus on living in the moment, learning more about your date, and engaging in meaningful conversation, limiting distractions.

Section 3 of 4:

What to Do After a First Date

Download Article

1

Send a follow-up text. You can wait til you get home and up to 24 hours after the first date to shoot your romantic interest a text expressing what a great time you had. You can say something along the lines of, “Thanks so much for tonight! I had a blast. Hope you did too.” Their response— and sometimes, lack of response— will help you gauge their interest, which may dictate your next steps.
2
Suggest a second date. Subtly suggest another date if you think that the first one went well and you’re pretty confident that they would agree. Tell your date to call or text you whenever they’re free, or offer a suggestion on what you should do on your next date. Remember, there aren’t any real rules anymore! So feel free to shoot your shot if you feel chemistry.
- Try bringing up something that was talked about during the date, like an activity you both enjoy or something you’re interested to learn more about. For instance, you could say, “So when can I play that new video game you got?”, or, “I really want to check out that hiking trail you mentioned if you’ll show me sometime.”
EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

To get an idea for a second date, try to find common ground and ask the person things they like to do. For example, if the person you're talking to loves comedy shows, you can ask them out to a comedy show coming up. It's just an excuse to start talking again and get that person out again in the future.
3

Don’t play games. If you decide that you really like the person after your first date, take the lead in setting up the next one! Whether you want to flat-out ask them on a second date or simply let them know you’re interested in seeing them again, don’t play coy or hard to get. Dating is tough for everyone, as we’re all trying to figure out who can embrace our weirdness and whose weirdness we can lovingly embrace in return. Don’t add an extra layer of difficulty by sending mixed signals, taking forever to reply to a message just to seem less interested than you are, or wasting their time if you know it won’t work out. ^{[11]
X
Research source}

Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

Download Article

Be your authentic self and try to get to know your date. First dates can be nerve-wrecking, but the best course of action is always to be yourself. If you’re feeling nervous, give yourself a pep talk in the mirror before you head out. Make sure you dress to impress and get there on time. If you’re worried about keeping the conversation going during the date, make a few mental notes on different topics you could touch on, especially as they pertain to lifestyle or values.
- Remember, your date is probably as stressed as you are, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself!
- Even if you’re an expert at dating, it’s normal for first dates to be a bit awkward since it’s still two strangers trying to get to know each other.
- Focus on making a connection and getting to a second date, not deciding whether or not you’re going to marry this person right away.
- Try to be curious, open-minded, and engaged. Even if it doesn’t end up blossoming into a long-term relationship, you can gain experience and perhaps make a new friend.