How to Apologize to a Cat

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Oh no! You've done something to deeply offend your cat, and now it won't even let you come near it. Fortunately, it is possible to earn a cat's forgiveness. This article will show you not only how to apologize to your cat, but it will also show you how to do it safely, so that you don't get scratched.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Reading Your Cat's Body Language

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  1. It will tell you what sort of mood your cat is in. If your cat is too angry or upset, your apology will mean nothing to him or her and will most likely result in you getting slapped across the face. [1]
  2. A cat's ears are very expressive, and will also help you determine how it is feeling. In general, if the ears are up, the cat is happy, and if the ears are down, the cat is not happy. Here are some more detailed guidelines: [2]
    • Are the ears up and in a normal, relaxed position? If so, you can go ahead and try to apologize to your cat.
    • If the ears are turned back, do not approach your cat. it is deeply offended and angry. Give it some time. it might be feeling scared. You can still approach your cat, but do it slowly and carefully.
    • If your cats ears are pressed back flat against the skull, it might be feeling scared. You can still approach your cat, but do it slowly and carefully.
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  3. The tail is the most expressive part of a cat's body, and is a good indicator of your cat's mood. Unlike dogs, cats do not "Wag" their tails when they are happy. Here are some more guidelines: [3]
    • If the tail is pointing up, with the tip slightly curled to the side, your cat is content and safe to approach.
    • If the tail is poofed up, your cat is frightened. You may try to approach your cat to calm it down, but do so slowly, and make sure that your cat can run and hide from you. A cornered cat may quickly turn into an aggressive cat.
    • If your cat is twitching or thumping his tail, then do not approach your cat. it is angry, and probably at you. Give your cat some time before apologizing.
  4. A cat's eyes respond dramatically to changes in light, but they also change according to mood. When looking at your cat's eyes, you will also have to take the lighting into account as well as the rest of the cat's body language. Here are some guidelines: [4]
    • If a cat's pupil is very large, it may be afraid. It could also mean that it is just dark in the room.
    • If a cat's pupils are narrow, it may be angry and agitated. It could also mean that the lighting is very bright.
  5. Are the whiskers pointing forward, teeth bared, and nose wrinkled? [5] If so, your cat is still too angry to feel like being approached by an apologetic human. Try again later.
  6. Is the fur standing on end? If so, your cat may be frightened or agitated. [6] Is your cat's fur flat against him or her? This means that your cat may be more relaxed; look at your cat's body for other clues to his or her mood, however.
  7. If the claws are extended or tensed, use extreme caution. Cats are fast, and your cat may be preparing to strike.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Apologizing to Your Cat

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  1. What did you do to make your cat so mad at you? Did you make fun of her? Step on its tail? Or did you take its spot on the couch? Knowing what you did wrong will help you decide how to approach your cat. It will also help you decide how to go about apologizing to him or her. Here are some examples of what you might have done to offend your cat and what you could do to show you're sorry:
    • If you offended your cat by making fun of it, you will probably have to offer some treats and praise.
    • If you accidentally stepped on your cat's tail or startled her by dropping a pot, a simple cuddle may be all that is needed.
    • If you took your cat's favorite spot on the couch, consider vacating the spot and giving your cat a treat.
  2. If your cat is visibly angry, you will need to give it some time before you try to approach it and apologize; approaching too soon may result in getting scratched. [7] Try not to wait too long to apologize, however; instead, approach the cat as soon as it appears calmer. You can also approach a frightened cat, but do so with caution. Refer to the section in this article on reading your cat's body language to learn how to determine your cat's mood.
    • If your cat keeps running away from you, consider leaving behind a small treat in a place it can find. This will let it know that you are sorry and still care about it.
    • A frightened cat should be approached with care. Always give a frightened cat room to escape. it may actually need comfort and reassurance, especially if there was a loud, sudden sound. At the same time, however, it may want to be alone, which is why leaving an escape route is so important. A frightened, cornered cat may quickly turn aggressive.
  3. If your cat runs away from you, it may be still be angry, upset, or frightened. Do not chase after your cat. Instead, try again a few minutes later. This will reassure your cat that you won't do anything to further harm or annoy it. Having a cat treat ready may also reassure your cat.
  4. Tell it "I'm sorry." You may even use your cat's name. Make sure that you are using a soft, calm voice, with a slightly higher pitch than usual. Your cat may not necessarily understand your words, but it will understand your tone. Do not use a loud, shrill voice; cats do have sensitive hearing and you will only annoy your cat.
    • Consider blinking slowly. A trusting cat will blink slowly. You can show your cat that you trust it by blinking slowly. [8]
  5. Make sure that you take note of your cat's mood; if your cat appears angry or upset, then do not pet her. Refer to the section in this article on reading your cat's body language to learn how to best determine your cat's mood. If you don't know where your cat likes to be petted, here are some suggestions: [9]
    • Scratch your cat behind the ear. An even better place would be to gently stroke the area between your cat's eye and ear. Use the tip of your finger and slowly smooth over the fine hairs there.
    • Scratch your cat under the cheek and against the cheek. it may even forgive you for your offense and start rubbing against your hand.
    • Scratch your cat at the base of her tail. Place your fingers on the base of your cat's tail, where the tail and back meet, and wriggle your fingers, gently stretching with your fingertips.
    • Stroke your cat's head, back, and chest. Keep in mind, however, that not all cats enjoy being petted in these areas. Watch your cat's body language carefully for any signs of annoyance.
  6. Your cat could be upset with you because you have not been spending enough time with it. If your cat is more energetic, you could consider playing with it—although most cats would enjoy swatting at a piece of string. Here are some ways you can play with your cat:
    • Toss a piece of crumpled up cellophane or paper towards your cat. You can also use a toy mouse instead. Do not throw the toy at it, however. Instead, aim for a spot just before its paws.
    • Dangle a piece of string in front of your cat. Jiggle it and move it slowly back and forth, towards and away from your cat. You can even try running the string across its paws.
    • Purchase a laser pointer and point the laser on a spot on the wall or the floor. Once your cat is paying attention to the red dot, move the laser around. He may even try running after the laser.
    • Play with your cat using a cat teaser. A cat teaser is a long, flexible stick with some feathers or string attached to one end. Some teasers also have a bell. Hold the teaser by one end and wave the decorated end near your cat's paws. Gently flick it upward—it may try to jump up to catch it.
  7. If you have been ignoring your cat lately, you may notice that your cat has become less affectionate than usual. This means that your cat could be upset and lonely. You can apologize to your cat by spending time with it. This could be as simple as reading a book or listening to music next to your cat, or giving him a nice, long petting session. It could also mean that you have to set aside some time to play with your cat.
  8. If you made fun of or laughed at your cat, you may have offended it. Offer your cat a cat treats and tell your cat how wonderful and beautiful it is. Use a soft, gentle tone. Your cat may not necessarily understand your words, but it will know that you are talking to it and saying nice things to it. [10]
  9. Cats can get upset if they don't get what they want. Sometimes, what they want is simple and harmless—such as sitting on that fluffy pillow. Other times, what they want could be harmful, such as a portion of your dinner. Some human foods can be very bad for your cat's health. If what the cat wanted was harmless, you could relent and let your cat have it. If what your cat wanted could be dangerous, then offer your cat something else instead.
    • If your cat wanted to sit on that fluffy pillow of the couch, let it do it. You could even pick your cat up and set it down on that spot. Give your cat a reassuring stroke or two.
    • If your cat really wanted that milk or tuna, you should give something else instead. Milk or cream can upset a cat's stomach, and tuna can be dangerous in large amounts due to its high levels of mercury. Consider giving your cat a yummy cat treat instead.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Making Peace Offerings

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  1. [11] If your cat is in a more approachable mood, you can try giving him a treat directly. [12] Put three to five cat treats in your hand and kneel down close to the cat. If the cat is ready to forgive you, he will come over to you and eat the treats. At this time, you may try to pet your cat behind the ear (or any other favorite spot). If your cat does not approach you, leave the treats on the floor and step away. Do not take the treats away—this will only disappoint your cat.
    • Cat treats come in many different textures, including: soft and chewy, hard and crunchy, crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, dried meats (sort of like jerky), and freeze-dried. You can even find dried tuna flakes in the cat treat aisle of a pet store.
    • Cat treats also come in many different flavors, including chicken, turkey, tuna, and salmon. You can even find catnip-flavored treats.
    • Consider getting a beneficial treat. There are also cat treats that help prevent hairballs and tarter. Not only will you be keeping your cat happy, but you will also be keeping him or her healthy. [13]
  2. Be sure to leave it in a place you know where he will be able to find it. Here are some examples:
    • If your cat is hiding under the bed, consider leaving the cat treat just under the bed. Do not leave the treat too far out from under the bed. This will force the cat to craw out from her or her "safe" spot, and will make him or her feel anxious. Do not reach too far under the bed, or the cat may scratch you.
    • If your cat is really agitated, leave a treat near his food, or in his favorite spot. In fact, if you offended your cat by taking his favorite spot on the couch, you can leave the cat treat in that spot. This will let the cat know that you are sorry and that he can sit in this spot without being kicked off.
  3. Take three to five cat treats and place them on top of your cat's food during feeding time. If your cat is picky and does not like treats mixed in with his food, then leave the treats in a dish next to the food. [14]
  4. [15] Does your cat have a favorite flavor of cat food? If you feed your cat different flavors, choose his favorite one, and serve it during feeding time.
  5. If your cat is too agitated, you may be able to get her to calm down with a sprinkle of cat nip on the floor. If you do not like cleaning up messes (some cats will eat the dried catnip while others will just roll around in it), then you can give him or her a catnip toy.
  6. If your cat is interested in cat toys, you can buy a new toy and give it to her. [16] Simply approach your cat, kneel down, hold the toy out so she can see it. You may leave the toy on the ground and back away, or you can toss the toy. This depends on how your cat likes to play with toys. Keep in mind that not every cat likes to play, especially older ones.
    • You can make your own catnip toy by cutting a small square from fabric and putting a spoonful of dried catnip in the center. Pull the sides of the fabric upwards, bundling the catnip up inside, and secure it with a piece of string.
    • You can also make another catnip toy by stuffing a sock with some cotton or polyester stuffing and adding a spoonful of dried catnip. Tie the sock off with some string.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Can cats get their feelings hurt?
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Yes, they can! If you think your cat is upset with you, give them some space to calm down and give it some time. The best thing you can do is back off and show them that you recognize that you've hurt them and that you're going to stop doing what you were doing.
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    Not Helpful 9 Helpful 70
  • Question
    How do you get a cat to trust you again?
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Leave the cat alone for now. When you're feeling ready to enter the same head space where they are, sit at a distance and offer them their favorite treat so that your cat can come get them as they're ready.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    Is there such thing as a cat "love bite"?
    Community Answer
    Yes, there is such a thing. A "love bite" is generally a gentler bite that can indicate either overstimulation or a playful mood. Read your cat's body language and proceed with caution.
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      Tips

      • Give your cat time and try not to rush things. If your cat is too angry or afraid to be approached, give her time to calm down.
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      • Consider trying different methods. Some cats do not respond well to playing but love getting attention and cuddled. Others may only forgive you if you give them food.
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      • Take note of what you did to offend your cat and don't do it again.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • If your cat is exhibiting concerning symptoms like lethargy, vomiting, or not eating, take it to the vet right away. Your cat could have a medical issue that needs treatment. Don't assume its behavior is just from being mad at you.
      • When apologizing, get down to your cat's level and approach slowly. Make sure you read its body language first to know if it's ready for an apology. Sudden movements while a cat is upset may scare it more.
      • Play with toys your cat likes, such as dangling string or laser pointers. Quality play time shows your cat you still care about its happiness. Shared play can rebuild your bond.
      • Speak softly and soothingly when apologizing. Say "I'm sorry" in a gentle, caring tone. Your cat can't understand words, but it can understand the sentiment through your voice.
      • Never tease or intentionally scare your cat as a joke. Cats understand more than we realize, and frightening them erodes trust. Apologize sincerely if you've scared your cat.
      • If your cat rubs against you, reciprocate by petting it gently. Rubbing back is a way for cats to bond. It can help your cat forgive you.
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      Warnings

      • Never slap, yell at, or punish a cat for ignoring you. It will do nothing but make them feel worse.
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      • Watch your cat's body language. If you cat appears angry, avoid touching him or her, or you might get scratched.
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      • Do not give your cat food from your pantry or fridge as a treat. Most human food is not good for cats.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.cats.org.uk/help-and-advice/cat-behaviour/cat-body-language
      2. ↑ https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/understanding-feline-language
      3. ↑ https://www.petmd.com/cat/behavior/evr_ct_what-does-it-mean-when-a-cat-wags-tail
      4. ↑ https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/understanding-feline-language
      5. ↑ https://www.cats.org.uk/help-and-advice/cat-behaviour/cat-body-language
      6. ↑ https://www.cats.org.uk/help-and-advice/cat-behaviour/cat-body-language
      7. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-73426-0
      9. ↑ https://www.cats.org.uk/cats-blog/how-to-encourage-your-cat-to-play
      1. ↑ https://napahumane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Positive-Reinforcement-Training-Your-Cat-with-Treats-and-Praise.pdf
      2. ↑ https://napahumane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Positive-Reinforcement-Training-Your-Cat-with-Treats-and-Praise.pdf
      3. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
      4. ↑ https://napahumane.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Positive-Reinforcement-Training-Your-Cat-with-Treats-and-Praise.pdf
      5. ↑ https://www.petmd.com/blogs/nutritionnuggets/cat/dr-coates/2014/october/5-tips-picking-out-treats-cats-32076
      6. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
      7. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.

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      Article Summary X

      To apologize to a cat, wait until it calms down and approach the cat slowly. Next, speak to the kitty in a soft, soothing tone and gently pet it in a few of its favorite spots, like behind the ears and under the chin. It may also help to offer a few tasty treats during your apology. Leaving treats in your kitty's food bowl or providing a special meal as a peace offering can also work wonders. Alternatively, if your cat is interested in toys and catnip, try offering it a brand new toy or some fresh catnip. For tips on understanding your cat's body language, read on!

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