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Ah, love—sometimes just the thought of your girlfriend is enough to put butterflies in your stomach. If you’re thinking about asking her to hold hands, you may feel a little nervous. The good news is there are things you can do to ask her in a way that feels natural and makes her feel comfortable. To make it a little easier for you, we’ve put together a helpful list you can use when you do ask her to hold hands.

1

Ask her to warm your hands up.

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  1. Rub your hands together and mention how cold they are. Then, give your girlfriend a smile and ask her to help you warm them up. Hold both hands out to her as you do this. Chances are, she'll put her hands onto yours to warm them up. When she does, it will be easy to shift to a hand holding position. [1]
    • This probably won't work quite as well if it's hot out, but you could save it for when you head inside where there’s air conditioning!
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2

Stay calm and confident.

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  1. Try to relax and settle your nerves before you make your move. It’s completely normal to feel a little nervous and anxious before you try to hold your girlfriend’s hand, especially if it’s for the first time. Try to think positively by imagining how great it’ll be to hold her hand. You can also try to take some deep breaths to calm your mind. Do whatever you can to relax yourself before you ask her. [2]
3

Pay attention to her body language.

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  1. Positive body language, such as your girlfriend leaning in towards you or if she has relaxed, open arms is a good sign! If she’s leaning away or has her arms crossed, it could be a sign that she’s not interested in holding hands and you may want to back off. [3]
    • Additionally, if her hands are closed into a fist and she keeps turning away from you, it may not be the best time to try to hold her hand.
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4

Put your hand close to hers.

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  1. If you’re walking together, try allowing your hand to get close enough to hers to gently touch it. If you’re sitting together somewhere, try placing your arm and hand as close as you can so it’s super easy for you to hold her hand when the time is right. [4]
    • For instance, if you’re at the movies with your girlfriend, try placing your arm next to hers on the armrest so your hands are close together.
5

Ask her directly if you’re not sure how she feels.

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  1. If you really don’t know how your girlfriend is feeling or if your relationship is still pretty new, try asking her if it’s okay if you hold her hand. The worst thing that could happen is she’ll say no. But she’ll be grateful that you were kind enough to ask first. Here are a few different ways you can ask her: [5]
    • "Can I hold your hand?”
    • "Do you want to hold my hand?"
    • "May I get the honor of holding your hand?"
    • "I want to hold your hand right now—is that alright?"
    • "My hand is lonely—can you hold it to keep it company?"
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6

Take her hand if you’re feeling confident.

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  1. If the timing just seems right you can tell that she’s super into you, reach out and casually hold her hand. If she’s okay with it, she’ll keep holding your hand. If not, she’ll pull away. [6]
    • If she does pull away, don’t force the issue. She may not be ready or feel comfortable just yet.
7

Try bumping into her and holding her hand if you’re shy.

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  1. If you’re feeling too nervous to ask her, try a more playful approach. If she doesn’t pull away, just keep holding her hand! [7]
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8

Offer her your arm first.

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  1. If you're walking with your girlfriend, confidently hold your arm out to her with your elbow bent. This will signal to her that she should put her hand on your arm. You can then place your opposite hand over hers, or just keep walking the way you are. [8]
    • This sweet, romantic move might not be quite the same as hand-holding, but it will help the two of you break the touch barrier, so holding hands might feel easier later on.
    • If she gives you a confused look, it's fine to say something like, "I thought it would be cute if you put your hand on my arm, like in the movies!"
9

Come up with an excuse to check out her hand.

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  1. Any excuse will work. Confidently cup your hands in front of you and say, "Can I see your hands?" Gently hold her hands in yours and stare at her palms, examine her nail polish, or place something into her hand. [9]
    • You could also ask her to hold her hand up to yours to compare the sizes. [10]
    • After a moment, if you're feeling brave, slide your hand into hers and go back to talking normally.
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10

Grab her hand during a scary movie.

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  1. Queue up something spooky on Netflix or head to the theater for the latest horror flick. Either way, when things start to get really tense, it's the perfect time to reach over and give her hand a quick squeeze. [11]
    • Not only do you get to hold your girlfriend's hand, but you'll seem super reassuring—bonus!
11

Lead her somewhere by the hand.

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  1. Okay, so maybe you're just using that new school bulletin board as an excuse to grab her hand. That's fine! Just slip your hand into hers and say something like "Let's go!" or "Come with me!" [12]
    • When you get there, keep holding her hand unless she pulls it away.
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12

Give her a hand massage as a coy lead-in.

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  1. Show off your amazing masseuse skills—it's okay if you're totally faking it—by giving her a gentle hand rub. Press lightly on the heel of her hand (the area under her thumb), then draw your thumbs across her palm from the base of her fingers toward her wrist or in circles. Eventually, slip your fingers into hers, and voila, you're holding hands!
13

Mix up your hand-holding technique to keep it interesting.

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  1. There’s nothing wrong with the classic technique of clasping your palms together, but you can try switching it up to something like interlocking fingers, using both hands to hold her hand, or even just holding onto 1 finger. Keep it casual and natural and just go with what feels good. [13]
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14

Use hand-holding to build a bond with your girlfriend.

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  1. While it may seem just like an innocent and cute way to tell someone you like them, some women actually prefer to express their feelings by holding hands instead of kissing. Whether you’re still getting to know your girlfriend, or you’ve been together for a long time, holding hands is a simple and effective way to build and strengthen your bond with her. [14]
    • Even if you and your girlfriend aren’t feeling as emotionally connected as you once were, holding her hand can be a great way to try to rekindle your feelings for each other.
15

Don’t get upset if she rejects your attempt.

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  1. If your girlfriend pulls her hand away or says no when you ask her to hold her hand, don’t get upset or angry. Definitely don’t try to hold her hand anyway. Calmly accept her decision. [15] Who knows—she just may not be in the mood. She also may want to wait a little longer before she holds your hand. Whatever the case, don’t react negatively.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is there a right way I should hold my girlfriend's hand?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    There are a lot of different ways you can try. If you're walking, loosely hold their hand without squeezing too hard. If you're sitting next to each other, you can sandwich her hand between both of your hands to show your affection even more.
  • Question
    How do I let go without being rude?
    Community Answer
    Like the article said, you could easily give her/his hand a light squeeze and let go as a way of saying, "This was nice, but it's time to let go." Another way is to slowly but surely loosen your grip around his/her hand. When you loosen your grip, they will most likely do the same and you can let go.
  • Question
    If I slightly touch someone's hand, will they hold hands with me?
    Community Answer
    There's a good chance they will if they like you and/or if you're in a relationship with them. For example, your boyfriend would probably take that as a hint to hold your hand, but if you're sitting next to a friend and you do that, they'll probably just think you touched them on accident.
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      Tips

      • Some people have different views about things like holding hands. Try talking to your girlfriend to see how she feels about it.

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • If you've already held hands in private but never in public, she may not be ready for that yet. Don't be offended! She'll let you know when she's ready.
      • Sometimes a silly one-liner works well! For example, "Your hand looks heavy. Want me to hold it?"
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      Warnings

      • Always respect your girlfriend’s wishes when it comes to physical contact. Never try to touch her or hold her hand if she’s not okay with it.
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      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Asking your girlfriend to hold hands for the first time can be scary, but by following a few simple tips you can make it a special moment. Try to be someplace special the first time you hold hands so it doesn’t feel awkward or abrupt. For example, don’t reach for her hand during math class or in a noisy cafe where there are TVs blaring. While you’re chatting, try touching her shoulder when she says something funny or moving closer to hear her better. If she moves away, respect her space and don’t try to hold hands just yet. However, if she doesn’t move away, then this is a great sign that she’ll hold hands. When you’re ready, try asking her directly to show her that you respect her. For example, look into her eyes and tell her “I really want to hold your hand. Would that be ok?” You can also try moving your hand closer to hers. If she keeps her hand in the same spot or moves it closer to yours, then try taking hold of her hand. To know when it’s time to let go of her hand, keep reading!

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