Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
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Next, it’s important to remember what brought you and your ex together in the first place and to try and replicate that. Remembering why you clicked and loved each other in the beginning can go a long way toward getting back together again. Was there a favorite restaurant that the two of you used to go to that you can bring your ex to again or send them dinner from that restaurant as a surprise at their door? Did the two of you bond over a mutual love for certain musical artists, books, or art? Consider sending your ex a card with the lyrics to your song in it, a book from their favorite author, or something that reminds you both about the time you spent in the beginning of your relationship connecting over mutual interests.
Finally, communicate with your former partner openly and honestly about why you want to get back together. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and share your true feelings. You don’t need to beg or plead with them to take you back but rather you want to paint a picture for them of your vision for the relationship moving forward.
Infatuation usually involves a lot of fantasy and obsessing in your mind about someone else. You are more in love with the image in your head that you’ve made up about the person than the actual person. With infatuation, feelings can also change very quickly. You can feel madly in love with someone in one moment and then the second they don’t give you what you want, call you back in time, or return a text, you can turn to hate them very quickly.
In contrast, when you actually love someone, there is a steady building of positive feelings toward that person over time. You have seen all of the sides to them, you have seen them both at their best and in their lower or tired moments and you still choose them. Real love has an undercurrent of peace to it. You feel excited about the other person and happy when you see or speak to them but you don’t feel on a high that can come crashing down at any moment.
When it’s actual love, you’re not just looking for the other person to make you happy and satisfy your every whim—you also care about the other person and their happiness independent of the relationship. With infatuation, you want the other person to be happy only if it means they’re with you and doing what you want. With real love, you want the other person to be happy no matter what, even if it’s not with you.
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