How to Be the Perfect Woman

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Personal development is a life long project. The things you do and the way you do them will help you be ‘perfect.’ Whether you’re inspired by one particular woman or by specific qualities of different women, you can seek to perfect yourself by working on your outer and inner characteristics and living your life with purpose.

Part 1
Part 1 of 6:

Defining Perfect

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  1. Think of women you consider to be ‘perfect.’ Make a list of the qualities you admire about them. Consider the things they’ve done in life, their approach to life, their philosophy of living, their achievements, their personality, their physical appearance, and their sense of style. What is it that all of them have in common?
    • Think of women you know in real life, celebrities or historical figures.
  2. [1] Think about the state of your life now: the things you do, education you're pursuing, jobs you’re in, your relationships with others, your physical health. Consider your personal qualities, too. Make a list of the things you’re most proud of. Try to think about examples that prove that you are this way.
    • Jump ahead for info on accepting yourself .
    • For example, ‘I am a good daughter: I call my parents daily/once a week and speak to them patiently even when I’m pressed for time.’
    • 'I am diligent: I consistently perform to the best of my ability, I don’t procrastinate and I thoroughly check the standard of my work.'
    • 'I have amazing hair: it’s soft, shiny and long.'
    • Your list of strengths and proofs will be subjective -- they are unique to you.
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  3. Of your strengths, which do you consider to be perfect? Think of your perfections and those of your role models, and write a few sentences or a list of what you consider will make you a perfect woman. What does that look like? What goals will you achieve that will mean you’re perfect? What behaviors, attitudes and values will you adopt?
    • Avoid the words ‘always,’ ‘never,’ ‘should,’ and ‘must’ (e.g. ‘I must always speak in a polite tone of voice.’) Such words create unrealistic expectations and disappointment, guilt and frustration when they’re not met.
    • Your definition of the perfect woman applies to you: the point of the exercise is not to be exactly like another woman. Rather it is to help you define your ideal version of you.
  4. Make a list of aspects of your current self that you think keep you from being perfect. Every human, even a ‘perfect’ one has some point that can be viewed as negative. Remember that it’s a blend of positives and negatives that create ‘perfection’ in a person.
    • Jump to info on cultivating your personality .
    • Take extra caution if any of the women you consider perfect are current celebrities or people you only interact with through social media. Personal social media accounts are tailored to reflect only what she chooses to reveal. Pictures can be edited and people choose to publicize the best parts of their lives. [2] Social media profiles are snippets of people’s lives and this presents a skewed version of reality.
    • Jump ahead for info on cultivating personal relationships .
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Part 2
Part 2 of 6:

Cultivating a Personality

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  1. Pursue knowledge of different topics or crafts. You never know if you have an unfounded talent. Check your local area or school for different clubs or societies where you can interact with others who can encourage you and teach you. Perhaps you’ll find you’re really good at cooking or woodwork. If you like, start with things that you have always wanted to know better but never really had an opportunity to follow. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to develop your photography skills or read classic English Literature.
    • Devote part of your day to engaging in these activities. Remember that this is meant to be enjoyable. You will have something to look forward to that is stress-free.
    • Not every new interest will necessarily require you to leave your house and spend money. Look for online documentaries or videos to watch.
  2. Actively look for the positive aspects of every situation and person. Remember that ‘positive’ does not necessarily mean ‘good.’ A learning outcome from a negative situation is a ‘positive’ aspect but that does not make your situation a ‘good one’: you are allowed to consider things as being negative and bad. However, people gravitate towards those who display a positive attitude. [3] Your sunny disposition will encourage others to be cheerful. [4]
    • Ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this situation? What can I do differently next time to prevent such an outcome? What have I gained from this?’
    • Once you form a negative opinion of someone, you start to notice things about her that will confirm your opinion and ignore any evidence to the contrary. If you find yourself thinking mean things about another person, deliberately think of examples that dispel your negative opinion. Or think of reasons that may have made her behave in a way you disliked. Perhaps she was tired or hungry? Maybe she misunderstood the situation?
    • Make a special effort to cheer other women on. It’s very easy to feel competitive around another woman as you seek to be the ‘perfect woman’. [5] Rise above such pettiness and be supportive of other women as opposed to trying to sabotage them. A simple example, is if a co-worker you dislike asks you if you know the deadline for a certain project, don’t sabotage her by giving her the incorrect date. Or if another woman asks you for the recipe of a dish you brought to the potluck, don’t leave out ingredients from the recipe or give different proportions to the ones you used. Be supportive of other women.
  3. Stop and think whenever you’re interacting with others about what you’re going to say and do. Make a quick assessment of the different consequences of potential actions. You will have to practice by putting yourself in situations where social skills are required. Read up on body language so that you are better able to assess others. Read up on emotions to better understand how they are conveyed.
    • Identify your growth points by analysing your own behavior. Do you have trouble maintaining eye contact? Is your speech too fast or your voice too loud when you’re nervous? Do you stand too closely to others when you’re talking to them? Do you interrupt when others are talking? Do you have difficulty saying no?
    • Ask friends/family you can trust to be honest without hurting your feelings about any of your social skills that you need to work on. Friends can often notice things about your behavior that you can’t. Make sure the person you ask is socially skilled.
    • Pick one or two social skills at a time to focus on. When you’ve made significant progress in them, then advance to other skills.
    • Consider asking a friend to role play with you or practice in front of a mirror.
  4. Learn to recognize what emotions feel like in your body. Actively notice how you’re feeling throughout the day. If you’re feeling irritable, angry or any other negative emotion, try to identify the source of the emotion. Look to your thoughts. What are you thinking about that is making you feel this way? Know that just because you think something, that does not mean that thought it true. Avoid taking any negative feelings out on others.
    • If you feel that you are about to snap, take deep, calming breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, exhale slowly through your mouth. If you can, distance yourself from the situation: leave the room and find a quiet place. If you can’t leave, try to drink a glass of cool water or to sit down. This will help you calm down. [6]
    • Emotions are not inherently negative, wrong or bad. [7] [8] Regularly process your emotions through daily journaling or by talking to someone you trust about the events in your life. Keeping emotions bottled up increases stress levels and doesn’t help you resolve problems. [9]
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Part 3
Part 3 of 6:

Fostering Relationships

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  1. Remember that even if you say you’ll do something without adding the words, ‘I promise,’ you’ve still made a promise. [10] If you say you’ll do something, try your utmost to do it. If you find that you’ll be unable to do it, inform the person in advance and apologize, giving your reason for being unable to do it. These behaviors will show that you’re trustworthy and honest.
    • Set up reminders with alarms on your phone or in your organizer so that you can keep track of your commitments. Estimate how long it will take to do your promised task. Set your reminders in advance of when your promise is due so that you have ample time to collect any resources you need to carry out your task.
  2. Make an effort to reach out to others first and to stay in touch. Remember any upcoming events they mention to you. Ask them about it later. In this day and age of busyness, people appreciate it even more when others reach out first. [11] Use whichever method of staying in touch you like but remember that hearing a voice or seeing a person in real life is always different from interacting through the internet. [12]
    • Surprise a friend or a family member with a phone call.
    • Keep track of people’s anniversaries and birthdays.
    • Go out of your way to show gratitude to someone who has done something good for you. Say thank you, send gifts, or try to return the favour.
    • Set up a schedule to call family and friends who are far away. It may not be possible to do so every day or every week. Set aside an hour on the weekend that you can devote to reaching out to others who aren’t in your daily life but who are important to you.
  3. Speak well of others behind their back. Don’t complain about them, spread rumors or lies. If anyone else in your company starts to gossip, either ask them directly to stop or steer the conversation to another topic.
      • 'Hey, let’s not talk about her like that.’
      • 'Let’s talk about something else.’
      • 'How’s your project coming along?’
    • This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to discuss negative events. Do so only if it’s your business, out of concern for someone or if you’re trying to understand what happened.
  4. Make time for your family and friends. Make sure you keep a balance between your work/school life and social life. Set boundaries for yourself: mark the times of day where you’ll do work-related things and the times where you’ll be with family and friends. Keep any secrets that are entrusted to you; if anyone else brings up the subject, pretend that you don’t know anything about it.
    • Take time to be up to date with what is happening in close friends and family’s life. Just as you need other people to rely on, you should be there for your loved ones in turn.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 6:

Taking Care of your Physical Appearance

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  1. Being active throughout the day and week will give you huge benefits physically and mentally. An active lifestyle is the best way to keep your body in the best possible shape (as opposed to one big burst of activity every now and then). Try to get 30 minutes of aerobic exercise in a day. Your heart rate should be up and it shouldn’t be so vigorous that you find it difficult to speak as you exercise. [13]
    • You don’t need to spend a lot of money to be physically fit. Joining a gym is not the only way to stay healthy; though it’s certainly an option. Consider joining a sports team, or asking a friend or family member to join you for a daily jog. Look up different videos or blogs of fitness experts you can follow.
    • Be sure to check the credentials of any ‘expert’ that you follow. Check for training, certifications and qualifications on their website. You don’t want to follow someone posing as an expert as you might end up injuring yourself. [14]
    • If you’re not used to being physically active, it will take you time to build up your stamina. Keep going!
  2. Experiment with different hair, makeup and sartorial styles. Look to your role models as a starting place for a sense of fashion. If any of them are stylists or celebrities, look to see what kind of style she’s wearing these days. If needed, hiring a personal stylist might help.
    • Look up tutorials online for different makeup styles. Makeup not only enhances your natural beauty but it can also be used to create looks that highlight and enhance facial features you admire such as big eyes or slim noses. [15] [16]
    • Stay within your budget. Don’t go overboard and don’t try to buy a replica of every outfit your role model has. Consider buying drugstore ‘dupes’ of high-end brand makeup. You are only looking to your role models for inspiration. Fashion changes constantly but your style will be yours always.
    Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty

    Celebrate your unique beauty. "From the time I can remember, I’ve always felt like I had to be perfect or look a certain way. It took me a long time to realize that I only wanted to be myself – that what made me unique was also what made me beautiful."

  3. Experiment with different natural skin and hair masks to see which are suitable for you. These can often be made with ingredients that are already available in your kitchen. Research online for ingredients that will suit your skin type and condition.
    • Do a skin test even with a homemade mask.
    • In the long-run, store-bought masks may be more economical: homemade masks may not last as long. Only buy skincare products that have been tested on human skin and are made by reputable companies.
    • Go to a certified dermatologist if you have problematic skin. A dermatologist can give you advice on which creams and products will suit you best and can outline a routine for you to follow.
  4. Make sure you sit with your back straight. When you stand, keep your chin straight, shoulders down and back, back straight and keep your toes and heels aligned. Your spine should form a natural S-shaped curve. [17] If this is painful, you may be straining yourself too much or you may have a problem with your back. Visit your general practitioner if this is the case. [18] If you have to lift anything off the floor, bend your knees, rather than reaching down to pick it up. This will prevent back injury. [19] Do regular stretching exercises if you find that any muscles are tight and preventing you from correcting your posture.
    • Look in the mirror to help you adopt proper posture. Once you see that you’re in the correct position, try to analyse what it feels like in your body so that when you’re not around a mirror, you’ll know how to adjust your posture.
    • The way you carry yourself is indicative of the way you feel about yourself and others around you. [20]
    • Proper posture will also help you improve and maintain your health and reduce chances for tiredness. [21]
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Part 5
Part 5 of 6:

Achieving Ambitions

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  1. Think about what you want to achieve in the long-run. Think in terms of your education, your career, and your family. Break your goals into logical steps by thinking of which goals you will have to achieve first in order to keep going. Apply this principle to all your goals: break them down into more manageable steps. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, time-based and achievable. This will help you measure your progress and keep you from feeling disappointed if you don’t achieve goals that were unrealistic in the first place.
    • If you are particularly inspired by your role models and want to achieve something similar to them, read their biography. Look at their milestones and how they achieved them. Some of this information may not be readily available and you will have to do your own research. For example, if you are looking to break into the cosmetics industry, you will have to research different methods of doing so. Consider contacting local makeup artists or contacting persons who design makeup for further guidance.
    • Sometimes plans don’t turn out exactly as we want them to because of circumstances beyond our control or because something else inspires you along the way. That’s okay: find another way to achieve your goal. Make allowances in your plan for setbacks. If you read up on your role model’s history, you’ll find that they didn’t always have smooth sailing either. [22]
    • Consider setting aside an afternoon to draft your long-term plan.
  2. Make a list of what you need to achieve your goals. Calculate how much your resources will cost you. The amount of money you spend will depend on the scale of your goal. Take a look at your budget and see if there are ways of reducing your costs. Consider purchasing items second hand or renting them instead of purchasing them. For example, if you have a low budget and you’re pursuing an education, considering getting second-hand textbooks. If your goal is a large scale project that is out of your budget such as setting up a bespoke bakery, consider taking a loan or asking family for financial help.
    • Explore your options online or by asking others who are striving to achieve similar goals for tips on how they financed themselves or obtained their resources. Try not to let lack of resources hold you back.
  3. There may be some things you need to achieve that are out of your experience. Ask others to help you where you might be struggling to achieve your goals or if you know that they have knowledge that you can benefit from. Such people can show you new ways of doing things and pass on these skills to you. For example, if you’re attempting to take a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) exam but you’re not sure about how to approach the study material, ask someone who scored highly on the exam for study management tips.
    • Consider asking close friends and family or outsourcing. Look for people who are knowledgeable about the field you’re looking into.
    • Remember to thank them and show your gratitude through favours either by doing something kind for them or by returning the favour if they ever need help.
  4. Start your plan now. Measure your progress. As your goal(s) are time based, you have a schedule to follow: this will help you know if you’re on track. Sometimes, things happen that you didn’t account for and your plans may get delayed. Don’t take this as an excuse to give up. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t making progress. Find solutions to your problems and factor them into your plans. Remind yourself of how your goal will make you and your life perfect.
    • Tell people you trust about your plans. Ask them for their moral support and encouragement.
    • Track how you use your time by writing down what you complete every half hour. Log your activities for a week to see where you can be more efficient. [23]
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Part 6
Part 6 of 6:

Accepting Yourself

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  1. Even the women on your list of ‘perfect women’ will have flaws. A flaw is not something that makes you unlovable or worthless. Rather, you will always have some way to develop personally. When you see a flaw, find ways to better yourself.
    • Repeat positive affirmations to yourself daily, before you leave the house:
      • ’I accept myself, I improve by learning and self-educating myself – I accept myself.’ [24]
      • ’I approve of myself, I work hard every day to achieve my goals – I approve of myself.’ [25]
  2. Remind yourself that the past is the past. If there are any mistakes you’ve made, allow yourself to move on. Your past performance does not define your future. If there is anything you’re currently doing that’s causing you grief, start replacing that behavior with an alternative one that will give you peace of mind. [26] This may be difficult as it takes time to replace habits. [27]
    • Talk to someone about how you feel about things that you’re finding hard to let go. Other people can help give you different perspectives and encourage you to move on.
  3. Surround yourself with people who give you positive affirmations and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Distance yourself from those who put you down and constantly berate you. It’s not possible to avoid negative people completely but try your hardest to stop socializing with them and limiting your daily interactions with them at school or work.
    • If someone you interact with on a daily basis is constantly bullying you, either confront her about the issue or discuss the matter with your supervisor or a trusted colleague for advice on how best to approach the matter.
    • Know that it's okay to say no from time to time. If someone asks to spend time with you but they bring you down, you can tell them you don't want to hang out with them. [28]
  4. [29] At the end of every day, remind yourself of the things you achieved today. Remind yourself of both big and small things. Small achievements can include things like, ‘I made my bed before leaving for school this morning.’ Some achievements may seem small but may have required a lot of effort, e.g. ‘I didn’t snap back at my sister when she was being rude to me.’
    • Periodically reward yourself for doing things well. Go out for dinner at your favorite restaurant if you’ve performed particularly well this week. Or buy a new book to read if you’ve successfully managed to maintain an exercise routine for a couple of weeks.
  5. As you try to achieve perfection, take a look at the things you do on a daily basis and how much you change over the course of a month, six months or a year. Reflect on how you grow. Remind yourself that your personality, your goals, your appearance, and your relationships are not static: all of them will develop and flourish as you seek to make your life better.
    • Remember that your definition of perfect applies to you and you alone. Along the way you might be inspired by someone else to change an aspect of your life. That doesn’t mean that you’re aiming to become exactly like another woman.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I become the best woman I can be?
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Rahti Gorfien is a Life Coach and the Founder of Creative Calling Coaching, LLC. She specializes in working with artists, entrepreneurs, and college students in creative fields. Rahti is accredited as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) by the International Coach Federation, an ACCG Accredited ADHD Coach by the ADD Coach Academy, and a Career Specialty Services Provider (CSS). In addition, she has personal experience in the fields she coaches - she is an alumnus of the New York University Graduate Acting program and has been a working theater artist for over 30 years. She was voted one of the 15 Best Life Coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018.
    Rahti Gorfien, PCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Make sure you work on building your independence. Don't worry about what people think of you and learn that it's okay to say no and disagree with others.
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      Warnings

      • Everybody has a different body type. If one of your ‘perfect women’ has a body type that is different from yours, you will not be able to attain that shape. Even if your ‘perfect woman’ has a body type that is the same as yours, you will look different from her. Focus on being in shape and healthy, rather than being a clone.
        Thanks
        Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
      • Perfection is never a static quality just like you are constantly changing as you grow. Everybody has ups and downs and sometimes you might progress at a slower rate than you would like to. Pick yourself up and keep going.
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
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      References

      1. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S009265669992281X
      3. ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/positive-mental-attitude
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201210/emotions-are-contagious-choose-your-company-wisely
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/friendly-competition
      6. ↑ https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/pep19-01-01-002_0.pdf
      7. ↑ https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/blog/emotions-are-value-neutral
      8. ↑ https://books.google.com.pk/books/about/The_Client_s_Guide_to_Cognitive_behavior.html?id=9HsVzASsKfcC&redir_esc=y
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201404/6-virtues-and-6-vices-venting
      1. ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/integrity-in-the-workplace
      2. ↑ https://www.proactiveaction.co/interpersonalskills
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/behind-online-behavior/201408/the-psychology-behind-social-media-interactions
      4. ↑ http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/2013/11/20/physical-activity-guidelines-how-much-exercise-do-you-need/
      5. ↑ http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/dangerous-personal-trainers
      6. ↑ https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2334393290171944
      7. ↑ laurenconrad.com/blog/2015/05/beauty-beginners-how-to-contour/
      8. ↑ http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/posture-power-how-to-correct-your-body-alignment.html
      9. ↑ http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Backpain/Pages/back-pain-and-common-posture-mistakes.aspx
      10. ↑ www.swolept.com/posts/how-to-have-a-straight-back-your-guide-to-good-posture#.VeNAo_mqqko
      11. ↑ http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
      12. ↑ http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Backpain/Pages/back-pain-and-common-posture-mistakes.aspx
      13. ↑ http://time.com/3732203/the-30-most-influential-people-on-the-internet/
      14. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
      15. ↑ www.prolificliving.com/how-to-accept-yourself/
      16. ↑ www.prolificliving.com/how-to-accept-yourself/
      17. ↑ http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11454/10-ways-to-forgive-yourself-let-go-of-the-past.html
      18. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/22/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/
      19. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
      20. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Although everyone’s idea of the perfect woman is different, there are a few ways you can work towards being the best version of yourself. Life can be stressful sometimes, but try to remain calm and be positive so you don’t lose your perspective. Your physical health is important too, so try to eat healthy and exercise regularly to stay in shape. Another important part of being a perfect woman is being there for your friends and family. Always follow through on the things you say you’ll do, and support those around you as well as you can. To keep yourself moving forward, set goals for your career and personal life and work towards them every day. For more advice, including how to make peace with your flaws, read on.

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