How to Become a Polygamist

Co-authored by Fernando Campos

Last Updated: April 13, 2024 References

Polygamists are people who have more than one spouse. Polygamy is banned in the United States, as well as most developed countries, though it is quite common in other parts of the world. ^{[1]
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Research source} In spite of its illegality in most countries, many people still practice polygamy through various private means.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Knowing the Laws That Govern Polygamy

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Learn the legal terms involved. Under the umbrella of polygamy is polygyny, polyandry, and bigamy. Polygyny and polyandry are both forms of polygamy. ^{[2]
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Research source} Polygamy is a form of bigamy, a broader term that means engaging in a marriage ceremony while already married to someone else. ^{[3]
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- Polygyny is a marriage in which one man has multiple wives.
- Polyandry is a marriage in which one woman has multiple husbands.
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Know the law. As of 2014, there were estimated to be up to 150,000 polygamists living in the United States. In some parts of the world, about 1/6 of women share their husbands with other wives, with as many as 55% of women being in polygamous marriages in Benin. ^{[4]
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Research source} The practice of polygamy remains illegal in the U.S., but some states condone the practice while others have no knowledge of polygamist activities. ^{[5]
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- Polygamy tends to be practiced quite commonly in countries where women greatly outnumber men.
- Gene selection may be a factor in countries that practice polygamy. A strong, healthy male is assumed to pass on a genetic resistance to certain diseases and parasites prevalent in those countries.
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Understand where polygamy is practiced. Some countries openly permit polygamous marriages, though most others have banned the practice. In spite of the ban on polygamy and bigamy, polygamous unions continue to exist in many parts of the world, including the United States. Most of the people who enter polygamous marriages in countries where it is banned do so for religious reasons, the most common religions being certain sects of the Mormon church and Islam.
- Most polygamous marriages tend to focus on polygyny, in which multiple wives (sometimes called "sister wives") share a single husband.
- Polygamy is accepted and legal in a number of predominately Muslim countries.
- Norway, Great Britain, and a number of other European countries have started permitting some Muslim families who emigrated from Northern Africa and the Middle East to practice polygyny there.
- Muslims who practice polygamy often cite a religious precedent for polygamy from the Qur'an, which permits one man to marry up to four women.
- Canada has formally banned the practice of polygamy. However, members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), a known polygamous sect of the Mormon church, have practiced polygamy openly in British Columbia for some time.
- In the United States, Utah and Colorado have historically been lenient, if not condoning, of polygamist relationships. These states have large populations of members of the FLDS. ^{[6]
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- Some Muslim sects in Philadelphia and other metropolitan regions along the East Coast have been known to engage in polygamous unions, though these states may be less tolerant of polygamy/bigamy. ^{[7]
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- In a 2003 Supreme Court ruling on same-sex relationships, it was determined that the United States government cannot intervene in certain personal, private behaviors of American citizens. The ruling also stated that laws against bigamy may be susceptible to court challenges, which many believe could open the doors to wider acceptance of polygamy.
- In 2013 a federal judge ruled that Utah's state-wide ban against polygamy was unconstitutional. It allowed for families with multiple spouses to live together, provided that they do not have more than one marriage license on file. ^{[8]
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Getting Married in a Polygamist Union

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Get legally married only once. The law is very particular about how many individuals may legally be married, in part to prevent tax and welfare fraud. However, in places where polygamy is de facto accepted, if not condoned, there are certain restrictions on how polygamous unions may take place.
- Many fundamentalist Mormon practitioners legally marry one wife, then "spiritually marry" other women.
- Remember that spiritual marriages are not legally binding. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner(s), but the union will not be recognized by the law.
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Meet other future spouses. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. You may want to consider relocating to a polygamy-friendly region, or searching online for a dating service that focuses on polygamy.
- There are now dating websites that cater specifically to individuals, couples, and groups looking for other individuals or couples to date (and potentially marry).
- One of the most common websites for polygamist dating is Sister Wives. This U.S.-based dating service allows you to search for other individuals, couples, or groups who are open to plural marriages. ^{[9]
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Enter a spiritual union with other spouses. If you are married and want to engage in polygamy, you will have to enter spiritual unions with your additional spouses. On paper, only the legally-wedded couple is married. However, the family may live with other spouses, provided that no other marriage certificates are acquired for those unions. ^{[10]
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- You will need to have a spiritual leader or other officiant perform the spiritual unions. It may be difficult to find an officiant willing to perform the ceremony, so your best bet is to find an officiant who adheres to a polygamy-tolerant religion.
- Be aware that while your spiritual unions may be accepted, only the first marriage is legally recognized.
- Because spiritual wives are not legally recognized, none of the spiritual wives are entitled to the legal rights that come with marriage. This includes financial support, property rights (including intestate succession), workers compensation benefits, social security benefits, or wrongful death benefits.
- Children from spiritual marriages may not be considered "legitimate" children in the eyes of the law, and therefore may not be eligible for any legal benefits.
- Be aware that while spiritual marriages may be condoned, all marriages (spiritual or legal) and any other sexual relationships must be with consenting adults who are of legal age in that state. Different states have different ages of consent, so know the laws in your region before entering any relationship.
- You can find the age of consent laws for your state or a state you intend to relocate to by searching online.

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Finding Alternatives to Polygamy

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Have mistresses. If your wife is open to a polygamous relationship but you cannot engage in a spiritual marriage for whatever reason, you may want to consider having mistresses. Make sure your wife will accept you having one or more mistresses, and have an honest conversation about how this may affect your marriage.
- Mistresses, like spiritual wives, are not given any legal rights or protections. They are essentially lovers that are taken by one spouse outside the marriage.
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Consider a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory is similar in theory to polygamy, except it relies on equality and the meeting of everyone's needs. Instead of one man or woman having multiple spouses, a polyamorous relationship typically involves bringing one or more outside lovers into an existing relationship. ^{[11]
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- Polyamorous relationships require a great deal of communication to understand one another's boundaries and to prevent anyone's feelings from being hurt.
- Sometimes polyamorous relationships involve platonic relationships between partners.
- There is no right or wrong way of forming a polyamorous relationship, so long as all partners are consenting, understanding, and of legal age.
There are many valid reasons why an individual may want a polygamous relationship. However, a desire to have multiple partners and raise more children does not decrease your ability to have a meaningful marriage and/or raise children with one individual. If you live in a region where polygamy is strictly prohibited and polyamory is socially frowned upon, you may have to limit yourself to a monogamous relationship.

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Can a divorced person be accepted into a polygamist group?

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Yes, you may be admitted into a group.

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Is polygamy/bigamy a federal or state crime in the US? And what are the potential consequences of being caught from a legal perspective?

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This varies a lot from state to state. If considering a polygamous family, you should really look into your local state laws to judge your legal exposure.On the Federal level, the Edmunds Act of 1882 made polygamy a felony in US territories. This was specifically aimed at the Mormon pioneers in Utah.

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Would joining a cult be the best way to practice polygamy?

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No, it would not. Try some of the ways listed in the article. Cults can be harmful, and hard to get out of once in.

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Tips

Remember that any relationship, whether it's monogamous, polyamorous, or polygamist, relies on trust and communication. Never assume that a partner will be accepting of your desires for additional partners.

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Talk to your current partner if you're interested in polygamy, and make sure any additional partners you meet understand the arrangement that you are proposing.

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Warnings

Be aware that your family and friends may not be supportive or understanding of a polygamous relationship.

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Make sure that anyone you're considering a relationship with is a consenting adult who understands that you're interested in a polygamous arrangement.

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Remember that polygamy is explicitly banned in most regions of the United States, as well as many other countries. Be aware of the legal consequences of engaging in polygamy, and know that a polygamous union accepted in one region may not be recognized or accepted in another region.

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How to Become a Polygamist

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Knowing the Laws That Govern Polygamy

Getting Married in a Polygamist Union

Finding Alternatives to Polygamy

Community Q&A

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Warnings

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