The no contact rule isn’t always for everyone. Whether you started the no contact rule because you wanted to get your ex back or needed some space to focus on yourself, sometimes breaking it is necessary. Maybe you miss your ex too much or have to tie up some loose ends with them. We know breaking your promise to not speak to your ex can be hard, so we’ve answered some of your questions about breaking the no contact rule.
What does it mean to break no contact?
The no contact rule is when you go a long period of time without communicating with your ex. So, to break the no contact rule, you simply have to communicate with your ex, whether that’s via text, messenger, or talking in person.
Steps
How to Break the No Contact Rule
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Choose a public place to meet in-person. This way there will be no temptation to make-up in any way that is more than friendly or explicitly mean. Talking face-to-face will help you and your ex listen to each other and be aware of each other’s emotions. A public space will also help you both be courteous about what you’re saying, avoiding any potential explosions of rage or affection. [5] X Research source
- Try meeting up at a coffee shop, local restaurant, or park.
- Talking while you eat can help calm your nerves and give you something else to focus on if the conversation gets tense.
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Set ground rules to make for a smooth transition. Let your ex know exactly what you want to talk about before you meet. Making sure everyone is on the same page will make the meeting go smoothly. Tell them how long you want to chat and what you want to work out. Things can go much more smoothly if you’re both on the same page! [6] X Research source
- Set a time limit for catching up. This way no one will take up more than the time necessary to fill the other person in.
- Try to avoid dragging out your meeting time. You want to keep things short and simple for your and your ex’s sake.
- Focus on topics like your relationship moving forward, if you’ll be in contact with each other, and what the next step should be.
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Be honest with your ex. Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to relationships. Tell your ex exactly what’s on your mind—no mind games or false promises. When you’re talking with them, focus on yourself by using “I” statements. It can be easy to point the finger, but frame your language around your wants and needs moving forward. [7] X Research source
- “I think it would be best if we’re just friends.”
- “I want to try being in a relationship with you.”
- “I need some more time to think.”
- Be clear and concise with what you have to say. You don’t want to leave any room for misinterpretation!
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Listen to what your ex has to say. Even if you were the one to start the no contact rule, it’s important to hear your ex out. Knowing how you both want to move forward can help you both move on, whether that’s with or without each other. [8] X Research source
- Actively listen to what your ex has to say by reflecting on what they say and reacting appropriately. If you agree with what they’re saying, nod. If you need them to clarify something, ask. [9] X Research source
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
References
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28554493/no-contact-rule/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/01/26/a-psychologist-weighs-in-on-the-post-breakup-no-contact-rule/?sh=7a814581a025
- ↑ https://undoabreakup.com/no-contact-rule/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/articles/201101/the-thoroughly-modern-guide-breakups
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening#active-listening-steps
- ↑ https://undoabreakup.com/30-day-no-contact-rule/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-high-functioning-hotspot/202008/the-ultimate-guide-breakups
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/no-contact-rule-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-0618136
- ↑ https://undoabreakup.com/no-contact-rule/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/test-case/201402/breakups-breakthroughs
- ↑ https://www.bonobology.com/5-signs-the-no-contact-rule-is-working/
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/no-contact-rule-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-0618136
- ↑ https://undoabreakup.com/30-day-no-contact-rule/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/01/26/a-psychologist-weighs-in-on-the-post-breakup-no-contact-rule/?sh=7a814581a025
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/no-contact-rule-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-0618136