How to Choose Between Two Girls

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Romantic feelings can be really tough to deal with, especially if you have them for more than one girl. It’s even trickier when both girls are waiting for or expecting you to make a decision . If you’d like to visualize and organize your thoughts before making a decision, draft a concrete list for yourself that helps you compare the pros and cons of each girl. If you don’t want to write down your feelings , give yourself some time to really think and sort through your emotions so you can figure out what you want. Once you make a decision, share your feelings with both girls and see what comes next.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Listening to Your Heart

  1. Ask yourself if you’re looking for something serious, or if you’d prefer something a little more casual. Do you want a hookup situation, or a steady girlfriend, or a long-term partner? Think about where you are in life, and what your goals are beyond these two girls. As difficult as it is, try to separate yourself from your current feelings and view things in the long-term. [1]
    • For instance, if you’re focusing on your career, you may be looking for a stable, long-term relationship . Think about which girl can better offer you the stability that you’re looking for.
  2. Notice how each girl makes you feel about yourself. Keep tabs on your emotions and thoughts after you spend time with each girl. Look for the changes in your own personality when you spend time with each of these girls and really consider which aspects of yourself you want to feed. [2]
    • For instance, if one girl tends to correct or nitpick you a lot, you may not want to pursue a long-term relationship with her.
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  3. Be honest with yourself . Don’t put pressure on yourself to start a relationship right then and there. If you can't bring yourself to give a definitive "Yes!" to either girl, you may want to give yourself some breathing room. [3]
    • There’s nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself! Both girls will prefer to hear the truth than be part of a half-hearted relationship.
  4. Try to dig a little deeper into your current emotions. This can be a little tricky, but do your best to pinpoint a couple of specific emotions. These feelings may provide some valuable insights into your decision, or may help you realize that you aren’t really looking for a relationship at all. [4]
    • For instance, you may be blaming your indecision on a specific reason, like neither girl feeling like your ultimate soulmate.
  5. Imagine what both girls are looking for in a relationship, and consider their interest levels in you personally. There’s a chance that neither girl is looking for an exclusive relationship, or that they aren’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Keep in mind that any potential relationship should revolve around open communication, emotional support, and cooperation. [5]
    • Don't be afraid to think outside the box. There are many ways to make relationships work . The important thing is that everyone's on the same page, and that you aren't hurting anyone's feelings.
  6. Explain your situation to a loved one, describing your relationship with each girl. Ask your close friends and family members about their thoughts and opinions. While you don’t have to listen to their feedback, they may help you narrow down your decision overall. [6]
    • For instance, a friend might share a negative experience they had with 1 of the girls that you never even knew about.
  7. Make your final decision, even if it’s difficult. Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer—you just need to focus on what’s best for you and your own life.
    • The honest road can be the hardest road, but it may also be incredibly rewarding.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Creating a Pros and Cons List

  1. Think about what they have in common, and try to understand how they're different. Ponder all of the wonderful things each girl has to offer, and consider how each relationship might look in the long run. Before you make your decision, give yourself plenty of time to think things over.
    • For instance, you may really enjoy the late-night talks you have with one girl, while enjoying the adrenaline rush you have with the other.
    • Trust and communication are also big factors to consider as you make your decision.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Focus on the whole person—not just a first impression. True connection thrives on shared values and the spark that can ignite during conversations, laughter, and shared experiences. It's never a good idea to make a final decision based solely on first impressions!

  2. Think about the best elements of each girl and write them down in 2 separate charts. These qualities can be serious or light-hearted—just jot down the first things that come to mind. [7]
    • Good qualities might include: fun to hang out with; great conversations; amazing lover; good listener; trustworthy; intelligent; jaw-droppingly beautiful; gets along well with your friends; lives in the same area; loves to travel; makes you smile.
  3. Dig a little deeper and think about some negative qualities. These cons don’t have to be anything huge—just anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy. Write down as many as you can think of so your list is as accurate as possible. [8]
    • Bad qualities might include: quick temper; different values; not a resounding "Yes!"; not your "type"; lives far away; poor physical connection; and stresses you out.
    • Pros and cons lists are often used when you’re trying to get out of a relationship, but they can also be a great tool when you’re testing the waters.
  4. Sort your list into “wants” and “needs,” which may help you narrow down your decision. Place superficial qualities in the “want” category, like “plays video games” or “makes a lot of money.” Move long-term qualities into the “needs” category, like “takes time to listen to me” and “gives me space when I need it.” [9]
    • If one girl satisfies a lot of your wants but not a lot of your needs, you may be a step closer to making your decision.
  5. Give yourself several days to really think about and consider your own needs and desires. Although there’s no need to rush, you don’t want to take weeks and months to make a decision. While it’s important to prioritize your own happiness, be considerate of the girls’ feelings as well. [10]
    • It may help to give yourself a set amount of time, like 3 days or so.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Telling the Girls

  1. It's important to tell this girl first if you want to make a clean break. Try to clearly express that you still care about the girl and value her feelings, even if you don’t want to take things to the next level. Remember that her feelings are just as valid as yours, even if you’re dealing with some tough emotions. [11]
    • Letting this girl down will force you to confront your feelings for both girls. No matter the situation, this may help keep you from breaking any promises to the other girl.
    • For instance, you can say something like: “I really care about you and value your friendship, but I don’t think it’d be a good idea for us to go out together.”
  2. Communicate your choice clearly, letting the girl know about your true feelings. After you share your feelings, give the girl time to react to your decision. Even if she doesn’t share or reciprocate the same feelings, it’s important to get your thoughts out in the open.
    • Consider writing down your thoughts beforehand or practicing your speech with a friend. If you aren't sure what to say, it might help to prepare.
    • For instance, you can say something like: “I really like you, and I’d love to try and make this work. Would you want to go out with me?”
    • Remember, if you've been dating around, the girl you decide to stay with may not realize you want to be exclusive unless you tell her outright. [12]
  3. Stick with the decision you make, and don't waste time second-guessing yourself. Don’t be wishy-washy or try to change your mind after you’ve made your final decision. Instead, commit to the girl you’ve chosen and focus on your new relationship. [13]
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      Tips

      • Try not to push yourself to make the “right” decision. While this choice may seem monumental at the time, remember that these aren’t the only girls you’ll know and care about in your lifetime. [14]
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Here is a way to decide: go next to one of your crushes and feel how your chest feels and see if you feel genuinely happy. If not, or if you feel that more around the other girl, maybe you really like the other one better.
      • Sometimes it's best not to pick either. If you're worried that choosing to be with one of them will cause too much drama and heartache, a clean break from both may help.
      • Decide if they like the same things as you. If one of them has a lot more in common with you than the other, she might be the right choice.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/dating/are-you-in-a-healthy-relationship/13-things-to-look-for-in-a-relationship/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/loving-bravely/201709/caught-between-two-loves
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-be-honest-with-yourself/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/loving-bravely/201709/caught-between-two-loves
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201303/10-things-your-relationship-needs-thrive
      6. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/482_doc-love-choosing-the-better-woman.html
      7. ↑ https://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/how-to-choose-between-two-women
      8. ↑ https://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/how-to-choose-between-two-women
      9. ↑ https://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/how-to-choose-between-two-women
      1. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/11/3-timeless-rules-for-making-tough-decisions
      2. ↑ https://www.canadianliving.com/life-and-relationships/relationships/article/7-expert-tips-to-reject-someone-nicely
      3. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/i-cannot-decide-between-two-women-1.2528058
      5. ↑ https://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/how-to-choose-between-two-women

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To choose between two girls you like, start by making a list of each girl’s good qualities, such as being a good listener, being trustworthy, and getting along well with your friends. When you’ve finished, compare the lists and decide which qualities fit best with your idea of a healthy relationship. This can be a good guide to help you analyze the situation, however, you should also take your gut feeling into account, since the list won’t necessarily reflect how you feel about the girls. Once you’ve made your choice, stick with it and forget about the other girl so you can focus your energy on your relationship. For more tips, including how to tell the girls about your decision, read on!

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