How to Comfort Someone with Anxiety over Text

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Everyone experiences some anxiety at one point in their lives. When a person you care about feels overwhelmed, you want to make their day better. Luckily, a kind text goes a long way. Whether anyone you know is going through a really stressful time or lives with anxiety, we’ll share some thoughtful messages that show you care. Read on for tips on how to comfort people over text so they know you're always there for them.

1

"You are always loved."

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  1. Remind them that they have nothing to hide. Appreciate every part of them and reassure them that the anxiety they experience is valid. Celebrate their uniqueness and praise their strengths. Show acceptance for their mental health journey by saying you’ll be there for the good days and the bad ones. [1]
    • "Your anxiety doesn’t change how I feel about you. It’s just part of who you are."
    • "You’re still the fun, outgoing, and creative partner I fell in love with. I cherish you."
    • "I adore your mind. I always want to know what’s on it."
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2

"That sounds so rough."

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  1. [2] You can show active listening even when you text. Invite them to go into full details about their anxiety and mental health struggles. Respond directly to all of their challenges and frustrations. Talk about how you’d feel in their same situation. Your empathy proves you’re an ally and that you consider their feelings important. [3]
    • "You’re right. Deadlines are really stressful. You’ve got so much on your plate."
    • "I would be really hurt if someone said that to me, too. It makes sense to feel nervous seeing them again."
    • "I can tell that this has been a really challenging day for you. Can you tell me more about it?"
3

"You’re safe. I’ve got you."

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  1. Offer a safe space in your text conversations where they are complimented and comforted. Focus on how you’re hopeful for their future. Tell them that you’re proud of them. Above all, fight any of their self-doubts by telling them you won’t go away. [4]
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4

"What’s at the root of this?"

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  1. [6] Make a list of any obstacles adding to their stress levels. Talk about the kind of problem that’s coming up for them right now. Is it related to work, family, friendships, health, or housing? Outline a big goal together. Talk about how they’ll feel when they resolve any conflict they’re up against. [7]
    • "When did you start feeling nervous? Is it when you ran into your ex?"
    • "Didn’t you just get off the phone with your mom? Do you feel a lot of pressure right now?"
    • "You just paid your utility bills, right? How are you feeling about your monthly budget?"
    • When people can make a direct correlation to the cause of their anxiety, it somehow begins to dissipate. [8]
5

"How can I help?"

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  1. Ask them what kind of support feels the best to them. Do they just want a hug, or would they like you to review mental health resources with them? If a problem feels too big for them, check in and see if they’d like you to break it down for them. Talk about steps they can take one at a time. [9]
    • "Do you like to-do lists? Should we write one right now?"
    • "What feels better? Talking it out or just sharing some fun memes?"
    • "Would it help to look into some local therapists later this weekend?"
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6

"Take a deep breath."

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  1. Guide them to take a pause and decompress with grounding exercises . Help them clear their head and talk about calming activities. Ask what small rituals distract them or make them feel balanced. Do they like to get their body moving or do they prefer stillness? Maybe they love a certain candle scent or a bubble bath relieves their anxiety. Learn about what makes them happy or content. [10]
    • "Let’s both inhale and exhale. 10 times, okay? How are you feeling now?"
    • "Why don’t you light that vanilla candle we got at the mall? You said it was your favorite."
    • "Hey, it’s still super bright out. It’s really nice out there where you live. Why don’t you go on a short walk and catch some vitamin D?"
7

"I think we could both use a break."

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  1. Share when you’ve been busy or overwhelmed, then invite them to some activities where you both can relax or have fun. By chatting about both emotional challenges and the benefits of fun breaks, you let them one know that it’s perfectly okay to hit a limit and step away from work or any other stressful situation. [11]
    • "I really need to take my mind off of work too. Wanna go to the beach?"
    • "I’ve been totally under the weather. Just really exhausted. Should we binge-watch something?"
    • "I need to get my mind off of things. I’ve been thinking of volunteering at the animal shelter. Can you believe being a cat-cuddler is an actual 'job' there? Wanna try it out?" [12]
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8

"Have you been getting enough sleep?"

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  1. Walk through their routines and promote healthy habits to support their wellness. Ask them to try out some self-care like setting a bedtime, getting enough physical activity, and stocking up on nourishing, easy to prepare foods. You can also share that you’re going to track your own wellness, too, so they can feel that you’re both a team. [13]
    • "I work best with 8 hours of shut-eye. What about you?"
    • "Hey, that vlogger you love dropped a new workout routine last night. Wanna try it out?"
    • "Did you eat breakfast today? What did you have? I’ve been having oatmeal every day."
9

"I’m ordering you some food."

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  1. Text that you’re dropping by with a meal, calling a delivery service to drop take-out on their doorstep, or making a gift basket with their favorite snacks. You’ll make sure they’re fed even when it’s difficult to prepare food on their own. Your message will warm their heart and they’ll know that you’re really invested in them. [14]
    • "Hey, I’m going to whip up some spaghetti. Your favorite!"
    • "Let me order some dumplings from that place you love. They should get there in 30 minutes."
    • "I’m putting together a care package for you right now. Cheese, salami, and jam! All the good stuff."
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10

"Do you want me to come over?"

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  1. [15] Express excitement about hanging out and let them tell you how they’d like to connect. They might just want to stick to text. On other days, they might really want to watch a movie with you. Reassure them that you’re okay with either phone calls or scheduling activities in person. Remain flexible with ways to stay in touch with them. You'll show that you care about their changing needs. [16]
    • "Should I drive over or hop on a video call?"
    • "I’m down to kick it with you. How do you feel about that?"
    • "I know you’re going through a lot and this week is packed. What’s Thursday looking like for you?"
11

"I struggle with that, too."

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  1. Be specific about your own journey with psychological or emotional wellness. Share if you also live with anxiety or manage any other symptoms. Your openness and transparency can comfort them so they can continue to feel safe reaching out to you and others with similar experiences. [17]
    • "I actually have a lot of social anxiety. Going to parties can be really hard. I have a counselor that helps me practice feeling comfortable with them."
    • "I understand. I’ve had chronic fatigue for ten years. Some days I’m just so wiped out."
    • "I’ve been following up with a doctor about these symptoms. I’ve been learning a lot about how to find a balance and stay healthy. We can both figure this all out together."
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12

"You don’t have to fight this on your own."

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  1. Share all the resources out there for anyone going through challenges. Remind them that they’ll benefit not just from your friendship, but also from mental health professionals and support groups. Reassure them that they have a whole community to rely on. [18]
    • "I care, and a lot of other people do, too. Have you reached out to anyone else about this?"
    • "I found 5 support groups nearby. There are a lot of other people who share these experiences. Maybe you can learn about what has helped them?"
    • "I think seeing a mental health professional is really important. What would be the easiest way for you to talk with one?"

How Can You Help Someone With Anxiety?


Calm Down Someone in Distress with this Expert Series

Helping someone calm down isn't easy, and it often backfires. We've put together this expert series to help you recognize someone in distress and help them work through their anxiety and nerves.
1
Reassure Someone
2
Comfort Someone with Anxiety over Text
3
Calm Someone with Anxiety
4
Calm Someone Down Who Is Nervous
5
Help Someone with Stress
6
Help an Insecure Friend

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can you see anxiety in a positive way?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Remind yourself that anxiety isn't always bad—you can't get rid of it, but learning to understand where it comes from and why it manifests is very important. Oftentimes, anxiety is a great messenger that can help things move into action.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://spec.hamilton.edu/unconditional-love-and-support-approaching-mental-health-on-campus-fe1b17af0fea
      2. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2017/07/quiet-power-listening/
      4. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-importance-of-feeling-safe/
      5. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      6. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      7. ↑ https://www.racgp.org.au/afp/2012/september/problem-solving-therapy
      8. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      9. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_help_someone_with_anxiety
      1. ↑ https://adaa.org/tips
      2. ↑ https://scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/
      3. ↑ https://theconversation.com/surprising-ways-to-beat-anxiety-and-become-mentally-strong-according-to-science-77978
      4. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/cope-with-stress/index.html
      5. ↑ https://www.kcrw.com/news/shows/kcrw-features/depression-mental-health-service-gratitude-thanksgiving
      6. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      7. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/
      8. ↑ https://nami.org/blogs/nami-blog/october-2017/9-ways-to-fight-mental-health-stigma
      9. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/6-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-depression

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