How to Comfort Someone Who Is Depressed Over Text

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What to say to a depressed friend to help them feel better
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It's natural to want to make a friend who's depressed feel loved and supported. This article will guide you through 12 thoughtful texts you can send to a depressed person (as well as the things you should avoid saying). We also sought expert advice for how to support a depressed friend from certified master life coach Jessica George and clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSV.

What to Say to Someone Who is Depressed

  • "How can I help you right now?"
  • "We don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you change your mind."
  • "I just want you to know that I love and appreciate you."
Section 1 of 3:

How to Comfort a Depressed Friend Over Text

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  1. People experiencing depression often feel isolated from their friends and family and may struggle to seek the support they need. Text your friend that you're always there for them so that they feel less alone and know they can go to you when they're struggling. [1]
    • When starting a conversation with her depressed friends, George asks if they want to make things better. "Some do," she says, "and some just want to wait until the fog clears." If they're not ready to receive your advice in a non-judgmental way, you can be just as helpful by providing a listening ear. [2]
  2. Your friend might be afraid to ask for help, even when they need it. Ask them directly so that they don't have to ask themselves. This gesture will mean a lot to your friend, even if there's nothing you can do right now. [3]
    • Another effective way to offer support to your friends, says George, is to say, "How can I help you right now?" Adding "right now" makes it clear that you want to provide help in an actionable way. You're not just making an empty promise for help sometime in the distant future; you're here in this moment, ready to jump in if needed! [4]
    • Your friend might need help getting up in the morning for work or making appointments with a therapist. If they consent, send them a good morning text each day or sit next to them when they call to schedule appointments on the phone. [5]
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  3. Your friend might not be ready to talk about their feelings. Putting pressure on them might make them feel anxious, so let them know they don't have to just yet. Hearing that you'll be there when they're ready will make them feel a lot more comfortable and understood. [6]
  4. Text your friend a picture of the two of you having a great time. If your friend is struggling with depression, they might have a hard time remembering the good times they've had. They might also feel convinced that their friends don't enjoy their company anymore, even when that's not true at all. Show them how much you appreciate the times you've had by sharing a happy memory. [8]
    • You might try a picture of the two of you on a fun hiking trip or an old photobooth picture from a great time out on the town.
    • You could even add something like, "Can't wait to do this again!" This will let them know that you're excited to keep making plans and hang out more in the future.
  5. Depression can trigger a lot of self-doubts. Your friend might be struggling with their self-esteem or worrying that you don't like them anymore. Make sure that they know how much you love them with a reassuring compliment. It'll bring a smile to your friend's face and make them feel appreciated. [9]
    • You might text, "You've got the best sense of humor. I'm still laughing about what you said at work the other day lol" or "You're such a talented artist! Seeing your paintings makes my day."
  6. Send over a meme, a cute animal picture, or a humorous GIF. Your friend might just need a break to laugh and be a little silly with you. Even if they're struggling, they'll appreciate your effort to make them smile. [10]
    • You might try a funny meme that appeals to your friend's sense of humor, a picture of a cute animal (the internet is brimming with cute puppy and kitten pictures), or a GIF from their favorite TV show.
    • Whatever you decide to send, keep the humor lighthearted and positive.
  7. It can be super hard to remember that there are people out there who love you when you're in the throes of depression. Tell your friend that no matter what, you really care about them. Frequently remind them of that fact so it's impossible for them to forget. [11]
    • You might also try simply, "I love you!" or "You are the best. Never forget that!"
  8. Your friend might worry that their depression is affecting your friendship. When you're dealing with depression, it can be pretty hard to reach out and make plans with your friends. [12] Make your friend's doubts subside by letting them know that you cherish their friendship, even if you haven't been able to see each other as much lately.
    • You might also try, "You've always been there for me. You are a true friend" or "I've never had a friend like you before. I'm so lucky!"
  9. What's a better way to comfort someone than comfort food? If you're able, send over takeout from your friend's favorite restaurant. This is a great way to be there for your friend if they're not up for hanging out right now. They'll appreciate the gesture and the scrumptious, comfort food will likely really lift their spirits. [13]
    • Add another message like, "Just wanted to show you how much I care about you" or "Anything for my BFF!"
    • To make sure this works according to plan, make sure they're home to pick up the food.
  10. Your friend might need encouragement to seek professional help. To work through serious depression, people often need to talk to a mental health professional like a therapist or a counselor. Gently remind your friend that there are resources out there to help them through the worst of their depression and get on the other side. [14]
  11. Your friend might need a listening ear on the other line. If they seem pretty down or in need of some comfort, text them that you'd be happy to talk on the phone. Even if they would rather not, they'll appreciate the offer and will likely feel less alone. [17]
    • Alternatively, ask if they would like to do a video call. You might say something like, "I'm free tonight if you want to FaceTime and watch a movie together or something 😊"
  12. Show your friend that you're always happy to be by their side. Depression can make people have a hard time making plans, even when they want nothing more than to spend time with their friends. Make this easier for your friend by offering to come over and hang out. Your friend may not be up for it, but it'll make them feel better to know that you're willing to show up for them like this. [18]
    • You may want to clarify your good intentions by adding, "We don't have to talk about anything serious if you don't want to. I'd be down to just watch a silly movie or something!"
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Section 2 of 3:

What to Avoid When Texting a Sad Person

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  1. While most human beings have certainly experienced depression before, you probably don't know exactly what your friend is feeling or thinking. Furthermore, saying this may make your friend feel small and like you don't care about their unique problems. Instead, acknowledge their struggles by saying, "You're not alone. I'm here for you." [19]
  2. Such false bravado invalidates and dismisses your friend's very real negative emotions. It may also make your friend feel like you're trying to force an impossible solution to their problems. Instead, listen without judgment and know that your friend probably isn't talking to you for solutions; they simply want someone to lean on. [20]
  3. Texting things like, "You never hang out with me anymore," or "You need to snap out of it" – while well-intentioned – will only make your friend feel worse. Instead, meet your friend where they're at and understand that they're doing the best they can in their situation. [22]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Support a Depressed Person

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  1. Don't stop asking your friend to hang out just because they're depressed. The time they spend with you may be one of the few bright spots in their lives. If they refuse to make plans, accept their decision, but don't give up forever, either. Be patient and keep reaching out, if only to show your friend that you're always there for them. [24]
  2. When we participate in conversations, we tend to listen for an opening where we can jump in and share our thoughts and perspectives. With your sad and depressed friend, active listening is a more effective and empathetic approach. [25]
    • To be an active listener, direct all your attention to what they're saying. Repeat what they say back to them and ask thoughtful questions to gain clarity and help them sort out their problems.
    • Remember, your goal isn't to share pearls of wisdom or anecdotes from your past. Your objective is to make your friend feel heard and valued, while also helping them work through their feelings.
  3. No matter how much you want to help your friend, it's important for you to set boundaries on your own mental health, time, and physical energy. Eat healthy, make time for activities you enjoy, and know that it's okay if you don't always know what to say to your depressed friend or need some space from them sometimes. [26]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What makes a caring friend?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Caring friends provide a safe space for their friends to be helped and heard. They're able gauge if their friends need advice, or if they just need a shoulder to cry on.
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      Warnings

      • If your friend is in crisis or is expressing thoughts of suicide, call a crisis line to get them the help that they need. To reach the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988 if you're in the United States or Canada. Tell a friend or family member that you trust about the situation, too.
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      Tips

      • Don't be offended if your depressed friend doesn't respond to your text or sends a short, curt message in reply. Remember they're going through a lot and that sometimes, reaching out to let them know you're there is helpful enough.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201507/6-things-you-can-say-support-someone-whos-depressed
      2. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201507/6-things-you-can-say-support-someone-whos-depressed
      4. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February, 2022.
      5. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/6-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-depression
      6. ↑ https://www.princetonhcs.org/patients-visitors/support-and-educational-resources/princeton-health-magazine/november-december-2021/10-tips-on-what-to-say-to-someone-who-is-depressed
      7. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      8. ↑ https://health.choc.org/the-do-and-donts-of-checking-in-on-a-friend-in-need/
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
      1. ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/6-dos-and-donts-for-supporting-someone-who-has-depression/
      4. ↑ https://health.choc.org/the-do-and-donts-of-checking-in-on-a-friend-in-need/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/201507/6-things-you-can-say-support-someone-whos-depressed
      6. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/how-to-support-a-loved-one-with-depression
      9. ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/how-to-support-a-loved-one-with-depression
      10. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/depression/helping-someone-with-depression
      11. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/for-friends-and-family/
      12. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
      13. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/for-friends-and-family/
      14. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
      15. ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/how-to-support-a-loved-one-with-depression
      16. ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-can-i-help-someone-who-seems-depressed/
      17. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/6-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-depression

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