Should You Date Your Neighbor? Your Top Questions Answered

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Starting a new relationship can be challenging, especially if you’re falling for your neighbor. What are the pros and cons of dating a neighbor? Is dating a neighbor even possible? Don’t worry! While there are some potential risks to dating your neighbor, there are plenty of potential rewards, too. We’ve tackled some of your most common questions about dating a crush-next-door so you can put your best foot forward in any future relationship.

Question 1 of 15:

Is it OK to date your neighbor?

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  1. Dating your neighbor has a lot of advantages, but there can be a lot of unpleasant fallout if the relationship ends badly. Take a little time to weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. [1]
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Question 2 of 15:

What are the pros of dating your neighbor?

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  1. Long commutes can be a real relationship killer, but that definitely isn’t a problem when you’re dating your neighbor. It’s really easy and convenient to spend time together, and equally easy to get some alone time, since you each have your own place. [2]
    • Research shows that just 34% of people are willing to go out with someone who lives over an hour away from them.
  2. Since you both live in the same town and neighborhood, there’s a good chance that you have some things in common. You both might like the simplicity of suburbs, the convenience of the city, or the tranquility of the countryside. Having something in common is a great starting point for a new relationship. [3]
  3. Before you officially start dating, you have lots of time to learn more about your neighbor, and to see if you’re a good fit for each other. See what kinds of activities you both like, or invite them over for drinks. As neighbors, you have tons of opportunities to spend time together as friends before committing to anything serious. [4] [5]
    • For instance, you might invite them over to your place to finish off some leftovers, or meet at a local bar for drinks. If you sense some chemistry, keep meeting up and see where things go.
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Question 3 of 15:

What are the cons of dating your neighbor?

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  1. It can be hard to get a lot of “me time” when your significant other lives a few doors down. As your neighbor, they’ll also get to see whenever you enter and leave your home, which can really kill your sense of privacy. [6]
  2. Since you live so close to each other, the “let’s move in together” conversation might happen a lot sooner than it usually would. This can lead to some potential problems if the relationship sours further down the line. [7]
    • All relationships come with ups and downs. If your relationship hits some pitfalls, you and your significant other can put your best foot forward by spending plenty of time together face-to-face, and also being open and honest with one another about your thoughts and feelings. [8]
  3. [9] In a standard relationship, you know that you won’t constantly bump into each other should things come to an end. Unfortunately, you won’t have that same luxury when you date your neighbor. For better or for worse, you’ll probably cross paths on a regular, if not daily, basis. [10]
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Question 4 of 15:

What do you do if you’re crushing on your neighbor?

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  1. It may feel a little risky, but it’s best to let your neighbor know how you feel. Don’t be too pushy when you confess; instead, bring up your feelings in a gentle, subtle way. Even if they reject your advances, you’ll at least know the truth, and will have no nagging questions about what could’ve been.
    • You might say, “I’m always happy to bump into you. Would you like to continue this conversation over coffee sometime?”
Question 5 of 15:

What are some signs that your neighbor likes you?

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  1. Pay attention to your neighbor’s body language the next time you both strike up a conversation. Are they leaning toward you, lightly touching your arm, patting you on the shoulder, or making a lot of eye contact? If so, you may be in luck—these are all potential signs that your neighbor is interested. [11]
    • An interested neighbor might also mirror your body language without realizing it. For example, if you place 1 hand on your hip during a conversation, your neighbor might do the same thing.
  2. Small talk is inevitable when you bump into your neighbors, but an interested neighbor will commit tidbits of your conversation to memory. The next time you talk, see if they reference something that you mentioned in a past encounter. [12]
    • If you talked about taking your cat to the vet, your neighbor might ask how the appointment went.
    • If you mention that you’re studying for a big test, your neighbor might inquire about how you did.
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Question 6 of 15:

What are some other clues that your neighbor might like you?

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  1. If your neighbor really likes you, they might just tell you outright! According to psychologists, when a person shares romantic feelings with you, it means that they’re looking for a long-term, exclusive relationship. [13]
Question 7 of 15:

How do you break the ice with a new neighbor?

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  1. Stop by sometime when you think they’ll be home. When you visit, bring an introductory gift with you, like a bottle of wine or a tray of baked goods. Let them know where you live, and that they’re welcome to stop by whenever they’d like.
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Question 8 of 15:

How can you flirt with a new neighbor?

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  1. Pick-up lines can be hit or miss, but a fun quip might get things off to a flirty start. Bring over a house-warming gift, or try out a bolder pick-up line. It’s okay if they don’t seem interested; in that case, just apologize and move on. [14]
    • You could say, “I definitely owe you a drink. Since you moved into the apartment complex, the property value skyrocketed.”
Question 9 of 15:

What’s a subtle way to flirt?

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  1. There’s a good chance you’ll bump into your neighbor randomly, whether you’re heading home from work or picking up groceries. When you cross paths, do your best to make eye contact while offering a friendly smile. This is a subtle but effective way to show that you’re interested. [15]
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Question 10 of 15:

What’s a more direct way to flirt?

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  1. Casual touch is a great way to show your interest without making things too awkward. Start your conversation with a friendly handshake or shoulder tap to get the ball rolling. Then, throughout the conversation, segue into a playful touch around the forearm, waist, or shoulder. [16]
    • Pay attention to how your neighbor reacts. Some people aren’t a fan of being touched.
Question 11 of 15:

How do you get the ball rolling?

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  1. Ask if they’d like to stop by for drinks or watch some TV. Then, see how they react; if your neighbor seems interested in hanging out, there could be a potential relationship on the horizon.
    • Hanging out doesn’t guarantee that your relationship will reach the next level. However, it’s a great way to get to know your neighbor in a casual, friendly way.
  2. Pay attention to when they leave for work during the day. See if you can tweak your schedule to line up with theirs—that way, you can both strike up a conversation when you head outside.
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Question 12 of 15:

How do you ask your neighbor out?

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  1. Settle on a place you’d like to go, as well as a date. When you see your neighbor, ask if they’d like to go out with you. Let them know that you’re flexible, and that you’re happy to go out another time if that would work better. [17]
    • You might say, “Would like to grab dinner with me this Friday at the new Indian place down the street?” or “I know a great Italian restaurant about 20 minutes from here. Are you free for lunch on Saturday?”
    • Don’t treat your invitation like a sales call, or some kind of deal that has to be “closed.” If your neighbor isn’t interested, at least you’ll be able to move on.
  2. Research shows that people are more likely to agree to a date after you’ve asked them for a small favor. Before you pop the question, ask your neighbor if they can help you with something small, like sharing some extra laundry detergent or giving you directions someplace. [18]
    • For instance, you might say, “Would you mind giving me a light?” or “Could I use your phone?” before asking your neighbor out on a date.
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Question 13 of 15:

What’s an indirect way to ask your neighbor out?

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  1. Ask your neighbor open-ended, indirect questions, like what their plans for the weekend are. Then, segue the conversation into a casual date suggestion, and see where things go from there. [19]
    • After asking your neighbor what their weekend plans are, you might reply with something like, “I’m actually checking out this new action movie that just hit the theaters. Would you like to come see it with me?”
  2. Ask your neighbor if they have any recommendations on where you could pick up a certain type of food. If they give you a specific suggestion, casually invite them to go to the restaurant with you. [20]
    • You might say, “I only got 5 hours of shut-eye last night. Do you know any good coffee shops around here?” If your neighbor suggests something, say, “Thanks so much for the recommendation. Would you like to join me if I head over there?”
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Question 14 of 15:

Is it okay to just hook up with your neighbor?

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  1. Unfortunately, hooking up with a neighbor can make things complicated. You might feel like you have no more alone time, or that your personal life is constantly on display. If your fling ends on a bad note, it could also make things really uncomfortable the next time you cross paths—which could be very soon, given where you both live. Always put your own mental and emotional needs first before agreeing to any hookups. [21]
    • Hookups are tricky territory to navigate, but there’s no right or wrong way to feel after you have one. Research shows that some people segue their hookup into a more serious relationship, while others continue hooking up occasionally. Do what feels best for you and your situation! [22]
Question 15 of 15:

How do you get over a crush you have on your neighbor?

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  1. Crushes can be difficult to navigate, and it’s easy to feel a bit out of control. Let your friend know how you’re feeling—discussing your feelings makes them a lot easier to process. Plus, your friend can lend a unique, independent perspective. [23]
    • Don’t rush yourself. Getting over a crush takes time and patience, and it can take a while before you really recover. Give yourself as much time as you need to recover, instead of forcing yourself to feel better in a matter of days. [24]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What do you do if you like your neighbor?
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.
    Courtney Quinlan
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Take it slow! Relationships with neighbors can be tricky—since you'll be living near that person, you don't want to make things really awkward. Instead, invite them to hang out in casual, friendly way first. After you hang out, ask yourself if you could see things turning romantic, or if you felt friendzoned during the get-together.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      2. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      3. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      4. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      6. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      7. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      9. ↑ Courtney Quinlan. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
      1. ↑ https://www.rent.com/blog/dating-your-neighbor-pros-and-cons/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      3. ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/how-tell-someone-interested-fancy-you-signs-tips-a9017151.html
      4. ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/how-tell-someone-interested-fancy-you-signs-tips-a9017151.html
      5. ↑ https://nypost.com/2010/08/01/5-top-ways-to-flirt-with-a-new-neighbor/
      6. ↑ https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/
      7. ↑ https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/
      8. ↑ https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/getting-to-know/how-to-ask-a-guy-out/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201502/single-question-can-boost-your-chance-getting-date
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
      12. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/ask-yourself-these-5-questions-before-you-hook-up-with-your-neighbor-tonight-2012-2
      13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/today-s-couples-and-families/201807/ok-we-hooked-what-happens-now
      14. ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-get-over-a-crush-2019-1
      15. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a9205/getting-over-your-crush/

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