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It happens to most people at some point: You wake up late at night to strange noises until you realize--it's your parents having sex! Or, you come home earlier than they'd expect you and you walk in on your parents' "private time." You certainly have never seen your parents like this before, and neither did you want to witness them in this state. You can't un-hear, you can't un-see, but you can deal with the situation and move on.
Steps
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Check if they noticed you. In this scenario, you are the intruder. Whether you came home too early, or you didn't knock, knocked and walked right in- you are the one "disturbing".- Stay calm and take a deep breath .
- Figure out your exit strategy- how far is the door, and how silent can you get to it?
- Make a quiet exit. If they haven't noticed you, because they are so-ahem- engaged in action, get out as quiet and as fast as you can.
- Never, ever mention what you saw or did, and move on with your life.
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Apologize and exit. If they've noticed you, the imperative is still to remove yourself physically from the situation as soon as possible.- Say "I am sorry" and be out of there.
- Act normal the next time you see your parents- and block any attempt of theirs to talk about what you've seen with a friendly "It's none of my business" or "That was your private time."
- Don't ever bring up the incident- they'll be grateful.
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Make light of the situation. This depends on the relationship you have with your parents and might not work for everybody.- Smile, and say "Hey, at least it's not the plumber, Mom" or something along these lines.
- Be prepared to have something thrown at you, and leave the room.
- Don't mention the incident ever again.
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Give a lame excuse. This is also only an option if for whatever reason you cannot immediately remove yourself from the situation.- Tell them you were looking for socks, wanted to ask them for cash, etc.
- Do not show any emotions or feelings .
- Take whatever reaction you get- they may just shout "out"- you leave.
- Keep quiet about the incident and focus on your own life. There are plenty of other things to worry about than your parents' sexuality.
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Avoid the sounds. This is a short term, immediate solution. If the problem persists, think about how to avoid it in the long run.- Use earplugs [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source and headphones [2] X Research source to drown out the sounds.
- Soundproof your room. This is a long term solution, but it doesn't always have to be expensive.
- Move your furniture- it does make a difference whether your bed is right next to their bedroom wall, or across the room. If possible, put a bookshelf to the shared wall.
- Listen to your own music - whales songs are very effective, as the sonar sounds drown out a lot of moans and sighs. Alternatively, didgeridoo or vuvuzela sounds also drown out most other sounds.
- Buy a white noise machine, or use an app or YouTube video of white noise. These devices produce different kind of noises, and are designed to drown out other sounds to protect privacy- your parents' and yours. [3] X Research source
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Give them a polite hint. They may not even be aware that they can be heard. You giving them a subtle hint will make them aware and prevent further "noise disturbances."- Send them a text message. Be subtle in approach and vague. For example, just type the word "Noise." They will not read the message until later, but they might take more precautions the next time (because chances are, there will be a next time).
- Print out an advice column on "how to deal with overhearing your parents having sex" and slide it under their door. Again, they will find it later, but it will make them aware of the situation.
- Don't mention the incident afterward. Pretend that nothing happened, and put it behind you.
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Give them rather direct hints. If they don't understand the polite hints you've been giving them, try a more straightforward approach.- Walk past their room shouting "you're not alone in this house"- the reversal of roles in the admonishment that most of us received as children puts a humorous spin on the situation and hopefully relaxes it.
- Play songs that tell them that you can hear them at full volume, such as "Let's talk about sex" by Salt N' Pepa, [4] X Research source or the Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch." [5] X Research source
- Bang on the wall, preferably with a broom or a stick. This is maybe not the most subtle method, but they'll get the drift.
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Ask whether you could move into a different room. This is a long term solution, but it depends on whether there are other rooms free in the house and other practicalities.- Pick the basement, attic, or any room as far as possible removed from their room.
- Smile and tell them, "we're all grown up now, and everybody deserves privacy." Not only is this an indirect way to tell them what you've heard, but it also protects your privacy in the future- if you can hear them, that means that they can hear you and your new girlfriend/boyfriend.
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Talk to them. Only resort to this if there is truly no other option- you can't move rooms, they haven't understood the hints you gave them, and you truly see no other option.- Prepare for awkward silences- nobody wants to be confronted by their own child about their sex life.
- Be calm, mature , and friendly.
- Tell them calmly, that some of their private activities are not so private thanks to noises and that you'd prefer not to be a witness.
- Change the subject immediately, and even leave the room- really, there is nothing to "discuss", and your parents will be eternally grateful to offer them an "out."
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionShould I confront my parents about this?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.If you caught your parents being intimate, it's important to consider the context. Were they in a private space? Was their behavior inappropriate? If the situation was normal, it's best to respect their privacy and avoid confrontation. Remember, relationships are built on intimacy, and it's natural for couples, especially for your parents to express their love in private.
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Tips
- Try to see the silver lining - if your parents are having sex, it can be a sign of a healthy relationship. [6] X Research sourceThanks
- Remember, they are more embarrassed by the situation than you are.Thanks
- Don't tell anybody what you saw. Certain things should be kept in the family.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you think your parents are being outright disrespectful by failing to take the basic steps to hide themselves, it's totally okay to confront your parents the next day. Just tell them you know what they're doing and it makes you uncomfortable.
- Just forget about it, tell your self it is normal and that you can move out soon and you can get through the it. Also, remember that you aren't going through it alone if you have siblings around.
- It's possible that whatever sounds you're hearing aren't your parents having sex. They could be watching a movie, moving furniture, or even just talking.
- Don't be ashamed. Your parents shouldn't be ashamed, either. Sex is natural, and you wouldn't be here today without your parents engaging in the act.
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Warnings
- Don't linger, or hang out, leave immediately.Thanks
- Don't take pictures or try to "blackmail" them- this could damage your relationship indefinitely.Thanks
- Don't scream or act otherwise immaturely. Studies have shown that contrary to your initial reaction, children who have witnessed their parents having sex are not damaged for life.Thanks
- Don't play the music too loud. Your parents should realize that you can hear them, but must the whole neighborhood know?Thanks
- Don't bang on the wall too hard- you may end up with a hole in the wall or worse, hurting yourself.Thanks
- Don't act as if your parents did something wrong. They may be annoyed by this, and if they've already told you to knock before entering their room, then it is not their fault.Thanks
- Don't play music full of obscene language- your parents still deserve respect.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about family dynamics, check out our in-depth interview with Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS .
References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/how-to-sleep-well-as-you-age.htm
- ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/noise-and-sleep/music
- ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/noise-and-sleep
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydrtF45-y-g
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships
About This Article
Article Summary
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Catching your parents having sex can be really awkward, but you can cope with it by staying calm, not making a big deal out of it, and finding ways to keep it from happening again. The next time you see your parents, try making a joke about it to ease the tension. Alternatively, just avoid mentioning the incident altogether, since it’s likely that they also feel awkward about it. If you need to cope with the sounds of your parents having sex, try putting on headphones to block out the noise. If it’s a recurring problem, send them a text message about the issue so they’ll be more conscientious next time. To learn how to give your parents more direct hints, read on.
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Reader Success Stories
- "I wasn't tired and hearing them moan and groan was eww. I was shaking, and my dad always seems so innocent about that sorta thing. I read this because I needed some advice so if I hear them again I will play the song "Let's Talk About Sex" and hopefully, they will get the message." ..." more
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"I wasn't tired and hearing them moan and groan was eww. I was shaking, and my dad always seems so innocent about that sorta thing. I read this because I needed some advice so if I hear them again I will play the song "Let's Talk About Sex" and hopefully, they will get the message."
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"Whenever I hear them in the middle of night is when they do it, but they rarely do. I always hear them when I go to the restroom, and I just run as fast as I can past their door and cover my ears. Luckily I have a fan in my room and it's a distance."
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"This helped me a lot! I was very scared of what to say especially when my mom and dad just got back together, so I was kinda mad and at the same time happy for them cause they are back together, I told my mom and dad that I was happy for them."
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"This really helped me, as now I finally have some tips so I can deal with my parents when they are having private time. Usually, something loud like an air conditioner (it usually works for me) is sometimes a good option too."
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"I read this on Monday, and 3 days later I saw my parents, well, you know. And I followed the steps. It worked! So I came back to give it a positive review. Thank you so much for the advice."
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