How to Deal With Your Crush Not Liking You

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It can be heartbreaking when the person you like doesn’t feel the same way. But this is something that everyone faces at some point during their life. Unfortunately, you don’t get to decide who likes you and who doesn’t. But you can decide how you will deal with it when this kind of disappointment occurs. By adjusting your perspective, accepting the outcome, and taking steps forward, you can deal with this negative experience in a positive way.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Gaining Perspective

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  1. If you find yourself taking it personally or doubting yourself, try to build your confidence instead. Make a list of your favorite things about yourself and spend time nurturing these traits. That way, if someone else doesn’t appreciate you, it won’t seem so important because you know and appreciate yourself.
    • For example, maybe you like that you are a loyal friend or maybe you like that you are kind to people. Write down the great qualities that you have and focus on these.
    • Don’t take it personally. Your crush's rejection likely has nothing to do with you. Your crush not having feelings for you is not a statement about you; it’s a statement about them. You are a perfectly lovely person who simply wasn’t meant to be with your crush.
    • There are so many reasons that your crush might not be interested, and almost none of them have to do with you. Maybe your crush wasn’t ready for a relationship. Maybe they don’t have time right now. Maybe they don’t want to make a commitment to someone. Maybe they have feelings for someone else. Don’t question yourself. It’s their loss!
  2. Make a list of everything else in your life, such as the people, activities, and interests that you have. This will help you to see yourself more clearly and not let one person’s rejection be blown out of proportion.
    • Don’t let your crush's rejection define you. There are so many other important aspects of your life. All of these things that make you happy help define who you are. You are the same wonderful person whether someone notices it or not. Your worth is never dependent on any other person. Seeing all of these other great parts of your life will help you to put one person's rejection in perspective.
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  3. [1] There are over seven billion people on our planet. So one of them didn’t like you. That’s ok! That one person might have felt like the whole world to you, but they are simply one of many. There are probably millions of people who have similar characteristics as your crush. Now that you know what kind of person you are looking for, you can open your eyes to all the other wonderful people out there.
    • Over your lifetime, there will likely be many people who you like and many who like you. Sometimes you will like someone, and they won’t like you back. Sometimes someone will like you and you won’t like them back. Sometimes you both won’t like each other. And every once in a while, you will find someone who likes you as much as you like them. This is to be expected. This is what happens when there are so many different people in the world. Think of it as an adventure and journey to finding the right person rather than a form of rejection.
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does My Crush Like Me?

Having a crush is the best thing in the world—except when it’s the worst! All those lovey-dovey butterflies can quickly turn into nervousness. Suddenly, you're stuck analyzing their every move, wondering whether or not they like you back. Luckily, we’ve got the perfect quiz for you! Answer these questions, and you'll learn to identify the secret signs that your crush is into you, so you can stop worrying and start loving. Take this quiz to finally get your answer!
1 of 20

Does your crush follow you on social media?

Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Accepting It

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  1. Your crush won’t be the one providing your happiness, so it’s time to find something else that will. Spend time with people who put a smile on your face. Watch a funny tv show. Do an activity that you enjoy. Spend time with an animal that makes you happy. Make deliberate choices to put yourself in a happy environment rather than wallowing over what you can’t have.
    • When your crush doesn’t like you, it’s easy to feel powerless and like a victim of their rejection. But ultimately, your happiness and your emotions are your responsibility and not anyone else’s. If you have placed your potential happiness in the hands of your crush, it’s time to take it back and be responsible for yourself. Take ownership of your feelings and make the choice to find happiness for yourself. [2]
    • Change your thoughts about what happened. Instead of seeing this as a terrible tragedy, look at it as an opportunity for growth and exploration. One person didn’t like you back, but lots of other people will. Now that you know there isn’t a future with this person, you can find the right people.
  2. Even if it’s hard, make sure to respect your crush even when you find out they don’t like you. If you run into them, you can still say hello. There's no need to badmouth them or respond defensively. You don't need to be best friends, but you can still help them if they need it sometime. It’s ok that they don’t feel the same way. There are lots of people that you don’t feel that way about. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and that’s to be expected. It doesn’t mean your crush is a bad person and it doesn’t mean you are. Two great people just didn’t happen to feel the same way.
    • Control what you can. You can’t control your crush’s feelings, but you can control your response to them. You are far from a passive observer in this. You have full control over how you will respond and how you will move forward. Choose to think good thoughts, to adjust your expectations, and to respond in healthy ways. [3]
    • Don’t let your crush’s rejection change you. Your crush doesn’t need to have that kind of power over you. If you feel hurt, that’s ok, but that doesn’t need to make you an angry, bitter person. Keep making good decisions for yourself and make sure that you like who you are regardless of who else does. After all, you’re the one who has to live with you!
  3. Negative feelings can be scary and intimidating. It might help you to name them. Instead of just sitting there feeling like it’s the end of the world, try to put it into words. You could write it down, tell someone that you trust, spend some time thinking about it, or talk to a counselor if you are feeling overwhelmed.
    • Maybe you feel sad, disappointed, and alone. If that’s the case, you can help yourself to feel differently. You could do a fun activity that makes you feel happy, fulfilled, and connected to someone, such as playing a fun game with a group of close friends. You have the power to influence your emotions.
    • When your crush doesn’t like you, this is a form of loss. No, it’s not the same as losing a loved one, but you are still missing someone who mattered to you. It’s okay to acknowledge that and to feel sad about that and to admit that you are hurt by this. It’s only natural to feel this way. Spend a bit of time feeling these negative emotions so that you can process them and move past them. You don’t need to pretend to be perfectly fine when you’re not. No one feels great all the time!
  4. When someone isn’t able to give you what you need, it’s time to move on. It isn’t healthy to keeping longing for someone who isn’t interested. You will only set yourself up for heartbreak. To get past this, you need to say goodbye to the high hopes you had for you and your crush. Admit to yourself that it didn’t work out this time and don’t let your crush occupy your heart and mind anymore. This probably means keeping your distance for a while. It is hard to let go of someone if you are constantly with them.
    • You might want to consider not following them on social media anymore or taking a break from social media. It is difficult to get over someone if you are constantly being informed of every detail in their life.
  5. To help yourself feel better, distract your mind so that you aren't thinking about your crush's rejection. You could play games, read books, draw, play an instrument, or watch TV. [4] Anything that takes your mind off your crush will help put you at ease while you move forward.
  6. Look for the positives . Even in a negative and sad situation, there are always positives that you can find. If you train yourself to look for these instead of dwelling on the negatives, you will be much happier and able to handle any of life’s storms. When your crush doesn’t like you, it means you won’t have a future with that person, but it also opens you up to other opportunities and experiences. A lot of good can come from a difficult situation. [5]
    • For example, you now have more time to pursue other interests. You have more time to spend with friends. You have a chance to look around and see what other people you might be interested in instead of being so focused on one person. You can take time to invest in yourself. You don’t need to worry about the struggles and difficulties inevitably present in any romantic relationship. You can learn about yourself from this experience.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Moving On

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  1. Journal about it. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a vital tool for moving on. It can help to provide clarity about what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it so that you can move past it. Also, since only a sheet of paper will see what you’re writing, it’s a great way to process your true feelings without worrying what anyone else thinks. It’s just you, a pen, and paper taking some time to sort things out. [6]
    • You can journal about anything! If you don’t want to write about what happened with your crush, try writing down a list of ten things that make you happy. This will help you to refocus and improve your mood.
    • You can also use journaling as a learning tool. Maybe this experience with your crush has taught you something about yourself. Maybe you would approach things differently next time. Writing these ideas down can be a powerful tool to help you to remember.
  2. [7] Even though one person didn’t have feelings for you, there are likely at least a handful of people who greatly value you. Spend time with them and lean on them during this time. Your close friends and family can support you when you cry and make you laugh when you need it. When you are surrounded by loved ones, the one person who didn’t like you won’t seem so important anymore. [8]
    • If you wish to grow your inner circle, make an effort to include new people. Maybe there’s an acquaintance whom you’d like to get to know better. Invite them for lunch sometime. Making new friends is a great way to move past your crush because you will open yourself up to new relationships.
    • Maybe you’re hesitant to open up with your friends and family about your disappointment. But it’s likely that they’ve gone through the exact same thing! Being honest about your negative feelings can help build intimacy with people and strengthen relationships.
    • Make sure to find someone trustworthy to confide in. If they spend a lot of time talking and gossiping about people, then your secrets probably aren’t safe with them. As a general rule, how someone treats anyone is how they treat everyone.
  3. This is not only about distracting yourself, but also building yourself up. Remind yourself of the things in life that you love. Maybe you are passionate about art or environmentalism. Maybe you’ve always wanted to go camping but never had enough time to do it. This is a great opportunity to pursue other areas of life that bring you happiness. This will help you to have a well-rounded life so that no one person has the key to your happiness.
    • If you want to try something new, consider signing up for a class. For example, you could take a drawing class. This will surround you with other people who are participating in a similar area of interest. You can meet new people and grow your hobbies.
    • Presumably, to have strong feelings for your crush, they likely inspired you in some way. Find other things in life that inspire you. If you are moved by music, listen to your favorite song. If you love nature, take time to watch a sunset. If you are religious, spend time worshipping God. There are lots of other areas in life where you can find inspiration and passion.
  4. Especially when dealing with disappointment, it is important to maintain your health. As you continue to respect yourself, you will facilitate the healing process. Make sure to get a good night’s sleep and take time to exercise. This will help clear your mind and release endorphins. Be sure to eat well and hydrate and you will be well on your way to moving forward.
    • Since you are going through a hard time, why not do something extra special for yourself? You could go get a massage or buy tickets to a concert. This will help soothe and distract you while you get over your crush.
  5. [9] For all you know, the right person is just around the corner! By not getting too hung up on the one person who doesn’t like you, you can open yourself up to a great person who does. You don't want to miss someone right in front of you by fixating on the one who rejected you. Now that you aren’t so focused on your crush, pay attention to the other people around you. You might find that someone else is interested and you hadn't even noticed! [10]
    • If you aren’t sure whether someone likes you or not, there are some signals you can look for. For example, if they make physical contact like touching your arm while talking, this can be a signal of interest. Smiling and making eye contact can also signal interest, as can flirting . [11]
    • If you are struggling to find the right person, try joining a new activity that will introduce you to more people. For example, if you join a sports team, you will make new friends and maybe even meet a new crush.
    • Online dating is also an option if you struggle to meet people. If you are shy, you might have an easier time connecting over a computer than in person. Make sure to be honest on your profile and to be safe. Don’t give out specific information like your address and if you plan to meet the person, do so in public and consider bringing a friend.
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
1
Stop Being in Love With a Person You'll Never Meet
2
Effective Ways to Get Over Someone You Love
3
How to Get Over Someone You Can't Have or Never Dated
4
Stop Loving the Girl of Your Dreams
5
Stop Liking Someone
6
Overcome an Infatuation

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What can I do to help me get rid of a crush?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Reach out to your friends and family for support to help you through it. You can also try journaling about your feelings each day to help you understand them better.
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    Not Helpful 14 Helpful 13
  • Question
    What if my crush is in multiple classes with me?
    Community Answer
    It can be difficult to move on from someone when you share many classes. Try to sit away from your crush and spend time with other friends in your classes instead.
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  • Question
    What do you do if your crush hates you for no reason?
    Community Answer
    Move on! It's your crush's loss. Seek people who appreciate and respect you.
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      Tips

      • Be patient. Getting over a crush can take time, especially if you had strong feelings for this person.
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      • Try not to elevate any one person in your mind too much, even your crush. Instead look for a variety of people and things that make you happy.
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      • Don't be too afraid to ask them out.
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      Warnings

      • Don’t react in anger and do something you might regret. It could be tempting to say something hurtful about your crush because they hurt you, but this will only make things worse.
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      References

      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sapient-nature/201112/taking-personal-responsibility-your-happiness
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thriving101/201012/rejection-losers-guide
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      5. ↑ http://thoughtcatalog.com/erika-rose/2014/03/7-unexpected-upsides-of-having-an-unrequited-crush/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201504/16-breaking-tips-and-how-journaling-eases-heartbreak
      7. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      8. ↑ http://thoughtcatalog.com/sophie-martin/2013/06/11-things-to-do-when-your-crush-doesnt-want-you-back/
      9. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      1. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/crushes/article3.html
      2. ↑ http://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/

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