How to Deal with Annoying Classmates

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD

Last Updated: July 1, 2024

You will likely need to deal with all sorts of peers during your academic journey. Some classmates may be nice and easy to work with for projects. Some may get on your nerves more than others. It may feel very difficult to understand your classmates if they annoy you to your core, but there are ways to deal with them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Tolerating Your Classmates

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Know that your classmates may not know they are annoying. If you get annoyed at something your classmate does, understand that it may not be a noticeable thing for them. If it's a very small thing, they may be overlooking it. If you pay attention to every little thing that someone does, these may become your pet peeves. They also may not understand that what they are doing is disruptive. Additionally, some people may have tics, stimming methods, or things they do because of a condition. In this case, it's best to not let it bother you.
- If you are paying attention to tiny things like someone moving their hands through their hair, smacking lips, foot tapping, or chewing gum, redirect your attention.
- In this case, it's best to not put your focus entirely on that little thing your "neighbor" is doing. Put in some earbuds, or move further away from them. If none of those are possible (e.g. you're taking a test), focus your entire energy on getting your task done. Read your assignment or test multiple times, or focus on getting all the details right in your portrait drawing.
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Understand that some people may be annoying because of their personality. If you think someone's annoying, it could mean that their personality doesn't go well with yours. If you are a naturally serious person, you may get annoyed when a kid constantly tries to joke about everything. Or, a very competitive person could get you mad when they make doing math problems a race.
- Know that you can't necessarily change their behavior if they don't realize it or want to. So, try your best to tolerate it, if it doesn't affect your life badly. Plus, you likely won't see them again next year, since you switch classes/courses every school year.
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Know that some kids are less mature than others. Immaturity can play a large role in someone's actions. This can be seen in all schools. People may demonstrate their immaturity in different ways in different life stages. A kid may whine to get the teacher's attention. Another kid may have a large tantrum as the result of something minor. In middle school, a preteen could act as not their true self to fit in. On the flip side, they may do things against the school rules to be edgy or unique (e.g. dye their hair, say swear words, bully others).
- You can't change someone's maturity overnight too. If you feel more mature than the annoying classmate, don't tell them to change their behavior. It will take them longer for them to realize their behavior annoys people. Keep calm in the meantime.
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Try ignoring them. Sometimes, a classmate is just trying to get your attention. It's best not to give attention to them if they just want it. If they are trying to distract you when you should be working, ignore them. Continue to do your needed work, and put in some earbuds or headphones if you want to.
- With time, they will not annoy you anymore, since you aren't giving them any attention.

Part 2

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Telling Your Classmate

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1
Plan on telling them if it is disrupting your work. If it's a big thing, such as if they make loud noises when you are working, you should tell them. Remember, they may be used to doing this, so you shouldn't get angry at them. Be kind the first time. Don't get very angry and yell at them, since that may trigger misunderstandings. This is also not an appropriate response to this type of situation. Stay calm, and gently tell them to stop the annoying behavior. ^{[1]
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- Say their name, and say something like, "Ann, can you speak in a quieter voice? I'm trying to get my classwork done." Or, "Jeremy, may you stop clicking your pen? Repetitive noises like that distract me." Try, "Could you do that after class ends?"
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Avoid getting overly angry if they forget. If it's a habit, it will be difficult to break. Don't get furious if they continue to do the annoying action. Gently remind them again. It will take some time for them to unlearn the bad habit, so keep calm. If it happens again, here are some things you can say:
- "Uhh, could you stop with that pen clicking again?"
- "Can you move your hand to the side? It's intruding my desk space."
- "May you talk more quietly? I find it difficult to concentrate when I hear loud noises."
If a classmate is disrupting you, talk to them. Find a quiet place and time to talk with them about your boundaries, and what each of you can tolerate. ^{[2]
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Research source} Use "I" language, and don't try to blame the person for their wrongdoings. Hopefully, by having a productive discussion, you will find a natural compromise or conclusion.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Last Resorts

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Some people love intentionally annoying people since they think it is fun to see their reactions. If you give them the opposite of what they expect (anger, lashing out), they will stop bothering you. Put on a playlist of music to distract you, or move to a different spot in the classroom. Concentrate fully on the task you are doing.
If their favorite person to annoy is you, stay far away from them. Avoid sitting near them if you can. Move when they get too disruptive.
Chances are, other people may find the person disruptive. You may not be the only one sharing the same sentiment. Ask your friends and other classmates for their thoughts on the person. You don't have to directly ask your classmates if they are annoying. You can talk about the person's behavior, or ask what they think of the person.
When the person is constantly disrupting you and affecting your progress in school, you should tell someone. Another sign that you should tell an authority figure is if the person is harassing you. For example, if they always touch you without your permission or spread rumors about you behind your back. Another example is if they are mean to your loved ones, such as siblings or friends.
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Tell a teacher. Sometimes, the person may go too far to test your limits. If they say or do something harmful, tell an authority figure. Tell a parent, teacher, or the principal/head of the school. Talk about the objective facts; try not to get your feelings involved. If you name-call and belittle the person, that is not going to help. This isn't a personal rambling session or a place to tattletale.
- Talk about the disruptive behavior they caused, and how it has harmed you and/or other people.