What Makes Someone a Dad vs. Father?

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A science-backed breakdown of what makes a dad important
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There’s an old adage that anyone can be a father, while not everybody can be a dad. But what makes dads so special, and how do you know if you’re one of them? While there is some truth to that old saying about not everybody being dad material, the reality is that anyone can be a dad if they put the effort in. You just have to be there for your child, love them, and care for them. In this article, we’ll cover what makes dads and fathers unique, what kind qualities it takes to be a dad, and why being a dad is so beneficial.

Things You Should Know

  • Any male biological parent qualifies as a father, but a dad is the caregiver who raises a child with love, care, and attention.
  • A good dad shows emotion, listens to his child, plays with them, and demonstrates positive male behavior.
  • Research shows that engaging as a dad will improve the odds your child is happy, successful, and well-adjusted in their relationships.
Section 1 of 3:

What makes someone a dad vs. a father?

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  1. A dad is there for his child as a persistent, loving force in their life, while a father just refers to anyone who has had a child. It takes a real commitment and warmth to be a dad, while a father might not even see his child regularly. In other words, a father is a biological parent, while a dad is a caregiver. [1]
    • Just as an example, say a man gets a woman pregnant and runs away from his responsibility. Another man steps up and raises the child. The first guy is rightfully a father, but the second man is a dad.
    • “Father” is also a legal term. In child support and paternity cases, the “father” is whichever male contributed to the birth of the child. That doesn't necessarily make them a dad, though. [2]
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Section 2 of 3:

Qualities of a Dad

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  1. There’s a stereotype out there that men shouldn’t express the way they feel, but a real dad doesn’t hesitate to express affection, love, or care for their child. They’re vulnerable enough to share their emotions so that their child knows they aren’t alone when they get sad, confused, or scared. [3]
    • A cold, distant father will be too closed off to really share how they feel with their child.
  2. A lot of men think they’re too cool to sit on the ground and play with toy dolls or soldiers or whatever. A real dad will go out of his way to play with his child . Whether it’s a simple game of catch or a Friday night board game family night, a dad will always be there to enjoy the good times with their children. [4]
    • A guy who only sees himself as a father may have better things to do with their time than play with their child.
  3. It’s easy to dismiss a child’s opinions or beliefs when you have the perspective of adulthood, but a dad knows his child deserves attention and empathy. When his child is upset, a dad is there to offer a shoulder to cry on. When his child is excited about a new hobby, dad is there to learn all about it and get in on the fun. [5]
    • A father may view himself as merely an enforcer or disciplinarian and refuse to engage with his child on their level.
  4. Children need guidance, advice, and support, and a dad will make sure he’s always available to provide these things for his child. Whether it’s help navigating a tough situation with a school bully, or bouncing back after a tough defeat on the basketball court, a dad will always be around as a resource to his child. [6]
    • An uninvolved father will be more likely to write off their child’s challenges as a learning experience or something to be navigated alone.
  5. If he’s married or in a relationship, a dad will demonstrate a genuine appreciation and care for his significant other—especially if his child is around. As the child’s primary caregiver, it’s important for a dad to show his child how others are supposed to be treated. [7]
    • On the other hand, a father may only be interested in what he has or how he’s treated, regardless of what happens to his partner or ex.
  6. Whether it’s making sure there’s food on the table or cleaning up after that food is consumed, a dad will ensure his family lives the best possible life. On the other hand, a father may refuse to carry out certain household chores on the grounds that it’s the mother’s job, or force his children to take care of tasks he’s responsible for. [8]
    • It means a lot to children if they see their dad and mom (or dad and other dad) sharing the household work and treating one another as equals.
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Section 3 of 3:

The Impact of a Dad

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  1. Children don’t come into the world knowing what they’re supposed to do or what they’re supposed to become. Dads reinforce the ideal model of male behavior, so whatever you do as a dad becomes what your child imagines men are supposed to be. If a dad has a son, that son will likely grow up to model him. If a dad has a daughter, her future partners are likely to resemble her dad behavior- and personality-wise. [9]
    • If you’re kind, present, and empathetic, your son will likely grow up to be the same and your daughter will likely seek out partners who are kind and empathic.
    • Parents also reinforce behaviors in their children. If you’re a friendly dad and you have a son, the odds that they’ll grow up to be friendly increase dramatically.
  2. Research shows that children take their cues on how to date, marry, or love from their parents. If a man is abusive and cruel to his partner, the odds are very high that his children will go on to treat their future romantic partners unfairly. The reverse is also true! If someone’s dad is kind and respectful of the other parent, their child will probably out relationships where each partner is kind and respectful. [10]
  3. If you’re not involved as a father, your child is more likely to struggle in school and fail to meet developmental benchmarks. They’re also more likely to acquire a personality disorder, or require therapy later in life. If you’re an engaged dad, these problems become much less likely and your child is likely to grow up happy, healthy, and on track. [11]
    • Engaged dads also help raise future engaged parents, so if you ever want well-adjusted little grandchildren, put the work in now!
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What are the key considerations and challenges for someone trying to be a better stepdad, and how can they navigate these?
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Being a stepdad comes with unique difficulties, so it's important to find the right balance in your role. You'll need to be mindful of not overstepping while considering the different parenting styles between biological parents and stepparents. Open communication between all parents is crucial. Offer support to the biological parents and understand the child's age plays a big part in how you should approach things. It's tough entering a family dynamic, especially as a parental figure, but if you come from a place of love, connection and support, you can better navigate the challenges. Keep in mind the biological parents usually have greater influence over the child, so factor that into your approach. With patience and care, you can be a positive stepdad.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC .

      References

      1. ↑ https://differencely.com/dad-vs-father/
      2. ↑ https://floridarevenue.com/childsupport/pages/paternity.aspx
      3. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190606-how-to-be-a-good-father-to-a-newborn-son-or-daughter
      4. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190606-how-to-be-a-good-father-to-a-newborn-son-or-daughter
      5. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/home_auto/parenting/10-traits-of-a-great-father.html
      6. ↑ https://www.askmen.com/home_auto/parenting/10-traits-of-a-great-father.html
      7. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/fatherhood/18-tips-for-being-a-great-dad/
      8. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/fatherhood/18-tips-for-being-a-great-dad/
      9. ↑ https://childcrisisaz.org/5-major-ways-fathers-impact-child-development/
      1. ↑ https://www.irp.wisc.edu/resource/involved-fathers-play-an-important-role-in-childrens-lives/
      2. ↑ https://www.irp.wisc.edu/resource/involved-fathers-play-an-important-role-in-childrens-lives/

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