Never Had a Girlfriend? Reasons Why You’re Single + How to Find a GF

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Dating coaches share how to meet girls online & IRL
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It’s perfectly normal to be a little nervous about finding a girlfriend if you’ve never had one. Perhaps you’re trying to put yourself out there for the first time, and thinking, “Where do I even start?” Not to fear! Even if you lack the experience, you can certainly learn how to make a girl feel special and treat her right so she sticks around. Keep reading for a step-by-step guide on how to find and keep a girlfriend, with expert advice from dating coaches.

Getting a Girlfriend if You’ve Never Had One

If you've never had a girlfriend before, try meeting girls online or in real life. Try to be confident and not let your lack of experience dictate how your dates go. Ask out a match that you're both attracted to and compatible with. If casual dating goes well, ask her to be your girlfriend when the time feels right.

Section 1 of 8:

How to Make Connections with Girls Online

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  1. If you’ve never had a girlfriend and feel anxious about dating, try your luck on dating apps. Setting up a profile on apps like Tinder , Bumble , or Hinge is a great way to showcase your personality in a low-stakes virtual setting. Getting to know your matches via a screen may lessen your nerves and allow you to figure out who you’re attracted to, who you’re most compatible with, and what you’d like your relationship to look like.
    • No matter which dating app you use, be sure to adjust your preferences accordingly.
    • Make an effort not to focus too much on looks. Instead, try to be realistic, open-minded, and kind in your search.
    • Since you’ve never had a girlfriend before, you may not even have a “type.” So, while physical attraction is important, challenge yourself not to rule anyone out based on looks if it seems like you have tons in common!
  2. 2
    Present yourself in the best light. Dating coach Lisa Shield notes how important it is for you to promote yourself in the most favorable way when finding your first girlfriend. She recommends that your photos are recent and represent your interests well. Shield says that “your pictures are a good 75-80% of the equation. A lot of people post party pictures of them out drinking, which isn’t the best.” Additionally, Shield encourages you to make a profile that is conversational and full of opportunities for a potential match to chime in with comments and questions.
    • Shield shares an exercise that she asks her clients to do: “Start out by writing 10 adjectives that you think would best describe you [and] that would make you attractive to others.” Then, she asks you to explain why those adjectives are important to you and how you embody them. This is a fun and creative way to describe yourself on your dating profile.
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  3. The first girl you match with may not be your soulmate, but you’ll never know for sure unless you take the plunge and ask her out! Dating coach Maria Avgitidis believes dating apps are a great way to meet people, as long as you actually meet the people. She says, “When you're online dating, you should be only using it as a tool to get offline. Your conversation should not turn into a pen pal conversation.”
    • Avgitidis suggests 2-3 days of chatting before meeting in real life and suggests leaving the more in-depth conversations for then.
    • Avgitidis also recommends you ask questions that come up naturally, like, “What are you doing this weekend? What did you do last summer?”
      • “Let it be organic more than anything,” Avgitidis advises.
    • Dating coach Connell Barrett offers a template for asking for a girl’s phone number and taking your convo off the app: “Say, ‘I really enjoyed messaging you, you're funny, and you love Bill Murray movies just like me, let's get off this app and grab a drink—what's your number?’”
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Section 2 of 8:

How to Make Connections with Girls in Real Life

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  1. Coming across as confident may feel like a challenge when you don’t have much experience with dating girls, but you can build your way up to it. Dating coach Joshua Pompey has a few suggestions to help enhance your sense of self: “No matter who you are in life, there's always room for improvement,” he begins. “Something as simple as getting some new clothes, looking a little bit more stylish, getting the right haircut, doing whatever it takes to feel your most physically attractive— that's really important.”
    • Stand tall, look her in the eye, and talk about all of the things you love in your life to show her that you’re a confident guy who is worth knowing. [1]
    • Another way to develop your confidence is to make sure to spend time with people who actually make you feel good about yourself. If your friends are always putting you down, then it’s time to consider finding a new group of more supportive people.
    • Pompey adds that having conversations with random people is a huge step toward building confidence. He says, “If I go get a cup of coffee in the morning, and I have a two-second conversation with someone, or I ask a stranger what time it is, it helps to get in the habit of initiating little conversations with people, which in turn makes you realize that people aren't that scary when you approach them nicely.”
    • Pompey divulges that once you get comfortable talking to strangers, the act of talking to women will slowly start to feel more natural. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get.
  2. 2
    Try meeting new girls out in public. If you’d prefer to meet someone the old-fashioned way, places like dog parks, cafes, and cooking classes are all good spots to start your search. You could even try picking up a new group hobby, like pickleball or running, for which there are tons of local groups and clubs you can join. If you can think of a hobby, there’s usually a Facebook group for it! [2]
    • If you see someone you like out in the wild, don’t be shy. Just say hi, introduce yourself, and start a nice, easy conversation. You don’t need to ask her a million questions about herself right away.
    • Instead, work on starting a light, easy conversation on simple topics like weekend plans, movies, or current events. The most important thing is that you make eye contact and care about what she has to say.
    • If and when the moment feels right, ask her out on a date!
    • Avgitidis adds that getting a mutual friend to introduce you to someone they think is a good fit is another possible way you could meet your match.
  3. Maybe you have a female friend in mind who you’ve always had a soft spot for or you’ve struck up enough conversation with the barista at your local coffee shop to know that you have a few shared interests. In any case, if there’s someone you already know that you’d like to get to know better , try to figure out if she feels the same way.. [3]
  4. 4
    Ask your new crush to hang out to gauge her interest. If you’ve decided to pursue a girl you already know, whether that be a friend or an acquaintance, ask her to hang out casually and try subtly flirting with her. Things like getting close to her ear and whispering something, playfully touching her arm, and complimenting her could give you a better idea of how she feels about you.
    • Open body language, like mirroring your gestures, is a good sign that she’s into you.
    • If you feel comfortable asking your crush out on a date without a preliminary hangout, go for it! Confidence is key when dating, and even if you feel inexperienced, faking it til you make it might work to your advantage.
  5. If you’ve met someone organically in the real world and have succeeded in getting their number, it’s time to do what you came here to do. Asking her out on a date will be the first step toward making her your girlfriend, so don’t be afraid to take it. After gauging her interest, ask her when you can take her out and give her a few different options tailored to the things she enjoys. The first date doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, but it should be thoughtful. [4]
    • If she’s into animals, you can plan a date to a petting zoo or animal sanctuary.
    • If she’s a foodie, try to snag that impossible reservation in town or take her to your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant.
    • If this is your first meeting, going for coffee, smoothies, or ice cream are all great, low-pressure date ideas.
    • Other fun first date ideas include going to a trampoline park, an arcade, or a bar that plays her favorite live music.
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Section 3 of 8:

How to Deepen Your Connection While Dating

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  1. So, you’ve gone on one or two dates with the girl who may become your first girlfriend—what next? Another way to build a connection with a girl is to find things that you have in common so you have a stronger foundation to build upon. As you get to know her more, you may find that you have tons of shared interests. Maybe you both love Marvel movies, or you’re both really into baking sourdough bread. As long as you have a couple of things in common, you can work on evolving your relationship.
    • Don’t be nervous if your interests don’t seem to align right away. As you get to know her more, you’re bound to naturally find something you both enjoy.
    • You may not have many interests in common, but you can share other things, such as a similar background, goals, or disposition.
  2. 2
    Give her genuine compliments. When you first start dating a girl you like, don’t be afraid of complimenting her. If you’ve noticed she got a new haircut or is wearing a new dress, tell her how much you like it. If she’s wearing a unique piece of jewelry, you can compliment that. If you’ve noticed really cool artwork at her place, you can compliment her eye for art and strike up a conversation about that, too. [5]
    • According to Barrett, a good compliment is all about authenticity and depth. For instance, telling her that she has a great sense of style might be better than telling her how great her body looks in a certain dress.
    • Thoughtful compliments let her know that you are clearly interested in her, that you’re considerate of her, and that you like what you see.
  3. This is one of the best and most straightforward ways to let a girl know you’re invested in dating her: asking her questions to show her that you actually want to get to know her better. You don’t want her to get the idea that you’re only talking to her because you think she’s attractive and you want your first girlfriend to be eye-candy. Take the time to get to know her by asking her questions about her interests and her opinions, showing her that you value what she has to say. Here are some things you can ask her about:
    • Her hobbies
    • Her pets
    • Her favorite bands, movies, TV shows, or pop culture
    • Her friendships and family relationships
    • Her favorite places to visit
    • Her classes or career
    • What she wants out of a relationship
  4. 4
    Make her laugh. Marilyn Monroe once said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything!” The iconic movie star may have been on to something, as laughter is key in healthy relationships. Making a girl laugh is disarming, allowing her to feel safe around you. Don’t worry about putting on a comedy show, just try to allow your natural humor and personality to shine. Here are a few ways to get her to chuckle: [6]
    • Flirt with her. Be playful, give her a gentle push on the arm or shoulder, and tease her in a friendly way.
    • Come up with a cute, silly nickname for her.
    • Make witty references to pop culture events she’s interested in.
    • Try your hand at funny voices.
  5. You have to work on striking a balance between letting the girl you’re dating see how much she means to you while not overwhelming her. While having a girlfriend may involve merging your lives a bit more, you’re not there yet, so make sure you have your own hobbies and friends so that she isn’t your main source of company or entertainment.
    • If you’re in a group setting, it’s nice to give her some extra attention, but that doesn’t mean you have to single her out too much, either. Try to socialize with other people, as well.
    • When it comes to calling and texting, let her put in the effort and initiative from time to time.
    • As you continue dating, however, it’s a good idea to begin voicing your intentions for the future—which hopefully involves being in an exclusive relationship.
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Section 4 of 8:

How to Make Her Your Girlfriend

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  1. As you start to like her more and more, it’s only natural that you’ll both want to spend more time together. While you won’t be together every second, you should find ways to see her more, so you can better determine if she’s the girlfriend you’re looking for. [7]
    • There’s no specific amount of time that you need to spend with her before you ask her to be your girlfriend. If you want to ask her after spending just a few weeks together, that’s fine, too, as long as you’ve had some time to get to know each other and you see potential.
    • You also don’t want to reach the point where you’ve spent months hanging out with her and haven’t officially asked her out. This may ultimately land you in the Friend Zone, and it can be tricky to get out of that.
  2. 2
    Find the right moment to pop the (girlfriend) question. If you’re ready to take the next step and want to ask her to be your girlfriend, Barrett suggests that you be as honest and straightforward as possible. He says, ​​“You want to go from counting dates to dating exclusively. So, the first step would be to say, ‘Hey, I really enjoy dating you. I'm having such a great time, and I don't want to be dating anybody else right now. I want to find out if you feel the same.’” If she’s on the same page as you, think of a thoughtful and creative way to make it official.
    • Set up a date in a nice, quiet place where you’re not likely to be interrupted. http://huntforadvice.com/girlfriend-best-romantic
    • Consider writing her a card or bringing her flowers or chocolates. Try to make the experience as romantic as possible. This is your first girlfriend, so you want it to be special for you both!
    • Ask her to be your girlfriend. You can say something like, “We’re already exclusive, but I wanted to officially ask you: will you be my girlfriend?” [8]
    • Don’t drag out the question until the end of the date. The sooner you ask her, the more relieved you’ll be!
  3. If she says yes to being your girlfriend, then great! You’ve got yourself your first girlfriend, and you can celebrate accordingly! Hug her, smooch her, and let her see how excited you are about your future together. However, if she says she’d just like to keep it casual or simply be friends, there’s no need to be rude or mean. Instead, just be polite and respectful, making sure to part on good terms. This will leave her with a good impression of you, and you can be proud of yourself for responding in a dignified manner.
    • When dealing with rejection, Shield remarks on the importance of having a good support system. If she says no to being your girlfriend, it’s normal to feel down and out about it. Try to lean on family and friends who have your back and lead with positivity.
    • Other ways of dealing with rejection include allowing yourself time to grieve, reframing the rejection as an opportunity for growth, and focusing on hobbies you enjoy.
    • Remember: there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Just because this one girl wasn’t ready to be your first girlfriend, it doesn't mean that the next one won’t be!
    • According to Avgitidis, you can’t make someone love you or choose you. What you can do is keep trying to find your right match by being a great listener, asking good questions, and making whoever you’re with feel good when they're around you.
  4. 4
    Work on building a meaningful relationship. If you and your crush have agreed to be an official pair, then you can work on making an effort to get to know one another on an even deeper level. You can keep things interesting by tackling new adventures together— making enchiladas, learning to snorkel, taking dance lessons— while also making time to do the things you love independently, together. The more you learn about one another, the more you’ll ideally grow in love. [9]
    • Don’t ever take your girlfriend for granted. You should always try to add a dash of romance to the relationship, compliment her, and let her know how special she is.
    • Don’t let your lack of experience keep you from enjoying your relationship to the fullest. Focus on the present moment, making her happy, and treating her with respect. The rest should fall into place!
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Section 5 of 8:

How to Make Yourself Ready to Have a Girlfriend

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  1. Putting effort into your physical appearance begins with eating right and working out , but also includes prioritizing hygiene and getting tons of rest. Showering and brushing your teeth daily is essential to both getting a girlfriend and keeping one. [10]
    • Maintaining a clean and tidy space is also important since your crush could pop in unannounced.
    • Practicing this kind of self-care can help boost your confidence and energy levels.
    • Not to mention, the gym is an excellent place to meet potential dates!
  2. 2
    Work on anxiety around approaching women. It’s normal to be a little nervous when trying to meet cuties out in public, but the key is to convey warm and playful energy— not intense and sexual energy. Working through more serious anxiety about dating with a therapist and/or dating coach could help.
    • Barrett offers a good rule of thumb when approaching an attractive woman: “Imagine that you have a wife or a girlfriend. You don't want to say anything to that attractive woman that would offend your spouse, if you had one.”
    • Barrett says that keeping that mentality will assure that you start the conversation as a gentleman, which tends to get really good reactions from women.
  3. Although it can feel isolating to see romantic relationships blossoming all around you, it’s best to not view yourself as a victim. A victim mindset can limit growth and agency, and can translate into the belief that all things are happening to you and are thus beyond your control. [11]
    • To progress toward a growth mindset, taking accountability for your needs, wants, and behaviors, practice gratitude, and stop blaming others for your circumstance.
    • Being aware of your victim mentality can help you change it and get your power back!
  4. 4
    Expand your social circle. You can meet potential love interests by trying to meet new people in general! Finding the right person is essentially a number’s game, so deepening your pool of options can help. If you take a girl out on a date but she ultimately decides she just wants to be friends— great! Don’t knock being in the friendzone. Being just friends is not necessarily a bad place to be because she usually has friends you can meet.
    • You can also learn more about women through this experience, which can ultimately lead to romantic success.
    • Try to meet people based on your interests.
      • If you like sports, join an intramural sports team or go to local sporting events. If you like music, go to concerts or go watch live music at a bar. If you like books, go to the library or a bookstore.
  5. Developing a sense of style begins with identifying the styles you like. Try looking up celebrities you admire and see what they’re wearing, or ask a friend whose style you admire to link you to some of their wardrobe staples. Surrounding yourself with stylish people— even if only on the internet— is another good way to figure out what message you want your clothes to convey. It can be anything from, “I’m powerful and successful,” to, “I’m bold and adventurous.” [12]
    • Fit is very important when sussing out your personal style. You want whatever you wear to be flattering on your form.
    • Dialing back on graphic t-shirts and busy patterns is typically for the best, as is investing in classic quality pieces— without breaking the bank!
  6. 6
    Work toward your own purpose. What truly makes you happy? Is it helping others? Collaborating on creative projects? Working with your hands to make art? Whatever it is, identify your inner passions and work toward bringing them to life. You’ll feel more fulfilled, emotionally well-rounded, and grounded— all qualities that make for a mature and generous partner.
  7. It might seem like finding a girlfriend will solve all your problems, but that likely isn’t the case as you are an interesting and complex person all on your own, capable of growth, depth, and love. Try to remember that a girlfriend is meant to simply enhance your life, so it’s imperative that you have a solid foundation to begin with.
    • Spend as much time as you can nurturing your hobbies and talents while you’re single, becoming truly in tune with the most important person you’ll ever have a relationship with: yourself.
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Section 6 of 8:

Why have I never had a girlfriend?

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  1. If you’re part of the Gen Z generation, you should know that there are tons of other people in your same boat. In fact, recent studies show that 44% of Gen Z men today have no relationship experience whatsoever. Your young age, coupled with other factors, like social media use and gaming culture, along with changing attitudes about dating are all potential explanations for your lack of experience. [13]
    • It’s also possible that you haven’t truly prioritized dating yet in favor of finishing school or progressing in your career. [14]
    • There are other environmental factors to consider, too. Perhaps you went to an all-boys school or live in an area with similarly limited options.
    • Self-esteem issues could put a damper on your dating life, as well, so working on self-love is an important piece of the puzzle.
    • Remember: there’s no shame in being inexperienced, as you’ll definitely learn more about yourself and dating as a whole through experience, which is coming!
Section 7 of 8:

Will I ever get a girlfriend?

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  1. Although it’s impossible to know what the future holds, the chances of you finding a girl worthy of being your girlfriend are high. If you lead with confidence, put yourself out there, and try meeting girls on both dating apps and out in public, the odds of scoring some dates are in your favor. After the first few dates with someone, it’s up to you to decide whether you and her are a good, long-term fit. If you are, ask her to be your girlfriend!
    • If she says no, you can still consider it a win, since you’ve made it through the preliminary dating stage and have gained knowledge and experience in the process.
    • If she says yes— voila! Well done, you!
    • If she says yes, and you two date but end up going your separate ways after a little while, you’ll still be able to say, “Why, yes! I have had a girlfriend before,” and that’s not nothing.
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Section 8 of 8:

Final Thoughts

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  1. In order to find it, you must look—whether that be online or in person. Try to search for girls that you’re attracted to and have things in common with. Lead with confidence and ask her out on a date. While you’re dating, make sure you ask her questions, make her laugh, and compliment her to show that you care. If genuine feelings are beginning to develop, don’t be nervous to ask her to be exclusive with you. Then, set up a cute date to ask her to officially be your girlfriend.
    • If she says yes, express your excitement and work on building a healthy and meaningful relationship.
    • If she says no, respect her choice with grace and dignity and try to refocus your efforts.

Join the Discussion...

How to Get a Girlfriend When You’ve Never Dated Before?
WikiGopherChaser976
WikiGopherChaser976
I'm almost 18, and I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I feel kind of embarrassed and upset about it, and I don't know what I should be doing. How do I get a girlfriend?
wikiHow Editorial Team
There's no need to feel embarrassed. Relationships and physical intimacy happen at different times for different people, and plenty of people don't kiss or date until adulthood, either by choice or by chance. While, statistically, many people start "dating" at 12 or 13 years old, these are often pretty superficial relationships; many people don't get into serious relationships until their late teens or early twenties.

It's cliché to say "It'll happen as soon as you stop looking," but there's some truth to the idea that the more you invest in yourself and become the type of person you'd like to date, the more likely you are to meet someone amazing! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, don't stress about what's "normal," and trust that it'll happen when it happens.

In the meantime, it can help to be open to meeting lots of different people. Say "yes" to social events where you might meet someone new. There are loads of benefits to meeting new people: not only could you meet a potential partner, but you're bound to make new friends and get better at talking to people you don't know.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
If you're looking for a girlfriend, give yourself permission to be open every day of your life. Remember, it's possible to meet girls anywhere: at the supermarket, in bookstores, or sitting next to you in a subway car. You might make eye contact or have an attraction to them and want to talk to them, but not know how.

The first thing to do is to introduce yourself (but don't come in like a bull in a china shop. Instead, say hello, and give her enough space and distance that she doesn't feel like her space is invaded or that she can't just easily exit the situation). Speak in a soft tone, and try offering a direct compliment (like, "Hey, I saw you and think there's something about you, and I just wanted to say hi"). Then get a conversation going by commenting on something about the situation: for instance, if you're in line at a coffee shop, you could say, "I'm getting an oat milk cappuccino. What's your favorite thing to get?" It can be that simple. Just be open to meeting people anywhere and everywhere.
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      Tips

      • There’s no shame in never having had a girlfriend before, so try not to let it affect your confidence levels. Confidence, as it turns out, is very attractive!
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • When conversing with a girl, actively listen to her instead of just waiting to talk. Ask follow-up questions to show that you care. If she mentions a frustration, offer comfort. Thoughtful listening will help her like you more.
      • Always exude basic courtesy and hygiene when interacting with others. Seeming distracted or disinterested guarantees rejection. Also, try to smell nice. Make eye contact. Smile. These simple courtesies say a lot!
      • Before pursuing her, reasonably assess your compatibility. Don't just evaluate appearances, which reveal little. Look for deeper common interests and values that will sustain your relationship long-term.
      • Don't let past dating failures make you bitter or desperate. Stay positive. Keep working to become your best self and pursue genuine friendships. The right partnership will unfold naturally in time.
      • Success starts with self-confidence, not money or looks. Focus first on developing character qualities girls appreciate: intelligence, drive, thoughtfulness, integrity. These things matter most.
      • Finding a girlfriend takes effort, but don't play games. Be real. Also, make sure to avoid any crude sexual humor. Maturity and sincerity will impress her.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/winning-attitude-impress-girls/
      2. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
      3. ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/find-the-right-woman-for-you/
      4. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/first-date-ideas
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
      6. ↑ https://theadultman.com/love-and-lust/how-to-make-a-girl-laugh/
      7. ↑ https://www.lisashield.com/blog/how-and-when-to-have-the-exclusivity-talk/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201302/avoiding-the-friend-zone-becoming-girlfriend-or-boyfriend
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-life/200909/three-secrets-happier-more-meaningful-relationships
      1. ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/health-promotion/health-topics/personal-and-household-hygiene
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-a-monkey-to-tea/201801/are-you-ready-to-stop-feeling-like-a-victim
      3. ↑ https://www.theessentialman.com/blog/mens-style-beginners
      4. ↑ https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/generation-z-and-the-transformation-of-american-adolescence-how-gen-zs-formative-experiences-shape-its-politics-priorities-and-future/
      5. ↑ https://aibm.org/commentary/gen-zs-romance-gap-why-nearly-half-of-young-men-arent-dating/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you've never had a girlfriend before and want to find the right girl for you, search for someone who shares your interests, instead of focusing too much on looks. For example, if you love sports, try meeting a girl by joining an intramural sports team. You could also join a band or orchestra if you like music, or meet people online if your interests are more obscure. Once you find the right girl, simply be yourself and try chatting with her about something light and easy, like your weekend plans, classes, or favorite movies. As you get to know her better, show her that you care about her by giving her a little extra attention than you give other girls. For more advice, like how to ask out a girl, scroll down!

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